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RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/9/2008 10:42:37 AM   
sodsta


Posts: 246
Joined: 7/19/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline
quote:

That may be true for a lot of people, but I learnt fairly early on that the good-looking guys often didn't have much else to offer.  So, if I knew in advance that the gorgeous guy was an idiot and the unattractive guy was a Nobel Prize winner, I'd go straight for the unattractive guy.  If the gorgeous guy was the Nobel Prize winner, I'd go straight for him.  Purely in the interests of good conversation, of course.


Yes, but that assumes you have prior knowledge of these people. Very rarely will that be the case. I'm talking about someone you don't know, have never met, and have no information on.

(in reply to Venatrix)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/9/2008 11:20:23 AM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		I still stand by what I said: I don't find physical attractiveness in and of itself sufficient to arouse my interest.  You made a generalisation, and I'm saying that it isn't going to apply to everyone.  The OP had asked how much appearance mattered and, for me, it doesn't matter nearly as much as intellectual brilliance does.  I have more requirements for wanting to meet someone than simply because he fits society's definition of what is handsome.  The main outcome of a thread like this is, obviously, going to be chacun à son goût.

(in reply to sodsta)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/9/2008 11:49:52 AM   
azropedntied


Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline 		Well stated .. I have seen many  who when they opened their mouth became very unappealing .

quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

I still stand by what I said: I don't find physical attractiveness in and of itself sufficient to arouse my interest.  You made a generalisation, and I'm saying that it isn't going to apply to everyone.  The OP had asked how much appearance mattered and, for me, it doesn't matter nearly as much as intellectual brilliance does.  I have more requirements for wanting to meet someone than simply because he fits society's definition of what is handsome.  The main outcome of a thread like this is, obviously, going to be chacun à son goût.

(in reply to Venatrix)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/9/2008 6:57:55 PM   
MsFay


Posts: 18
Joined: 7/6/2008
Status: offline 		OK, the cute little avatar is *almost* reason enough, but you pithy, honest replies is making me fall for you cute doggy. :)

Thanks for keeping it real.

(in reply to joyinslavery)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/9/2008 11:56:28 PM   
SurrenderForMe


Posts: 229
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

How much do looks really matter to you? What characteristics do you want, need? I know that I've received some particularly harsh criticism recently, both regarding my face and the fact I'm not a bigger/stronger guy (6-foot-1 150 pounds).


Looks matter, and are totally subjective.  What do I find attractive?  Very thin to average build, intelligence, empathy, strength of character, insert other common details here.  The final answer ends up being attraction.  Someone can have everything on the laundry list and in person, there is no attraction.  It dies right there.  I have dated overweight people and had good relationships, but I don't pursue them.  I have dated people who were not capable of keeping up with me mentally.  I walked because I feel like I could be detrimental to them and I bore easily. 

You have preferences just like everyone else does.

I know people who truly try not to notice looks, weight, etc.  I know a few people who really seem not to care.  They are the minority.  Most people I know, spout the pc line, and then in private readily admit to having preferences.  It is not a crime, it is not a failing, it is just who you are.

Many men and women find thin attractive as an attribute.  It is a huge percentage.  If someone says they don't find you attractive, then move on. 

quote:

On a personal note, I have mixed feelings about BBWs (I hate that term by the way; not every big person is beautiful, nor as every thin person). It's not that I can't respect the wishes of a bigger woman, nor that I don't find them attractive. It's just that I want, need my Domina to be able to control me, my will and body, and don't know how I'd feel allowing someone to control me who hasn't necessarily taken control over those elements in their own life.


If you are not attracted, don't pursue the person.

Being a domme does not mean the woman is all powerful.  People have weaknesses.  Being fat does not remove a dominant persons skills and abilities.  If you hate being thin, it is possible through massive effort (and sometimes not so massive efforts) to build bulk.  If you are fat, it is possible through massive effort  (and sometimes not so massive efforts) to lose weight.  Put the stones away.

quote:

Do you know what I mean, or does this sound completely ridiculous? I know a couple people have called this line of thinking BS.


People like what they like and don't like what they don't like.  Don't be offensive, pursue your attractions and understand that this question is asked in forums all over the place about once every six months.  Being defensive about preferring x, y or z if it has to do with looks is common.  Being denigrated for reminding people of their insecuities is common.  Liking chocolate, or bondage (in the scene) is treated as what it is, your flavor.

(in reply to Untouched1282)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/10/2008 7:08:04 AM   
joyinslavery


Posts: 955
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsFay

OK, the cute little avatar is *almost* reason enough, but you pithy, honest replies is making me fall for you cute doggy. :)

Thanks for keeping it real.



Thanks for being beautiful!

Call me. 

_____________________________

"...we must learn, each one of us, that the world was not made for us, and that, however beautiful may be the things we crave, Fate may nevertheless forbid them."
-Bertrand Russell

Mainstream...The New Alternative

*Beware of dog*

(in reply to MsFay)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/11/2008 10:20:33 AM   
transsexual


Posts: 16
Joined: 8/4/2007
Status: offline 		most dont want me as a sex slave so my looks don't matter. most just want to have fun dressing me up and playing house. i can make a pot sparkle.

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/11/2008 8:00:56 PM   
DominaSusan


Posts: 75
Joined: 3/29/2008
Status: offline 		In response to your query about physical appearances…just remember that any yard stick you choose to measure your Dominas appearance by may be the very same yard stick you are judged against. If you believe physical appearances are a necessary part of your D/s equation, you will attract those who feel like minded and you will live in a cycle of needing to please others based on your outward appearance.  If you are confident and strong and your appearance pleases you, then does it really matter what others think. Be that person and you will be bigger and stronger in charisma  and charm, oozing self confidence-now that’s what matters to me.

(in reply to WyldHrt)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/13/2008 3:43:56 AM   
edgepassion


Posts: 67
Joined: 2/20/2008
Status: offline 		I agree with so many of you that have said they don't find physical attractiveness in and of itself sufficient.

That said though, physical appearance matters a lot to me.  But not because I need a ”trophy” on my arm.

It’s a health issue. And a self-esteem issue

Facial characteristics do not matter to me.  We are what we are there.  A good mind far outweighs any “deficiencies” there.

But take care of your body.  It’s just not that difficult.  We all hear it…..”I’m just too busy to exercise”…….  BS. 

Forty minutes a day……we all have that.   Be selective in what you eat.  Takes a little self-discipline, sure.  But think long haul.  Think heart disease, diabetes……etc.

Care about yourself.

(in reply to Untouched1282)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/13/2008 8:32:50 AM   
ladycirce


Posts: 61
Joined: 3/21/2006
Status: offline 		it is a false assumption that P/people you deem larger are not in control of T/their bodies.  not every personal situation can be determined by extrensic appearance.

(in reply to Untouched1282)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/14/2008 12:05:43 AM   
EvilGenie


Posts: 1323
Joined: 9/10/2007
From: Morocco and Maine occasionally
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Untouched1282

I'm not saying that it's the case for every bigger person, nor am I saying it's accurate. I'm relating it to my personal struggles with food and self-image. I'm not trying to put down bigger people.

: /



~FR~
You're damn straight it's not the case. I was always underweight and am now a big woman. Is it because I over eat or have poor nutritional skills? No, it is because I have a growth disorder which nobody else in the world has and spent 20 years as a research ginea pig for it. To date it still has no name and I eat possibly every other day. Though when I do eat, it is highly nutritional and can guarantee that nobody would be unhealthy and/or fat on what I consume. Oh and for the record, I do have photos on my profile. I have always been very tall, thin or fat and my preference has always been for smaller men. That in no way had ruled out the 6'7''s of my lifetime either.

< Message edited by EvilGenie -- 7/14/2008 12:08:22 AM >

_____________________________

I will never make someone a priority, when they only make me an option.

FEAR the pixels....NOT!

Some things in life are like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.

(in reply to Untouched1282)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/15/2008 4:15:00 PM   
Missangelmist


Posts: 29
Joined: 6/23/2004
Status: offline 		Amazing as I sit here and read the many statements about weight and if your not a thin Mistress then how could you control others. Weight is not just about food and a lot of women and men will never be thin because of many reason. One is your family genes and that kind of tells you what battles you will face. I have never been a thin woman and I'm a strong female who enjoy my BDSM and D/s lifestyle. Its not the body that keeps you coming back for more its the person that you are inside and its your integrity. We base this lifestyle on honor and I have seen so many that do not walk this path with honor.

Chemistry is what we are all looking for and we touch someone that we chemistry is like watching a dance, its beautiful. I have had men that do not like women with weight on them want to share their lives with me and their time. If you only looking for the outside cover then you are cheating yourself out knowing many women that are wonderful at in this thing we call D/s. A smile or the light in ones eyes go a long way. The true beauty comes from within and the out side beauty will fade in time.

I have a fetish for tall men and I'm very picky on who I meet and spend my time with because I'm worth it. Not from an ego place but a place of self love that we all should respect. Take your time to get to know someone and don't judge what they can do because they have a few pounds on their body. We don't know the struggles that ones has with their daily life. I have met some very handsome men that make heads turn and when I got to know them I would not wipe my feet on them. You can hide your true nature with beauty but in the long run your self will come out and all will open for many to see. I live my life from kindness to others and I don't mean that I can't cause you lots of pain or control you, that I can do.  When a male Dom grows a pot belly do we question his ability to control others? We as woman are judged about our looks and we fight for respect in this BDSM world because we are woman. Would anyone even question a man for having weight? Nope !!!

So to end this on a positive note don't judge someone because of their weight, wait to see if you have chemistry with them and then go forward to bliss
Rev Mel
talkingsexradio

_____________________________

It's not your Grandmother's Radio or TV, its The Rev Mel Show on Talkingsexradio.com. Where adults can be adults

(in reply to Untouched1282)
Profile   Post #: 72
to clarify my statement, brief as it was... - 7/15/2008 8:17:26 PM   
ladycirce


Posts: 61
Joined: 3/21/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ladycirce

it is a false assumption that P/people you deem larger are not in control of T/their bodies.  not every personal situation can be determined by extrensic appearance.



oops! i misspelled a word. i hope Y/y'all knew i meant extrinsic, or outward appearance having little to do with the true nature.
i've never been the spelling champ, but i can live with that.

(in reply to ladycirce)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/15/2008 8:25:21 PM   
Untouched1282


Posts: 142
Joined: 2/12/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSusan

In response to your query about physical appearances…just remember that any yard stick you choose to measure your Dominas appearance by may be the very same yard stick you are judged against. If you believe physical appearances are a necessary part of your D/s equation, you will attract those who feel like minded and you will live in a cycle of needing to please others based on your outward appearance.  If you are confident and strong and your appearance pleases you, then does it really matter what others think. Be that person and you will be bigger and stronger in charisma  and charm, oozing self confidence-now that’s what matters to me.


Ma'am, I am not talking about service based on the fact that someone is attractive. I am asking if it plays a role in your "attraction" to the other person. One of the beautiful things I've witness in this lifestyle is the way in which people of all ages, shapes and sizes mingle with one another, perhaps even enter into mature, adult relations along the way. Some of these people wouldn't be like to interact on such a level, if at all, in vanilla settings so I was simply curious if this observation held water and if so, to how many of us.

(in reply to DominaSusan)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/15/2008 8:27:19 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		It's not important at all.We should love everyone equally no matter how they look or behave.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CRMW5u_UDg

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to Untouched1282)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/15/2008 8:28:37 PM   
Untouched1282


Posts: 142
Joined: 2/12/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

It's not important at all.We should love everyone equally no matter how they look or behave.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CRMW5u_UDg


:-O

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/15/2008 8:38:19 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Now everyone sing!!!!!!!

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCP2YV6Jge0

oops,wrong link!

< Message edited by Leatherist -- 7/15/2008 8:45:41 PM >

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to Untouched1282)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/16/2008 12:53:09 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Untouched1282

Ma'am, I am not talking about service based on the fact that someone is attractive. I am asking if it plays a role in your "attraction" to the other person...



Yes, I freely admit to having a "shallow" side. I have to be attracted to both the insides and the outsides of a submissive for him to interest me.


_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


(in reply to Untouched1282)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/16/2008 3:45:15 PM   
MistressSassy66


Posts: 1675
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		I honestly do not care about weight.
I have sessioned with 3 hundred lb submissives
I have sessioned with stick thin submissives.
I have sessioned with ones in between.

What I look for whether its the job side or personal
play with F/friends,is a friendly,humorous even silly at times
personality.Honesty is a big thing too.Looks dont matter.
Sometimes the last oreo cookie is all broken up and
looks like hell...but damn its still a great tasting cookie.

I am a goof ball... or as someone calls Me a Goober.
I like to have fun and be silly.The UM's hated that in public...LMAO
That would be the type of person I am most attracted to.Looks
come second or third eve.

In complete honesty there is only one type I dont like,which I'm not going
to elaborate on.I can get along with thembut I cant take them to the dungeon
or spend time with them.I'm just not into them.
While I am accepting of most fetishes/people etc.There are just some people that turn Me off.
Its human nature to not be attracted to everyone..

This is a little off topic:
Before My girl friends,that I would hang with after work,after they found
out about Me being a Lesbian...they all stopped hugging Me when saying
good-bye,eventually they stopped hanging out with Me.Another friend(so called)
said that if I had always acted like Lesbian she could accept it,like she does Punk.
She actually said "since you turned gay and wasnt born that way,I cant be friends with you".
Those are the kinds of people who disgust Me...I am still the same person
I just happen to be in love with a Woman.

Okay done with off topic rant...

_____________________________

Mistress Sassy

http://www.mistresssassy.com

In the Immortal Words of Bob....Fuck the dumb shit.

"I love you not only for what you are,But for what I am when I'm with you."- Opening line from a poem by Roy Croft

(in reply to WyldHrt)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: How much does physical appearance matter? - 7/16/2008 4:03:25 PM   
PanthersMom


Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
Status: offline 		i've dated men of all shapes, sizes and degrees of physical attractiveness.  what mattered was the person.  my cub was totally different from the "type" i thought i was highly attracted to, he's 5ft 3 in tall, a full foot shorter than most of the men i dated.  what matters is that he and i have the emotional connection i've always wanted. 
PM

_____________________________

That which does not kill me, better run pretty damn fast

I miss my ex, but my aim is improving!




(in reply to MistressSassy66)
Profile   Post #: 80
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