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RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/2/2008 1:49:46 AM

MsSaskia

Posts: 415
Joined: 9/9/2004
From: Denver
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I form relationships with individuals, not genders. I have a lot of friends who are everywhere on the current gender spectrum and where they fall on it has never been a factor in determining how close we become.

There are times when I feel like a person's transition is such a big part of their life that there's not much room for a closer relationship. It's a lot to go through and having friends is great, but being a partner or lover or family member of someone going through transition can mean putting out a lot more energy than one is likely to get back, and that can last for years. It can be a beautiful process and it can be an exhausting process for everyone involved.

(in reply to samaraqzetax)

Post #: 81

RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/2/2008 3:04:41 AM

housesub4you

Posts: 1879
Joined: 4/2/2008
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Well after reading through the posts, it seems you are really hung up on how people should look (for being accepted). You also reponded that you are very critical of CD's for some reason (they have a penis I guess) but list it as something you like in your profile.

Hmmm... well what if we only accepted people on how they look! If you're to fat; get out, to skinny; you lose, not perfect skin; bye bye,

You are asking about being accepted, well if you're not accepting of others who are not passable, why should anyone want to accept you for what you are.

Personally for me, it's what's on the inside that matters. Not how they appear on the outside and beauty fades with time.

(in reply to samaraqzetax)

Post #: 82

RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/2/2008 3:47:54 AM

petpete

Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline

Haven't got one can give one and wont comment.. Its a free world and anyone can be what they want as long as they don't step others toes...

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Post #: 83

RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/2/2008 5:49:01 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
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I don't know how supporting the rest of the BDSM community is towards them but frankly if I like a person, I like them and it doesn't matter what "label" they are wearing. I personally support the transgendered.

~Lashra

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“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to samaraqzetax)

Post #: 84

RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/2/2008 7:23:38 AM

samaraqzetax

Posts: 58
Joined: 7/17/2008
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I will, as I know Marla personally. She is also a friend of one of my close friends here in grand junction

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(in reply to bipolarber)

Post #: 85

RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/2/2008 9:20:53 AM

MusicalBoredom

Posts: 620
Joined: 5/8/2007
From: Louisiana/New York
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After reading all of this I have several thoughts. First on being "passable." I think that's a silly notion. I see women and men in their 40s and 50s that like to dress like teenagers. They don't pass for teens at all and, in my opinion, sometimes look rather silly. I have seen overweight people dressing like skinny people and they don't pass for skinny. Most of the genetically born males that I have know that consider themselves TG and are in various stages from just figuring out to post-op, initially start dressing as a skinny teenage girl. They don't "pass" as that. Sooner or later they come to terms with being over 40 and over 180 pounds and start dressing like a woman of their age and body type. At that point "passing" takes on a whole new meaning.

As far as attitudes, I think gender and sexuality issues are a lot like weight issues. When people aren't comfortable with themselves they tend to be crabby and miserable to be around. They tend to blame people's poor attitude towards on whatever they aren't comfortable with rather than take responsibility for their actions toward others.

When people first start coming to terms with who they are they tend to want to make a very narrow club of people that they think are like them and turn their noses at the rest of the world. Those on the receiving end usually don't respond well to that. A typical thing I see is young gay men who when coming out shove their sexuality in the face of everyone around them and dare anyone to comment on their obnoxious behavior. New lesbians who think every guy that tells them hello is trying to have sex with them and warrant a dressing down is another group. Of course there are the people who recently discovered their own form of BDSM and are sure everyone else is dull, boring or just not informed. The truth is that we are all just individuals with our own likes and dislikes. We will like some people and dislike others. We will be liked by some and disliked by others. Each "group" is just different -- not better or worse. In other words some people will want to be around us and some people won't and it probably has little to do with our sexuality or gender or gender status.

(in reply to samaraqzetax)

Post #: 86

RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/2/2008 9:33:38 AM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

quote:

i think you're in Toronto, like me, and i have to wonder where you've been hanging out if this is all you see.

i dont hang out anymore...apparently i do not fit anywhere. and with regards to lesbians in toronto...they're the same as everywhere else no vag = man = unwanted = outcast.

though just as with any group there is always that 1% of people who do accept.
but finding that 1% is like a needle in a hay stack. then with that 1% there is 0.00000001% chance that one of those people would actually date an intersexed or a transsexual. within that % we still have to weed out the ones that are just curious. which leads into alot of physical and emotional pain.

it is getting better...but isnt to the point where it should be and likely wont get that way for another 40-50 years or even longer as society is set in their ways. the younger people today are just beginning to be educated at colleges and such on gender's and sexuality. perhaps their children will be more accepting and the % rate will go higher with each generation after that.

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Post #: 87

RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/2/2008 10:12:22 AM

samaraqzetax

Posts: 58
Joined: 7/17/2008
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Since I posted this topic yesterday, there has been quite a lot of wonderful and infomative input. However there are those who cannot seem to see the reason I posted this topic and seem to be stuck on calling me out to be discrimatory. I posted this topic ONLY for ONE select set group of individuals, NOT the other closely related groups. No I personally cannot see or understand why or how CD/TV/Sissy boys/ect get off the way they do. Yes, I'm judgemental in my own opinions, however I still adbide by my own number one rule: Live and let live. I don't care, simple as that. I will not slam those who I do not understand, because then I would need to slam myself. If individuals cannot see that I only posted this topic for a select group, oh well. I am not trying to discriminate, if they want to ask the same question or to word it in a different manner, so be it, I don't care, do what you will. What I do care about is individuals calling me out as being discrinatory, that I am not! Whatever, I don't care cause those of you are entitled to your own opinion, and I will not try to change that. But, I will stand up for myself, when you call me to be discrimatory, when in fact I am not, just because I excluded certain groups within a group, means nothing, Im only trying to be VERY SPECIFIC. UGH!!!!!

_____________________________

"My Hero's: People who are not afraid to NOT conform to peoples and societies expectations. People who are true to themselves and don't give a fuck what other people think!"

myspace.com/lil_tg_sub

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

Post #: 88

RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/2/2008 10:45:22 AM

faerytattoodgirl

Posts: 5824
Status: offline

quote:

However there are those who cannot seem to see the reason I posted this topic and seem to be stuck on calling me out

this happens with any thread....off topic is famous on cm!

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I did not reply to your cmail.

I am flawed.

Imperfect.

MUST SPANK!!!

SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

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Post #: 89

RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/2/2008 10:56:30 AM

samaraqzetax

Posts: 58
Joined: 7/17/2008
Status: offline

My god, it so seems to be that way! I just can't stand to be called discrimatory! THAT is exactly the opposite of what I am, on so many different levels.

_____________________________

"My Hero's: People who are not afraid to NOT conform to peoples and societies expectations. People who are true to themselves and don't give a fuck what other people think!"

myspace.com/lil_tg_sub

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

Post #: 90

RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/2/2008 12:55:10 PM

ftmboyfag

Posts: 23
Joined: 7/6/2008
Status: offline

"CD/TV/Sissy boys/etc" Are still transgendered if they identify that way, and in my experience they often do. Transgendered is an umbrella term(like "queer") basically meaning someone who's gender is different from what ze were assigned at birth. A transsexual is someone who actually transitions.

Even if you weren't trying to be disciminatory, the terms you used are often used that way. Just make sure you're educated on the subject :)

As a transguy, I'm not feeling any discimination here or in most edge communities, like geek, furry, etc...

I'm personally not interested in transwomen, but that's because I'm gay as well as trans. If someone who was non-female gendered(and that's a lot of genders!) came around that I liked, I would be open to zem.

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(in reply to samaraqzetax)

Post #: 91

RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/2/2008 3:22:24 PM

bipolarber

Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline

samara,

If you're friends with Marla, then you are in good hands indeed. Follow her lead, and you'll do fine. Please tell her "Joe from the old welding shop PEP" says hello, and hopes she is doing well. :)

(in reply to ftmboyfag)

Post #: 92

RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/2/2008 5:59:40 PM

tasha_tart

Posts: 385
Joined: 2/20/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: samaraqzetax

Since I posted this topic yesterday, there has been quite a lot of wonderful and infomative input. However there are those who cannot seem to see the reason I posted this topic and seem to be stuck on calling me out to be discrimatory. I posted this topic ONLY for ONE select set group of individuals, NOT the other closely related groups. No I personally cannot see or understand why or how CD/TV/Sissy boys/ect get off the way they do. Yes, I'm judgemental in my own opinions, however I still adbide by my own number one rule: Live and let live. I don't care, simple as that. I will not slam those who I do not understand, because then I would need to slam myself. If individuals cannot see that I only posted this topic for a select group, oh well. I am not trying to discriminate, if they want to ask the same question or to word it in a different manner, so be it, I don't care, do what you will. What I do care about is individuals calling me out as being discrinatory, that I am not! Whatever, I don't care cause those of you are entitled to your own opinion, and I will not try to change that. But, I will stand up for myself, when you call me to be discrimatory, when in fact I am not, just because I excluded certain groups within a group, means nothing, Im only trying to be VERY SPECIFIC. UGH!!!!!

If you are "TRUE" (your caps) trans, "living and passing as their perceived gender full time" what is the issue? Surely stripping down (if that is necessary) at a a dungeon type setting will not give you away, will it?

If you are "Passable: To be seen as your precieved gender, without flaw" then why would there be any problem?

If you still have external plumbing, there are are "TRUE" trans folk, the more extreme and judgmental to be sure, who would lump you in with ' "cross dressers", "sissy boys", or anything else of the like'.

It seems to me you are worried that your prejudices, against those you consider beneath you, might be applied against you by others.

Before you protest that you aren't prejudiced, you said "I started a Transgender group at our GLBTQ non-profit here in town as a moderator, but since the majority of the individuals who attend are CD/TV ect I refuse to moderate it any further". Many "CD/TV ect" would fit into the "Q" (questioning) category. Many are also very much in need of community support, which I suppose they'd need to look elsewhere for in your area.

You also claim that "Most trans individuals, for the most part have dislike towards cross-dressers, sissy boys, ect of that type". I may have missed the meeting where you were appointed arbiter of all things trans, but that has not been my experience, either in the Toronto or the Vancouver area.

I'm not saying that there are no others like you, who find people who don't meet your standards abhorrent...I'm just saying that many, many trans folk are totally accepting and supportive of others who are not identical to them.

Again , I would say that it is hypocritical to look for acceptance from those unlike you, that you would deny to those more like you than you care to admit.

Tasha

((edited for grammar, though I'm not totally satisfied))

< Message edited by tasha_tart -- 8/2/2008 6:24:08 PM >

(in reply to samaraqzetax)

Post #: 93

RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/2/2008 9:55:11 PM

MsSaskia

Posts: 415
Joined: 9/9/2004
From: Denver
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bipolarber

samara,

If you're friends with Marla, then you are in good hands indeed. Follow her lead, and you'll do fine. Please tell her "Joe from the old welding shop PEP" says hello, and hopes she is doing well. :)

I saw Marla just last weekend. She seemed pretty good.

(in reply to bipolarber)

Post #: 94

RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/3/2008 1:40:33 AM

HeidiAnn

Posts: 113
Joined: 12/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: samaraqzetax

Most trans individuals, for the most part have dislike towards cross-dressers, sissy boys, ect of that type, as we are bunched into the same box as they are, which is incorrect.

It is comments like this that piss me of. You DARE to speak with the voice of most trans individuals?!? Your opinion is NOT shared by most in the community - in fact it is an attitude that is mostly seen on people who have just started transitioning and are in panic about being perceived as TV/CD/GQ/QF instead of TG/TS or what ever. It speaks of personal insecurities, nothing more. And that is my opinion, no one elses.

i am very strong on uniting trans-community. i personally believe that we are not that different as a group. Our life choices might be, but we are not. We all share a differing gender identities, no matter how we define it (CD/TG/TS/GQ/DQ etc.)

There is lots of elitism in transcommunity, and unfortunately "passing" in the trans-women community is one subject of elitism that is all too often present. i am saddened every time some brings the subject up, and even more saddened when it is another trans-person who brings it up. If you pass, be happy about it, thank your God(s)/Goddess(es) for your good fortune. Passing / not-passing is just one more form of segregation.

heidi

< Message edited by HeidiAnn -- 8/3/2008 1:41:46 AM >

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Post #: 95

RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/3/2008 7:34:13 AM

samaraqzetax

Posts: 58
Joined: 7/17/2008
Status: offline

Can't wait till October to see Marla!

_____________________________

"My Hero's: People who are not afraid to NOT conform to peoples and societies expectations. People who are true to themselves and don't give a fuck what other people think!"

myspace.com/lil_tg_sub

(in reply to HeidiAnn)

Post #: 96

RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/3/2008 10:22:01 AM

shiazn03

Posts: 90
Joined: 11/13/2007
Status: offline

in my experience (which isn't much but it's something), transgendered individuals are welcome in the BDSM community. i met one that is collared to a Master and i thought that invidual was really nice.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 97

RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/3/2008 11:14:56 AM

MercTech

Posts: 3706
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline

Gay, hetero, homo, transgendered, crossdresser, intersexual, pansexual... Frankly it doesn't matter to me. If I find someone interesting, I'll try to get to know them better.

Sexually I guess I'm a "Theoretical Bisexual" as I see nothing wrong with same sex coupling but have rarely seen anyone of the masculine persuasion that attracted me that way.

I do think some transgendered revel in the "gotcha" thing. I'm thinking of Pauline. A friend introduced me to a co-worker named Pauline at a computer convention. Yep, Pauline qualified as a "fox". Now, when Pauline mentions, "yeah, I was in the Navy. I remember you from Nuclear Power School." it was a WTF moment. There were no females in my class at that school. I know I probably had a "deer in the headlights" look when Pauline talked about when she was Paul. And, Pauline was sitting there with this HUGE shit eating grin.

But, I got over the mental re-arrangement in short order. Pauline became a friend and if I hadn't been in a monogamous marriage at the time I would have asked Pauline out on a date.

Just my two cents,
Stefan

(in reply to shiazn03)

Post #: 98

RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/3/2008 12:48:51 PM

samaraqzetax

Posts: 58
Joined: 7/17/2008
Status: offline

Thats a wonderful response. Thank you!

_____________________________

"My Hero's: People who are not afraid to NOT conform to peoples and societies expectations. People who are true to themselves and don't give a fuck what other people think!"

myspace.com/lil_tg_sub

(in reply to MercTech)

Post #: 99

RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/3/2008 2:38:27 PM

hardbodysub

Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
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I think the general BDSM community is pretty supportive, but of course it varies by individual.

Personally, I think any variation of cross-gender identification is just as valid as any interest or kink someone might have. On the other hand, I'd only be attracted to a transgender person who was not only passable, but possesses the same physical characteristics that appeal to me in a genetic/biological female. How that person was born doesn't really matter to me.

(in reply to samaraqzetax)

Post #: 100

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