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RE: Condoms and First Meetings - 10/17/2008 7:53:00 PM   
bayboundse


Posts: 288
Joined: 10/29/2005
From: Oak Ridge, TN
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I HATE RUBBERS, but If we find someone condoms will be part of our sex with her until she shows proof of a check for STDs and we are sure she is not having other sexual relations.

(in reply to jeanelle)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Condoms and First Meetings - 10/17/2008 7:56:10 PM   
NumberSix


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waiter{snap} garbage bags for me and my compatriots.


Phillip Nolan (a man without a condom)  

_____________________________

"Who are you?"
"The new Number Two."
"Who is Number One?"
"You are Number Six.".
"I am not a number — I am a free man!"

Be seeing you...

(in reply to bayboundse)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Condoms and First Meetings - 11/1/2008 7:58:14 AM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline
NO one is going to post and say that they don't use condoms. It is too un-PC in the sexfriendly crowd. But some people don't use them.
Considering how volitile an issue this is, why did you ask this question here? I am thinking you knew you would get 100% total back up and support - you didn't really have a question, you wanted some amunition for your talk with Master. well, you have it. GL with that.

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Condoms and First Meetings - 11/1/2008 8:15:51 AM   
KnightofMists


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Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: jeanelle

My question is I have asked my Master to please use a condom when he has sex with this person.  I asked this as we do not know if she is currently sleeping with anyone or her sexual history.  I did not think this was an unusual request but Master does not want to.  I just wanted to get some other opinions on this.  To me this is very important.  His response is that he didn't use them when we first met and he doesn't want to with the new girl.  Am I being ridiculous on this matter?

Thanks for listening.



So why do want to get some opinions on this..... is it to throw back into your Master's face how a child says... "Well Molly's parent let her stay out late!!!"   guess what I am not Molly's parent and I don't give a shit what molly's parents do.  Same goes with my slaves...  What i do with my slaves is irrelevant to what your Master chooses to do in your dynamic.  So... why are asking the question.

Oh.. just a note... I didn't use condoms with Krya right from the beginning and I never will.   Frankly... If I use condoms... it tells me I don't know you enough for anything beyond a fuck.  If the person is just a Fuck for me.. then I will be using a condom.  If the person is going to be a intimate part of my life.. then I need to be at a point that I can fuck them without a condom.  So.... if my desire or I have concerns about condoms... clearly... I don't know them enough.

Next.  You are not being ridiculas... you clearly feel you don't know her enough.... and as such you have a concern about condoms.   There is nothing wrong with having those feelings............. BUT here is the kicker... you are in a Master slave relationship........... In my world..... Master makes the decisions... Slave obeys!!!  So..... even though you have an opinion ... the decision is HIS!   So.... if you don't want to respect his decision... then maybe you should stop role playing Master slave... and redefine your relationship to what it actually is.  Yes... I know you feel like he is making a mistake... and yeah... you could get a horrible disease because of his decision... It is easy to be a slave when the decisions are the way you want or you don't feel at risk.... but when the walk gets alittle tough.. then one learns it not all peaches and cream.



_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to jeanelle)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Condoms and First Meetings - 11/1/2008 8:24:26 AM   
KnightofMists


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quote:

ORIGINAL: tsatske

NO one is going to post and say that they don't use condoms. It is too un-PC in the sexfriendly crowd. But some people don't use them.


I read the OP... posted and then read the thread... seems I am the only one that is being Un-PC.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to tsatske)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Condoms and First Meetings - 11/1/2008 9:07:14 AM   
marieToo


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From: Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

Oh.. just a note... I didn't use condoms with Krya right from the beginning and I never will.   Frankly... If I use condoms... it tells me I don't know you enough for anything beyond a fuck.  If the person is just a Fuck for me.. then I will be using a condom.  If the person is going to be a intimate part of my life.. then I need to be at a point that I can fuck them without a condom.  So.... if my desire or I have concerns about condoms... clearly... I don't know them enough.

 
I agree with this completely. 

quote:

Next.  You are not being ridiculas... you clearly feel you don't know her enough.... and as such you have a concern about condoms.   There is nothing wrong with having those feelings............. BUT here is the kicker... you are in a Master slave relationship........... In my world..... Master makes the decisions... Slave obeys!!!  So..... even though you have an opinion ... the decision is HIS!   So.... if you don't want to respect his decision... then maybe you should stop role playing Master slave... and redefine your relationship to what it actually is.  Yes... I know you feel like he is making a mistake... and yeah... you could get a horrible disease because of his decision... It is easy to be a slave when the decisions are the way you want or you don't feel at risk.... but when the walk gets alittle tough.. then one learns it not all peaches and cream.





This was kind of harsh. 

So if a slave begins to rebel because her master is about to make a potentially dangerous decision, she's merely role playing unless she's willing to risk her very life?  Masters aren't infallible or without poor judgement at times.  Wouldn't you want one of your women to try and talk sense into you if you were considering something that could potentially harm or kill you and them?   Why does the trueness of her slavery get called into question because she is concerned about her health and life? 

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marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to KnightofMists)
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RE: Condoms and First Meetings - 11/1/2008 9:09:33 AM   
marieToo


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Oh, and I'm curious to all those who said they require proof of testing from a potential partner.  Are you all willing to provide the same?  Or is it one-sided?

_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









(in reply to marieToo)
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RE: Condoms and First Meetings - 11/1/2008 9:37:51 AM   
tsatske


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From: Louisville, KY
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Honestly, I know it is just a matter of restating what I have already said, but -
I believe all the people who say they 'never' fuck without positive proof of STD clean test - like I belive that no one EVER plays on the first date. Yeah, right.
LOTS of people, I am sure, do indeed wait for those tests before they would consider becoming fluid bonded - and LOTS of people really do NEVER play on the first date -
But, this is just so very much - the 'right' thing to say and do, that no one is ever going to admit otherwise.
Well, almost no one :)
KOM, you know I hold your house in the highest esteem, and I thank you for your willingness to be forthcoming and honest about your house in this thread.
It is amazing - it annoys me that something online can annoy me, because I am so annoyed by all the people who are 'annoyed' at certain types of threads and sharing, I think it has the effect of kinding of shutting down open back and forth in a forum,
But, the truth is, the 'tell me how right I am Master is so bad and wrong and mean and let me word this so NO ONE will disagree with me, so I can go tell him so!' really does get on my nerves. You can see right through these posts - these people don't want an opinion, they know what they think, they want a chorus to sing behind them.
I have been accused, on occasion, of being a little bit out there about what Master and I say or do - sometimes I whine. (and, yes, Master really doesn't mind - He knows who the boss is). So, if I come here whining - I am a bad slave and I shouldn't be exposing my Master to such critism. And, honestly, though Master is okay with it, I see their point; I don't do it often, but I won't promise to never do it again because it is fun and blows off steam.
But I can't even imagine asking a real opinion of a bunch of - even 'not strangers', as I am a regular opinion and have come to trust and respect some who post on these boards. But I can't imagine coming in here with a real issue that I really disgree with Master and putting it out for everyone, with only my side of the story, to throw Master is a bad light, just to garner 'ammunition' for a disagreement with Master.
Oh, I don't mind people who really ask for opinions - but, like I said, you can tell the difference. If I came in here and started a post and said something like, "I am a severe diabettic. Master wishes to practice Bastinado. I am a slave, so He says I can't say no. (sung to the tune of 'I'm just a girl who can't say no'). How can I tell him to stop? I don't want to lose a foot!' what kind of posts do you think I would get? (other than wanting him to stop - most of that is true, although it leaves out other infomration, like that we have talked to my poditrist.)
My point is, I could get the entire of CM to take back with me and throw in Master's face. Why would I do that? If I wanted a real opinion, I'd say, 'What do others know about this? does anyone else do this? what do you do to minimize the danger? Here's the research we've done - here's what it says - I have some concerns, but I see Master's points as well....' I will still get some who tell me 'Bad Master! You will lose a foot!', but not so close to the 100% that the ammunition collectors are looking for. It is the ammunition collection tatic I hate, I guess.

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Condoms and First Meetings - 11/2/2008 11:55:55 AM   
westside


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Insist on safe sex practices. Insist on condoms and other barrier ( and safer sex) practices. Its YOUR health.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Condoms and First Meetings - 11/2/2008 12:03:48 PM   
Lordandmaster


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It usually takes a while before people know whether someone is going to be an intimate part of their lives.  I've read stories about people who fell in love at first sight--but they were either operas or fairy tales.

And I need to know whether I'm sexually compatible with someone before I can begin to make any long-term decisions.  Some people are very nice, very friendly, blah blah blah but your bodies just don't connect sexually.  It happens.  While I'm figuring all that out, I'm using a condom.

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

Frankly... If I use condoms... it tells me I don't know you enough for anything beyond a fuck.  If the person is just a Fuck for me.. then I will be using a condom.  If the person is going to be a intimate part of my life.. then I need to be at a point that I can fuck them without a condom.  So.... if my desire or I have concerns about condoms... clearly... I don't know them enough.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Condoms and First Meetings - 11/2/2008 12:24:50 PM   
RainydayNE


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Joined: 10/21/2008
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if you feel like there's some huge risk to your personal health, and he's not paying attention to that, then... well
it seems like saying "well you're in an M/s relationship so tough cookies!" is the answer that just covers everything.
but you're a slave by consent and if this isn't fitting your needs, you dont HAVE to stay. you can ask for release or you can just take off.
because if he's going to expose you to disease (or risk of disease) then that's an issue of your personal wellbeing and suppoooosedly he's looking out for that? it doesnt' make you any less of a slave to object to something he's doing, especially if it's dangerous to you. it doesn't mean you're "roleplaying " (omgz ur not twue as me!).

i hate condoms, especially since i'm mildly allergic to latex. but there's no way i'm going to start anything with anyone without them. you can always get rid of them later, but i'd have SERIOUS second thoughts about someone who wanted to go without on the first try.

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Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Condoms and First Meetings - 11/3/2008 3:50:44 AM   
Twicehappy2x


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quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

So if a slave begins to rebel because her master is about to make a potentially dangerous decision, she's merely role playing unless she's willing to risk her very life?   


This line of thinking is dangerous, period.
 
Most well respected, well known posters on this board all share a big rule for their subs/slaves;
 
Protect the Property!
 
Even if it is against the property owner from time to time.
 
 

_____________________________

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Condoms and First Meetings - 11/3/2008 4:18:25 AM   
MissIsis


Posts: 473
Joined: 1/1/2005
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I have a friend who was very upset when the women he was considering collaring as his slave told him she would not have unprotected sex with him until they were both tested & found to be clean of STD's.  To my knowledge, it was her only request.  In a conversation he had with me, he stated it made him feel like she was topping from the bottom & trying to control the relationship.

I tried to reason with him because I thought it was a perfectly reasonable request, especially, because I knew how many women he had been with.  I mentioned that didn't he want to be sure he wouldn't want to get anything that could cause his early demise from this planet?  He responses to my questions surprised me.  He said, "If it was his time to go, it was his time?"  To which I mentioned that perhaps she didn't feel the same & wanted to take precautions to help her continue to live her life.   To which, he repeated that if it was someone's time to go, it was time for them to go.

They both got their tests, and came back clean.  But the damage to the relationship because he of his feelings on the whole matter was too great.  They, of course, broke up. 

Fast forward.  The man is one of my dearest friends.  I have often thought of having a relationship with him. I could almost see myself with him for the rest of my life. Over most things, we fit quite well together, & can handle each other's bad days.  We have talked about it on more than one occasion.  I give him my excuses, but the truth is, that in his dealings & concern over the condom issue with this women, I saw him as someone who is less than safe over an issue that could prove deadly to more than one person. 

(in reply to bayboundse)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Condoms and First Meetings - 11/3/2008 4:40:05 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists



Next.  You are not being ridiculas... you clearly feel you don't know her enough.... and as such you have a concern about condoms.   There is nothing wrong with having those feelings............. BUT here is the kicker... you are in a Master slave relationship........... In my world..... Master makes the decisions... Slave obeys!!!  So..... even though you have an opinion ... the decision is HIS!   So.... if you don't want to respect his decision... then maybe you should stop role playing Master slave... and redefine your relationship to what it actually is.  Yes... I know you feel like he is making a mistake... and yeah... you could get a horrible disease because of his decision... It is easy to be a slave when the decisions are the way you want or you don't feel at risk.... but when the walk gets alittle tough.. then one learns it not all peaches and cream.




I concure with what you are saying essentially. I do feel that you are being rather brutal and blinkered with your comments I've highlited and especially your reference to roleplaying at being a slave.  I know far too many slaves of whom, half are Gorean kajiri with over 10 years service with their current Master who, if the Master carelessly placed their health in danger by suddenly refusing to use condoms where applicable, would be begging for immediate release. It would indeed be wrong to infere that they were merely rolplaying at being slaves when they are excersing their option to end the relationship which has become potentially detremental to their health.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
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RE: Condoms and First Meetings - 11/3/2008 7:57:09 AM   
RainydayNE


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quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

It would indeed be wrong to infere that they were merely rolplaying at being slaves when they are excersing their option to end the relationship which has become potentially detremental to their health.


EXACTLY.

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Condoms and First Meetings - 11/4/2008 1:25:42 PM   
Leis


Posts: 3
Joined: 4/17/2008
Status: offline
Hello jeanelle;

I hope you have achieved some positive resolution to your concerns. Please remember that your health is of utmost importance.
I can guarantee that if there is a lack of communication about this issue it will continue to be a problem.
There was testing done for everyone in my poly situation before I became intimately involved, and this truly provided some piece of mind for me.
One of my first thoughts however did lean towards wanting to ask, why is sexual intercourse necessary during this first visit?
Anyway, best of luck in everything

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Condoms and First Meetings - 11/4/2008 5:10:57 PM   
gauguin


Posts: 28
Joined: 7/27/2008
From: UK
Status: offline
jeanelle, you are 100% right with your request for protection!!

Males insisting on unprotected sex, especially with new partners, are just egoistic IDIOTS!

He is willing to risk not only his health, but yours too...

(in reply to jeanelle)
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RE: Condoms and First Meetings - 11/9/2008 8:21:15 AM   
SadysticJester


Posts: 122
Joined: 6/24/2008
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condoms are a requirement in my house no matter who i play with on any given day/nite..while i do everything in my power to prevent or quelch the jealousy,the last thing i need is a child coming from my actions,or coming down with a disease that they did/didnt know they had(some can be tested for and not show symtoms)i do require the tests to be done of the ones we decide to keep but those we play with and know but not intimately may not freely disclose this info even if asked(always best to err on the side of caution).

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The fool may seem a Fool to some,but take care to fully explore what the Fool has to say,They are not foolish words...
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RE: Condoms and First Meetings - 11/9/2008 10:15:57 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

This was kind of harsh. 


I don't... I think it is well deserved!!


quote:


So if a slave begins to rebel because her master is about to make a potentially dangerous decision, she's merely role playing unless she's willing to risk her very life? 


Yup.... I think waaaaaayyyyy to many people make light of the fact of being a slave to someone.  And yes it is illlusion for many.  Bottom line in my view... The Master holds a position that can make many potentially dangerous decision for the slave... It's not slavery in my view if the Master can ONLY make decisions that the slave doesn't have ANY risk of negative consequences that the slave doesn't want to allow... that to me is D/s not M/s. 

I can't image people like beth or bita Ever coming on to the boards putting forward a decision by their Master that they don't agree with and presenting their Master Negatively as a result.   I would expect that they quietly express their view to their Master (IF they are allow to) and regardless of their opinion.. they will OBEY.  Because that is what Slaves do... They Obey!  Now... many like to talk the talk.. but truth is... few will actually walk the talk!!!

I think the problem for many in making the walk is that they foolishly made a choice of who they are enslaved to.  Sooo many are just fumbling around in the dark as they discover what Slavery is!   It is easy to Obey when you agree with the choice.. .but not so easy when it's not something you agree with.  It is in those moments of disagreement that a slave will learn much of themself.

quote:


Masters aren't infallible or without poor judgement at times. 


that's right masters are not infalliable or without poor judgement... regardless... they have the complete authority. 

quote:


Wouldn't you want one of your women to try and talk sense into you if you were considering something that could potentially harm or kill you and them?  


The first directive of my girls is to protect them selves..  Even against me... but... If they have to protect themselves against me.. then.. the M/s relationship is OVER!   If I am going to make a choice that is going to cause harm that they can't accept... I am not going to Negotiate so they can be my slave.  I am not going to live a lie or an illusion.  Besides reinforcing that in the end.. my girls individual well-being is their responsibility.. it also puts the well-being of the relationship in my hands.  My girls have specific protocals on how they are to share information, opinions or ask questions.. but their second directive is Obey me!  Everything comes after that... so NO.. I don't want my girls doing whatever they think just because They consider my decision to be potentially harmful to me or them.  There specific viewpoint is just as infalliable as mine.. they can be just as wrong as I can.  But in the end... I have the authority NOT them.  So... they make a choice.. Obey or end the M/s dynamic.. they make this choice with each and every decision to obey... many times this decisiion is made without any thought.. sometimes it might take alittle more effort.  Sometimes.. it might involve me listening to their thougths and I have changed my mind.. but in the end.. they will NEVER show just disrespect to me as the OP has shown to her Master. 

Yes many are very political correct in putting the condom on talk... but.. as someone that has been involved in the swing lifestyle.. you will find that Not everyone uses the condom.. in fact... of the people that are very long time swingers... many don't use condoms.. because like me.. they don't just fuck for the sake of fucking.. they get to know the person... the fuck for mutual enjoyment with someone they have gotten to know.  I have been with many and have given alandra to many.. some the condom is on.. and some it is off.  She obeys!!!  that is the life of slave in my world.. regardless if she shares my opinion or not.  In fact... I would be pretty amazed if any slave shared the same opinion of their master on every given decision... I would even question the integrity of such an event.


quote:


Why does the trueness of her slavery get called into question because she is concerned about her health and life? 


because she is not interested in Obedience... she is Interested in the decision in being what she wants and she has in effect disrespected her apparent Master in the process.  There is no slavery there... there is a label that she things feels good until she is faced with something she doesnt' want to do..... now that is not to say that her Master is all that bright either.... maybe they deserve each other.  Maybe he needs to be alittle more thougthful in the decisions he is going to make... but frankly... I made decisions like he has made countless times.  some the condom was on.. and some the condom was off.  Frankly... as far as the health and well-being of the person and relationship.... those are easy decisions.  There are alot more decisions out there that are much more difficult and consequences are alot more subtle until it's too late.

There is a concept I learn long ago in my work life....  "treat every decision you make as one you could be fired over"... basically that means that one needs to carefully consider the options and make the best choice each and every time.  I follow the same line in my intimate life... I treat every decision that our relationship and well-being is at stake.   

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 11/9/2008 10:16:27 AM >


_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to marieToo)
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RE: Condoms and First Meetings - 11/9/2008 10:29:00 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
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Sure we can debate what a true real M/s realtionship is till the cows come home, and yes in my world a slave doesnt get to say no, but in my world i choose my partners carefully, i dont submit to just anyone and I wouldnt be with someone who didnt care about my or their own health.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

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