"Submissive" males angry at themselves / their desires

"Submissive" males angry at themselves / their desires (Full Version)

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boyforyouruse -> "Submissive" males angry at themselves / their desires (7/6/2008 11:13:48 AM)
A very recent thread made me think of this, and I was curious to get all your perspectives. I think its more common to see on the message boards as I don't think these guys would be crude enough to say these things in real life, and its almost always posted from an empty profile with no pictures / information (Or possibly the moderators delete/warn them). I'm referring to posts from "submissive" males who seem VERY angry at women in general, but especially at a certain request that a dominant woman they've been speaking to requests them to do. They post some introductory message "It can't be right for a female dom to order me to do X!". Inevitably in the next few posts someone gives some clear, good advice, usually along the lines of "You have to decide what are the right limits for you. You two decide your own relationship, etc.." This makes them fly off the handle, of course, so they then start sending out hateful one-line responses meant to bully or be basically rude to any who took the time to respond to them. So what I'm getting at is this. I don't for one feel these guys are really looking to submit to anyone. So why are they here? If they have NO interest in power exchange, as the very thought of a woman daring to give them an order is just SOOOOOoooo insulting, why make a profile as a submissive, and why come to a POWER EXCHANGE website? How did they ever think "this website seems like the kind of place to find what I'm looking for" when they post later how disgusted they are with everyone who responds, etc. What makes men so angry at their own desires, and act like a complete ass when someone calls them out on their anger issues? .. (and why do they have to pollute our forums with it! :P)

RedMagic1 -> RE: "Submissive" males angry at themselves / their desires (7/6/2008 11:17:48 AM)
Inability to accept themselves as non-disgusting.

shivermetimbers -> RE: "Submissive" males angry at themselves / their desires (7/6/2008 12:09:08 PM)
Not that I condone the whining and angry posts some put up, but playing devil's advocate here, perhaps it's the fact there isn't a Top/bottom designation for people to choose. Some people aren't looking to submit, some aren't really looking to dominate. That may be what's behind some of these issues. Stepping out of the devil's advocate role, I simply believe it's people who think this is just a "we're kinky and easy lays" type of site. It's no different than self proclaimed dominants who whine that submissives don't obey them at the drop of a hat. Thinking about it, maybe those angry posters, dominants and submissives, are finding each other on a regular basis.

LadyPact -> RE: "Submissive" males angry at themselves / their desires (7/6/2008 12:23:42 PM)
My first answer, looking for kinky sex, comes to mind. Still, it's a valid point, from both sides of the fence. This site is, after all, the gateway to all things that might be considered BDSM. That includes those who might just want a little slap and tickle while getting laid. Kinky sex does have it's place here, as well as the right to look for it. They really don't bother Me much. Sure. If the idea of a female on top gets you off, go for it. I try very hard to understand that there are oppressed people out there who will never get anything more out of this lifestyle than that. At the same time, I understand that there are true jewels out there. Diamonds in the rough, so to speak. Those who, if they only had the opportunity, would gladly serve. Those who would happily sit at My feet, because they have wanted that station for so long that it tears them up inside. All they want is to be of service, and to have a happy existence because of it. When they have gotten past that anger and hatred for what and who they are. They are, exactly, why I waste so much time here.

MySweetSubmssive -> RE: "Submissive" males angry at themselves / their desires (7/6/2008 12:34:10 PM)
I spoke to someone recently who bridled when I made a controlling request. This was despite the fact that he has a submissive profile, despite the fact that we had a good vibe -- i.e. I don't think I was being a HNG. I probed a little more and he said he found his life boring and was looking to "break out" a little. He wanted some excitement. He wanted something, maybe he doens't know what it is, and he came here. He was looking to color outside the lines a bit. Ironic to talk to me, because I wanted him to color inside the lines I chose for him. Clearly a bad fit at this point in his life. OP, it would be fanTAStic if this was a site for power exchange (my fave!), but folks are here for lots of reasons. Mss

pixelslave -> RE: "Submissive" males angry at themselves / their desires (7/6/2008 12:58:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: boyforyouruse So what I'm getting at is this. I don't for one feel these guys are really looking to submit to anyone. So why are they here? If they have NO interest in power exchange, as the very thought of a woman daring to give them an order is just SOOOOOoooo insulting, why make a profile as a submissive, and why come to a POWER EXCHANGE website? How did they ever think "this website seems like the kind of place to find what I'm looking for" when they post later how disgusted they are with everyone who responds, etc. What makes men so angry at their own desires, and act like a complete ass when someone calls them out on their anger issues? .. (and why do they have to pollute our forums with it! :P) First, I'd like to say that when a submissive starts a discussion with a dominant woman, I don't believe he should feel obligated to act submissive toward her until they've both agreed there's going to be a power exchange between them. I'd be very put off if a woman I approached expected my submission without our first establishing a connection and some kind of rapport. Would I waste my time posting about it? No. However, some might need a place to vent or look for either empathy or validation, so I can see why they might choose to post about their disappointments or frustrations. Do they have an anger issue when they don't want to accept what you see as sound advice? I don't really know. It might be they're simply not ready to hear it until they've finished venting or have first received whatever it was they were looking for when they posted; whether it be validation, empathy or something else. [&:] I'll also say that it's my sense there are just as many frustrated and angry dominant women here as there are genuinely submissive males. It's been my observation that some women allow very little room for a man to be human when corresponding with them. If he makes any kind of faux pas by making an incorrect assumption, saying the wrong thing, or misses something in their last message that was obviously implicit to the woman but not to him, then in their mind, he's a fake or a loser and not their idea of a "twue submissive"; he's just another disappointment for them to angrily tell how he's failed to prove himself and to hit the road. [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m23.gif[/image] If only everyone could remember, we're all human on both sides of the coin instead of the perfect people that only exist in the world of fantasies... - pixel

Lockit -> RE: "Submissive" males angry at themselves / their desires (7/6/2008 1:00:33 PM)
I think there are many answers to this and some have posted a few. It is something different for each person to some degree, but there are in-general things that I see. In general the anger... it can be at themselves or others for some life wound or attitude they feel that people might have and it gets combined with everything in life... their desires, kink, relationships, etc. I have found many who are disgusted with what they want sexually and haven't come to terms with it, yet are compelled to act on it before they have found a comfort zone. When that anger is a base or foundation for what they do, watch out, something is going to hit the fan! Anyone standing in the way is gunna get hit. When I see someone exploring and seeking to discover themselves, I am right there and willing to help in showing them where to seek information or experience that would help them find what they really want. Many people need time to play and see what is living true to themselves. Some simply aren't born with the knowledge and aren't exposed to things that would help them know and some evolve for whatever reasons. An open and honest seeking into which they don't know can be a great time of personal growth and awareness. BUT... when someone comes in angry and lost... I tend to move away fast. Some frustration or anger is acceptable, but what I have seen is what I talk about a lot... passive aggressive anger that is hidden behind soft words and sweet knowledge and then in an instant when a trigger has been touched... they turn into flaming balls of anger that spew firery emotional darts all over the place. Since I don't have a flame retardant suit... I move away from the fire ball. Then there seem to be those who simply come to humilate or attack so that they can be humilated or attacked. lol Then there is that seeking for sexual things others have mentioned... Whoa... lol We just have to take the good with the bad and move on. What else can we do?

Lockit -> RE: "Submissive" males angry at themselves / their desires (7/6/2008 1:05:14 PM)
pixelslave, I simply love all your post! The insight and so much more that you share with us is thought provoking and so balanced, that I had to say something! I love reading your post! Thank you!

petdave -> RE: "Submissive" males angry at themselves / their desires (7/6/2008 2:18:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: boyforyouruse I think its more common to see on the message boards as I don't think these guys would be crude enough to say these things in real life, and its almost always posted from an empty profile with no pictures / information (Or possibly the moderators delete/warn them). I'm referring to posts from "submissive" males who seem VERY angry at women in general, but especially at a certain request that a dominant woman they've been speaking to requests them to do. They post some introductory message "It can't be right for a female dom to order me to do X!". Man, i hate vague references to stuff i didn't read... Was this another pay-me thread? Anyway, this first part doesn't seem that unreasonable. An absolutist view of submission isn't realistic, so if a a prospective Domme insists on something that's a hard limit, he has the right to object... Perhaps posting an angry message about it isn't the best solution, but people don't always make the perfect choice in every situation. As for overreacting to constructive suggestions, i donno... i don't see it all that much, and when it happens, it's usually pretty clear (to me) that the person doing it is just trolling. (yeah, call me vain, i thought this thread was about me [8D])

EvilGenie -> RE: "Submissive" males angry at themselves / their desires (7/6/2008 4:34:13 PM)
I think we need a ''Vanilla with Kink'' designation here. I have always said that and a great number of those I have spoken to here are looking for exactly that.

Shawn1066 -> RE: "Submissive" males angry at themselves / their desires (7/6/2008 6:19:35 PM)
Semi-Fast Reply I just think there should be an "unsure" choice when it comes to submissive/dominant/switch/etc. That way all the legitimate switches wouldn't be stigmitized as people who have no idea what they want, which is how people seem to view them from time to time. DV's Fox

slavekal -> RE: "Submissive" males angry at themselves / their desires (7/6/2008 6:31:13 PM)
I have observed that same trait in sub men. I think it is a lot like being gay. There are people who try to escape from their desires, who feel ashamed and guilty after indulging. They swear they will never do it again, but of course, once they get horny, they go right back to the same behavior. The key to being happy, I think, is to accept who and what you are.

hardbodysub -> RE: "Submissive" males angry at themselves / their desires (7/6/2008 6:48:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pixelslave quote: ORIGINAL: boyforyouruse So what I'm getting at is this. I don't for one feel these guys are really looking to submit to anyone. So why are they here? If they have NO interest in power exchange, as the very thought of a woman daring to give them an order is just SOOOOOoooo insulting, why make a profile as a submissive, and why come to a POWER EXCHANGE website? How did they ever think "this website seems like the kind of place to find what I'm looking for" when they post later how disgusted they are with everyone who responds, etc. What makes men so angry at their own desires, and act like a complete ass when someone calls them out on their anger issues? .. (and why do they have to pollute our forums with it! :P) First, I'd like to say that when a submissive starts a discussion with a dominant woman, I don't believe he should feel obligated to act submissive toward her until they've both agreed there's going to be a power exchange between them. I'd be very put off if a woman I approached expected my submission without our first establishing a connection and some kind of rapport. Would I waste my time posting about it? No. However, some might need a place to vent or look for either empathy or validation, so I can see why they might choose to post about their disappointments or frustrations. Do they have an anger issue when they don't want to accept what you see as sound advice? I don't really know. It might be they're simply not ready to hear it until they've finished venting or have first received whatever it was they were looking for when they posted; whether it be validation, empathy or something else. [&:] I'll also say that it's my sense there are just as many frustrated and angry dominant women here as there are genuinely submissive males. It's been my observation that some women allow very little room for a man to be human when corresponding with them. If he makes any kind of faux pas by making an incorrect assumption, saying the wrong thing, or misses something in their last message that was obviously implicit to the woman but not to him, then in their mind, he's a fake or a loser and not their idea of a "twue submissive"; he's just another disappointment for them to angrily tell how he's failed to prove himself and to hit the road. [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m23.gif[/image] If only everyone could remember, we're all human on both sides of the coin instead of the perfect people that only exist in the world of fantasies... - pixel Damn, pixel, I'm gonna hate myself for saying this, but I really agree with you on this one!

MasterFireMaam -> RE: "Submissive" males angry at themselves / their desires (7/6/2008 8:14:22 PM)
My guess is that they're here to 1) start an argument or 2) be convinced that they're really ok. Neither is my job, or interest, to do, so I just pass them by. Master Fire

mettadas -> RE: "Submissive" males angry at themselves / their desires (7/7/2008 6:49:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shivermetimbers Not that I condone the whining and angry posts some put up, but playing devil's advocate here, perhaps it's the fact there isn't a Top/bottom designation for people to choose. Some people aren't looking to submit, some aren't really looking to dominate. My guess is that it would not help much if there were such designations. I've met quite a few bottoms over the years, but most of them called themselves submissives. The few I've met that knew they were not submissive would probably say so in their profiles if they were here. For some reason this brings to mind a posting in ASF many years ago that included a sentance beginning "What I want to use a domme for is...". You can imagine how that thread developed.

ThundersCry -> RE: "Submissive" males angry at themselves / their desires (7/7/2008 7:17:14 PM)
For me...it was never....anger It was... Shame... Not being able to accept that it was just....ok

Ladylocks -> RE: "Submissive" males angry at themselves / their desires (7/7/2008 10:18:02 PM)
When Dainty became my property and I wanted him feminine he agreed to be my little girl to please me but it bothered him a bit when he started to enjoy it. Through loving encouragement and reenforcement that it pleased me to keep him that way he got over it and let go of his masculine side. It happened again when I started to diaper him. Men are taught all through their lives that they have to be strong. Again we overcame the problem and he knows its okay to just let go and be helpless.

joyinslavery -> RE: "Submissive" males angry at themselves / their desires (7/7/2008 10:27:45 PM)
I'm so glad I didn't miss anything. These are, afterall, very important topics to be discussed. Good to be back. Have fun.

boyforyouruse -> RE: "Submissive" males angry at themselves / their desires (7/7/2008 10:37:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: joyinslavery I'm so glad I didn't miss anything. These are, afterall, very important topics to be discussed. Good to be back. Have fun. Why the sarcasm?

joyinslavery -> RE: "Submissive" males angry at themselves / their desires (7/7/2008 10:44:35 PM)
Are you serious? Seriously. I'm just gumming up the works here. You haven't been here long enough to know that. Have fun (though).

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