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sub 2 Dom - 7/15/2008 2:08:36 PM

shadowcd

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Just out of curiousity are there are lot of Doms that started off as subs ? I don't really know much about it but I have read on some posts that it use to be pretty standard to have to work your way up the ladder so to speak. Though it seems there are also a lot that just started off as Doms. I have some D tendancies but am far to shy and insecure to be a D right now. I suppose I am a bit of a switch but mostly submissive at the current time, perhaps if i was more comfortable and understood more about the lifestyle through training that may change. Then again I can see myself as perfectly happy remaining sub/slave forever as well. I am interested in opinions on this.

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RE: sub 2 Dom - 7/15/2008 2:11:46 PM

SteelofUtah

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It was a popular fashion in the Leather community however since BDSM has become ever PanSexual that turnaround became much harder for some Males and Females who count themselves as Dominant period.

I think there are benifits to being a sub and then trying your dominant side if for no other reason then the ability to relate to your submissive on a personal level, however as has been said by some very smart people you do not have to be a Beast of Burden to know the work that they do .

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RE: sub 2 Dom - 7/15/2008 2:15:03 PM

CalifChick

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To me, saying that "start sub and move on to dom" is akin to "working your way up the ladder" would make as much sense as saying start off homosexual (I'm a girl so I should play with girls), then "work my way up" to heterosexual. My orientation is not a rung on the ladder of life.

There are some who subscribe to the notion that starting off as a bottom makes you a better top (which is not the same as dom/sub), but I personally don't agree with that.

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RE: sub 2 Dom - 7/15/2008 3:01:51 PM

chamberqueen

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I have talked with some who are of the opinion that the best Doms never start out actively in that position but learn through being a sub first. This gives them the chance to experience both the physical and emotional side of the equation.

I don't believe that most do this, but I know that as a Domme I rely heavily on what I have done as a submissive, try all toys on myself before someone else, and try to imagine what they are feeling. It makes it much easier when you have gone through it - even if it is only a couple of sessions.

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RE: sub 2 Dom - 7/15/2008 3:04:52 PM

Smtreker

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I know several Doms that became subs in order to gain a better perspective and understanding of their submissive sides and make them a better Dominant in the long run. However, I do not believe this was as prevalent as one would think. There are also some who start out submissive and discover that they are really Dominant by nature just as some start out Dominant and become submissive. This is the more common occurrence I believe.

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RE: sub 2 Dom - 7/15/2008 5:27:57 PM

Shadow-tiger

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When I started my foray back into the wide wide world of bdsm I came across a few comments to this effect. The idea had never occurred to me before I read about it. In fact it took a few days just to sink in that there are people who started as subs and worked up to being doms. To me this is a bit different than being a switch, yet at the same time it isn't that different. Intent, that's the part that gets me.

I mean do these doms who learned to sub first ever go back to subbing? Or was it just to learn the mind set and be better at what they do? As someone who simply can't sub for anyone I find the whole thing fascinating. I've known many subs and switches whom I've learned from. But not from that particular angle.

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RE: sub 2 Dom - 7/15/2008 5:45:19 PM

Reigna

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This seems a fairly popular topic. Here is one CM thread about it; no doubt there are others. I'd say it's best to start out as what you actually are, though it's not always possible to know that when you start out.

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RE: sub 2 Dom - 7/15/2008 5:58:48 PM

MizSexyVixen

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I have known many dominants who began as subs...either b/c it was their orientation at the time or as a training process. There was a school of thought back in the day that a "real" Master should be trained as a sub first. I have also known several dominant who have had training subs.

I started as a dominant, and it took me years to admit I had a sub side. Frankly I am a much better dominant for knowing and experiencing that.

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RE: sub 2 Dom - 7/15/2008 8:39:19 PM

DesFIP

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And it's not uncommon for it to go the other way also, especially so with people who buy into that "you must succeed at all times" ethos that is common in America. Obviously deliberately failing in life is not good, but neither is ambition and climbing the ladder if it doesn't make you happy.

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