Why is protocall important in a D/s setting?

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Why is protocall important in a D/s setting? - 8/4/2008 7:30:52 PM

Zaraseeks

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I have been wondering how other people veiw protocall and its imprtance in their relationship...also what forms of protocall do you have in your relationship, where would you be without it?
Thanks lil zara

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RE: Why is protocall important in a D/s setting? - 8/4/2008 7:33:39 PM

Aileen1968

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I tend to lean towards relationships that have little to no protocol. I find that for me it never feels natural and requires me to act. I'm a very bad actress.

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RE: Why is protocall important in a D/s setting? - 8/4/2008 7:35:03 PM

TreasureKY

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The only protocol that we have in our relationship is that he is in charge. Outside of that, no protocol is necessary or important.

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RE: Why is protocall important in a D/s setting? - 8/4/2008 7:41:49 PM

Zaraseeks

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So you have NO protocol in your exchange? (which is fine?) So why not? And if You did, what would its reason be? Thanks for the responses!!
lil zara

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RE: Why is protocall important in a D/s setting? - 8/4/2008 7:42:54 PM

Leatherist

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why do you ask?

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RE: Why is protocall important in a D/s setting? - 8/4/2008 8:04:16 PM

TreasureKY

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Zaraseeks

So you have NO protocol in your exchange? (which is fine?) So why not? And if You did, what would its reason be? Thanks for the responses!!
lil zara

None that I can think of. While protocols might be hot, they're also a lot of work. If I'm busy trying to remember and implement special rituals and protocols, then I'm distracted from doing the work that truly benefits Firm and our relationship... the work that he wants done. It's also added work for him if he has to keep up with monitoring my performance of rituals and protocols... my job is to relieve him of what burdens I can, not add more.

That's not to say that there isn't the possibility of implementing some more formal protocols in the future. There are things that Firm has expressed a preference for or interest in, but at this particular time he has made no demands for consistence adherence due to impracticality.

Of course, the only reason to have any protocols would be if he wants them.

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RE: Why is protocall important in a D/s setting? - 8/4/2008 8:04:40 PM

sambamanslilgirl

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in a loving and caring Daddy-daugther relationship like ours, there's no need for protocol. we're happy being outside of what's call the "norm" of D/s.

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RE: Why is protocall important in a D/s setting? - 8/4/2008 8:21:16 PM

BeIgnited

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He asks that I do small things that I would just consider a little bit beyond standard politeness. We don't live together so when we're speaking online I'm supposed to ask before I walk away from the computer--as in "May I please go to the bathroom?" "Is it ok if I go walk the dogs now?" etc. He's never said "no."

As for sex, we have no fancy kneeling positions, no way I should greet him or anything like that. We may do something like that from time to time but usually the rules exist on a one-time only basis.

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RE: Why is protocall important in a D/s setting? - 8/4/2008 8:27:26 PM

CallaFirestormBW

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It is difficult to describe the full extent of protocol in our household. There are times when we are very relaxed, and other times when we are in 'full' protocol, including things like having servants who are not allowed to sit on the furniture, do not make eye contact, do not speak unless given permission by either myself or my Darling, who must stand, sit or kneel in certain positions and in certain relationships to us (things like a servant kneeling in our presence, so that we always look down at him, and he must raise his head to look up at us, and so his head is never higher than ours). We like "butler protocol" and "high tea" protocol on occasion... and oriental Tea Service protocol on very rare occasion. We also have speaking protocols -- a servant who is being disciplined to his servitude may spend a period of time learning to use third-person speech with grace. There are also protocols in the forms of how I and my Darling are addressed and in what order visitors are greeted.

We also have a standard, unyielding, "fall-back" protocol, to be put in place when everything goes to hell in a handbasket, or when there are several conflicting instructions waiting to be responded to -- or when someone asks a servant to do something that is unusual and either myself or my Darling are not available. (This is simply to ask oneself "will this cause potential harm or upset in the House?" If the answer is no, the servant can comply with the request without asking further. If the answer is -yes-, then the servant answers "I apologize that I am not allowed to comply without the express permission of (my mentor; the Lady Firestorm; the Lady SilverRose). I will seek them out to ask them and will let you know their response, or you may ask them and have them contact me with their instructions."

Not all protocols are in place all the time. The only one that is always in place is the "fall back". Everything else depends on our moods, the training level of the servant (earlier in training=more protocols in place), and what else is going on around us.

Calla Firestorm

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RE: Why is protocall important in a D/s setting? - 8/4/2008 9:22:02 PM

leadership527

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We currently have almost no protocol in our house. There is just the small collaring ritual when she comes home from work which I instituted to help her readjust to being my slave rather than her bosses slave *laughs*. I suspect this won't be necessary for much longer as she settles more and more into the role of my slave girl. I also suspect we'll keep it for a long time as it's become an intimate little moment of love for us every day.

I am currently working on a 3 tier protocol system that will add much more formality to it all. Low protocol will be the default for "out and about among vanilas". Medium protocol will be the default for "in our house or in a situation where our relationship won't offend others". High protocol will be a deliberately extremely tight protocol (think story of o without all the melodrama). The point of this whole excercise is as a training tool to help her to learn to focus on me, her Master (especially the high protocol). I doubt we'll keep this very long unless some parts stick due to emotional attachment. This is simply a tool that I think will help her grow beyond her current state of submissiveness and it'll be discarded as unwieldy and bothersome once it's purpose is served.

Hope that helps
~Jeff

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RE: Why is protocall important in a D/s setting? - 8/4/2008 9:56:49 PM

AllietheKitten

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We don't have a lot of protocol except for in the bedroom, where I am addressed as Lady and he must ask permission before cumming, ect. Sometimes I tack other things on just for fun-move here, look into my eyes, don't wash yourself because I want to....

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RE: Why is protocall important in a D/s setting? - 8/5/2008 12:31:58 AM

Zaraseeks

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Thanks all, i love hearing of others relationshups and why they do so, then looking at my own, hope to hear more!

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RE: Why is protocall important in a D/s setting? - 8/5/2008 4:11:17 AM

MistressStiletto

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At our house, we use protocol every day. It's not as complicated as the third person speak I've heard (and I wouldn't be able to listen to that stuff all day). It's mostly remembering to address us as Master/Mistress at the end of sentences. After a while, it starts to feel strange when we are at the Doctor's office, or some other place where it is not used. Slaves have noticed at work that it felt odd to be walking through a doorway and not bowing, or smoking a cigarette without asking permission. The protocols we use reinforce the slave's place as much as mine, and I don't feel they get in the way of conversing with them at all. LSlaves feel comforted by them and their stability, and I suspect that is a big reason for the Alpha's insisting on using them in the first place.

< Message edited by MistressStiletto -- 8/5/2008 4:14:01 AM >

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RE: Why is protocall important in a D/s setting? - 8/5/2008 4:15:07 AM

RCdc

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First you would have to define what you mean by protocol - rituals and protocols occur in all relationships, but defining which is what will give yourself and people a clearer sense of what it meant, otherwise all the answers will be pointless.

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RE: Why is protocall important in a D/s setting? - 8/5/2008 7:43:08 AM

happypervert

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IMO, it's just another kink. Some folks get off on it, and others can't be bothered with it. I like to play with it occasionally, but can also find it annoying to be with someone who is into it all the time.

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RE: Why is protocall important in a D/s setting? - 8/5/2008 7:50:53 AM

thetammyjo

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Protocols are just ways to help us remember our roles and feel the connections more strongly... we have them in all parts of life but they are usually so culturally entwined that we don't consciously think about them. In many BDSM places and relationships we make the protocols conscious and for a purpose -- or at least my protocols at home have a conscious purpose.

I like when a group has posted protocols because then I can make an informed choice about whether or not I want to go into their venue or join them.

I don't have a lot of protocols but the ones I have in my household and non-negotiable and very important.

< Message edited by thetammyjo -- 8/5/2008 7:51:59 AM >

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RE: Why is protocall important in a D/s setting? - 8/5/2008 7:57:57 AM

softness

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am not sure if we are "high protocol" or not ... I call Him Sir and try not to take the piss too often
try being the operative word ..

but yanno .. I'm english ... its genetic

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RE: Why is protocall important in a D/s setting? - 8/5/2008 8:14:03 AM

RealSub58

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Zaraseeks

So you have NO protocol in your exchange? (which is fine?) So why not? And if You did, what would its reason be? Thanks for the responses!!
lil zara

Relationships dont have to have protocol, it depends on the dominant. If he is the type that is structured and wants the relationship that way, he will come up with his own to fit the relationship or the people involved.

Several years ago I ran across a personal BDSM website that was so strict in protocol the women involved had demerit points and punishments fitting the number of demerit points.
It was a poly situation and how that man had time to run his relationships and at the same time make a living, is totally beyond me.

Protocol can be very Gorean in nature to strict or some loose type of structure.

A code of correct conduct is a working definition.
Google BDSM protocol and you get many reasons and types of it.

I would not consider it a "code," but there is a right and wrong way in our relationship to speak to each other, interact and yes I do have my "rules/guidelines." We dont consider it protocol, but indeed it does provide structure for me.

Sir's property, rs

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RE: Why is protocall important in a D/s setting? - 8/5/2008 8:14:51 AM

UR2Badored

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< Message edited by UR2Badored -- 8/5/2008 8:17:06 AM >

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RE: Why is protocall important in a D/s setting? - 8/5/2008 10:23:52 AM

IvyMorgan

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I like protocol and ritual. It helps me feel secure. I know my place, what I'm doing, what's supposed to happen. It's reassuring.

This possibly in part comes from the strong religious side of me. The attraction to seemingly pointless from the outside protocol, that actually has a lot of meaning when you scratch the surface.

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