is it proper? (Full Version)

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aislinn -> is it proper? (8/19/2008 4:27:28 AM)

As a submissive is it proper if i have interest in a Dominant for me to tell Him? or should i wait for Him to approach me? We talk all the time and i know there is interest between us but have never approached the subject seriously. How do i tell Him how i feel? Any and all responses would be greatly appreciated thank You for taking the time to read this and post a reply.



HeavansKeeper -> RE: is it proper? (8/19/2008 4:36:05 AM)

I've not met a dominant man who would be off pit by a nice submissive starting a conversation. You can be coy if you please, but don't hesitate in bringing the issue to light. 90% of success is showing up.

Without knowing anything more than you have an ongoing friendship, my advice is the simple but difficult "Just tell him." Leave him an out, thought, so he doesn't have to choose you as a submissive or nothing at all. Perhaps offer yourself to play with. If he jumps on it, he likes ya. If he doesn't, he either doesn't want to risk the friendship or doesn't want you as a submissive. At least this way he can be cool about saying no and no drama occurs.

I should ask, is this person known through the workplace? Many people hold work spouses, where flirtation comes dangerously close to being something real, but its all just to make 9-5 feel like 12-3.

If talking to him or offering yourself are out of the question, let it develop (or not develop) with time.

Something I tell My Pet: If you ask, you might hear "no."




aislinn -> RE: is it proper? (8/19/2008 4:40:31 AM)

He has shown interest in making me His. Subtle hints so to speak i am just not sure how to approach the subject seriuosly. We have talked for many months now and have a great friendship. i have a lot of respcet for Him and He shows me respect as well and i that means a lot to me.



eyesopened -> RE: is it proper? (8/19/2008 4:59:23 AM)

Yes, it is proper.  You could approach the subject without fanfare, just an honest, "I am very interested in a relationship with you and was wondering if you felt the same?"  There's no need to make it difficult of complicated. 



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: is it proper? (8/19/2008 5:01:32 AM)

if you're looking for the by-the-book-of-one-way-twuism, you should wait until the dominant in question approaches you.
(however be prepared to wait until the end of time)

be assertive and go for it! approach the dominant ...or you could wait ...wait ....wait ...wait and lose him to someone else.



MRandme -> RE: is it proper? (8/19/2008 6:08:19 AM)

Seems to me that many girls expect the Dominant to be able to read their minds. Truth is many men don't get hints or clues. They need a direct statement or bluntness, and most prefer it if we are direct. Wouldn't you feel silly if He was waiting to be sure you were interested?

Life is too short to waste on 'what ifs' and 'maybes'.  Ask Him.



chamberqueen -> RE: is it proper? (8/19/2008 6:14:46 AM)

If you are afraid of being rebuffed you can always use a phrase more like, "I've been looking for a man (Dom, whatever) just like you."  That gives him the chance to either make the first move or to bring up objections without you feeling as embarrassed if it doesn't work out.  (I have become an expert at phrasing things in a way to protect myself.  I might still be hurt but it isn't as obvious to the other person which saves a little bit of face.)



LivingInSin -> RE: is it proper? (8/19/2008 6:36:32 AM)

I would tell him, keeping in line with being completely honest. For me, I'm told to tell him everything. He will decide what is and isn't important.
I really wouldn't let an oppurtunity like this pass me by. Who knows what the two of you could have together if only you take this first step, you know?



DavidS8ist -> RE: is it proper? (8/19/2008 7:06:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: aislinn

As a submissive is it proper if i have interest in a Dominant for me to tell Him? or should i wait for Him to approach me? We talk all the time and i know there is interest between us but have never approached the subject seriously. How do i tell Him how i feel? Any and all responses would be greatly appreciated thank You for taking the time to read this and post a reply.

There's an old adage in sales:  You can't lose what you don't have.  Go for it.  Ask him out for a beer or a drink or a pizza.  Tell him you think the two of  you'd make a good fit.

The worst that can happen is he says, "No, thanks, not interested."  Or you try and make a go of it but it craps out.  Or you have a match made in heaven.

Waiting sucks.  Not knowing sucks.  And neither in a good way.

D.



ponch -> RE: is it proper? (8/19/2008 7:54:05 AM)

yes  just tell him how you feel  



beargonewild -> RE: is it proper? (8/19/2008 8:21:53 AM)

Instead of trying to think if it's "proper" using a submissive mindset, why not express your interest from a "one person to another angle"? Try to build a relationship between you and this other person and the D/s element will follow. 



AdamTaylor -> RE: is it proper? (8/19/2008 8:23:55 AM)

Just be honest and tell him.
The worst that will happen, is that he's not interested. In which case, you'll be in the same place you are now... except you'll know.

There is no reason not to be open about it. He's not a mind reader, and won't know unless you say something.

Just like vanilla relationships... you have to tell someone you're interested... or they'll never know.
Don't wait around expecting them to make the first move. Because more often than not... you'll just lose your chance because someone else will make a move on them before you do.



AquaticSub -> RE: is it proper? (8/19/2008 10:01:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: aislinn

As a submissive is it proper if i have interest in a Dominant for me to tell Him? or should i wait for Him to approach me? We talk all the time and i know there is interest between us but have never approached the subject seriously. How do i tell Him how i feel? Any and all responses would be greatly appreciated thank You for taking the time to read this and post a reply.


There isn't one proper way. Some people feel strongly that the dominant should approach the submissive and some feel strongly that the submissive must approach the dominant. If you feel comfortable letting them know, I'd say go for it.



NuevaVida -> RE: is it proper? (8/19/2008 10:18:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

There isn't one proper way. Some people feel strongly that the dominant should approach the submissive and some feel strongly that the submissive must approach the dominant. If you feel comfortable letting them know, I'd say go for it.


What she said.  :)



wandersalone -> RE: is it proper? (8/19/2008 10:49:03 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: aislinn

He has shown interest in making me His. Subtle hints so to speak i am just not sure how to approach the subject seriuosly. We have talked for many months now and have a great friendship. i have a lot of respcet for Him and He shows me respect as well and i that means a lot to me.


You could tackle one of these subtle hints next time they come up ... let him know that you would be interested in developing the relationship further.  Or even ask him a hypothetical about how he would feel if a submissive approached him about starting a relationship.  Humour can work as well and can be a nice way to introduce these deeper issues (I once dared a dom to make me submit..... admittedly I was very new to bdsm so he let me get away with that one time)

It sounds like you two have a lovely friendship so far.  Keep us updated please.



apiercedkitty -> RE: is it proper? (8/19/2008 11:17:15 AM)

i'm in the just put it out there category. Worst that can happen is He says He doesn't feel the same way. No more wondering either way. Good luck!



BrokenSaint -> RE: is it proper? (8/19/2008 1:21:36 PM)

I'd say it was proper. Quite a few people seem to go with the whole view their profile a bunch of times and wait for them to contact you thing. A few of the people I'm friends with and talk quite a substantial amount with used this approach, and then ended up finally going, y'know I'm just going to send a message. Personally for me it's not only a pressed for time issue (even the people I really like can usually expect at least a few days between mails), but also an ambiguity one. I like it when people are direct. I don't beat around the bush, I expect others to treat me with the same courtesy. We are on a website where people even keep journals. Sometimes people check those regularly. I look at it like this, if someone is interested enough, they'll contact me. I really just don't have the time to go scouring through profiles and writing a page or two to everyone I find interesting. I tend to get very verbose when I write, and I believe canned messages are crap, and an awful thing.

Then also make sure you send more than a sentence to them too. Sometimes people just send me things like hi. It's kind of like...okay? Hi! If you want to communicate in sentences, just make an im name for it, and send that along.



scottishdove -> RE: is it proper? (8/19/2008 2:36:31 PM)

What about the old fashioned way of just stepping up the warmth and closeness next time you communicate? Say if you go for coffee, make sure you are sitting next to each other rather than across from each other, and be your usual warm self, and if you can see him relaxing and falling into rapport with you.. try a gentle hand on this thigh briefly.

Or if you are talking on the phone, just make your voice a little warmer and slower than usual, and increase the intimacy.

These kind of encouragements can either prompt a man who is thinking of you to bring up his courage and go for it.. or after really inspire a few thoughts about you that could lead to a more direct approach from him later.

and, you never have to risk your ego or the friendship.. this way, it also allows the fellow the dignity of thinking it is his idea.

I read some study a long time ago.. contrary to popular thought, women initiate most of the time in starting relationships and in ending relationships. It is just a lof the time, the man didn't realize.

*lol*

baby doll



Damien -> RE: is it proper? (8/19/2008 4:14:27 PM)

On the other side of the coin, by not expressing your intentions, He will be under the impression that you have no interest in Him.

Being a Dom does not mean that all subs are interested in you.  Just like being sub does not mean that all Doms want to beat your ass.

Be bold.  Let him know.

Damien



Huntertn -> RE: is it proper? (8/19/2008 5:39:52 PM)

Look at this way...men look at all girls...but a lot of us worry only about the ones we care for...and sometimes it takes a brick to the forehead to get our attention..so Yes..get off your derrière and Just lean in a kiss him...lol..and say it..lol..bet he goes totally blank for about 10 seconds..then kisses you back...or you could do what happened to me once..a girl kneel at my feet..put her wrists together and said..I want to be yours..I was dumbfounded at first cause I had no ideal she knew about the lifestyle..LOL..its whatever works...



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