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Rafters -> RE: Are You Attracted to 'Brats' or "SAMs'? (7/7/2008 6:03:26 AM)
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Sheesh, I can't believe with so many whips and chains ...and ball-gags ...and ginger ...and duct tape ...and things that can dissolve an otherwise solid brain into whatever body fluid's dribbling down their leg, available, people here have problems with backchat?
OK, I'll accept like Dom's, some percentage of subbies might just be irredeemable arseholes. (Present company excluded naturally)
But from my viewpoint, if your one true way isn't working on a person, and that person does want to achieve submission (That bit's kind of important) , then you need to change tactics.
Maybe they want a purely mental or physical experience, at the expense of all other aspects. Or they may be looking some aspect of your body, clothing, house, "dungeon", choice of car and neighbourhood, and feel too superior to be your inferior.
As a Dom you have a lot of cards you can play, but they all revolve about getting inside your subbies head, and working outwards.
The simplest way is just to ask them for a critique. If they want to play, its in their interest to tell you some truths about your techniques.
And to be fair, any technique hadn't cured brattyness after being used, could tactfully be considered a "not a one size fits all technique"
So "The truth hurts", suck it up.
If you're faulty, fix your faults.
If asking doesn't seem "Domly" or you want to know things they don't know themselves, then first read the critiques of mechanical "lie-detector" polygraphs, since these texts tend to teach the details better than the pro-polygraph texts. Realise they summarise to belief, temperature and muscle tension. Then continue the conversation with the subbie tied nude, blind, safely spreadeagled and with your gloved fingers resting inside any muscled orifice you feel appropriate.
Once you get practise, you'll realise "hot", "cold", "relaxed" and "tense" aren't metaphors but literal uncontrollable physical reactions by the imagination, to scenarios you bring up in their mind. The mouth can lie or spin things, but the body can't avoid betraying the subconscious reflex reaction to scenarios.
Now chat to them about possible future directions, play might take.
Personalise the BDSM checklist and link themes, so instead of single words like "flogging", try "how do you think you'd feel about being flogged? *pause* lightly? *pause* teasingly? *pause* hard? *pause* so hard you cry? *pause* do you like things soft? *pause* or hard?..."
Keep the chain of conversation on a single path that eventually covers every topic, so they don't have to think hard and thus tense answering the next question, due to the conversation changing context.
If an answer gives multiple paths to take, go forward and around in a figure 8 to get the next path(s), instead of reversing back and trying the second path.
During the pauses, pay attention first to what the body says, then what they consciously say using words.
The reflex muscle response comes instantly from the back of the brain, faster than an enemy ambush can pull a caveman ancestor from the gene-pool. While the newfangled civilised phrased are still being constructed by the front of the brain, tested for possible reactions, tweaked, retested and eventually spoken.
If the two responses vary, e.g a hot flush and relaxation, followed by a negative denial with words. Start teasing about how you've caught them out, how they can tried to keep a secret and failed. Why bother, you know them inside and out better than they do. "You know their dark secret(s)"
Do it enough times and they'll believe, then they'll let the words flow freely.
But keep moving around the topics. Don't stop and go deep. This method only works on simple yes/no questions. It breaks if you get overlapping emotions, so one thing at a time, each question flowing from the next obvious one.
Once you're done it once, shallow, then circle back round the topics of interest. Like clits, you don't don't go straight to the centre of each, but slowly circle them, gradually getting closer and closer, until the truthy centres reach out to you, instead of vice versa.
Take a break
Now have the long conversation
OK, now you have a better idea of what makes your "brat", tick.
What they really want and what they really don't want.
And they know you know.
And about now they'll start to feel the butterflies in their stomach
So do some thinking.
Thinking's good.
Think some more.
Now come back less ignorant than before and snap that little shits, bold display of defiance in half over your knee. And let them suck in so much subspace, that they won't doubt submission exists, that you've invented and patented it, and they will have to jump through any hoop you choose, if they ever dream of tasting it's divine ecstasy again.
And don't be an arsehole [:D]
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