RE: When quetions become a bad thing...

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Untouched1282 -> RE: When quetions become a bad thing... (8/24/2008 10:07:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TNstepsout I don't mind questions. I ask a lot of them myself. What would get frustrating to me is if I felt like we'd covered ground and had a good understanding and THEN when the reality of experiencing a certain activity was upon the sub, he decided he had all kinds of questions he hadn't asked before. I would take that as a sign that he wasn't thinking ahead or really considering what I was asking in order to give me the information I needed to make him feel safe, secure and trusting. Make sense? In full, it makes sense. However, I think that new things always comes up which can cause new questions. However, as you said, after something's been discussed, considered, I guess the discretion of the sub should take over. WIth that being said, while I know some Dominas don't object to proactive (thinking) subs, I don't know how they would feel if they knew a sub assumed a great deal of things with regard to their relationship, his/her Domina. Maybe she wants to tell him/her how it is? Just in theory, anyhow.

Untouched1282 -> RE: When quetions become a bad thing... (8/24/2008 10:08:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SunNMoon I love being asked questions. And I don’t mind being asked questions about why I do or think about something (as long as it doesn’t fall under the above example of cooking the potatoes). One of the reasons that I adore them is that it gives me insight into myself as well as the person I’m with. At the beginning of a relationship there are certain questions which I’ll just state I’m not ready to answer do to my belief that particular answer is private for me. But most questions I’d be happy to answer. I also think part of asking lots of questions is being able to answer them yourself. I could not agree more with your response. The Platonic approach to questions asking and answering. :)

Untouched1282 -> RE: When quetions become a bad thing... (8/24/2008 10:11:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Racquelle I expect to be asked enough questions that the boy or girl feels sure of what is being asked. The more complicated the task, the more questions I expect. But at a certain point it is a stall tactic. We both know when that subtle line is crossed. What I prefer is a sub who has enough intelligence and confidence to ask for vital information and stop short of stalling and wasting time. A few more foolish individuals have made the mistake of pestering with questions until I became aggrivated and then realized I hadn't taken them out of the hog-ties yet, so, got left there for a painfully long time. Hehehehe :) You always bring humor to your responses! I LOVE IT! <3 With that being said, I appreciate the serious approach you have taken in responding to my query :) I never though about the "stall tactic" aspect, but I see how this could be the case, even subconsciously. Thank you :)

Untouched1282 -> RE: When quetions become a bad thing... (8/24/2008 10:13:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TexasMaam A sub can ask Me any question he wants, whenever he wants, as long as he has My permission to do so. TM I love this response! Though rather remedial in some sense, it's quite an important point to make! As long as you follow proper protocol, aren't attempting to undermine the Power dynamic of the relationship, questions can be a wonderful thing!! Well stated, Ma'am :)

SunNMoon -> RE: When quetions become a bad thing... (8/24/2008 1:21:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Untouched1282 I could not agree more with your response. The Platonic approach to questions asking and answering. :) Yup minus the Hemlock. =D I like a philosophical approach to ds, I can’t think of a better way to spend a Sunday afternoon. But I’m all nerdy like that.

Untouched1282 -> RE: When quetions become a bad thing... (8/24/2008 1:34:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SunNMoon Yup minus the Hemlock. =D I like a philosophical approach to ds, I can’t think of a better way to spend a Sunday afternoon. But I’m all nerdy like that. I think it was Socrates who took Hemlock, no? lol I'm a nerd too, no worries.

SunNMoon -> RE: When quetions become a bad thing... (8/24/2008 1:41:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Untouched1282 quote: ORIGINAL: SunNMoon Yup minus the Hemlock. =D I like a philosophical approach to ds, I can’t think of a better way to spend a Sunday afternoon. But I’m all nerdy like that. I think it was Socrates who took Hemlock, no? lol I'm a nerd too, no worries. Yes, it was Socrates for the corruption of youth. [:D]

Untouched1282 -> RE: When quetions become a bad thing... (8/24/2008 1:48:04 PM)
HUG

AAkasha -> RE: When quetions become a bad thing... (8/24/2008 1:51:25 PM)
I have a variety of "question" pet peeves as it relates to submissive men, but these are my personal ones. In general, communication is always a good thing, so questions are good. Here are good questions that submissives do NOT ask enough: * Submissives often lack the ability, initiative, guts, whatever, to ask questions during the courting process - simple questions, about hobbies, dreams, desires, interests - NON kinky questions. They seem to want to be asked questions, but then do not return the effort. I think many believe it is not appropriate to ask anything. In reality, it just makes for one-sided and boring conversations. * Submissives should ask about what makes a femdom tick - but not in self serving ways. Don't ask "What makes you wet?" but ask what drives her desires, what made her that way, what curiosities she still has about her femdom side, in what ways has it changed or evolved. Thoughtful, interesting questions about my nature are always appreciated. Most subs just want to know the size of my strap on cock, and if I get wet when a man's asshole is tight. * Submissives need to ask about fulfillment. Are you happy? Did that work for you? Anything I could have done better? Are we moving forward? Submissive questions I HATE: Early in the relationship, being asked every hour, "Is there anything I can get you?" -- one time is enough! Being asked, in general, "What can I do for you?" when it clearly is fishing for attention or direction. I'm a dominant woman, trust me, when I want you to do something, I will know - or, I will alert you to tasks that should begin to be a natural part of your routine. Being asked, in "scene," for some kink. NEVER, ever, ever do that. I hate it. Afterward is the time to discuss post-wish-list reflections. A good rule of thumb is to understand the motivation behind the questions. Questions about progress, mutual benefit, sincere desire to understand and have empathy are good. Questions that are driven by selfishness, need for attention, insecurity, or self indulgence are not good. Of course, there's going to be some of the latter in any new relationship, and so there's a "free pass" to a large degree - but when the irritation of the questions, or continuation of them after correction, reaches a high, it probably will signal an end. Akasha

littlesarbonn -> RE: When quetions become a bad thing... (8/24/2008 2:04:21 PM)
I always ask questions until I'm told to shut up, gagged or violently assaulted with knitting needles.

Untouched1282 -> RE: When quetions become a bad thing... (8/24/2008 2:07:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkash A good rule of thumb is to understand the motivation behind the questions. Questions about progress, mutual benefit, sincere desire to understand and have empathy are good. Questions that are driven by selfishness, need for attention, insecurity, or self indulgence are not good. Of course, there's going to be some of the latter in any new relationship, and so there's a "free pass" to a large degree - but when the irritation of the questions, or continuation of them after correction, reaches a high, it probably will signal an end. Akasha Thank you for yet another powerful post. I take a few issues with some of the last part of your pst -- "Questons that are drive by selfishness, [etc]" -- but they deal mostly with philosophical outlook more than anything else :) You're on of my favorite posters!

pixelslave -> RE: When quetions become a bad thing... (8/24/2008 7:10:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha I have a variety of "question" pet peeves as it relates to submissive men, but these are my personal ones. In general, communication is always a good thing, so questions are good. Here are good questions that submissives do NOT ask enough: * Submissives often lack the ability, initiative, guts, whatever, to ask questions during the courting process - simple questions, about hobbies, dreams, desires, interests - NON kinky questions. They seem to want to be asked questions, but then do not return the effort. I think many believe it is not appropriate to ask anything. In reality, it just makes for one-sided and boring conversations. * Submissives should ask about what makes a femdom tick - but not in self serving ways. Don't ask "What makes you wet?" but ask what drives her desires, what made her that way, what curiosities she still has about her femdom side, in what ways has it changed or evolved. Thoughtful, interesting questions about my nature are always appreciated. Most subs just want to know the size of my strap on cock, and if I get wet when a man's asshole is tight. * Submissives need to ask about fulfillment. Are you happy? Did that work for you? Anything I could have done better? Are we moving forward? Well written Akasha and very good advice for submissives. [sm=agree.gif] It's important to me to get to know the real woman and not just the dominant that I eventually expect to submit to when starting a new relationship. Asking these kinds of questions IMO is how to do it and as things become more intimate, I'll ask even more specific questions on her preferences on many different things. [&:] I like to know what makes her tick and what motivates her. Dominants have buttons that get pushed just as we subs do. I like to learn what they are so we can enjoy the dance together. Sometimes it's a matter of careful observation, but there also some things that can only be learned by asking. [:D] - pixel

chamberqueen -> RE: When quetions become a bad thing... (8/25/2008 1:43:47 AM)
The key can be timing and tone of voice. When first considering a relationship it is only right to have a ton of questions. Once the relationship starts to develop the types of questions will most likely change from a general getting to know you style to something a little deeper. Once the relationship is pretty well established you will be able to start picking up on your partner's mood and know when it is a good time to ask questions. If you are given a task of picking up something at the store, it would be appropriate to ask if the person has a favorite brand. Simply asking, "why?" might get a very different response. Depending on your relationship asking, "Would you like me to leave right now?" could earn you either favor or a punishment. I am naturally curious, and always like to know the reasons behind things. I've had to train myself to ask questions in such a way that the other person doesn't automatically put their guard up. For instance, if someone seems tense I am much more likely to get a good response by asking, "You look like you could use a good shoulder rub, would you like one?" than "What bug got up your butt?" LOL Sometimes it isn't that easy. Say that you feel you are being ignored and it hurts. The natural questions might be, "Why are you ignoring me?" "Have I done something to displease you?" "Is something wrong?" If you suspect that it has to do with their own personal stresses and you want to be careful not to add more, it might be the time to make a simple statement, "I hope you have a wonderful day", instead of filling your own immediate need and possibly adding to their burden.

AAkasha -> RE: When quetions become a bad thing... (8/25/2008 7:34:10 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chamberqueen The key can be timing and tone of voice. When first considering a relationship it is only right to have a ton of questions. Once the relationship starts to develop the types of questions will most likely change from a general getting to know you style to something a little deeper. Once the relationship is pretty well established you will be able to start picking up on your partner's mood and know when it is a good time to ask questions. If you are given a task of picking up something at the store, it would be appropriate to ask if the person has a favorite brand. Simply asking, "why?" might get a very different response. Depending on your relationship asking, "Would you like me to leave right now?" could earn you either favor or a punishment. I am naturally curious, and always like to know the reasons behind things. I've had to train myself to ask questions in such a way that the other person doesn't automatically put their guard up. For instance, if someone seems tense I am much more likely to get a good response by asking, "You look like you could use a good shoulder rub, would you like one?" than "What bug got up your butt?" LOL Sometimes it isn't that easy. Say that you feel you are being ignored and it hurts. The natural questions might be, "Why are you ignoring me?" "Have I done something to displease you?" "Is something wrong?" If you suspect that it has to do with their own personal stresses and you want to be careful not to add more, it might be the time to make a simple statement, "I hope you have a wonderful day", instead of filling your own immediate need and possibly adding to their burden. This makes me think of another kind of "questioning" that just makes me want to pull my hair out, and I have no idea if it's the same for other femdoms or if I am just an impatient, high maintenance bitch. And that is the kind of questioning that is basically relentless "clarification". For example, I tell a sub to go do a task. He then asks me to clarify something about it, which is fine. But when the questions keep coming, all the way down to the color of the paddle (being facetious, but you know what I mean) and which hand to hold it in, it's simply too much. I try to be fair and understanding that a sub may have some serious need to make sure he is doing something "right" -- but at the same time, I think some subs have a deep need to either be micro managed, or they want to "extend" the "order giving" process as it gives them a rush. Or they want any excuse to keep talking. So a few follow up questions might be ok, but when it gets to be ridiculous, I have not only lost interest in them doing the act, but am annoyed as hell that they are wasting my time. There are some cases where the sub obviously is perfectly capable of carrying out the task and figuring out any of the potential unknowns to the best of his ability. Unfortunately, what prevents me from just simply dumping subs at the first sign of this annoying behavior is that sadly so many subs are fearful to death that any wrong move will get them released, so they want clarification as a survival tool. I can't fault a guy for wanting to make sure he does not screw up a task - but, at the same time, if I tell him he does not need to ask a million questions, he should then follow the task to the best of his ability. I give as much leeway as I can until it's clear he's just manipulating me for more attention. I'm sure subs have just a big a pet peeve about "femdoms and vague commands" - so I try to be fair. Akasha

hereyesruponyou -> RE: When quetions become a bad thing... (8/25/2008 4:15:54 PM)
I think not asking questions has in general been much more of a turn off for me. When a sub/slave assumes to know what i want from the beginning and professes to be open to "anything you want" without discussion, this is for me the quickest way to get me to stop responding.

MaamJay -> RE: When quetions become a bad thing... (8/26/2008 1:14:45 AM)
I welcome questions! But subs don't always feel the same about My wordy answers [:D] That said, occasionally I will shut down a question when the timing is inappropriate, I say I will answer it later and I make sure I do. An example would be during a scene when I don't want to give away something that will lessen the effect of it happening (knowing I am not contravening a hard limit etc of course). The question will be dealt with in the debriefing later. Re clarification questions ... it depends on how clear My commands were and the sub's experience of how I generally like things done. As a science teacher, I am used to giving clear and specific instructions, so I expect a sub to pay attention the first time and then carry them out. In future, they shouldn't need to ask extensive questions about the same task ie once trained how I like the dishes washed or My laundry pegged out ... should be enough to say please do it! However, there are other things which might vary ... as a sub, i ask Master about His food preferences because He likes a lot of variation in how He has things served. So He can't just say "I want baked beans and cheese for breakfast" without my asking whether He wants the beans on the toast or the toast on the side, and whether He wants a cheese slice over or under the beans or grated cheese on top as these are all options He enjoys from time to time! It would be unfair for Him to get pissed off at my asking those questions when He knows there isn't a "set" way in which He likes that food served. Maam Jay aka violet[A]

MsStarlett -> RE: When quetions become a bad thing... (8/26/2008 3:43:20 AM)
Ok... am I the only one who wants to grab Untouched, tie him up, beat him, rape him and get it over with?

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