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RE: Dominant men that desire Dominant women? - 7/21/2008 3:51:54 PM   
InsaenPleasures


Posts: 49
Joined: 4/27/2008
Status: offline 		Actually I am married to a Dominant Woman. She and I are equals and at times when we did not have subs of our own or one between us, we keep each other happy by trading off.  We always tease one another about making the other submit but truth be told our relationship is built on our mutual affection and respect for who we are.

It helps that we are both laid back people and have a great deal in common with our mundane and BDSM interests. I know for myself I also feel stronger at times when I become involved with a sub because she has my back and I have hers. Its instant feedback and we can learn from one another in a safe environment. Yet the feedback can go both ways and if she may be going too far or I am going too far and not paying attention to a sub's needs, the other has no problem saying "Hey, step back a minute."

There are a great many advantages to the situation but then I am biased.  These kinds of relationships can work though and can do so rather well.

(in reply to MidMichCowboy)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Dominant men that desire Dominant women? - 7/21/2008 4:00:11 PM   
SirKaton


Posts: 104
Joined: 3/31/2008
Status: offline 		As defined by the D/s dynamic, no. I don't see how two Dominant's can function in a relationship WITHOUT friction of some sort. Now, if she is dominant in other areas of her life and even our interaction, then that is fine-my entire relationship is not defined by the D/ss dynamic.

_____________________________

....before me there was none; after me there shall be no more...

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Dominant men that desire Dominant women? - 7/21/2008 4:00:53 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I know couples that are both dominant and most have another join them, but this dynamic just doesn't work for me.  I don't like the struggle I have known with a dominant man.  I love dominant men... oh yes... but living with them...lol yikes!  It doesn't work because at some point there was a break from outside sources or life in general and two leaders with a differing way of dealing with it, ended up with emotional cracked heads.  I am at an age now, where the fire dynamic's of two dominant's gets a lil old and I just want to sit in my rocking chair and take it easy.

Could there be a dominant man out there, that I could work a great relationship out with?  Oh yes, I am sure of it... but I am not sure I am willing to take the time and the chance of it not working... the heartache when it doesn't and ending up down the road a bit further, a bit older and crankier I am sure, with less time to start all over again.

No... I will stick to the wonderful submissive male who may bring his own challenges to my life... but who at the end of the day rubs my feet and says, yes ma'am.  I just kind of like it that way anyway.

(in reply to MidMichCowboy)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Dominant men that desire Dominant women? - 7/21/2008 4:28:32 PM   
Owner4SexSlave


Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline 		I have been with a Domme before, and I'd consider doing it again.

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Dominant men that desire Dominant women? - 7/21/2008 6:30:37 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: InsaenPleasures

Actually I am married to a Dominant Woman. She and I are equals and at times when we did not have subs of our own or one between us, we keep each other happy by trading off.  We always tease one another about making the other submit but truth be told our relationship is built on our mutual affection and respect for who we are.

It helps that we are both laid back people and have a great deal in common with our mundane and BDSM interests. I know for myself I also feel stronger at times when I become involved with a sub because she has my back and I have hers. Its instant feedback and we can learn from one another in a safe environment. Yet the feedback can go both ways and if she may be going too far or I am going too far and not paying attention to a sub's needs, the other has no problem saying "Hey, step back a minute."

There are a great many advantages to the situation but then I am biased.  These kinds of relationships can work though and can do so rather well.




InsaenP, this is the type of dynamic I could imagine for myself.
I don't see it as "switching", I see it as give and take for my partner.
Thanks for explaining your personal dynamics so well, I hope you enjoy
a lifetime of joy and happiness!

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to InsaenPleasures)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Dominant men that desire Dominant women? - 7/21/2008 6:46:34 PM   
msprudence


Posts: 112
Joined: 7/3/2008
Status: offline 		I don't know about full time relationship, but I've had several amazing guests who defined themselves as Dominant, who wanted to explore sensory deprivation or just to be bound and caned...

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Dominant men that desire Dominant women? - 7/21/2008 7:22:01 PM   
Evility


Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
I don't understand why this perplexes some so.  My husband, who considers himself dominant, desires Me to the ends of the earth.  It really isn't that difficult of a concept.


Perhaps you missed the word "monogamous".

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Dominant men that desire Dominant women? - 7/21/2008 7:24:16 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Even with sexual monogamy in the primary relationship, it is entirely possible to have non sexual relationhips with submissives. 

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to Evility)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Dominant men that desire Dominant women? - 7/21/2008 7:25:27 PM   
MisterBeast


Posts: 142
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline 		I played a few games of round peg round hole with a Domme once, we destroyed a tv set, broke a couple of chairs and a table. made her neighbors a little mad too.

But no, I didnt seek her out.


_____________________________

"I’ve seen what is coming, I put myself inside his head, I’ve become the thing we fear the most, I’ve become capable of becoming the horror that we know we can become only in our heart of darkness, my gift my curse."

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Dominant men that desire Dominant women? - 7/21/2008 7:32:54 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Evility

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
I don't understand why this perplexes some so.  My husband, who considers himself dominant, desires Me to the ends of the earth.  It really isn't that difficult of a concept.


Perhaps you missed the word "monogamous".

 

I have enjoyed hearing about all the relationships between Dominant women and
Dominant men, both monogamous and polygamous.

I have to admit, at this stage of the game....monogamous is what I seek. 
So it is possible for Dominant women and Dominant men to be in a monogamous relationship!
Hope springs eternal!

< Message edited by MzMia -- 7/21/2008 7:49:03 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to Evility)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Dominant men that desire Dominant women? - 7/22/2008 12:20:34 AM   
blacksword404


Posts: 2068
Joined: 1/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

Are there any Dominant men here that are attracted to, or have
had serious relationships with Dominant women?




It sounds like a ready made war. Conan VS Sonja. In the end there will have to be some give and take. 


_____________________________

Don't fight him. Embrace your inner asshole.

Tu fellas magnus penum meum...iterum

Genuine catnip/kryptonite.
Ego sum erus.

The capacity to learn is a gift, the ability to learn a skill, the willingness to learn a choice. Dune HH

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Dominant men that desire Dominant women? - 7/22/2008 8:11:59 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Lady Hibiscus. Who would be the alpha in the relationship?  I agree with blacksword that there whould have to be some give and take but in the end there would still have to be an alpha.  

(in reply to blacksword404)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Dominant men that desire Dominant women? - 7/22/2008 8:16:46 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		MzMia you desire an monogamous relationship but I pose to you that there still has to be an alpha in the relationship. So in reality either one or both of the parties has to be a Switch.

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Dominant men that desire Dominant women? - 7/22/2008 8:20:35 AM   
Asmodeus


Posts: 81
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Lady Hibiscus. Who would be the alpha in the relationship?  I agree with blacksword that there whould have to be some give and take but in the end there would still have to be an alpha.  


That's an awfully black and white view of the world.  Determining who is going to be alpha in everyday life is actually pretty easy. There are many things that she feels strongly about, and many things that I feel strongly about.  Very few are things that overlap, and if they do, we learn to compromise on those issues.

I guess, however, that if your definition of dominant must include the need to micro-manage everything in life, that it would be very difficult to have a relationship of equals.

All I can speak to is my personal experience, and in that I have found that a relationship of equals is far more satisfying than romantic entaglement with a submissive.

_____________________________

Deus Ex Machina

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Dominant men that desire Dominant women? - 7/22/2008 8:26:12 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Asmodeus

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Lady Hibiscus. Who would be the alpha in the relationship?  I agree with blacksword that there whould have to be some give and take but in the end there would still have to be an alpha.  


That's an awfully black and white view of the world.  Determining who is going to be alpha in everyday life is actually pretty easy. There are many things that she feels strongly about, and many things that I feel strongly about.  Very few are things that overlap, and if they do, we learn to compromise on those issues.

I guess, however, that if your definition of dominant must include the need to micro-manage everything in life, that it would be very difficult to have a relationship of equals.

All I can speak to is my personal experience, and in that I have found that a relationship of equals is far more satisfying than romantic entaglement with a submissive.


Thanks, Asmodeus.  Why DOES there have to be an alpha?  Can't we share that role?  Why will there not be a logical division of labor, the way there is in any household? 

There is friction in ANY relationship.  If a person's dominance comes from a place of "I MUST be in charge at ALL times no matter what", then they are going to have a hard time dealing with another person that they are not controlling.  I am very confident in who I am, and I have no problem stepping back and letting the other person get the job done.  I am also capable of getting it done myself.  Any problems can be discussed and ironed out, just as any two people would. 

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to Asmodeus)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Dominant men that desire Dominant women? - 7/22/2008 8:29:51 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Asmodeus. Black, white or color or what ever way you wish to look at it the result is the same. Micro managing has nothing to do with it. Every relationship has either an apla male/female in it. Both cannot be alpha at the same time. You can both agree but someone had to come up with the idea.   

(in reply to Asmodeus)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Dominant men that desire Dominant women? - 7/22/2008 8:32:06 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Yes, Ray, someone had to come up with the idea, but the SAME someone?  EVERY TIME?  I don't think so. 

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Dominant men that desire Dominant women? - 7/22/2008 8:41:49 AM   
Asmodeus


Posts: 81
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Asmodeus. Black, white or color or what ever way you wish to look at it the result is the same. Micro managing has nothing to do with it. Every relationship has either an apla male/female in it. Both cannot be alpha at the same time. You can both agree but someone had to come up with the idea.   


But your implication is that only one person is capable of coming up with and executing on ideas.

Your belief is that it is impossible for two alphas to have a successful relationshiop.  We have not found that to be the reality of our lives. We both have our skillsets and they mesh well together. I don't challenge her on things that I know she has more experience/knowledge about, she does me the same courtesy.

We have agreed upon how we divide daily living things like household chores; we consult with each other as necessesary. We are capable of reaching consensus with each other on things upon which we disagree.

You don't feel that our relationship is possible, yet we are living proof that, in the abstract, it is.  In your case it might be completely impossible, but as Lady Hibiscus pointed out, confidence in yourself shouldn't be undermined just because the other person in the relationship is fully as capable as you are.

We mesh together incredibly well; when we co-top at public events people always comment on how smoothly we work together, especially when we haven't planned anything in advance.

Your personal psyche might not allow you to thrive in such an environement, but you should still be able to step back and see that your worldview is not the only one.

< Message edited by Asmodeus -- 7/22/2008 8:43:23 AM >

_____________________________

Deus Ex Machina

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Dominant men that desire Dominant women? - 7/22/2008 9:12:00 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Lets calm down . Im not saying that your relationship won't or is'nt working. Im 100% for such a relationship working. There are always exceptions to the rules. In my opinon the majority of these type of relationships will not work because of the Dominate nature of the persons involved.  Thats why we have submissives and slaves.

(in reply to Asmodeus)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Dominant men that desire Dominant women? - 7/22/2008 10:09:16 AM   
CruelDesires


Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		Or maybe, just maybe... a dominant female finds someone that she is attracted to and admires and trusts enough to share the power with. Not everyone fits in everyones else's box.. nor should they try.

CD

_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 60
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