ElanSubdued -> RE: Working with a Doms busy schedule? (8/4/2008 1:41:57 PM)
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raveonette, First off, I agree with pretty much everything CrazyC posted. Based on your profile, you seem like a very beautiful woman who is richly expressive and communicative. It was a joy to read your words. CrazyC noted that there are two people's feelings in your courtship. This is important to recognize. Of course, you only have control over your own feelings and actions, and in this regard I do somewhat think the phrase "actions speak louder than words" is something you should pay attention to. Someone who is truly interested in you in a romantic way *makes time*. Now sure, if they are busy, this may be that all they can do on some days is phone you before going to sleep, phone you in the morning, send flowers, etc. The point is though that they let you know they're thinking about you and that you are a priority in their lives. You can't force a relationship. When the timing is right and mutual chemistry is present, there is a remarkable ease in a courtship. When this isn't in sync, the courtship feels much more difficult and, for myself, I've found I ask questions similar to what you are in he OP. One of the key ways I know a courtship is working is when I don't have to question it. I know that my partner will call because they do (when time allows) and they also demonstrate they are reliable. I know that on my partner's day off, if it is at all possible, they will call me to chat or to go and do something. So... from what you've described raveonette, this dominant may like you and you might well be a compatible partner for him. However, for whatever reason, something is out of sync. Thus, I'd slow things down, get to know other people, and leave your options open. As you've alluded, you can remain friends with this man. If you enjoy his friendship, by all means enjoy this, but it's going to happen only when he is available. Perhaps, as time goes on, he will want to spend more-and-more time with you and this blossoms into a relationship. That's fine, but in the meantime I would not wait around. I agree with your sentiments that it is often hard to meet a compatible, local kinkster. This said, it's not as hard as you might think. Start going to munches, kinky coffee events, kinky karaoke, BDSM seminars, play parties, and the like. You'll be surprised how many people you meet. Likewise, don't get caught up in the idea that this man is the "only one". I'm not saying the dominant you've met isn't a wonderful person - he may well be. And I'm sure he knows you're a very desirable submissive. You have a lot to offer. Many a dominant would love to meet you. For whatever reason, this dominant isn't sweeping you off your feet so enjoy his friendship and continue dating. In the future, things may change and he may come looking for your romantic hand, but it may also be that you're already collared by someone else at the point. Like they say... you snooze you lose! :-) Edited to add: if you know this dominant has a busy job and other commitments, be realistic. Perhaps he is giving you all the time he has. Minimally, if you feel there is "potential", I'd communicate the feelings you've shared here to him. This way, the two of you can talk this out and set reasonable expectations. And don't be afraid to ask for what you need. Perhaps, if he is busy throughout the week until the weekend, all you'd like is to hear about his day from time-to-time. So ask him to send you a quick, one or two line email in the middle of the week and then the two of you can agree to spend some time together on the weekend. A dominant cannot read your mind. Therefore, ask, respectfully, for the reassurance and the other things you need. Having said this, I reiterate, if this man is just too busy for a relationship, maintain the friendship and keep dating. Elan.
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