quote:

ORIGINAL: NeedingMore220

quote:

have given about 3 or 4 Doms bjs at the end of like 2nd or 3rd dates.

Are there dates after these?  Do you not go out with them because you didn't have an 'o' with them after the bj?  Or did the attraction fizzle out after the bj on his side? 

Did you talk with these guys about it - after all, you said you only went on the 2nd dates with them because you were attracted to them.  You could ask how he sees the relationship progressing.

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ORIGINAL: mistoferin

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ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Maybe it was a lousy bj.
I've given bj's and become quite aroused by the whole process, but never once have I ever been close to coming from giving one.  I've given bj's and not been touched at all before, during and after.  I've given bj's and been fucked before, during and after.  It all depends on the mood and the people involved.
Candy seems to be having communication issues.  I did try to read her profile, but it was just way too long for me.  I have a feeling that only a few men ever get to the end of it.   She has every right to want a romantic, sensual relationship.  That kind of relationship requirement doesn't become a troll filter though.  They are everywhere...even in that romantic d/s world of unicorns and castles.  And that's why she needs to fine tune her selection process and forget about flowery romance until after she chooses someone healthy for her.    Then enjoy the whole fun process of exploring with someone who matches her desires.  They are out there.  She needs to learn how to recognize them. 

I agree Aileen...but how much exploring can you do to find out if these men aren't actually sexually disconnected and would actually be a good match if you don't ever make it past the 1st blowjob?

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If you consider only Doms who are 'sexually connected', the only thing I have to add is this *feels* akin to having just moved someplace about 18 months ago without knowing anyone there when I first arrived, ya know what I mean?

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ORIGINAL: Aileen1968
Maybe she shouldn't give bj's on the first date then.  Or the second.  Or until she knows that she may have potential with the person. 

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ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Heh heh.  Gobbling is such a funny word.

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ORIGINAL: mistoferin

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ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Heh heh.  Gobbling is such a funny word.

Uh huh...and the look on their face when you're eyeing them up like a turkey leg on Thanksgiving...is priceless!

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ORIGINAL: 2Fiesty

Ok heres the quick and dirty answer to this entire thread. If your Partner (whether Dom or Vanilla) is frequently "disconnected" (more than just a "bad day at work", or "has alot on his mind" sort of thing) then chances are he is not interested in you and you need to move on. Sometimes one partner will allow a relationship to drag on for months or years because they dont want to hurt your feelings and ending it would be terribly inconvenient (for 1 reason or another). I should know, as I myself  done this to previous boyfriends, who seemed to prefer me to lie to them rather than end the relationship.
------
The other thing that bothers me about this thread is, to all of you who gave {candy} shit about being a "pleasure slave" not everyone is a masochist, she is simply reinforcing her limits and telling you up front what she likes. You know that whole communication thing? People arent mind readers and a slaves needs and desires are important if you want to keep her. She offers potential Doms monogamy, honesty, her body and a willingness to serve (within her limits). She cant exactly offer anything specific because she would have to know what her partner likes (since we are all different). Not every Dom out there wants a doormat who begs them to be abused everynight. There are different levels of D/s which in reality even vanillas whether they realize it or not participates. Candy (it seems to me) just wants a Man who is strong and aggressive who will order her around and be possessive of her. She likes to play dress up and top from the bottom which is fine....some guys are into that. Not all guys are comfortable with pain-play or hardcore bondage.
-I hate how some people try to make D/s black and white (and its not just Dom(me)s who do this but self-righteous and snobby subs as well); I have often been told that if I am a real sub I should continue the same mannerisms and timid demeanor in public as I do in the bedroom, and that "playtime" is a B.S. concept. "Either you are D/s all the time or your not."  I strongly disagree, I am a sub not a slave and I am still a human being, and after the formalities of D/s have been acknowledged, Master and I have normal conversations like normal people. After I have finished my daily responsibilities set by Master,  I go about the rest of my day doing as I wish (again like a normal human).
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So! in closing, for those of us who are submissives and NOT slaves or beasts (Gor). (And for those like candy who are NOT painsluts)......
PLEASE STOP CRITISIZING AND JUDGING US!
<bows respectfully>
Thank you very much for your consideration. (Emphasis added.)

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ORIGINAL: mistoferin

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ORIGINAL: candystripper
Well, only gotten to 3rd, so far.  One thing or another has caused one or the other of us to give up.  Usually distance.
 
Christ -- hold your horses will ya?  Only been dating D/s regularly for about a year at this point.
 
candystripper 

Okay then...if you give the blow job on the 3rd date...and you've only gotten to the third date...that would mean that there haven't been any dates after the blowjob (or only 1 at the most if you gave the blowjob on the 2nd date). So I have to assume that means that there has only been the one (or at the most 2) sexual contacts between you. If that is the case, how on earth can you label these men as sexually disconnected? I would have thought that what you were referring to was men who ONLY want blowjobs and don't give a whit about ever satisfying you. If there hasn't been any ongoing sexual interaction between you, how can you determine such a thing? (Emphasis added.)

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ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Maybe it was a lousy bj.
I've given bj's and become quite aroused by the whole process, but never once have I ever been close to coming from giving one.  I've given bj's and not been touched at all before, during and after.  I've given bj's and been fucked before, during and after.  It all depends on the mood and the people involved.
Candy seems to be having communication issues.  I did try to read her profile, but it was just way too long for me.  I have a feeling that only a few men ever get to the end of it.   She has every right to want a romantic, sensual relationship.  That kind of relationship requirement doesn't become a troll filter though.  They are everywhere...even in that romantic d/s world of unicorns and castles.  And that's why she needs to fine tune her selection process and forget about flowery romance until after she chooses someone healthy for her.    Then enjoy the whole fun process of exploring with someone who matches her desires.  They are out there.  She needs to learn how to recognize them. 

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ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I hate to say this, but it's a "not really into you, got what he wanted" sort of scenario.  The only remedies I can think of is:  wait before giving out bj's or when giving out 2nd/3rd date bj's don't expect it to turn into a romantic relationship.  Or/and if you aren't getting what you want, tell him you want more physical action than merely giving a bj.

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ORIGINAL: mistoferin

psssssssssssssttttttt Candy.....after a man cums they generally do go into shut down mode....at least for a little bit. They want to relax in the moment, have you make them a bite to eat, take a quick nap....that sort of thing. I'm assuming you're not dating 18 year olds who can be ready for round 2 in 3.5 seconds. So if the blowjob is coming at the end of the date....and there isn't another date....when exactly are you expecting them to show you what "sexual doms" they are?

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ORIGINAL: NeedingMore220



candy ... I don't know if I can stress this enough, though - stop asking why things happened in past relationships and use what did happen in the future to manage your relationships, until you're prepared to give over that management to the Dom who collars you. 

Only you can stop yourself from being/feeling used.