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A general hint for contacting kinky people - 7/22/2008 4:17:17 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Just a general hint for people wanting to start conducting discussions through email.

If it's TMI to tell a stranger on the street, it probably isn't going to sit well with the Domme you're sending it to in first contact.

Discuss.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

Post #: 1

RE: A general hint for contacting kinky people - 7/22/2008 4:25:35 PM

Politesub53

Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I fully agree Ma`am, a letter of introduction ( As thats what a first approach is ) Wont get far unless it is polite, informative and fairly well written ( spell checked ). With the first contact you are trying to make an impression, and i guess that goes for both D and s types. First establish a rapport and go from there.

Err i hope this helps and letter writing becomes easier for You

Edited for spelling....... Opppppps

< Message edited by Politesub53 -- 7/22/2008 4:27:09 PM >

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 2

RE: A general hint for contacting kinky people - 7/22/2008 4:27:04 PM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

so saying i think your hot and should collar me....is tmi?

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(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 3

RE: A general hint for contacting kinky people - 7/22/2008 4:28:45 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

You know what i'm going to say, LP: You'll seldom miss out if you treat them with the same courtesy and respect you treat any other person you don't know.

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if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

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(in reply to Politesub53)

Post #: 4

RE: A general hint for contacting kinky people - 7/22/2008 4:41:50 PM

TermsConditions

Posts: 446
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline

lol. "People I don't know" tends to include a lot of slack-@ss vendors and a lot of %&# sales-people. I'm embarrased to say I don't always treat them very nicely, to put it very mildly. :-)

Edited to add relevent content:

Your over-eager admirers could always include a photo of a the relevent features. That way you can reply "Yes, that does look infected." with much more confidence. :-)

< Message edited by TermsConditions -- 7/22/2008 4:45:02 PM >

_____________________________

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Married, Novice Subbish-Type Person
and rider of the Drama Llama.

(in reply to darchChylde)

Post #: 5

RE: A general hint for contacting kinky people - 7/22/2008 5:47:03 PM

ElanSubdued

Posts: 1511
Status: offline

LadyPact,

quote:

If it's TMI to tell a stranger on the street, it probably isn't going to sit well with the Domme you're sending it to in first contact.

What about that first letter I sent... you know, the one that had *all* my kinks listed, written in my own blood, scanned into the computer and attached to the message along with pictures of me kneeling while sucking cock... that was a bit over the top then? Darn. Now you tell me.

Elan.

< Message edited by ElanSubdued -- 7/22/2008 5:53:52 PM >

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 6

RE: A general hint for contacting kinky people - 7/22/2008 5:55:36 PM

HeavansKeeper

Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Just a general hint for people wanting to start conducting discussions through email.

If it's TMI to tell a stranger on the street, it probably isn't going to sit well with the Domme you're sending it to in first contact.

Discuss.

While I've yet to approach someone on CM to add them to my house, I've written a handful of letters. Usually I say more and go more in depth than I would in person, where "Hello" is my first statement, and I insist on listening more than speaking.

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 7

RE: A general hint for contacting kinky people - 7/22/2008 6:20:07 PM

hardbodysub

Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline

I'm sorry, this really doesn't make much sense. There are many, MANY things that are appropriate to address in an email to a domme that you wouldn't even consider telling a stranger on the street. The simple fact that you're a sub, for example.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 8

RE: A general hint for contacting kinky people - 7/22/2008 7:26:56 PM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

It's hard to judge by me what's a TMI and what's not... things that I don't consider TMI most people cringe at...and things that I consider TMI... well... I don't think there's anything I consider TMI... so it's a fine line, I'd think. Someone who is easily embarrassed might not want to hear that some guy likes to have his balls trampled on... Me... I don't -do- trampling, but it's good to know. That way, I can tell my companion "Hey honey... this guy wants to have his balls trampled. If it turns out he'll let me pierce him, cut him, and set him on fire, do you want to trample him? I know you like that."

It helps us sort out the ones one of us can make do with, both of us can enjoy, or neither of us want anything to do with. And since I'm the only one who really has any internet savvy (she says it's part of why she keeps me around, and I'm willing to let her maintain a few delusions.

)...

Calla Firestorm

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 7/22/2008 7:27:49 PM >

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 9

RE: A general hint for contacting kinky people - 7/22/2008 10:00:04 PM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

Hmmmm, not sure I'd use "stranger on the street" as My criterion, for as hardbodysub pointed out, that would generally preclude mentioning one's D/s orientation. I'd be more inclined to use "friend" but not your most intimate friend, as the criterion. Someone you'd be game to tell about your D/s side but wouldn't go into all the gory details with straight away unless they started asking questions back and obviously really wanted to know! Also I don't want to go through weeks of chit chat to find out something that's a dealbreaker, so I do tend to ask some pointy questions fairly early on.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 10

RE: A general hint for contacting kinky people - 7/23/2008 4:19:52 AM

Allondra

Posts: 68
Joined: 7/12/2008
Status: offline

I would expect that most dommes here have had the TMI emails, but they don't bug me as much as the feeble conversation openers I get, too. The whole of the message is "hi ma'am how are u doing today?". I realize it's an attempt to start communication, but there is absolutely *nothing* there that makes me want to respond. It's as meaningless as when the supermarket cashier asks me how I'm doing today. "Fine", I say, even if it's not true. There's just no reason to engage.

At least the TMI emails are offering something to look at, and perhaps mull over or reject.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 11

RE: A general hint for contacting kinky people - 7/23/2008 5:12:06 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Will you people make up your minds. Some say NEI and others say TMI.

(in reply to Allondra)

Post #: 12

RE: A general hint for contacting kinky people - 7/23/2008 5:37:41 AM

MsStarlett

Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline

Dnomyar, don't you know that every woman is different? The fun part for YOU is figuring out what each of us wants.

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It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 13

RE: A general hint for contacting kinky people - 7/23/2008 5:58:40 AM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett

Dnomyar, don't you know that every woman is different? The fun part for YOU is figuring out what each of us wants.

OH OH!!! I have a -tip- for this part.... so you know whether the Mistress is a NEI or TMI kinda person -- Read Her Bloody Profile! See how much TMI-type stuff she shells out... then you'll -know- what she wants to hear about, and what she doesn't want you to bore her with! You'll also know if you have -anything- in common to even bother contacting her about.

Calla Firestorm

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to MsStarlett)

Post #: 14

RE: A general hint for contacting kinky people - 7/23/2008 6:05:31 AM

MsStarlett

Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline

Dang, Calla! You know very well that subs can't READ!

_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 15

RE: A general hint for contacting kinky people - 7/23/2008 7:36:02 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
If it's TMI to tell a stranger on the street, it probably isn't going to sit well with the Domme you're sending it to in first contact.

I've hit on my favorite CollarChat poster (who has re-JEC-ted me

), but for-real-for-real I only have experience approaching women who are actively looking for a primary life partner. In 16 months on two sites, I've set and held ten first dates, had one short-term relationship with a woman who is still a good friend of mine, and I have a first date set for next weekend with someone I'm very excited about.

Adding all those interactions together, I've spent maybe ten minutes total talking about sexual interests and acts before we were actually touching each other gently on the wrist or shoulder. I've talked with I-hope-it-works-out-next-week lady for maybe 4 hours on the phone now, and we haven't discussed our mutual sexual interests at all. I know she's a skilled top, and I know she has bottomed in the past, because we've dicussed relationship history. But what we might do together? We'll find out... or we won't.

I talk about music, her kids, what she wants to do when she "grows up," science, what we learned from previous relationships. Vanilla stuff. The more important stuff, frankly. I'm not saying this is the best approach for everyone, but I think my results are above average, and I honestly believe most people on this site have no idea how close kink is to vanilla.

It might be different for someone petitioning to be a secondary for a domme who already has a primary relationship. I don't know, and I'd be interested in hearing from dommes in that situation.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 16

RE: A general hint for contacting kinky people - 7/23/2008 8:08:06 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

<sad to not be Red's favourite

>

I do wonder what happened to the nice opening posts... I am inundated with one-liners that really don't get my interest, especially when they're matched with blank profiles.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

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Post #: 17

RE: A general hint for contacting kinky people - 7/23/2008 8:48:21 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Let's put it this way, nobody wants to know the size of a person's butt plug in their first email.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 18

RE: A general hint for contacting kinky people - 7/23/2008 8:49:56 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Let's put it this way, nobody wants to know the size of a person's butt plug in their first email.

Well, it could have been worse, you could have gotten the prostate-exam pic...

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 19

RE: A general hint for contacting kinky people - 7/23/2008 9:03:02 AM

DoesMemoryMatter

Posts: 5
Joined: 6/25/2008
Status: offline

Well the up close(proctological exam close) of someone's bp being inserted ; could b erotic or tmi just depends on the context. A tasteful nude generally a good thing! Something u would generally find out in the first half an hour of a vanilla sit is a reasonable standard, but u definitely need a hook! DMM

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 20

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