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Rayne58 -> RE: Refinding of oneself (11/19/2005 5:42:58 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Tapestry
quote:
ORIGINAL: Tine11
Its be explaned to me as teh world is ufll of energy givers, adn enegy suckers. It all depends on personality. I know i am a enegy giver that woudl do almost anything of any of friends at any time of day, and yet i don't like inconvenceing them if they have things to be doing. Any sugestions on how i can still be who i am without always feeling every time i actually ask for help.
That really is a hard one
I do have a few thoughts, which may or may not help
but I'll offer them none-the-less.
First of all,
I've been reminded that from time to time everyone has a need to give
And that sometimes, the only way they CAN give, is if we allow them to
So that if we deny someone the chance to give to us in some way
we've hurt them more than ourselves really.
It's actually selfish of us to not allow others to "do" for us,
or help us out with something.
Here we intend only to give to others
and not need anything from others
and not be a burden to others,
and all the while we're being selfish
and not allowing them to be who they need to be and receive the pleasure of giving as well.
Maybe it would help if you think in terms of sacrificing your own need (the need to not take or be a burden) in order to "give" to them the chance to serve you in a way which pleases them.
I've had to learn to practice this myself
I won't begin to tell you it's easy
but the fact is that when I had a flat tire, I couldn't loosen the lug nuts enough my self and HAD no choice but to allow someone else stronger than me to assist with the task. It would have been easier if I could have called Triple A, because as long as I'm paying someone it's not the same as having someone just give to me or do for me. But alas that was my only option, and I survived, and was blessed through the generosity of the man in question.
Basically, I don't think that allowing others to give to you and help you is in anyway being untrue to your nature.
Also, there are other ways to re-charge your batteries so to speak. Some nice alone time, reading a good book, watching a great movie, at home or even going out alone to the theater (i enjoy that), taking a nice walk, with or without a dog, just getting out into nature, enjoy the song of the birds, the scurrying of the squirrels, the sun as it plays off the trees and other foliage or water, whatever is around you.
I've also been recharged by attending book discussion groups at my library, going out for dinner with girlfriends (ladies only!), going with friends to hear a local band play at the bar, a big one for me was attending a Japanese Tea Ceremony. The experience was very beautiful. I am recharged when I spend time with Sir, of course, as what he gives me even when there's no play involved, is priceless. I am recharged when I have a "date" with my teenage son - a wonderful companion whom I adore and whom I have fun with. He's always able to make me laugh! Laughter always recharges and replenishes low stores of energy! I'm recharged by listening to great music, and letting the sounds and the lyrics transport me to another level. I am recharged by a nice hot bubble bath, surrounded by only candle-glow, perhaps a wine cooler, and more music to soothe.
So you see? There are many ways to give back to ourselves that don't always rely on taking from someone else. And yet, if there are others who need to give, what gives us the right to deny them?
I hope something I've shared helps. Can you accept a warm and comforting hug from someone who cares? And knows how hard this can be. Hugggggggggggggggggggg.
Now breathe.
ok?
Just breathe.
It's ok to not know, to not have all the answers.
None of us does.
You will get through this.
Tapestry your post really struck a chord with me. I am a giver, and have been all my life. My ex husband was a taker, and he sucked me dry emotionally. When I eventually left him I had to find myself, the me who had been put aside in favour of husband, children, parents, volunteer work - it has been hard but I am getting there.
I still have problems with doing stuff just for me. Master has health concerns and so my need to serve and give is not confined to just the bedroom. When He is ill, I tend to concentrate all my energies on Him and forget about myself, sometimes to the point of exhaustion. Then He will send me off to have a nap, or have a facial, or shopping. Or have a nice hot bath, read a book, watch a movie or TV show. Often I will fall asleep before the end of the movie!
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