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ORIGINAL: silkncarol

I think it goes back to treating the other person the way you'd want to be treated.......
I also try to take the high road when possible..i don't like carrying negative energy around...... it's self destructive in one way or another.....

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ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

I've stated on here before and I tell those who I allow into my life that above everything else, I expect them to abide by a standard of fairness.  To me, that means that if they have cared for me, then they owe it to me to at least respect what I told them in the beginning about ending things...I expect answers at the end.  I understand about not hanging on to a dying relationship but too many want to walk away without ending it in a proper manner.  Now, people say that is just human nature...we don't like to deal with unpleasant things.  That may well be true...but isn't part of being grown-up and accepting of personal responsibility a realization that life is not always pleasant?  And that while life itself may be unfair and people you don't know and don't have any right to expect something from may be unfair, should you not try to be...and expect in reverse...fair with those you have professed to care about, even if that caring is not there any longer?  Should you not be fair with those you have claimed to respect, even if that respect has diminished?

No one can know how they will react when they run into a situation that is entirely new to them...but I suspect most of us have dealt with break-ups before.  The circumstances surrounding it may be different than what we have dealt with but the emotions involved are not entirely new.  If we have done as we should as humans and evolved, then I believe we should at least have a semblance of an idea of how we would react to even a mild level of pain and hurt (newly beginning/newly explored relationships) all the way up to a deep and abiding level of pain and heartbreak.  Expecting or thinking that there will be no anger is naive, in my opinion.  How you deal with that anger is up to you.  My therapist told me a long time ago that while someone else may be responsible for creating feelings within you, it is what you do with those feelings that is YOUR responsibility.  There is nothing wrong with anger but...will you be an adult, thinking human...or will you let your baser, sometimes more-childish instincts take over?

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ORIGINAL: velvetears

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

I've stated on here before and I tell those who I allow into my life that above everything else, I expect them to abide by a standard of fairness.  To me, that means that if they have cared for me, then they owe it to me to at least respect what I told them in the beginning about ending things...I expect answers at the end.  I understand about not hanging on to a dying relationship but too many want to walk away without ending it in a proper manner.  Now, people say that is just human nature...we don't like to deal with unpleasant things.  That may well be true...but isn't part of being grown-up and accepting of personal responsibility a realization that life is not always pleasant?  And that while life itself may be unfair and people you don't know and don't have any right to expect something from may be unfair, should you not try to be...and expect in reverse...fair with those you have professed to care about, even if that caring is not there any longer?  Should you not be fair with those you have claimed to respect, even if that respect has diminished?

No one can know how they will react when they run into a situation that is entirely new to them...but I suspect most of us have dealt with break-ups before.  The circumstances surrounding it may be different than what we have dealt with but the emotions involved are not entirely new.  If we have done as we should as humans and evolved, then I believe we should at least have a semblance of an idea of how we would react to even a mild level of pain and hurt (newly beginning/newly explored relationships) all the way up to a deep and abiding level of pain and heartbreak.  Expecting or thinking that there will be no anger is naive, in my opinion.  How you deal with that anger is up to you.  My therapist told me a long time ago that while someone else may be responsible for creating feelings within you, it is what you do with those feelings that is YOUR responsibility.  There is nothing wrong with anger but...will you be an adult, thinking human...or will you let your baser, sometimes more-childish instincts take over?

i agree with this 100%. If you love someone, or  have loved someone you owe them closure at the very least. When someone breaks up with us, if we are still invested in making the relationship viable, the least our partners can do is explain why they feel it is no longer possible for the relationship to continue.  This is common decency and respect.  Those who just leave make you reflect on what you had with them that was ever valuable if they can treat you so callously at the end. 

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i agree with this 100%. If you love someone, or have loved someone you owe them closure at the very least. When someone breaks up with us, if we are still invested in making the relationship viable, the least our partners can do is explain why they feel it is no longer possible for the relationship to continue. This is common decency and respect. Those who just leave make you reflect on what you had with them that was ever valuable if they can treat you so callously at the end.

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ORIGINAL: gypsygrl

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i agree with this 100%. If you love someone, or have loved someone you owe them closure at the very least. When someone breaks up with us, if we are still invested in making the relationship viable, the least our partners can do is explain why they feel it is no longer possible for the relationship to continue. This is common decency and respect. Those who just leave make you reflect on what you had with them that was ever valuable if they can treat you so callously at the end.

I'd like to agree with you, but for the fact that there's often a reason ex's are ex's.   In my experience, alot of times that reason has to do with deep incompatibility and irresolvable communication problems which makes mutual closure nearly impossible.  I'll never understand why my ex-husband gave me the boot.   I accepted it, but  I had to get my own closure--it took me years to see what an idiot he was, something others could see pretty easy.  I've spent months and months trying to give someone closure when I was the one doing the break-up.  It proved futile, and I eventually cut all ties.  The irreconcilable differences that underminded our relationship, made a mutually satisfying break-up impossible.