ModeratorThree -> RE: Something to actually be scared of (7/29/2004 6:13:34 PM)
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Mnay thanks to all of you.. it is good to know so many really are concerned. Estring, I am sorry your thread was hijacked. Your post is very important to everyone. My dear Lawrence, you always warm my heart! Always. Gloria, I thank you again. You have been wonderful to me. I am working on a cd of pictures set to I will remember you and In the arms of the angels by Sara Mclachlan for the kids. I have pics from when they were born and thru the years for them. The local television station will air it on sunday for the kids as well. I am making several copies. So they each have one now, and one in the future as adults. I figured it best to keep back up copies for when they are older. I am also sending them to her surviveing siblings and my ex husband. The kids are taking it pretty well for the most part, they have a very strong religious faith and know she is looking down on them. And my 7 year old son said, "Mom, I know grandma is in heaven and she is happy, but it still makes my heart sad. I included the kids in flower arrangment selections. They chose the hinged casket spray that lays along the inside of the casket right next to her, we decided to go with fresh spring colors. We also did a pyramid of roses to lay at her hands 4 red roses on the bottom for the grandsons, 2 pink roses for the grandaughters and one white rose for her only son. All of the roses have ribbon attached to them with the names of each that they represent. The kids were going to originally carry them, but felt they would not be able to place them, so we had the florist do it. I will not be attending the funeral as the new wife has made it clear she does not wish me there. And I have chosen to not cause any more conflict than is needed. My ex and his family are a bit upset over this, but understand. I believe strongly in Karma.. and her day will come to answer to this. My father is taking the kids to the funeral in the morning. The ex and I decided against graveside services for the kids. So they will arrive 2 hours prior to the funeral so they have their own time to make whatever peace they can with this. And then they will be comeing back before the actual service begins. We have planned an outing for them on saturday to help ease the emotional pain from friday. Pizza and video games, followed by some light shopping. They have all decided to make matching necklaces in rememberance of her to wear. So we will be busy with that as well. Tonight they are with my parents so that they can make the early morning trip out of state, so I am going to try and relax a little and pull myself together. She was a very important person to me as well. And while I am saddened I cannot pay my final respects, I am also comfortable in the knowledge that she knew I loved her, her sister told her just before she passed that I had called and sent my love, and that is was ok to let go.. we would take care of everyone as best we could and allow her memory to live forever. The last month has been a sad one, and there is now some closure in the future. We all know it will not be easy, but at least the wondering and waiting is over. They removed her from all life support on saturday and took her home. They gave her an iv morphine drip every 15 minutes, so there were small moments that she knew she was home, and surrounded by those that loved her. Her husband and son as well as her sisters stood by her bedside the entire time.. waiting on the moments for her to open her eyes to see them there for her. I was told that before she took her last breath she opened her eyes wider than she had through the ordeal and looked around at everyone as if to acknowledge the love that surrounded her. She sighed, closed her eyes and it was over.. she drew her last breath. There was no pain, she just basically fell back into sleep. I am grateful for this, grateful that she was able to see all that loved her standing by her side to tell her we are here and we love you, and while we don't want to let you go, we are here to tell you it is ok to go now. On a side note I found it ironic that she passed at 108 her sons birthday(Jan 8), on the day of our wedding anniversary. And that she contracted her illness while attending his new wedding. And that they were supposed to leave out for Vegas on Monday for their belated honeymoon. The new wife was visably annoyed at the honeymoon not happening. And actually told me sunday night that "her" plans were still on to fly to vegas, even though his mother had been taken home to die, and the doctors made it clear she would not make it more than a couple days at best. I have always known she was selfish and self centered, but she just reinforced my thoughts. While I have no desire to ever live with my ex again, I actually feel very sorry for him at this time. Again, many thanks to all of you! Mod3
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