Profile review please... (Full Version)

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AdamTaylor -> Profile review please... (8/16/2008 11:00:32 PM)

They really should just make a forum section for this.

Anyway... I was wondering if a few of you could take a look at my profile, and let me know if I should be making some changes or not.

I'm new to seeking such relationships online.
My previous dom/sub and Master/slave relationships were all through friends, and being introduced to them personally.

I've been trying to describe myself and what I am seeking. Just not quite sure the best way of writing it all down.
Any help would be greatly appreciated.



sarasmiles -> RE: Profile review please... (8/16/2008 11:52:39 PM)

Hi Adam,

i just reviewed Your profile, as requested.  In the interest of helping, i'll focus on what i think could be improved, since everyone's personal style, is just that...their own personal style.  The first paragraph could be tightened up.  It appears to me that You seek a sub, then prefer a slave, but are also open to a "regular" relationship.  Does that mean vanilla?  It leads me to believe You haven't figured out what exactly You're looking for, but up for anyone who's interested in You. i realize that sounds a little harsh and others may not read it that way at all....again, just hoping to be helpful. 

Secondly, You "love" or 'like' just about every topic under the sun.  It may feel a little challenging to a new person.  Perhaps a few select important ones could be listed with an invitation to the reader to discover what the two of you might have in common.  Some mystery is a good thing but too much and You could come across as secretive.  i'm certain You will find a balance between the two. The pics are great, btw!

Best wishes for Your journey....and happy hunting!
slave sara
in service to Master Dutch



HeavansKeeper -> RE: Profile review please... (8/16/2008 11:57:34 PM)

Let me start with issues:

1) The forum picture is a red flower, I assumed the profile belonged to a woman. Just saying.

2) "I am willing to train one if necessary." I'd remove the if necessary. It goes unsaid, and saying it makes you look like training her will be a favor to her and an inconvenience to you.

3) "if one is interested." same thing as above.

4) "And the relationship doesn't have to just be about the kink. (and the rest of said paragraph) is repetitive and has a tone to it that isn't inviting.

5) "Especially if you're a gamer." While there's nothing wrong with it, you should add more about your gaming, enough to start a conversation. If I said "If you're into music, that's a plus" what do you do? Say you're a musician? Maybe I just listen, but abhor reading notes?

6) The picture of you in the red shirt. How was the pot?

Things I like:

1) The entire second and third paragraphs. They're helpful and honest. Maybe a bit bland (as in lacking detail) but short and sweet.

2) You list many interests, even though you use the word "expert" liberally.

Overall helpful, try to be warmer.



AdamTaylor -> RE: Profile review please... (8/16/2008 11:58:08 PM)

Thank you Sara.

Yes, that first bit did give me problems.
Ideally, I seek a slave. That's what I want.
But I've also been in dom/sub, and just vanilla relationships. And I've been happy in them.

I'll have to work on that some more.

As for the interests... I think you're right. Cut back on some.
I'd just gone through the options that they had, and filled them out as honestly as I could.
I didn't realize they'd come up in a huge list in the profile as they do. :)



AdamTaylor -> RE: Profile review please... (8/17/2008 12:01:03 AM)

Thanks HeavansKeeper.
Nice points.

I've made a few changes.



antipode -> RE: Profile review please... (8/17/2008 8:17:15 AM)

I don't know that there needs to be a forum section for review, I think "Ask a master" and "Ask a sub" are perfectly adequate. Do you really need that much structure? An do you always introduce yourself by being critical?

Anyway, I don't know how many of us have a real view of how effective our profiles are, and how many read master profiles. This question crops up on a regular basis, I tend to think it comes from those who are insecure about themselves. I think you should put this question to the subs - it is they who shop for masters. Always go to the audience if you want to gauge perception, it is the subbies that can tell you what they are looking for.



faerytattoodgirl -> RE: Profile review please... (8/17/2008 9:10:58 AM)

quote:

They really should just make a forum section for this.


they do..its called introduce yourself.



peppermint -> RE: Profile review please... (8/17/2008 9:25:57 AM)

The intelligent lady you are seeking may not be impressed with the phrases that you present as sentences in your profile.  It is very difficult to start a sentence with the words "but", "though", and "and."  Many times sentences started with those words end up being phrases and yours are no exception.  Also, "Training and obedience." is not a sentence as it has no verb.  You might consider this being too picky on my part, however, you are the one who asked for advice on how to improve your profile. 



AdamTaylor -> RE: Profile review please... (8/17/2008 10:44:22 AM)

No problems with being picky.

Antipode, you make a good point.
It's not a matter of insecurity. I'm just new to seeking a lifestyle partner online. I wanted to get an idea of what a "good" profile would be.
We all have things to learn.



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Profile review please... (8/17/2008 2:17:29 PM)

a couple of comments

the profile looks ok to me however you list you're seeking a sub/sub couple and switch women.  are you really interested in dominating men? what would you offer them as their master? are you willing to switch and become submissive to your switch companion? what are you seeking in online romance?

some (i know i do) might have a problem about a dominant willing to relocate especially if he's from another country.

something to think about.



AdamTaylor -> RE: Profile review please... (8/17/2008 2:42:55 PM)

Didn't notice I'd selected switch actually. LOL!

As for the sub/sub couple, I've actually known a few bi couples (both women) who were both subs. And the both sought a man to serve.



katie978 -> RE: Profile review please... (8/17/2008 3:42:57 PM)

  You talk about how you would prefer a slave to a submissive. As you'll see if you hang around the forums, both definitions are entirely fluid. Judging by the activities you list, it's hard to fathom that you really care one way or another. In fact, I might argue that you seem to be looking for a submissive. I suggest you define what you're actually looking for rather than sticking to the broad terms that define things in BDSM. For example, those freaky cannibalism photos as BDSM...they don't fit into my definition of it, but obviously work for you. A slave might not believe she's a slave nor define herself as such, but if she fills your expectations, she'll work for you too.



angelspassion4u -> RE: Profile review please... (8/17/2008 3:45:27 PM)

Other than a tiny bit repetitive, I like your profile. Good luck to you.



ResidentSadist -> RE: Profile review please... (8/18/2008 7:51:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl
quote:

They really should just make a forum section for this.

they do..its called introduce yourself.

Faery,
I never understood why the mods move so many borderline things from General BDSM to Random/Stupid but they don’t move the “look at my profile” posts to Introduce Yourself. 

- just saying



AdamTaylor -> RE: Profile review please... (8/19/2008 8:25:55 AM)

Actually, I'd originally made a similar post in "Introduce Yourself" and it got deleted because that section's not for advertising your profile apparently. :p



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