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RE: sub/slaves sabotage themselves - 7/6/2008 1:50:38 PM   
Raechard


Posts: 3513
Joined: 3/10/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop
(better now?)


Aye 

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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: sub/slaves sabotage themselves - 7/6/2008 1:51:59 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		yes???

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(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: sub/slaves sabotage themselves - 7/6/2008 1:55:33 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		*whispers* .... you're an intriduer too *nodsnods*

I am the only twue posdter on this thread right now

*looks for her twue badge ... is here somewhere*

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(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: sub/slaves sabotage themselves - 7/6/2008 1:56:44 PM   
firstslaveca


Posts: 46
Joined: 4/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyCharly

fear in what context? If you state what you seek (and should obviously really want it) and contact a Mistress who could be the One to give it to you, then what would you have to fear?  Please elaborate for Me if you're comfortable in doing so...


ok i will elaborate however i will admit to being slightly intimidated by the tone this entire thread has taken, and as a side note, being fairly new to collarme yet having spent a lot of time reading the forums there is a definite clique that can leave a newbie feeling apprehensive to jump in.

the fear response was my own answer to the general question of why would someone self sabatoge, i know i have done it, and i know that is why i have done it. In your particular scenario given then length of time of the connection i doubt that was why or the person was EXTREMELY skiddish, i think perhaps some of the other reasons ie: time restraints are more plausible here.

But i know for me, even though it something i truly desire, and have a good basic idea of what i am looking for, the fear prevails, and there have been times that a connection affects me so deeply, and makes me feel so vulnerable that the fear takes over and i subconsciouly, or perhaps even at times consciously find a way to sabotage it.

(in reply to LadyCharly)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: sub/slaves sabotage themselves - 7/6/2008 1:58:52 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

*whispers* .... you're an intriduer too *nodsnods*

I am the only twue posdter on this thread right now

*looks for her twue badge ... is here somewhere*


nuh-uh...I'm PINK lol


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Profile   Post #: 45
RE: sub/slaves sabotage themselves - 7/6/2008 2:05:53 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: firstslaveca

and as a side note, being fairly new to collarme yet having spent a lot of time reading the forums there is a definite clique that can leave a newbie feeling apprehensive to jump in.



WEll done on taking the dive then hun .... actually ... if you look really carefully at what the "clique" do ... you will see warm friendly inclusive behaviour directed towards open and respectful people

you seem really open and respectful .. so have a welcome to the boards *smooch* ... and take this voucher for 1 SLURP! to be redeemed from missturbation when she has finished beating her house boy



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proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to firstslaveca)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: sub/slaves sabotage themselves - 7/6/2008 2:16:20 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		btw..awesome pic firstslave :) (and what softness said!)

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Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: sub/slaves sabotage themselves - 7/6/2008 2:32:05 PM   
firstslaveca


Posts: 46
Joined: 4/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

WEll done on taking the dive then hun .... actually ... if you look really carefully at what the "clique" do ... you will see warm friendly inclusive behaviour directed towards open and respectful people

you seem really open and respectful .. so have a welcome to the boards *smooch* ... and take this voucher for 1 SLURP! to be redeemed from missturbation when she has finished beating her house boy




ty for the welcome, and i have looked very carefully at what "the clique" do and for the most part i would agree they possess a lot of collective wisdom and have supplied me with more than the occasional grin, however i think anywhere there is an obvious pack it can be slightly intimidating for newbies.

ty to Greedy also, who i am sure given time i will find something to blame on

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: sub/slaves sabotage themselves - 7/6/2008 2:41:13 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		Being new here myself, I'd say it's more of a "click" than a clique. The water's warm and the sharks are (for the most part) friendly, so c'mon in FS! You'll be getting *tacklegroped* in no time, esp with that pic! 

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: sub/slaves sabotage themselves - 7/6/2008 2:53:43 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		would agree ... but is too busy perving oooooooobies

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proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to WyldHrt)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: sub/slaves sabotage themselves - 7/6/2008 3:05:11 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		Forgot to mention, "Prepare to be perved" *winks at softness*

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"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: sub/slaves sabotage themselves - 7/6/2008 3:18:14 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		its not like you can't ooooooooogle .. my ooooooooobies too!

fair is fair!

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proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to WyldHrt)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: sub/slaves sabotage themselves - 7/6/2008 3:28:02 PM   
shivermetimbers


Posts: 2060
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline 		IMHO, the person you speak of had no intention of ever meeting.  Once things progressed past the online stage, he was going to have to reveal all about himself, and no doubt you would have discovered a million lies. Consider yourself lucky, that you weren't left sitting somewhere waiting for someone, wondering if they had just simply been a no-show, or if something had happened to them.  The computer excuses were his "out" so to speak.  If you are lucky, you won't see this behavior again, but judging from what I've read from many others, what's more likely is you are going to see the same thing quite often, the behavior won't change, but the excuses will.

Hang in there, I'm sure eventually someone will come through with exactly who they say they are, and that your relationship is a long, happy, and healthy one.

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(in reply to LadyCharly)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: sub/slaves sabotage themselves - 7/6/2008 3:30:10 PM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyCharly

All I basically wished to know is why small things would be enough to sabotage an exchange in a sub/slaves opinion....


People, not just the ones in this lifestyle, sabotage themselves in all sorts of ways, every single day.  They make poor decisions that they know will only produce negative outcomes, but they do it anyway.

When it comes to relationships or the potential for a relationship, deep down inside many people know they lack the skills to enter into one and maintain it.  So they may want it, but when they have the chance for one, they get scared and back away.  And in some cases, that's probably the best thing to do, because most end up making the same mistakes over and over again.

And a lot of people are simply overcome by fear of being hurt or any number of things.  They don't do what they need to in order to heal past hurts and learn from past mistakes, thus being able to move on.  They stand outside, looking in the window and wanting what others have, but won't do what they need to in order to get it.

And simple fact is, not everyone is some deeply, introspective soul who wants happiness and fulfillment.  Some want flash in the pan, do me now and go away, love ya mean it bye, oh baby baby momentary gratification, then they move on down the road to next moment of wow.

(in reply to LadyCharly)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: sub/slaves sabotage themselves - 7/6/2008 3:41:27 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyCharly

So tell Me boys/girls, why is it you are so quick to overreact on small, silly things and terminate an exchange with a Mistress you contacted? Many of you state what you want, then sabotage it before you get the chance to persue it!



LadyCharly, since you asked so nicely and being straight to the point, the answer is simple: more often then not, we fear what we so desire and crave. A large part of the fear is even though we need and want to be under the guidance and control of a dominant, we also forget to fully realize that the reality of being dominated by another is much more intense than what we have deluded ourselves into believing. Unfortunately, we have this bad habit of jumping in without completely understanding what we are getting ourselves into and thus many of us will turn tail and run in the opposite direction. We fear what we want the most.

As a side note, kindly refrain from adrressing me as boy. That is strictly a priviledge taken by my Sir only.


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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: sub/slaves sabotage themselves - 7/6/2008 4:15:00 PM   
subtex


Posts: 129
Joined: 9/16/2004
From: Dallas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyCharly

So tell Me boys/girls, why is it you are so quick to overreact on small, silly things and terminate an exchange with a Mistress you contacted?

So I'd like to hear from submissives and slaves only as to why you would cut off your nose to spite your face ...


My answer to that is I wouldn't.  I'd like to think there are more mature understanding subs than immature subs prone to fly off the handle.  Maybe not, but I'm not ready to accept the generalization that subs are self-destructive.  I've  been on the wrong side of internet misunderstandings myself.  For example I installed some software during a chat with a Domme and it froze up my computer.  She was upset I wouldn't respond and wouldn't believe my explanation later.  She had it in her head that I didn't want to answer her question and that was the reason.  She accepted it later in a more calm state of mind.  Being angry and reasonable don't go together.  I know how you feel though, to not be believed or listened to.  It's happened a few times on my long time on the internet.  

I may be untypical in that I don't reply to many ads, so it isn't surprising I've never had anything tick me off in the early stages of getting to know someone.  I'd like to think I'd give the benefit of the doubt.  
Bill

(in reply to LadyCharly)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: sub/slaves sabotage themselves - 7/6/2008 5:15:04 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

So tell Me boys/girls, why is it you are so quick to overreact on small, silly things and terminate an exchange with a Mistress you contacted? Many of you state what you want, then sabotage it before you get the chance to persue it!


LadyCharly,
First, please let me convey my regret for your frustrations.  I am sure you must indeed be very frustrated, to come to the boards and vent, considering you have so few posts as it is - so posting does not seem to be something you do frequently.

I am not quick to overreact on small silly things.  Though I will terminate an exchange exactly when and if I feel the need to do so, regardless of who contacted whom first.  Why?  Because until I consent to relinquish authority, I own it. 

This is answered from my perspective, because you were kind enough to lump all "boys and girls" into this mass grave, and ask us to bury ourselves.   With all due respect, this is not a wise thing to do.  If you see us all as interchangeable, with no individuality - as lumping us all together implies - then why worry over one idiot pain in the ass?  Just pull another from the pile and apply Dominance as desired.

Some do indeed sabotage themselves.  That is assuming, of course, you have what a particular submissive/slave wants and are able to convey this in the correspondence opportunity you were given.  Based on your OP, I'm not certain you did.

Reasons I have sabotaged myself (included but not limited to): 
  • Fear of what it was I wanted. 
  • Not really wanting what I thought I wanted. 
  • Wanting something that wasn't right for me at the time. 
  • Needing something that I wasn't ready to accept for myself.  
  • Lack of discipline. (My best guess is this is a very likely reason the submissive in the post became impatient and wrote you off - blocking you.)


Reasons I have ended communication (included but not limited to):
  • The person creeped me out.
  • The person wasn't what/who I wanted, and I was avidly aware of it.
  • The writing/communication style annoyed me enough to sever communication.
  • The person was married and cheating.
  • The person started talking about doing me before we had even met.
  • The person creeped me out.
  • etc. etc. etc.

You did not state in your OP, if this was the first time this had happened to you or if it was something that had happened frequently.  If it was the first time, coming to the boards to vent, and lumping us all together does come across as doing exactly what it is you are venting about.  If it has happened frequently, it could be a combination of things - including your own communication style.  When I keep hitting roadblocks, I take a step back and begin to address the only thing I have control over.  My own actions.  Perhaps a quick inventory/evaluation of your own conversation style might be productive.  I truly do not know, and mean no offense.

I hope, sincerely, that my sharing why I do what I do helps you come to terms with why he did what he did.  Best wishes in your search.

Respectfully,
Winsome

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 7/6/2008 5:43:21 PM >

(in reply to subtex)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: sub/slaves sabotage themselves - 7/6/2008 9:03:29 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		He had to finish, and clear the cache and history before his wife came home..

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Profile   Post #: 58
RE: sub/slaves sabotage themselves - 7/7/2008 1:01:51 AM   
SephandElena


Posts: 52
Joined: 4/7/2008
Status: offline 		Inclined to agree with Leatherist.

Speaking as someone who has spoken with and met people from all different walks of life, I have to say that as whatever I am identified as (does switch count as Domme or sub to you OP?), I find it a little insulting that one thing happens to you and you assume everyone who identifies as the same orientation does the same things. If I were to go along with that style of thinking I would not now be with the girl who makes me happiest in the world.

The internet is a lot like real life only more so. There are wankers and there are non wankers (and sometimes it's good to be a wanker I know I know), the only real difference we have is that now we can claim to be something other than what we are without any visual clues to the truth unless we so choose.

Really, rather than getting upset over what has happened, I'd be tempted to realise that this was a lucky escape that you worked out where he was coming from and what he was Before you met rather than afterwards. Congratulate yourself that you don't have to worry about dealing with his time limitations and keep looking.

In addition to this, within this setting, who was Dom/me? He starts talking to you, claims to be submissive enough that you start the point of considering him and then begins to demand that you respond to him quicker on both chat and CM (CM works via e-mails, unless this was his last chance ever of getting online he really had no excuse to demand your instantaneous response), and then gets pissy that you don't respond to his photos straight away either. Regardless of if he's sub or Dom or switch or just vanilla even, that's just plain rude.

As to him not seeming like a wanker or a troll to start with... that last piece of behaviour strikes me largely as just that. So he's good at acting? Big deal. More people have been fooled in real life and online than would care to admit it. Don't give up your search and don't let online stuff get to you so bad, it's really not worth it, and in some cases actually gives them satisfaction.

Well, that's my twopence.

Seph aka Reb.

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 59
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