RE: a "true" sub

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

RE: a "true" sub

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: a "true" sub

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: a "true" sub - 7/12/2008 2:57:00 PM

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hurtme45
Remember a true Dom will respect you for who you are and never ask you to play with out a safe word.

Gosh. I don't think a sub has ever requested me to play with a safeword. Only four more "you're-fakes" until I'm Weally Weal!

I recently used a new tool for the first time: a nerf baseball bat. The lady brought it with her. So I was being all creative and explorational and stuff, and she said, "May I give you some information?" I said sure. She said, "When you hit me that way, I feel it in my spine, not my shoulders." I responded, "Thank you. Telling me things like that is not optional. It's madatory." When she didn't say anything, I said, "Do you understand?" and she said she did. We kept going, and I was more skilled than I had been two minutes before.

The ability to pull the plug is less important than the ability to communicate honestly and directly.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to hurtme45)

RE: a "true" sub - 7/12/2008 3:06:35 PM

Posts: 16
Joined: 5/8/2008
Status: offline

Like most everything else in life, the blowhards make the most noise. Those who know what they are doing / are secure in their needs and deeds leave the trumpets at home.

As others have said, ignore the foolish and eventually you will find the valuable.

I for one, don't much care for complete subs. Way too much work running their life minute to minute. Playtime, sex, in times of crisis or difficulty are great; but I want a capable woman who sees me as her gestalt rock -- not her programmer.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: a "true" sub - 7/12/2008 3:10:33 PM

Posts: 374
Joined: 12/6/2004
Status: offline

Hello anguisette22 No honey, your probably more real than the alternative drone. Your only real, if your real to yourself first, dominant second.
Now the tricky part is finding someone who accept that.
Can i suggest that living with someone from the off as D/s, is rather tricky. I dont feel submissive 24 hrs a day. He doesnt feel dominant 24 hrs a day, thank fuck! Coz both of us have to work, raise children, get kids to basketball, walk dogs, have family extentions that are truly vanilla, and that takes a whole heap of team work, straight out of the vanilla book of love, supporting each other. Sod all D/s going on. Get my drift.
To begin with, we did all the stuff you read about 'online'. What a crock of shit that turned out to be.
These days, we have settled into a way of life, that is mutually benefitting us both. I have my full personality range, not just the submissive part in use. He has shown all of his over the years.
Now there are people that would say, 'that's not true bdsm, or D/s or whatever'. And to them, it might not be, but guess what, the people who come up with such statements, rarely, and im mean RARELY, are living life with BDSM in it. They get an occasional play session at a club. Totally different to living this 24/7, year in, year out.
Your relationship is what you make it. Never what others think you should make it.
x

(in reply to anguisette22)

RE: a "true" sub - 7/12/2008 6:05:31 PM

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Pffft....it should be obvious that you're not real unless you have your screen name AND the tattoo to go with it. ;-)

Be who you feel you are. Let the others filter themselves from your list by disagreeing with you.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to anguisette22)

RE: a "true" sub - 7/12/2008 6:07:25 PM

SirJohnMandevill

Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: anguisette22

Although most people on this site have been polite and friendly, I often receive disparaging messages (and I only just registered) from people who say I'm not a "real" sub because I'm only sexually submissive, and do not desire to be dominated 24/7. To me, BDSM is a sexual preference, not a lifestyle. I know that for a lot of people, it is their lifestyle, and I respect that. So why can't people respect that it's not for me? Am I really a "fake" because I don't want to be called cunt or slut in a non-sexual way? Am I not a "real" sub because I retain the right to use a safeword? I don't understand why so many lifestyle Doms and subs consider themselves above me because being dominated is what I enjoy sexually, but do not want in the rest of my relationship. Is this a common view in the BDSM world?

Yes, you're a "real" submissive!

D/s and BDSM are what you and your partner make it. Don't pay attention to anyone who tries to tell you it's not "real" unless you think and act a certain way. Just enjoy yourself, and make your Sir as pleased as you can!

Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to anguisette22)

RE: a "true" sub - 7/12/2008 6:10:56 PM

Posts: 622
Joined: 1/8/2008
Status: offline

Maybe you're not "real" in terms of being really right for them, but there is NO possible way you could be and be "unreal". You're you, and however you are is perfectly correct. If someone messages you to say "you're not real" just take that to mean two things.

1) You're not right for them.
2) They're immature and wasting their time messaging someone only to try and bring them down.

Block the sender, delete the message, do not reply. There are plenty of immature people, even on this site.

(in reply to hurtme45)

RE: a "true" sub - 7/12/2008 6:12:13 PM

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Trolls alas. Just like some guy at a bar getting angry because you turned down his offer of a drink.

You have every right to look for what fulfills you.

Block and delete. And as soon as your profile doesn't appear as new, it will all fall off.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to hurtme45)

RE: a "true" sub - 7/12/2008 6:19:43 PM

Posts: 14414
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1
If you are being true to yourself, how can you be fake?

I'll also add that you're being honest about want you want....which is also being true. Delete and block those losers.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to RedMagic1)

RE: a "true" sub - 7/12/2008 7:58:51 PM

Posts: 36
Joined: 7/9/2008
Status: offline

Aye, that's the rub; I can block and delete all I want, but I can't stop them sending them in the first place. But you've given me hope that once my profile is old news, I'll have a lot less to sort through.

Well, it's not that I care what these individuals think, it's that I was starting to worry that they were the majority. I thought I'd feel you guys out and see if this whole place was full of snobs, heh. Happily, you've disproved that theory. Thanks, to all of you.

Also, don't the terms "top" and "bottom" also apply to vanilla sex, esp between two men? I always thought so.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: a "true" sub - 7/12/2008 9:39:52 PM

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: anguisette22
Also, don't the terms "top" and "bottom" also apply to vanilla sex, esp between two men? I always thought so.

Honestly, the only way I have ever heard those terms used in a vanilla sense was in reference to who is on top and who is on bottom. The way that we use the terms here is that a person who prefers to control a scene or sexual encounter is referred to as a "Top"...and the person who prefers to be controlled in a scene or sexual encounter is referred to as a "bottom". It simply means that they are not interested in a power exchange relationship outside of a sexual situation or scene.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to anguisette22)

RE: a "true" sub - 7/12/2008 10:21:33 PM

Posts: 142
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: anguisette22

Although most people on this site have been polite and friendly, I often receive disparaging messages (and I only just registered) from people who say I'm not a "real" sub because I'm only sexually submissive, and do not desire to be dominated 24/7. To me, BDSM is a sexual preference, not a lifestyle. I know that for a lot of people, it is their lifestyle, and I respect that. So why can't people respect that it's not for me? Am I really a "fake" because I don't want to be called cunt or slut in a non-sexual way? Am I not a "real" sub because I retain the right to use a safeword? I don't understand why so many lifestyle Doms and subs consider themselves above me because being dominated is what I enjoy sexually, but do not want in the rest of my relationship. Is this a common view in the BDSM world?

Its all a bunch of no life losers, don't worry about them, you have a good profile, it is pretty direct and to the point as to what your looking for.

The best advice I can give you is just ignore the bastards, they will always and forever send you messages, and they will demand you reply, and do all kinds of other crap, getitng bitter will do you no good, in fact it will drive the deacent guys away from you.

Most of the ass hats wont even read your profile, so dont bother flaming them in it, instead just have to let it roll off you, and watch for the good ones. It will be frustrating at times, but eventually you will find a good Dom, it just takes time, and usually your going to start as friends first and work into somthing more.

_____________________________

"I’ve seen what is coming, I put myself inside his head, I’ve become the thing we fear the most, I’ve become capable of becoming the horror that we know we can become only in our heart of darkness, my gift my curse."

(in reply to anguisette22)

RE: a "true" sub - 7/12/2008 10:24:10 PM

Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Am I really a "fake" because I don't want to be called cunt or slut in a non-sexual way?

No, you're a fake because you're not fat enough.

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to anguisette22)

RE: a "true" sub - 7/12/2008 10:32:55 PM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

Hello anguisette22,

You'll find that there will always be those who seem to become irate with you for not being what THEY want you to be. Some even seem to take it as a personal rejection and feel it necessary to be vulgar and offensive. I've no clue what motivates them, though I assume it is a sadistic thrill at being a jerk to someone they can't have or dominate so they verbally abuse them in the only venue they have. Your email.

Don't pay it any attention. Delete and move on. Being young, gorgeous and sexually submissive - you are just going to have to accept you'll attract all kinds. Don't you let the Twankers get to you or run you off.

Now, to vere a little from that, I do agree with the comments about your preferences being more in line with what most think of as a sensual bottom, rather than a submissive but you know what? You do a great job of being upfront and open about what it is you are seeking. You come across as self aware and confident in what you know you are looking for. That communicates so much more clearly what any label you click the box on can do.

Good luck with things, and best wishes
Winsme

(in reply to MisterBeast)

RE: a "true" sub - 7/13/2008 7:42:08 PM

Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline

"True", "perfect", "real" are all terms that people use to mean "what I want".

They are in my opinion, incredibly poor means of communicating your desires. Worse, they are too often used either an insult, or in an attempt to convince someone to change.

In any case, I recommend ignoring anyone that tries to use the words true, perfect, real, or the negative versions false, bad, fake. Those words prevent communication, not enhance it.

(in reply to hurtme45)

RE: a "true" sub - 7/13/2008 9:39:48 PM

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

It's part of an ongoing fad.

Just look at it as insecure peole who think they need to force others to conform to feel better about themselves.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to anguisette22)

RE: a "true" sub - 7/14/2008 5:12:56 AM

Posts: 192
Joined: 2/18/2007
From: Perth, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

Those messages are because you just registered. Delete them and block the senders, if you choose.

There is no need to make this into a philosophical discussion about BDSM. It's very simple. If you are being true to yourself, how can you be fake?

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: a "true" sub

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.098