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RE: IS BDSM more than sexual to you? - 8/5/2004 5:25:02 PM   
WayHome


Posts: 237
Joined: 8/4/2004
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Although I find myself on the "kiki" side of this "kik/Dread" debate, She does have a point. People can give you consent for things that are unhealthy or for reasons that are unhealthy and there is a responsibility for an ethical person (sadist or otherwise) to investigate further if such is seen or suspected. I am a mentor right now to a girl who is new to BDSM and she wants to experience everything. She also has a history of emotionally abusive relationships and is in a very fragile state of change. Would doing everything she would consent to and exposing her to everything right now be ethical? No. Neither should I just turn her away (as the doctor analogy) such that she finds someone else who won't think twice to do those things and who, given her historical choices, is likely to be a user. There isn't a counselor for me to refer her too or a healthcare system to pay for it, so I put on the hat of counselor and advisor along with friend, playmate, lover, and tutor. It can get complicated and pitfalls exist, but that is the life we live in.

(in reply to WayHome)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: IS BDSM more than sexual to you? - 8/5/2004 5:38:37 PM   
theroebabe


Posts: 3155
Joined: 7/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiki blue
A person who enjoys causing pain and harm to people and doesn't care how that person feels isn't necessarily vanilla or kinky. Could be either, could be both. It's still unethical to me.

Hi Kiki,

I guess my opinion of someone who doesn't care about the other party's feelings is an abuser. It is dangerous and unethical and there are lot of them.

just my two cents on this particular part of the conversation.

Roe

_____________________________

Roe

People always ask me why I do these things . . .
It's because I can!

(in reply to kiki blue)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: IS BDSM more than sexual to you? - 8/6/2004 4:47:03 AM   
MistressDREAD


Posts: 2943
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I can't say I find someone viewing slaughtering an animal as sadistic pleasure is a good thing.

Ethical sadism one sees in kink relationships is a very different beast to unethical sadism.


why would you think it is kiki for you are not a Sadist.

but by your own words you judge what a sadist is good or not, ethical
or not. FYI all Sadists practice their kink in giving pain for pleasure in
what ever way it presents its self to the sadist. Its only the Sadist whom has a line that They will not cross that is any where near ethical as you put it. Those whom have no lines that they will not cross are unethical to Me period. How else will a Sadist keep half their sanity to function in society? your beginning words were misleading and that is why I have gone in detail about what I am towards others so that those whom are not S/M can understand that it is not allright to just play with anyone at any time. Of course you changed
your words and better defined what it is you do however My stance on
My actions for a sample are really the norm for Sadists across the board
and if My actions make you uneasy then My points have been made. And
I will still state that it is one thing for a non S/M person to dabble in pain for pleasure experiance however a Sadist whom does such and does not practice their Sadisum with a masocist but goes about doing such with those whom are NOT into pain even tho one gives their permission is wrong in My eyes and not only that but tempts to guide a Sadist to seak for more of the same which could eventually lead to it becomming unconcensual. Its a daily chore for Me as a Sadist to not be tempted into doing things that I know will lead Me down a path to sumthing I should not be doing but even more so if there are those whom think it OK to tempt Me to such a ruse are usually the ones whom might just send the Sadist over board into places none would want them to go. You are dabbling with danger to Me kiki and telling others that this is OK. Yes we are all about concensual. yes We are all about having fun in play. But there are other factors here that are not being fully addressed and they are what could lead to that one bad scene that one bad experiance that sumone has that they do not recover from. Its easy to say you want to experiance all things and being one whom serves desire to give everyone what they desire but there are sum things that should not be given for obvious reasons and I guess I have just been on the extream end way more years then most and have seen bad results from those whom took sadists simply not knowing all the facts and to think that all Sadists have complete control over their selfs at all times is foolish and can be dangerous. Im sorry that you do not like to hear nor accept that which coomes from the life of a Sadist but these are realities and life lived and you can judge My actions because I hide nothing so that others out here can understand the mindset of just one Sadist but do not think Me not of the norm for one, for I am quite common except that I do not hide what I do nor tempt to show only My good side to others. My Sadisum is only one side of Me and of My BDSM but it deserves to be understood and accepted just as much as any other part of My BDSM self.
BDSM is about more then sex.
Bondange is about way more then sex.
Dominance is about way more then sex.
Sadists are about way more then sex.
Masocists are about way more then sex.
All of the items listed above are way more then about BDSM as well.
JMO.

(in reply to kiki blue)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: IS BDSM more than sexual to you? - 8/6/2004 7:03:42 AM   
BlackGoddess


Posts: 68
Joined: 2/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dmc68

just curious how many here make it a 24/7 part of their life.


Yes, BDSM is more than sexual to Me. Yes, I live a 24/7 lifestyle.

BlackGoddess aka QueenJanai

_____________________________

Rule #1 - Goddess is Always Right. Rule #2 - When Goddess is Wrong, refer to Rule #1.

(in reply to dmc68)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: IS BDSM more than sexual to you? - 8/6/2004 8:29:12 AM   
kiki blue


Posts: 315
Joined: 1/16/2004
From: Brisbane, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDREAD
why would you think it is kiki for you are not a Sadist.


I may not be a sadist (though I'm nurturing a sadistic streak), but that doesn't stop me from talking to sadists, masochists and others who watch. It doesn't stop me from understanding and having an opinion.

quote:


but by your own words you judge what a sadist is good or not, ethical
or not.


I'll judge someone to see if I want to play with them or not, yes. We all do.

quote:


FYI all Sadists practice their kink in giving pain for pleasure in
what ever way it presents its self to the sadist.


Not necessarily. If someone can't control their base urges, then they're not mature and they're not someone I wish to socialise with. I also wouldn't play with someone who felt it ok to take out their sadistic urges in abusive ways.

quote:


Its only the Sadist whom has a line that They will not cross that is any where near ethical as you put it.


No, I have a line that I will not cross. If I believe an activity is unethical for me, then I won't be party to it.

quote:


Those whom have no lines that they will not cross are unethical to Me period. How else will a Sadist keep half their sanity to function in society?


Again, if someone can't control their urges, then they have a lot of growing up to do. A good dominant, in my book, knows that just because the can do something, doesn't mean they should.

If a sadist is doubting their sanity, then they should seek medical and professional help, and not be playing. JMO and all.

quote:


your beginning words were misleading and that is why I have gone in detail about what I am towards others so that those whom are not S/M can understand that it is not allright to just play with anyone at any time.


I didn't say it was ok to play with "just anyone anytime". I didn't say that it wasn't ok to do that. I said that I don't like pain but will still play with sadists.

quote:


Of course you changed
your words and better defined what it is you do


I clarified my point, which you had trouble grasping (and still do). I didn't change what I was saying.

quote:


however My stance on
My actions for a sample are really the norm for Sadists across the board


Killing animals for a sadistic thrill is normal? Thank god I don't socialise where you do.

quote:


and if My actions make you uneasy then My points have been made.


Your actions make me uneasy because I do not find animal cruelty to be a turn on, an interest, or something people should do.

You can play with anyone you like - that's none of my business.

quote:


And
I will still state that it is one thing for a non S/M person to dabble in pain for pleasure experiance however a Sadist whom does such and does not practice their Sadisum with a masocist but goes about doing such with those whom are NOT into pain even tho one gives their permission is wrong in My eyes and not only that but tempts to guide a Sadist to seak for more of the same which could eventually lead to it becomming unconcensual.


A sadist is someone who delights in the suffering of others, inflicting pain, torture, etc. A masochist is someone who enjoys those sorts of things. If the sadist is giving the masochist the pain they want, then the sadist isn't being sadistic - they're topping. If the masochist isn't given the pain they want, then the sadist is being sadistic.

You can think it's wrong all you want, Dread, but it is not unethical for me to play with my sadistic friends, who get to fully delight in the pain they inflict, because they know I hate it. I do it for the experience, I do it because it feeds my desire to be controlled, I do it because the experience as a whole is fun. I consent to what they do, and they know I can pull the plug at any time, and they would stop if I asked. Nothing in that implies unethical behaviour.

quote:


Its a daily chore for Me as a Sadist to not be tempted into doing things that I know will lead Me down a path to sumthing I should not be doing but even more so if there are those whom think it OK to tempt Me to such a ruse are usually the ones whom might just send the Sadist over board into places none would want them to go.


Control is something we should all learn, growing up. I believe you need to be able to control yourself before you can allow another to control you, or before another allows you to control them.

quote:


You are dabbling with danger to Me kiki and telling others that this is OK.


I'm an adult. I'm intelligent, have and use common sense. I can communicate and negotiate with the people I play with. They know me well. I very rarely play with strangers. How is advocating playing with people you know well and trust dangerous?

quote:


Yes we are all about concensual. yes We are all about having fun in play. But there are other factors here that are not being fully addressed and they are what could lead to that one bad scene that one bad experiance that sumone has that they do not recover from.


We have to expect that we will have a bad scene one day. Things go wrong from time to time. That's life. Nothing is perfect, and mistakes happen. How you deal with it is more imporant, at times, than what happened.

quote:


Its easy to say you want to experiance all things and being one whom serves desire to give everyone what they desire but there are sum things that should not be given for obvious reasons and I guess I have just been on the extream end way more years then most and have seen bad results from those whom took sadists simply not knowing all the facts and to think that all Sadists have complete control over their selfs at all times is foolish and can be dangerous.


Yes, it can be foolish to assume that someone has full control of themself, just because they ID as a sadist.

I am not a fool. I have my head squarely attached to my shoulders. I advocate the use of common sense - something a lot of people seem to leave behind once they gain chronological maturity (if they ever had it). I trust the people I play with. I communicate with them. The people I play with know where the line is and don't cross it. I don't give them "everything" and they don't give me "everything".

quote:


Im sorry that you do not like to hear nor accept that which coomes from the life of a Sadist


Your outlook just appears to be very narrowminded, to me. You're calling my behaviour unethical, when I do everything to ensure that it is ethical.

quote:


but these are realities and life lived and you can judge My actions because I hide nothing so that others out here can understand the mindset of just one Sadist but do not think Me not of the norm for one, for I am quite common except that I do not hide what I do nor tempt to show only My good side to others.


Your outlook may be the 'norm" for your social circle, but it certainly isn't in mine. Different strokes, I guess.

_____________________________

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.

(in reply to MistressDREAD)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: IS BDSM more than sexual to you? - 8/6/2004 2:09:42 PM   
WayHome


Posts: 237
Joined: 8/4/2004
Status: offline
Kiki said a lot of cool and valuable things, but to me this is the most important:

"Control is something we should all learn, growing up. I believe you need to be able to control yourself before you can allow another to control you, or before another allows you to control them."

What Dread seems to be espousing is the true Marquis de Sade philosophy of pleasure but with a fagile constraint of decency based on social acceptance. I think most people in the BDSM community would soundly reject that philosophy. I certainly do.

(in reply to kiki blue)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: IS BDSM more than sexual to you? - 8/6/2004 6:13:23 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Although I understand the concept that you are getting at, Dread.. I can't fully agree with it. At 18 years old, you can join the military and vote. If you are able to die for your country or elect people into government office, shouldn't you be able to make a decision about your own body?


I agree the person should be allowed to make the decision about their own body.

A doctor who had issues with doing this is more than capable of referring her to a colleague if he/she was uncomfortable with it.

The Cider House Rules by John Irving (book was better than movie) did a wonderful job of addressing this question...

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to WayHome)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: IS BDSM more than sexual to you? - 8/7/2004 11:22:19 AM   
Thanatosian


Posts: 765
Joined: 5/10/2004
From: New Castle, PA
Status: offline
quote:

If the masochist isn't given the pain they want, then the sadist is being sadistic.


Old joke:

Masochist says "beat me, beat me"
a "true/real" Sadist would say "NO"

_____________________________

Apply Usual Caveats Here

An expert is somone who has made all the mistakes there are to be made

(in reply to kiki blue)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: IS BDSM more than sexual to you? - 8/7/2004 6:09:25 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

No, I have a line that I will not cross. If I believe an activity is unethical for me, then I won't be party to it.


With you 100%.

I tend to disagree with a person who kills animals being sadistic.

Sometimes to end suffering, or further one's own survival, harm must come to another or to animals.

To me, to torture animals is sadistic. To kill them may just be what is required.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to Thanatosian)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: IS BDSM more than sexual to you? - 8/7/2004 10:44:10 PM   
Sundew02


Posts: 457
Joined: 2/6/2004
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I will add my small footnote, as my post seems to have started this. No matter what philosophical view you hold, terrorizing an animal, be it cow, pig, or skunk then killing it, is not getting needed food. I have hunted, fished, gathered my own food many times, what I have never done and will never do is enjoy the sight of a dying animal. That is not being a whimp, what I am is thankful for the food, not the end of an existence. There is a vast difference, if a person cannot see that then they need help. KiKi is right in that when she is touched by a sadist she knows and can SAY enough, that is totally different from being with someone who has no limits. All of life has limits, the final one the end of our existence. To say I have NO limits is an exageration of the greatest magnitude.

_____________________________


~~~~~Enjoy the ride, the landing could get painful~~~~

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: IS BDSM more than sexual to you? - 8/11/2004 11:12:04 PM   
ShadeDiva


Posts: 1005
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline
It has very little to do with sexual stimulation for me.

I seem to be far more motivated by the spiritual and power aspects.

I'm weird, what can I say?

LOL!

~ShadeDiva

_____________________________

~ShadeDiva
My projects of love:
theFetishForums
HumanFauna
Kinked
DommeWorld

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: IS BDSM more than sexual to you? - 8/12/2004 6:18:21 AM   
QnofH3arts


Posts: 35
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dmc68
just curious how many here make it a 24/7 part of their life.

Call Me crazy, but I can see how the topic and the question are related. I do not necessarily agree with the wording, but that is another topic altogether.

I am who I am 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, ad nauseum. I have a dominant personality all of the time. I own My business and direct My household. I make the rules wherever possible in My life. I do respect the speed limit and pay taxes. (Note that I did not use the word "obey".) I do not boss people around nonconsensually, but I do lead and instruct them when they request it. Nor do I beat employees who fail to conform to policy, but I will fire them. Domination and submission, in some form, affect every relationship: Parent/child, Employer/employee, Government/Citizen, Teacher/student, again ad nauseum. The difference being that in My intimate relationships, who is the Dominant and who is the submissive is clearly defined prior to the beginning of said relationship and reiterated throughout. Domination and submission is not BDSM.

I do not practice Bondage/Discipline/Sadism/Masochism every minute of every day, etc.. BDSM is an activity that I enjoy... immensely. Sometimes it is about sex; sometimes not. But, it is almost always sensual/sexual in nature. Punishment is a different word and activity altogether. Punishment is only sexual in nature when the offense was sexual.

I have this thing about using words in their proper context as much as possible, in case no one has noticed. There is enough confusion in this lifestyle without compounding it by inaccurate use of terminology. Again, that dominant nature steps forth. If I can not make my meaning clear, what business have I of trying to instruct and/or control others, especially within this lifestyle?

(in reply to dmc68)
Profile   Post #: 72
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