You're all they want--did they say "no"???

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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> You're all they want--did they say "no"???

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You're all they want--did they say "no"??? - 7/12/2008 6:15:23 AM

lockmeupplease

Posts: 202
Joined: 8/9/2006
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This is an offshoot of a "thread-gone-wrong" from the ask a subbie section. The spirit of the question posed, was "If your perfect/fantasy/24/7 Mistress appeared at your doorstep tomorrow, would you really submit?"

It made me want to ask the Dominant Women (or men) on this site the following question:

Have you started a relationship with a submissive that seemed to have incredible potential----chemistry was there, you were "local", shared vanilla interests, shared kink, both were fine with garlic-breath, all the stars aligned AND he/she felt the same way (which you knew after long deep discussions while they were expertly massaging your feet

).....

AND THEN HE SAID "NO--I CAN'T REALLY HANDLE IT"?? ( or some variation thereof)

If so, I would be very interested to hear about it. I do have my own personal reasons/fears for asking the question, which (if anyone cares) I will discuss in response to some of your thoughts. ***for purposes of this discussion, please assume that you have defined and agreed upon what the terms of the relationship are/would be***

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RE: You're all they want--did they say "no"??? - 7/12/2008 7:20:37 AM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
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I think this happens in a milder form when someone just drops out of the universe after emailing a few times. The energy is good, maybe you've discussed a few D/s things ... and I can *feel* the other person starting to get freaky.

As to the other thing, yes, that's happened to me. I met someone who really did it for me in a lot of ways, he was saying the same things, and then he found every reason why it wasn't workable. He didn't say that he couldn't handle it, but I think that's what it boiled down to.

What other questions are you asking?

Mss

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RE: You're all they want--did they say "no"??? - 7/12/2008 7:36:55 AM

MmeGigs

Posts: 706
Joined: 1/26/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lockmeupplease
Have you started a relationship with a submissive that seemed to have incredible potential----chemistry was there, you were "local", shared vanilla interests, shared kink, both were fine with garlic-breath, all the stars aligned AND he/she felt the same way (which you knew after long deep discussions while they were expertly massaging your feet ).....

AND THEN HE SAID "NO--I CAN'T REALLY HANDLE IT"?? ( or some variation thereof)

Kind of. The stars were aligned and all that. It was me who said "No - I can't handle it." I was nice about breaking it off. I started dating someone else, as did he. We kept in touch. We got back together about 6 months later, and now we've been married for 7 years.

The subly fellow I was dating in the interim got to an "I can't handle it" point for a number of reasons. He broke it off with me in a very nice and constructive way. We're still friends.

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RE: You're all they want--did they say "no"??? - 7/12/2008 7:43:27 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
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I have walked away from boys who I couldnt handle, but not becasue they were the perfect subbie and I realized it wasnt what I really wanted. The problem was that they started out as the perfect subbie, but as they got comfortable with the relationship it started changing rom a focus on me, to a focus on them.
My perfect (really) subbie did walk into my life and we are together. It has happened twice, and I kept them both since I knew I wasnt going to find better.

DV

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RE: You're all they want--did they say "no"??? - 7/12/2008 8:24:38 AM

ShiftedJewel

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Oh yeah, it's happened. More then once.

Jewel

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RE: You're all they want--did they say "no"??? - 7/12/2008 8:52:34 AM

MysticFireTopaz

Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
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He didn't say that he couldn't handle it, but his actions said about as much. I met an incredible submissive with whom I had a lot in common. When I met him, he was off work for a foot injury. For the time he was off work, we had a great time together. We had many enjoyable vanilla times and played several times. However, when he returned to work, it seemed he was always out of town traveling and had little time for me. I soon tired of his lack of availability and interest and things fizzled and faded out.

I happened to read his postings in forums on another site and he was saying things like he wasn't sure if he was ready for a true BDSM relatonship, he had conflicted feelings, etc. The dates of these postings coincided with the period of time when he was phasing himself out of my life. What that really said to me was he used going back to work as an excuse to withdraw himself from the relationship. There are many successful relationships where one of the parties is out of town frequently and it can certainly work. I think he was distancing himself from me and hoping I would lose interest (which I did) rather than coming out and saying he couldn't handle it, wasn't sure if he was ready for a D/s relationship, or whatever.

Lady Topaz

< Message edited by MysticFireTopaz -- 7/12/2008 8:56:43 AM >

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RE: You're all they want--did they say "no"??? - 7/12/2008 10:45:22 AM

VeryMercurial

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The best way for me to answer this is, it happens all the time.

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RE: You're all they want--did they say "no"??? - 7/12/2008 10:54:28 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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It's certainly happened to me!

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RE: You're all they want--did they say "no"??? - 7/12/2008 12:18:54 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lockmeupplease
Have you started a relationship with a submissive that seemed to have incredible potential----
AND THEN HE SAID "NO--I CAN'T REALLY HANDLE IT"?? ( or some variation thereof)

No, never. I've had this happen with vanilla guys but not with subs. One vanilla guy actually told me he was "intimidated" by me. (Gee, go figure.) The simple truth is, if he can't handle it, then he isn't really the perfect sub for me and I'm not the dominant for him.

However, I wouldn't make a lot of outrageous demands early in the relationship either. I don't see a point to throwing a bunch of extreme expectations at someone before we've been together a few months. I think it's much more realistic and I prefer to start small and build up. I also find it much more useful to spend the first few months getting to know the s-type. It's not all about me -- it's my job to know the s-type as well as s/he knows him/herself. By the time I do, we should each have a better idea of what the other's personality is like and have established a bond.

If, at that point, the s-type is feeling like s/he can't handle something, I'm in a much better position to know why and to help him/her cope with those feelings.

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RE: You're all they want--did they say "no"??? - 7/13/2008 12:24:20 AM

Vendaval

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One guy that really stands out in this regard was absolutely terrified and not by anything I had done. He had previously been with someone who both took his money and outted him in his home community, causing him career and family problems. He just was not able to move past that previous experience.

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RE: You're all they want--did they say "no"??? - 7/13/2008 1:14:59 AM

SurrenderForMe

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I've never had that happen. I seem to have gotten lucky.

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