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how important is this first meeting - 11/10/2005 9:04:46 PM

jamesthehumanrug

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ok how important IS THE DINGY and the money you have especially first meeting
i note cbt seems to be a first focus of most all dom females
just wish it was more natural less likely on the first meeting like the aution blocks when they look at your teeth first thing

so how vip is the peni?

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RE: how important is this first meeting - 11/10/2005 9:16:18 PM

JohnWarren

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From: Delray Beach, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: jamesthehumanrug

ok how important IS THE DINGY and the money you have especially first meeting
i note cbt seems to be a first focus of most all dom females
just wish it was more natural less likely on the first meeting like the aution blocks when they look at your teeth first thing

so how vip is the peni?

I'm friends with at least 20 dominant women and they talk (kvech). I can tell you with absolute certainty that your cock is of little interest to any of them, including those, like my Libby, who enjoy everything from scrontal inflation to butterflying.

To the professionals, money is of interest, at least enough for you to pay the fee, but even they bemoan that it gets in the way of finding "Mr Right" (and, yes, those without a relationship to want one [some, of course, with Ms Right, but you get the point])

The words that get mentioned the most are ones like "interesting," "intelligent," "presentable", "loyal" along with "makes me feel important/valued/safe," "listens to me," "makes eye contact."

I think you get the drift.

The most common complaint? "Sees me as something to satisfy his needs instead of a woman."

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RE: how important is this first meeting - 11/10/2005 10:29:31 PM

Morgaine289

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quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

The most common complaint? "Sees me as something to satisfy his needs instead of a woman."

I have to second that John, in my experience i *as a switch* encounter more selfish submissive men than dominant men. Selfish in the sense you mention, only interested in their needs and wants.

An alltime high i had yesterday in a german SM-chat. A young man (20) wrote do me if
i knew a dominant woman in Berlin, who is interested in sissification and Adult Baby.
I tried to explain, why he choose a bad, bad start, but to no avail. I spent 15 minutes with him and i am quite sure, if he has the money he will end up with a proDomme, because he has no real interest in the dominant woman, only in himself.

< Message edited by Morgaine289 -- 11/10/2005 10:41:39 PM >

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RE: how important is this first meeting - 11/10/2005 10:31:24 PM

michaelMI

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i think first meetings are very important, if you can get the other party to be dependable enough to show up or couteous enough to call in time enough to reschedule for another time. i realize that some things happen, but if you can't make it, don't leave the other party hanging. this has just recently happened to me and my whole day was shot as i had to wait around for someone to either show up or at least call me, but the call came too late. this has probably happened to a few people here.

Forget about "what" will happen when a first contact is made, concentrate on "when" it will take place...

maybe i'm still alittle bitter of recent events, please forgive my rant.

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RE: how important is this first meeting - 11/10/2005 10:56:53 PM

mnottertail

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I think that Dommes concentrate on CBT because men are more bodliy focused for pleasure than women overall, they are more mind and overall ambience/visual/mental focus.

I think that on first meetings, you should probably wear pants. (they notice that type of thing.) You should probably offer to pay for their coffee or dinner as a chivalrous thing, not their services, unless you are contracting for sky's the limit services from a pro. You should be able to talk like you are a human interacting in life on a casual basis (even if you aren't (and I am really saying this for my own benefit, 'cause sometimes I can come off ......just wrong)).

Usually, both people are nervous anyway, you can't help it. Try to find calming and pleasant things to talk about to set the tone and and make conversation fruitful. The pope is a cocksucker (while perhaps true) is not an area that is likely to find common aggreement and a meeting of the minds for an opener............

You know, be yourself, don't brag........don't tell your entire life story, listen, respond and empathise, and don't plan as far as the bedding.....
just flow..........

The important thing here to remember is you both know what the eventual outcome in some time will be if all other aspects are somewhat acceptable........and thats the goal.........is everything reasonabally acceptable (not the DINGY getting handled). In the flesh we deal in, women need men and men need women. So that's out of the way. Then the next deal is that as much as men may fantasize owning or slaving for them............sex is small and big in the overall picture.

A future and a life or for short play a happily reasonable time.......

enough,
Ron

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RE: how important is this first meeting - 11/10/2005 11:35:11 PM

BlkTallFullfig

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quote:

ok how important IS THE DINGY and the money you have especially first meeting
i note cbt seems to be a first focus of most all dom females
just wish it was more natural less likely on the first meeting like the aution block

I think it can be natural, if you approach her as a lady, and go from that perspective, allowing her time to get to know you as a gentleman, and letting her lead conversation toward kink when she desires.

quote:

so how vip is the peni?

It depends on the lady. I am told a huge percentage of dominant women don't care about what yours looks like because they won't be phucking ya anyway.
For me personally it is important, because phucking or playing with a working penis is something I enjoy doing, so he should be at least average in size, and functional). Is it the be all? No... If I found someone with whom I was compatible in every way and around whom I loved being, I could overlook penile imperfections.

M

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RE: how important is this first meeting - 11/11/2005 2:33:32 AM

imtempting

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Treat it like the first date with a women :)

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RE: how important is this first meeting - 11/11/2005 4:10:56 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

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From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
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quote:

i think first meetings are very important, if you can get the other party to be dependable enough to show up or couteous enough to call in time enough to reschedule for another time. i realize that some things happen, but if you can't make it, don't leave the other party hanging. this has just recently happened to me and my whole day was shot as i had to wait around for someone to either show up or at least call me, but the call came too late. this has probably happened to a few people here.

Amongst Dommes, "no shows" for first meets of online contacts are fairly common, unfortunately. I find it most common if the sub in question has no ties to the local scene.

There's a couple of strategies one can do to counter the worst of that nonsense, which is wasting a couple hours outside of your day. One is to meet at a munch - if the person is a no-show, then you can still settle in, chat with others, enjoy yourself. The second is one I most often use, which is to meet for coffee in a bookstore that I go to regularly anyway. If the person is a no-show, I'm quite comfortable to browse around and get a cup of coffee myself.

As far how important the penis is to a Domme? Just remember there is ONE universal with women, dominant or otherwise:

"You don't get between my legs until you get between my ears"

In other words...you need to be charming and thoughtful and let us get to know your personality - no, you can't just stand there like on an auction block being silent and uninteresting and hope that it'll go from there.

James - a word of advice. Your profile claims that you have spent a significant part of your life being formally educated. PLEASE type in a manner that reflects this - I am sure I am not the only one who finds your writing difficult to understand because of grammatical and spelling errors.

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RE: how important is this first meeting - 11/11/2005 5:15:00 AM

thetammyjo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jamesthehumanrug

ok how important IS THE DINGY and the money you have especially first meeting
i note cbt seems to be a first focus of most all dom females
just wish it was more natural less likely on the first meeting like the aution blocks when they look at your teeth first thing

so how vip is the peni?

I assume these "most all dom females" are ones you've talked to and met so I can't debate your experience.

I can, however, say that I frankly couldn't care much less about the penis (or the vagina either if I'm looking at or talking to women). The body is important, I won't pretend that it isn't but I'm more interested in can that body get into the positions I like, can it more with grace, can it lift this heavy box and put it on that shelf, or can it dance and turn me on.

Frankly the personality and the attitude are much more important. And its very very nice if we have several overlapping non-kink interests cause some point during a flogging I'm gonna say "Hey, that new Jet Li movie looks hot," or "a new supplement to Vampire: the Masquerade came out" and I'm gonna want an informed reply.

(yes, I am this sadistic; I talk mundane things during SM from time to time, suddenly, without warning, and the slave is expected to keep up and adjust)

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RE: how important is this first meeting - 11/11/2005 5:35:44 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Interesting. All the male subs I know lament about not finding women interested in CBT. Maybe you should hook them up.

First meetings are important. Just as they are in the vanilla world.

What you do with them is up to you.

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RE: how important is this first meeting - 11/11/2005 5:46:16 AM

LadyJulieAnn

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1) I don't focus on CBT. The whole body is much more interesting than just one body part.

2) A sub's penis and money are not of importance to me when I first meet a sub. I'm more concerend about your personality and whether you can make me laugh and carry on an intelligent conversation.

Be well,
Julie

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RE: how important is this first meeting - 11/11/2005 5:54:34 AM

Cloudz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jamesthehumanrug

ok how important IS THE DINGY and the money you have especially first meeting
i note cbt seems to be a first focus of most all dom females
just wish it was more natural less likely on the first meeting like the aution blocks when they look at your teeth first thing

so how vip is the peni?

First meetings are quite important, as that determines if there will be a second meeting. I have declined countless meetings because the focus of the male is on his genitalia, and more specifically what he wants me to do to it.

As already stated in this thread - the mind is the most important organ...sexual and non-sexual.

Regarding the tone of your initial post...if not for these threads, where would I get my fill of sweeping generalizations? Thanks for not disappointing...

~Cloudz

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RE: how important is this first meeting - 11/11/2005 6:58:54 AM

krikket

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First meetings are important because they can, if things don't go well, also be the last meeting. It's like a vanilla meeting, or a business meeting, first impressions can last a lifetime, and set the tone for things to come (or not). Most of us (i think) are interested in meeting the whole person, or as much as is possibl in one short evening. i don't mind discussing kink, or the D/s undertone, but i also would like to know what You like to do on a free sat. afternoon, with all your clothes on -- working on your car or in your yard, playing with your kids, museum hopping, etc.

cheers
jimini

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