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RE: A personal insight - 8/14/2008 10:50:21 AM

leadership527

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Maxwell:
Yeah, the love of a good woman. It's hard not to feel like I'm burning up 20 lifetimes of good karma in having her. Even if I am, it's well worth it. A few lifetimes reincarnated as a snail is a trifling price to pay for what I have *laughs*. I have to admit that I find it wonderfully endearing to have a slave who so demonstranbly wishes this relationship pattern that she's more than happy to help me out with my job if I'm faltering.

I would definitely say those who posted on this thread helped. Pretty much all the posts were spot on in the larger relationship dynamic. And even those thoughts that were not or not directly applicable to this specific problem forced me to consider them (in some cases, again) which helped me to sort out the actual answer. Overall, the posts on this thread were astonishingly well thought out given how little of the total picture everyone but me has.

And you're right, not only will this not be the last time this specific problem crops up, I'm sure there'll be a whole ton of other problems, issues, and whatever that come up... that's kind of a life thing, not a D/s thing. In the end, I want to be her Master, she wants to be my slave, and we both love each other to the ends of the earth. I'm sure we'll muddle through *laughs*.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wandersalone
This comment of yours for me is interesting Leadership. As humans we can spend so much time in our heads and even the most fantastic experiences can be coloured by doubt, fear, uncertainty etc...

Yes, good call. In part, I think that I am SOOO focused on this new job of mine, facilitated by not working for a living anymore, that I let those doubts, fears, and uncertainties loom larger than is reasonable. If I had any sense, I'd take a cue from my wife's handling of this whole thing and just relax a bit. Whatever happens, we'll get through it and it'll be fine. If, at some point, my worst fears somehow materialize and it stops being fine, even that isn't a huge melodramatic issue. We'll just change or stop the M/s dynamic as needed depending on the moods of the moment. I think some advice to give to myself can be summed up in "RELAX".

Thanks again everyone for your time and very well considered and thoughtful posts.
~Jeff

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: A personal insight - 8/14/2008 12:27:14 PM

Alonzo50

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Joined: 7/18/2008
From: California
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Just to add another perspective from a couple recently exploring a D/s relationship. I ran into something similar with my pet. I had trouble accepting the 'service' portion of our relationship.

I can look at another D/s Relationship and watch a friend of mine who is a submissive work all day, come home and do all the chores around the house, prepare the meals and do the laundry, and it all seems right because I know he *loves* it. I have no problem with it whatsoever and I don't think he's being taken advantage of.

Having said that, when I have my pet bring me the paper and coffee in the morning, I feel like a huge heel. I feel like I'm taking advantage of her and I'm a bad partner. It all stems from the fact that I feel like I'm 'getting over' on her, the system, how life is supposed to work. People aren't supposed to do things like that for you. My head tells me that's ridiculous, my heart won't listen. Fortunately my head is more clever than my heart.

It all came to a head in an out-of-role conversation my pet and I had. She took me aside and asked me very seriously, "What do you get out of this?" She explained all the wonderful things she was getting and how much she loved what we were doing, and expressed her concern that I was doing all of the work and not getting any benefit. How's that for turning it on its head?

I learned that I had to change how I looked at things. I wasn't "making her" get the paper for me. I was "letting" her get the paper for me, because its something that she wants to do. It gives her something she needs. If I happen to enjoy it too, well, so much the better!

Changing the way I view things and yes, even the words I use in my head to describe them, has made a huge impact for me. I hope in some small way this is helpful and might possibly be adapted to your situation. Good luck and blessings on your house.

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RE: A personal insight - 8/15/2008 7:34:21 AM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Alonzo50
It all came to a head in an out-of-role conversation my pet and I had. She took me aside and asked me very seriously, "What do you get out of this?" She explained all the wonderful things she was getting and how much she loved what we were doing, and expressed her concern that I was doing all of the work and not getting any benefit. How's that for turning it on its head?

I learned that I had to change how I looked at things. I wasn't "making her" get the paper for me. I was "letting" her get the paper for me, because its something that she wants to do. It gives her something she needs. If I happen to enjoy it too, well, so much the better!

*laughs* Oh, I soooooo know this story. I've had that same conversation and yes, it kind of rocked my world also. In the end, though, we all think the things we do well are "easy" and the things we don't do so well are hard, grueling challenges. In hindsight, of course SHE, from her limited dom-skills perspective, thought that my job was nothing but heartache and hassle while she got the easy side *laughs*.

Another thing I do to fight against the lingering feeling that I am somehow "taking" from her is that I keep a careful tally in my head. There's no doubt in my mind that I have and continue to ensure that there are wonderful things happening in her life above and beyond her enjoyment of serving me. And if all that fails, I try to look at the smile on her face which ought to be a tip off that somehow, something, is going very very right in her world.

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