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Starting out - 11/19/2005 7:54:48 PM

transcontinental

Posts: 11
Joined: 9/5/2005
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As a young (trans)woman who has had a curiosity about the BDSM lifestyle for a long time. (relative to my age anyway), I'm kind of curious as to how people who are fully established in incorporating BDSM into their daily lives got started. Friends that I've had who practice greater or lesser levels of BDSM all seem to have had their involvement grow out of vanilla relationships. Never having had a relationship head in that direction I have to wonder, is it more common for people to seek out BDSM or for them to slowly discover it? While I've decided to put off relationships altogether until I'm settled living full time as a woman and passing, I am seriously considering what my next relationship move will be after that. Unlike some TSs I don't see myself waiting until I can afford surgery. One thing that I am considering for that is trying to either make a first attempt at a BDSM relationship or to try and incorporate BDSM aspects into a vanilla relationship. (although obviously either of these will be highly dependant on circumstances, heh) Does anyone have any advice for a newbie trying to meet someone in the lifestyle, obviously there are sites like this one but advice about offline meeting would also be appreciated.

-lyssa

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RE: Starting out - 11/19/2005 9:06:56 PM

pandoravampire

Posts: 374
Joined: 12/6/2004
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My personal experience is that a long term relationship couple are more likely to have the levels of trust and boredom lol, that enhances your willingness to try new areas of sexual experience. ie. kinky vanilla.

For the sex fix of bdsm- this is fine. For the power exchange experience, it doesnt cut it, so it depends what it is that you are seeking?

I started by converting unsuspecting but willing vanilla partners to let me do 'kinky' things with them. But i found this shallow to the extreem when compared to sharing a bdsm experience with another like minded individual. Much like the difference in on line D/s to real life D/s - NO comparison!

So a good friend directed me to 3 websites, where i could read, learn, and discuss this lifestyle with others.
From doing this, i learnt what it was i sought, which was a power exchange. Wasnt too bothered if that was topping or bottoming.
Then i went on to search for that special person for me. Im one of the lucky ones that found that person.
I answered a advetisment from a Dom, that to me sounded likeable. We emailed, talked on the phone, got to know one another and finally met up, to test if the 'chemistry' we were feeling was correct and would be good for playing with each other. It was.

My opinion is that you should not wait untill your physical image reflect you sexuality. Your sexuality is allready there, why not express it? Be aware that your transgendered status right now, will appeal to people for varying reasons, some of those reasons you may not be as comfortable with as others.

take it slow, go at your own pace.

On the one hand, you have a hurdle some of us dont have, on the other, you have a asset that some of us dont have. Depends where your head space is right now.

the usual advice of find a local group and meet others to talk things over with, learn from, be guided by applies.

have fun, be safe, and keep posting. Welcome.

pandoravampire

(in reply to transcontinental)

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RE: Starting out - 11/19/2005 9:55:04 PM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pandoravampire

the usual advice of find a local group and meet others to talk things over with, learn from, be guided by applies.

I've had good luck finding local groups with www.darkheart.com/ They have a great list on there

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to pandoravampire)

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RE: Starting out - 11/19/2005 11:07:39 PM

transcontinental

Posts: 11
Joined: 9/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pandoravampire

My opinion is that you should not wait untill your physical image reflect you sexuality. Your sexuality is allready there, why not express it? Be aware that your transgendered status right now, will appeal to people for varying reasons, some of those reasons you may not be as comfortable with as others.

It is very difficult to be taken seriously as a woman while you still appear masculine (not that it isn't hard in general pre-op, just worse the earlier in transition you are), although the waiting isn't just because of body image issues (oh they're there). I don't have the emotional resources to deal with both the current changes in my life and relationships.

(in reply to pandoravampire)

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RE: Starting out - 11/20/2005 12:20:24 AM

MeryKitsune

Posts: 7
Joined: 11/19/2005
Status: offline

Heya Trans...

I wish I could say that I know what you're going through... I can empathize with my own process of coming out (as lesbian), but it doesn't really do your own path justice.

I've got to agree, you're still a sexual being (I'm assuming you're not asexual). It doesn't do any good to throw your sexuality in the corner and ignore it. It'll come to bite you on the butt one way or another.

There are a lot of people who love MTF people. A lot of them won't care about where you are in your journey. If you turn them on, you turn them on. Don't close any doors.

(in reply to transcontinental)

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RE: Starting out - 11/20/2005 2:37:40 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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All i can say is that you guys have far more guts than most people realise. I councel one transgender client and from all I hear with my talks is just how difficult many areas which I never thought were involved were. Good on yeo lass my hat is off to you.

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Master of Bruin Cottage

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Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to MeryKitsune)

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