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RE: When Both Are Beginners - 8/17/2008 4:09:57 PM   
zumala


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quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

For me, dominating Zumala would involve developing her as a person. My biggest interests in the kind of play you would see at a party are rope bondage and flogging. I'm interested in getting her to explore activities she's considered taboo due to a socially conservative raising. I would like to help her be more self-confident socially and in her career field.

An excellent answer.

To amplify what I said originally--that you must lead and she must follow--how do you, the dominant, choose to develop her as a person?

How will you build her up?

How will you nurture her strengths?

How will you overcome her weaknesses?

You have stated a goal--and a worthy goal at that.  As the dominant, your role is to chart the course towards that goal.

Everything after that....is learning.  For both of you.



I can't speak /for/ Pup on this, but I suspect that part of the advice and/or suggestions he may have been looking for are related to those questions that you have posed.  How does he accomplish these goals.  Granted, he knows me very well and he's a highly intelligent man whom I respect greatly, but perhaps he is not sure how to go about altering another person's view of themselves.


_____________________________

Why is it that I'm always the weird one?

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RE: When Both Are Beginners - 8/17/2008 4:26:14 PM   
celticlord2112


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quote:

perhaps he is not sure how to go about altering another person's view of themselves.

If any man has perfect confidence in how to proceed in such an undertaking, he is quite delusional.

That is the point of departure for leadership.  It is easy to decide when one is sure.  A leader must decide when he or she is not sure.  He or she accepts the risk of being wrong.

There are many directions he might take towards his goals.  He must pick one and move convincingly along that path. 

Choice for him is the beginning of the lesson, not the end.



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RE: When Both Are Beginners - 8/17/2008 6:08:21 PM   
MasterHermes


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When both are beginners, they grow together.

What a marvelous thing..
Hermes

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RE: When Both Are Beginners - 8/17/2008 6:11:57 PM   
DesFIP


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Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Start just in the bedroom. Once you're used to him in control for that period of time, you could extend it slowly. No more than one new rule a week at most and no punishment until the role has been in effect for a month. Personally I can't handle more than one new rule a month.

Lots of communication. Him announcing you need to wear short skirt with no panties on a day you're scheduled to go hiking with a school trip is not workable. And don't be afraid to decide that something that sounded good is just not something you can handle, or is causing too much stress.

The first thing I had to learn was how he wanted his tea, what foods he did or didn't like at meals. You already know all those things which will make things easier. Write his likes and dislikes down and you'll see that you already have a lot of rules in place.

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RE: When Both Are Beginners - 8/17/2008 6:59:49 PM   
masterofdrkness2


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they have bdsm check list on the net  (just do a search) , both of you fill one out then sit down and compare , see what works for both , see what one has as a limit , what might sound interesting and go from there , there is no set rules as to how any relationship is "suppose " to be .work into it slowly and enjoy the ride .

_____________________________

So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
Blue skys from pain.
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
(Pink Flyod)

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RE: When Both Are Beginners - 8/17/2008 8:07:23 PM   
AmandaOwns


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I have been told that the hardest part of such a transition is the man transforming from "Protecter" to Master. Of course, the Master that told me this always thought women were spiteful so his opinion may be biased.

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RE: When Both Are Beginners - 8/18/2008 10:01:43 AM   
leadership527


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quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112
If any man has perfect confidence in how to proceed in such an undertaking, he is quite delusional.  That is the point of departure for leadership.  It is easy to decide when one is sure.  A leader must decide when he or she is not sure.  He or she accepts the risk of being wrong.  There are many directions he might take towards his goals.  He must pick one and move convincingly along that path.  Choice for him is the beginning of the lesson, not the end.
well said... two of the greatest challenges for leaders in my experience are...

a) Facing the uncertainty and attendant risk of choosing before the situation is perfectly clear.
b) Maintaining enough rigidity to "move convincingly forward" balanced against enough flexibility to get off a bad path early rather than late.

The second one of those seems to be a common issue among dominants in the BDSM community... it gets expressed as "will I look weak if I change my mind?"

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RE: When Both Are Beginners - 8/18/2008 1:32:13 PM   
Deliena


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From: Darlington, United Kingdom
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Although my Master knew he was dominant and wanted a relationship that contained BDSM when we first met it wasn't the basis on which we met.  We discovered through each other that our desires in this aspect of our lives 'mesh' and whilst i have had more experience in this area than He has, we are exploring it within our relationship together.

He's learning to be my Master and i'm learning to be His slave, which is very rewarding, mutually satisfying and on occaission hysterically funny/irritating/boring.... much like any other form of relationship.  We get ideas from reading the boards here, talking to each other about fantasies and just letting things progress and change naturally.  I respectfully suggest that these activities may be useful to you as well.  Hopefully our journey - like yours will be fun, educational and rewarding.

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RE: When Both Are Beginners - 8/18/2008 1:35:19 PM   
lusciouslips19


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Just make sure to educate yourselves appropriately. How to do "this and that"  safely. make sure to read up and possibly get the right mentors to navigate through. Perhaps join a bondage club where you can meet moreexperienced people.

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RE: When Both Are Beginners - 8/18/2008 3:41:19 PM   
zumala


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Pup has actually been reading up a lot on rope bondage the past couple of days, since that seems to be a major interest of his.  He just got off the phone with a local outfitter, pleased to hear that they carry something called accessory rope.

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Why is it that I'm always the weird one?

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RE: When Both Are Beginners - 8/20/2008 8:32:07 PM   
zumala


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An admitted bump.  Does anyone else have any advice to offer?

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Why is it that I'm always the weird one?

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