How does all this work?

How does all this work? (Full Version)

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felicean -> How does all this work? (7/23/2008 3:34:15 PM)
I recently joined this site and I am somewhat "unexperienced" with D/s. I have had some emails and conversations with some Dominants. Some have contacted me, and some I have contacted. I have not found Him yet, so I continue to look. I sent out an email today to a Dominant on this site and his reply was that I am "fake" because I have talked to others. It seemed to him (after one email exchange) that I have no follow thru. So I am wondering - is there a protocol I am unaware of regarding contacting others? My understanding from my readings is that it may take awhile to find someone and to be patient. I am curious if I am doing something unacceptable by talking to people and intiating contact. Thank you for your time. If this topic has been covered, I apologize but did not see it on older threads.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: How does all this work? (7/23/2008 3:49:34 PM)
There are some people who dont think that a sub should be the one to initiate contact, others who think it is the subs responsability to do so. There are some who find any excuse they can to make it look like your ault things aret being pursued. I woudnt worry too much, consider it a very clear indication that they are NOT the one for you. DV

StrongSpirit -> RE: How does all this work? (7/23/2008 3:50:01 PM)
Anyone that says someone else is fake is not worth talking to. Same with claiming to be looking for a 'true' or 'real' dom/sub Different people have different desires and sexuality. Some people want a slave like sub, others want someone that can stand up to them. Some want a disobedient person they can hit a lot, others want an obedient woman. When you say someone is fake/true/real/ etc. you are effectively trying to force the ENTIRE rest of the world to conform to what you personally find sexually exciting. It is similar to insulting a lesbian saying she is not a 'real woman'. Ignore people that do this. They are not worth talking to. P.S. You did nothing wrong.

DesFIP -> RE: How does all this work? (7/23/2008 3:50:35 PM)
Now that's a person who is showing himself not to be interested in what he claims to want. He's looking for a reason to end it before it begins. Probably still licking his wounds from a previous relationship. Relationships are relationships are relationships. They all require the same things; mutual regard, respect and an ability to communicate, and a desire to meet each other's needs/ No, there is no protocol saying the first guy you say hi to is the one who gets to collar you. No more that the first guy you had a crush on as a teenybopper is the one you have to marry. Ignore him. Figure out what you want in a partner and what you have to offer, what you can and cannot tolerate, and what you must have and what you can compromise on. Meet and talk to as many people as you like while you figure it out. And put the guys like that on a blocked list, they have proven themselves to be incompatible.

BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: How does all this work? (7/23/2008 3:51:36 PM)
Trying to find someone who is compatible with you in this world is no different than in the "vanilla" world, only harder because we fish from a much smaller pond. Some are lucky enough to find someone quickly and for others, they are still looking years after starting. There's just so many variables that can affect how successful a person will be in finding someone. There is no universal protocol. Most people just like for you to be yourself and be polite, and that applies to everyone, not just submissive types. Best of luck to you.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: How does all this work? (7/23/2008 3:52:20 PM)
Everything you know about good manners and relationship building skills apply here as well. Do yourself a favor and make a commitment to NOT making a commitment to anyone for at least six months.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: How does all this work? (7/23/2008 6:53:16 PM)
Would you think that was decent behavior if this were a vanilla site? Just because we're kinky doesn't mean we throw away vanilla dating skills. Be yourself...that way, when someone hits it off with you, it's because of you, not some mask you've taken up. Master Fire

felicean -> RE: How does all this work? (7/23/2008 8:16:39 PM)
Thank you all for your responses. I really appreciate it...and it helps me to feel a little less alone in this...

monywildcat -> RE: How does all this work? (7/23/2008 8:48:22 PM)
Sorry I had to perv your profile. What you are looking for is very well-written! It's astonishing that you (or anyone for that matter) would get ugly, violent, negative responses. Why do people in general put so much energy into being mean? They are silly. Good luck to you, seriously. Sounds like you know what you are looking for, and that's half the battle. I wouldn't put too much thought towards those that are hostile and ugly, their emails are the online equivalent to the gross creepy guy at the bar that says things like "if you weren't taken I would fuck the shit out of you". Or this one "man, I would love to ass-rape you". Yuck!

RedMagic1 -> RE: How does all this work? (7/23/2008 8:55:01 PM)
It's not astonishing. It's first-month syndrome. I have a lot of respect for any woman who puts a profile on this site. So, felicean, (1) it gets better once you're off the New Users list, and there really are sane people online, especially if you hang around the message boards (no stupid comments please[;)]), but also (2) you're in New York!!!! Go meet some PEOPLE!

Justine45 -> RE: How does all this work? (7/23/2008 10:01:02 PM)
Unless someone has specified that he doesn't want initial contacts from potential subs (which makes no sense, imo), I can only assume that the name-caller has a problem. And it's his problem, not yours. There are plenty of sane, polite Dominants here, so take your time until you feel comfy. They understand what it's like to be testing the kink-waters for the first time.

SimplyMichael -> RE: How does all this work? (7/23/2008 10:05:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: felicean I recently joined this site and I am somewhat "unexperienced" with D/s. I have had some emails and conversations with some Dominants. Some have contacted me, and some I have contacted. I have not found Him yet, so I continue to look. I sent out an email today to a Dominant on this site and his reply was that I am "fake" because I have talked to others. It seemed to him (after one email exchange) that I have no follow thru. So I am wondering - is there a protocol I am unaware of regarding contacting others? My understanding from my readings is that it may take awhile to find someone and to be patient. I am curious if I am doing something unacceptable by talking to people and intiating contact. Thank you for your time. If this topic has been covered, I apologize but did not see it on older threads. Look back at how that person made you feel. Unsure of yourself, seeing him as someone of authority, all in a mode of being that eroticises weakness, power, and authority. He was playing a childish but effective game of "making her defensive so she will suck my cock" and it almost worked but you were too smart for him, not all are. Many of the most respected dominants here are also the most gracious, the least likely to take offense, and the most accepting of learning and "newness". I am not one of those but I think many would agree with that assessment of others. Anyone who tries to guilt you, threaten you, or otherwise manipulate you at the get go is a nitwit.

SurrenderForMe -> RE: How does all this work? (7/23/2008 10:07:37 PM)
You are going to get all kinds of mindsets and attitudes from people. If you sent a courteous email to someone and get a response like the one you mentioned, move on. He's a dick and probably an amateur who has read to much fiction. Common courtesy is the basic requirement for a decent person to respond to with an equally courteous reply.

Alumbrado -> RE: How does all this work? (7/23/2008 10:44:30 PM)
quote: I sent out an email today to a Dominant on this site and his reply was that I am "fake" because I have talked to others. It seemed to him (after one email exchange).... Ignore. Rinse. Repeat.

CrazyC -> RE: How does all this work? (7/24/2008 7:43:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Many of the most respected dominants here are also the most gracious, the least likely to take offense, and the most accepting of learning and "newness". I am not one of those but I think many would agree with that assessment of others. Anyone who tries to guilt you, threaten you, or otherwise manipulate you at the get go is a nitwit. SM, whatever :P. You are far from someone who would try to take advantage of someone new. OP, welcome to the club. You have finally met a normal jackass. You haven't done anything wrong. So you didn't respond in his time frame, let him scold you with deaf ears. Sounds like he might have some issues, and would be far from what you want in a relationship (be it casual or serious) anyway. And yes, it will take time. But remember, in your search, you will find others to learn from.

Madame4a -> RE: How does all this work? (7/24/2008 11:38:39 AM)
You might want to get offline and get out into the world -- find some meetings, munches and workshops in your area. Make friends and learn the stuff from there...

ApathyRomance -> RE: How does all this work? (7/24/2008 7:41:36 PM)
Not that it should matter, but maybe a picture on your profile would help in your search. It's not a secret that guys like looking at women.

DarkSteven -> RE: How does all this work? (7/24/2008 7:57:39 PM)
felicean, your profile is well written and your height/weight and age sound really good to me. Add to that the fact that males outnumber the females here by a fair amount... and you're a subbie in demand. Spend your time on the Doms (and others for that matter) who are worth chatting with and ignore the rest and your experience will improve.

kwind -> RE: How does all this work? (7/24/2008 9:42:23 PM)
the verdict is in! ditto on the well written profile.

cillydom -> RE: How does all this work? (7/26/2008 1:52:17 PM)
usually it doesnt work very well

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