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I want to become a cuckold - 7/25/2008 6:27:43 AM   
Tony3567


Posts: 1
Joined: 4/4/2008
Status: offline 		I have a question for you Mistress out there...I was in a long term relationship a few years back, and was tottally in love with this girl. after a few months of dating she started to cheat on me constintly, and even when i busted her she told me she woudnt stop, and if i didnt accept it that we could just break up.

I was tottally in love with her, and I ended up staying, and putting up with her cheating, and dominance....she was very controlling, and after she found out I wasnt going anywhere made me be her bitch in every aspect of our relationship...I remember begging her to stop, and would cry myself to sleep everynight when she would stay out all night.

Now that we have broken up I cant stop thinking about it, and fantasizing about being a cuckold, and having those feelings I used to have from my last relationship, but actually being a cuckold and taking it furthure.

I guess my question is this:  Is this natural?...or did my realtionship with her make me change, or have I always been a cuckold?....I would appreciate your inputs on this...Thanks




< Message edited by Tony3567 -- 7/25/2008 6:30:40 AM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: I want to become a cuckold - 7/25/2008 6:43:08 AM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		One could say that my husband has been my Cuck for most of our marrage.  But he is also my Bull.  I'm a Domme who always kept a stable of 'extra' boys.  Those outside the lifestyle call it being a cheating slut.  But how can it be 'cheating' when my husband always knew what was going on and I frequently had my boys at our home.  Sometimes he just went upstairs while I was entertaining my boy... sometimes the boy had to watch while I was entertaining him.  *shrug*  Even in the BDSM lifestyle, FemDoms like myself are not always looked upon in the brightest light.  Some still think a woman who keeps mulitple sexual partners is a slut.  Oddly enough, a male Dom who keeps mulitple female sex slaves is a 'Stud'.  Go figure.  Old double standards die hard. 

If a man truely loves his woman or is truely submissive to her wants and desires.  He deals with it.  The pain is different from taking a beating, but it's just as real.  Some of us get off on inflicting pain.


_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to Tony3567)
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RE: I want to become a cuckold - 7/25/2008 6:49:14 AM   
slvemike4u


Posts: 17896
Joined: 1/15/2008
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett

One could say that my husband has been my Cuck for most of our marrage.  But he is also my Bull.  I'm a Domme who always kept a stable of 'extra' boys.  Those outside the lifestyle call it being a cheating slut.  But how can it be 'cheating' when my husband always knew what was going on and I frequently had my boys at our home.  Sometimes he just went upstairs while I was entertaining my boy... sometimes the boy had to watch while I was entertaining him.  *shrug*  Even in the BDSM lifestyle, FemDoms like myself are not always looked upon in the brightest light.  Some still think a woman who keeps mulitple sexual partners is a slut.  Oddly enough, a male Dom who keeps mulitple female sex slaves is a 'Stud'.  Go figure.  Old double standards die hard. 

If a man truely loves his woman or is truely submissive to her wants and desires.  He deals with it.  The pain is different from taking a beating, but it's just as real.  Some of us get off on inflicting pain.

Luckily there are those of us wandering around that get off on recieving said pain...works well does it not?

_____________________________

If we want things to stay as they are,things will have to change...Tancredi from "the Leopard"

Forget Guns-----Ban the pools

Funny stuff....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNwFf991d-4


(in reply to MsStarlett)
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RE: I want to become a cuckold - 7/25/2008 7:11:22 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		My best advice is for you to not rush into anything.

From your description I can't say that your relationship with your ex was a health one -- you cried, you begged, you were motivated by your love for her.... Love is great but it can be unhealthy to when it clouds our healthy judgments.

Instead of looking to be a cuckhold why not look for a good relationship? One where you are respected and where your respected is appreciated by the other person.

Contrary to many stereotypes primarily from porn and patriarchal BS, being submissive is a position of power and self respect, it is not for the weak in any sense of the word regardless of your sex, the sex of your partner, or your sexual orientation. I would go so far as to say that if you are in any relationship and you feel less powerful and negative, that is an unhealthy relationship.

A good Ds relationship (and yeah I'm being fully opinionated about this) is about authority -- the sub recognizes the authority of the dom who should responsibly use it for them both. But any good relationship helps everyone become better, become more powerful because they gain self knowledge and the ability to become the full person each should be.

So if you think you are submissive, but all means find a dom but please don't go looking for one particular dynamic or think you must spend your nights crying or begging. I can't imagine that sort of dynamic even holds a candle to how great a solid, healthy, empowering Ds dynamic can make you feel.

Don't you deserve the chance and opportunities to become the best person you can and not merely someone's bitch?

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Tony3567)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: I want to become a cuckold - 7/25/2008 8:55:50 AM   
TwoNYCDommes


Posts: 237
Joined: 1/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
Don't you deserve the chance and opportunities to become the best person you can and not merely someone's bitch?


I object to the suggestion that being someone's bitch is "mere" and robs one of the opportunity to realize their full potential.  Everyone is different, and for some being someone else's bitch is all they've ever dreamed of.
Not that that is necessarily true for the OP, but if he has discovered a longing for a certain type of dynamic, it seems reasonable for him to pursue it.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: I want to become a cuckold - 7/25/2008 1:55:40 PM   
ElanSubdued


Posts: 1511
Status: offline 		Tony3567,

quote:

I was in a long term relationship a few years back, and was tottally in love with this girl.  after a few months of dating she started to cheat on me constintly, and even when i busted her she told me she woudnt stop, and if i didnt accept it that we could just break up.

I was tottally in love with her, and I ended up staying, and putting up with her cheating, and dominance... she was very controlling, and after she found out I wasnt going anywhere made me be her bitch in every aspect of our relationship... I remember begging her to stop, and would cry myself to sleep everynight when she would stay out all night.


Personally, I wouldn't characterize the behavior of your partner as "dominance".  You decided to stay.  Again, personally, I wouldn't characterize your decision as a submissive act.  It may be that you now wish to explore a cuckold dynamic in a consensual, mutually gratifying relationship.  This, in my opinion, is very different than what you described sharing with your previous partner.

Be wary of mistaking those who act in an abusive and/or domineering fashion as dominant.  This is not dominant and is, in fact, exactly what it proclaims to be:  abusive and domineering.

Elan.

(in reply to Tony3567)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: I want to become a cuckold - 7/25/2008 10:30:06 PM   
Reigna


Posts: 334
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tony3567

... I remember begging her to stop, and would cry myself to sleep everynight when she would stay out all night.

Now that we have broken up I cant stop thinking about it, and fantasizing about being a cuckold, and having those feelings I used to have from my last relationship, but actually being a cuckold and taking it furthure.

I guess my question is this:  Is this natural?...or did my realtionship with her make me change, or have I always been a cuckold?


I assume that you "can't stop thinking about it and fantasizing being a cuckold" in a pleasurable way. If that's not the case, please don't even think of taking it further. However, if such thoughts are pleasurable to you now, I'd say that you've learned to turn something very painful into something very pleasurable. The relationship didn't put you in touch with your inner cuckold--you haven't always been a cuckold--but you've probably always been adaptable in this way. It's a neat trick, eh? You have a lot of company here at CM.

Upthread someone advised you, essentially, to seek relationships that will support and sustain you, and will not cause you unending grief. It's great advice. You may find that such relationships include real cuckoldry, or you may find that cuckoldry becomes simply a hot fantasy for you and your partner(s). Take your time figuring out what you want and need, and find something that makes you happy. Unless you get off on being miserable, of course.





(in reply to Tony3567)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: I want to become a cuckold - 7/25/2008 10:34:05 PM   
Reigna


Posts: 334
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsStarlett Some still think a woman who keeps mulitple sexual partners is a slut.  Oddly enough, a male Dom who keeps mulitple female sex slaves is a 'Stud'. 


Although I don't really get polyamory of any stripe, I'm actually more inclined to give polyandrous femdoms a pass. I generally consider polygynous male doms to be skank 'hos. I'm just funny that way.

(in reply to MsStarlett)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: I want to become a cuckold - 8/1/2008 2:29:22 AM   
rc4otkVA


Posts: 52
Joined: 9/12/2005
Status: offline 		Some might say that being in that relationship made you discover new desires. Some might say it made you feel so powerless, that you would rather maintain a degree of power by giving away monogamy, than have it taken from you against your will. No one is normal, so neither are you, but I know many people who are happy, and feel most comfortable in cuckolding relationships. They know what's going on, and appreciate every second their dominant spends with them, while the other partner doesn't have to be unfulfilled. It can be an ideal relationship if it's really what you want.

(in reply to Reigna)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: I want to become a cuckold - 8/1/2008 3:26:53 AM   
slaveskin


Posts: 19
Joined: 7/13/2004
Status: offline 		i can only agree with NYCDommes, for some of us becoming someone's bitch is a level to aspire to. Tony, methinks that you are in the initial stages of becoming a slave. As far as i am concerned the term 'slave' includes the term 'cuckold' i see no reason why a Mistress should not enjoy all the men She wants while making you Her bitch. Cuckoldry is a very powerful tool in breaking a slave, not in the context MsStarlett says (having him as a bull as well) because it is very humiliating and ego-breaking in the long run. Sexual freedom of the Domme only intesifies the inherent inequality of slavery and will drive you deeper in subservience.

(in reply to rc4otkVA)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: I want to become a cuckold - 8/1/2008 3:53:28 AM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slvemike4u
Luckily there are those of us wandering around that get off on recieving said pain...works well does it not?


And some of Us are still waiting...


_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to slvemike4u)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: I want to become a cuckold - 8/1/2008 6:28:37 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TwoNYCDommes

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
Don't you deserve the chance and opportunities to become the best person you can and not merely someone's bitch?


I object to the suggestion that being someone's bitch is "mere" and robs one of the opportunity to realize their full potential. Everyone is different, and for some being someone else's bitch is all they've ever dreamed of.
Not that that is necessarily true for the OP, but if he has discovered a longing for a certain type of dynamic, it seems reasonable for him to pursue it.


Except that is not what I got from the OP at all... I don't see a man looking to fulfill himself but looking to repeat a dynamic that in his own words hurt him emotionally. If he'd said it was a great experience, then I wouldn't have made my comments at all -- but he didn't and I fear he is just settling for less than he needs to.

< Message edited by thetammyjo -- 8/1/2008 6:29:56 AM >

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to TwoNYCDommes)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: I want to become a cuckold - 8/1/2008 8:29:43 AM   
servantforuse


Posts: 6363
Joined: 3/8/2006
Status: offline 		i was a cuck to a woman i was cleaning for several years ago. It was only one time and i didn't enjoy serving in that way at the time. It is something though that i think of often and would do it again if made to do so....

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: I want to become a cuckold - 8/1/2008 11:40:58 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I very much agree with TammyJo on this.  It is hard to say... but I do try to read between the lines in some of these threads and I would have to agree that the emotional damage that was done could result in further damage if this young man continues the pattern.  I think he is remembering the relationship as a whole and misses having someone to love like that, more than the actual cuckolding.  In other words, I think there is more to the whole story.  Seeking certain things or fetishes can result later on in some very serious issues.  Some will try to get something... rather than the nothing that replaces it too.

We have to think about what we do in the long term and some don't do that.  I know some that were involved with other dominant's that did things that they both might have enjoyed, but later on, the submissive had a real crisis in being trained to do something that became a problem.  They then needed healing and a retraining of the mental and emotional and physical aspects and that can be a very difficult thing to do.  It can also amount to someone having a harder time finding a dominant that is willing to work it through with them.  I think it is just better to not go to places that could cause trouble.

Deep emotional pain can get someone caught up in a pattern of pain and a cycle of drama or a roller coaster of highs and lows and that can be addictive to some people.  Rather than have a fear and flight mode... of self preservation, they are drawn to whatever, for the high, even if the low kicks their ass. 

I would think that if one is interested in cuckolding... they should have a good understanding of why and make sure they are stable emotionally enough to handle it.  It is far easier to handle it all from the beginning, than to undo things.  Cuckolding can be a wonderful dynamic that some really enjoy... but to take someone there that isn't doing okay in the first place is just wrong in my opinion.  Consent in my mind, is a healthy person consenting to what they know and understand and making a choice. 

I don't like to edit, so I preserve the original thought and it is not changed... but... I did not mean to imply that the thread starter is not emotionally sound.  I only think he is searching for answers and to understand himself and wished to bring a bit of caution in a situation that could become risky if things aren't just so.  Being sure of where you are and what you are about is the key... from there... have fun!

< Message edited by Lockit -- 8/1/2008 11:53:46 AM >

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to servantforuse)
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RE: I want to become a cuckold - 8/1/2008 1:15:34 PM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		She did not make you the way you are.  She made you realize what you are.  The hard part is learning to take that anger and jealousy and channeling it into passion. 

(in reply to Tony3567)
Profile   Post #: 15
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