RE: I have to ask...... (Full Version)

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faerytattoodgirl -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/25/2008 11:29:16 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

quote:

ORIGINAL: DS4DUMMIES

[Snip]one sub...and say, three doms? 


~Daydreaming...~


i just ate a sub...and have another sub in the fridge for tomorrow... [8|]



subtee -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/25/2008 12:09:07 PM)

That's so...Dahmer



ExSteelAgain -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/25/2008 1:25:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

That's so...Dahmer


Ah he wasn't such a bad guy. [:)]



lostgirl83 -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/25/2008 6:42:23 PM)

As a bi female sub when I was still "looking" I would often be asked to participate in this type of relationship.

I think it depends on the couple as to why they are specifically looking for a bi female sub to join their family. For me honestly I would be conflicted. I would be torn between wanting to please my Master with another woman (and also pleasing myself as I know I would love to have a slave of my own to use and abuse...) and the common insecurities most women have... "what if he likes her better etc etc..." I am fairly confident of my place with my Master but one can never be too sure and I know if he were ever to look I would be more comfortable if she were below me.



hejira92 -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/25/2008 7:22:10 PM)

I kinda find this whole thread judgmental in a "my-kink-is-better-than-your-kink" kind of way. Why care what others are looking for? If you're not into it- go to the next profile.
 
Personally, I have always been bisexual and only semi-monogamous. Master has always been completely monogamous when in a relationship. We have a couple's profile looking for female submissive play partners. Believe me, it was not His idea. He is not in any way trolling for threesomes. He is indulging me in my fantasy of watching Him dominate (and, if the situation is right, have sex with) another woman.
 
And we may be just one couple, but our example proves that you cannot jump to (prejudged) conclusions from just reading what a couple is seeking.



MercTech -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/25/2008 7:28:11 PM)

My dearest friend could be described as "bi female switch" if one insisted on a label.
More than once she has elbowed me in the ribs, "Look at her, she is HOT.  I could eat her all up. Care to share lunch?"
One day, one of us is going to meet someone and introduce to the other as a possible part of the household.
When that happens, there might be some interesting three way negotiating on roles and responsibilities.  But, I just can't see advertising for such a person.  Meeting interesting people is much more likely to happen on the internet.  Only serendipity will find true compatibility.

Stefan




catize -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/25/2008 8:02:38 PM)

My response is, admittedly, a generalization.  I think there are many, not all but a large percentage of folk who hear or think about BDSM and want to join the ‘fun’ without considering what it really means.  Your question could be applied as well to those who decide they want to be dominant or submissive with little or no understanding that their ‘fun’ carries responsibilities and/or obligations.  How many people research what they are interested in, think it through to all its possible ramifications and develop a workable plan?  (and to be honest, I didn’t do that either but I did learn from my mistakes!)     
“Magical thinking’ abounds but I don’t believe it is just those who say they want poly, nor is it only those who are lured by the fantasy of BDSM.  I am reminded of a vanilla lover I had a looong time ago.  In the middle of some very hot sex, he said “Will you have my baby?”  I was instantly out of the mood and asked him: Who will carry and give birth to it?  Who will care for, feed and shelter it?  Who will make sure it gets an education?  Of course he answered that I would do all that as the mother.  He was shocked at my response, muttered that Other women found it sexy.  Well, my pragmatic nature made it impossible to join in his fantasy!
Perhaps poly sounds exciting to both the dominant and the submissive.  What many forget is that all relationships have problems and adding a third more than triples the work required to make it feasible.  Some do ‘get it’ and manage it well (your household comes to mind as well as a few others).  But what I frequently read on the poly forum tells me that it ain’t easy; it seldom translates to reality for those who are not prepared. 



softness -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/26/2008 2:36:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

 
I just have to ask.
 
Not bitching about the number of times this particular subject comes up mind you, but i have a few "whys" i want to ask.
 
Here is the post that started me thinking;
 
"We want a girl that can obey both of us, but I still have to obey my master/husband. She would mainly be my pet, as I am my master's pet."
 
(1) Why is this the most common type of search? Seems like the majority of couples seeking are looking for a bi poly female sub/slave that is willing to submit to the first slave in the couple.
 
(2) Is there that many female subbies who have suddenly discovered that they are really a switch?
 
(3) Is it that the male Dom in the couple wants another female and uses the "honey she will be yours too" or "but you will always be first" lines as a way to convince the first sub to go poly?
 
(4) Is it that the first subbie  wants domestic help?
 
(5) Is it so the female sub in the relationship gets to feel she is FIRST, and therefore more important? So she has control over the situation?
 
(6) Is that why the term Beta is used so often? 
 
(7) Why do so many couples think women are just dying to jump in and do this?
 
True there are those that are willing to do this but the pool is so small that the couple involved needs to be offering a lot. And the willing ones can afford to pick and choose.
 


1) ... I doubt very much that it is the most common type of search online. If you are talking online the groups seeking their first partners is always going to be the biggest one.

2) ... sometimes yes actually ... often its is something they will be exploring because it pleases their Owner ... often because us BDSM types tend to be curious, exploratory and inquisitive switching maybe something they like to try. Also the Alpha doesn't always play with the Beta as a Top ... even though they have higher rank within the household they will still be treated as equals in play.

3) .... sometimes Alphas want to go poly, not all Doms are Fucktards hoping to get their dicks wet.

4) .... initially DV started negotiating with me because he wanted another girl to join him and his slave. I was to be housekeeper, nanny, and general PA to a busy professional household. I would also be his sex slave, and her "girlfriend" ... she would probably have Topped me as well. My main value at that time was as a home help, finding a girl willing to join a  household as a pet and fuck slut is easy ... finding one to join the house as a genuine home help ... less so.

5) ... yes ... Alpha and Beta are hierachical titles and so they will make the Alpha feel more in control/important/revered - even if she is in fact none of those things. I was always clear that although there would be no hierachy among the girls in DV's house created by him a hierachy would emerge none the less. I am not easily pushed around, it's highly doubtful I was going to allow some slut to push me around on my home turf. This being the case when put into a bucket of girls, I am likely to rise to the top, unless there is some amazingly impressive woman who immediately wins my admiation and respect. I would be highly disruptive in a Poly household unless I was able to have the space to do that - call me Beta all you like, but it would take one hell of an Alpha to keep me down.

6) .... yes

7) .... well you want the answer to be .. "Cos they are dumb" ... and that is part of it ... but actually a lot of women do want those relationships.




Twicehappy2x -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/26/2008 4:04:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FlamingRedhead

I'm a switch, and Daddy has raised the possibility of one day bringing in a third person for me as an occasional play partner.  It would be occasional because neither of us wants a poly family. This is just so I can beat someone's ass from time to time.


See, this i get, as you are a switch. Perfectly understandable.
 
The ones i don't get are the subs who are not into switching or occasional topping yet are willing to take another fem sub into the relationship, often when the honestly do not want to share, if they get to be the boss.



Twicehappy2x -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/26/2008 4:07:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MAMandSlave

When I first met my slave, she was entirely submissive. As we have been together, her sadistic side has shown itself, as well as her dominant side.

we have nice boys for her to practice on.


This i also understand, we often grow as we discover new facets of our personalities.
 
Nice boys, lol, kudos and have fun. Pictures? WEG.....



Twicehappy2x -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/26/2008 4:13:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lostgirl83

For me honestly I would be conflicted. I would be torn between wanting to please my Master with another woman (and also pleasing myself as I know I would love to have a slave of my own to use and abuse...) and the common insecurities most women have... "what if he likes her better etc etc..." I am fairly confident of my place with my Master but one can never be too sure and I know if he were ever to look I would be more comfortable if she were below me.


Thank you, an honest answer, you obviously know yourself.
 
Why would it make you more secure if she were below you? That one i can sorta see, but perhaps i am too hard, how would it make you feel more secure?
 
Insecurity issues  i do understand. I think everybody feels that way sometimes.
 
But i cannot help but think, if a male is going to favor female over  another one, who is above and who is below is not going to be a factor, nor will it give the one on top the ability to stop this from occurring.
 



Twicehappy2x -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/26/2008 4:20:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

  
“Magical thinking’ abounds 

 What many forget is that all relationships have problems and adding a third more than triples the work required to make it feasible.  Some do ‘get it’ and manage it well (your household comes to mind as well as a few others).  But what I frequently read on the poly forum tells me that it ain’t easy; it seldom translates to reality for those who are not prepared. 


I love that phrase "Magic thinking abounds" lol, like someone we had just met who was fascinated by Scooter having two women of his own.
 
"Where do i sign up for this" He asked, red faced and practically panting.
 
I replied, "you can't just go out and fill out an application for your Master card"  I think you are right, when i see these adds i often think, that is a disaster waiting to happen.
 
But i think the reason it works when it does is that those involved have to be brutally honest with themselves and they have to be open about how they feel with all the others involved.



Twicehappy2x -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/26/2008 4:29:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness


1) ... I doubt very much that it is the most common type of search online.

2) ... sometimes yes actually ... often its is something they will be exploring because it pleases their Owner

3) .... sometimes Alphas want to go poly, not all Doms are Fucktards hoping to get their dicks wet.

5) ... yes ... Alpha and Beta are hierachical titles and so they will make the Alpha feel more in control/important/revered - even if she is in fact none of those things.6) .... yes

7) .... well you want the answer to be .. "Cos they are dumb"


To reply in order;
 
1)It does appear to be the most complained about, most often brought up question on the poly boards. And the most searched after or at least hardest to find type of fem sub.
 
2) +5) I get experimenting to please their owner, that is great, like i already stated though, i still do not see how being the Alpha equaling feeling secure.
 
3) I agree but it seems like a bunch of them are.
 
7) Sorry but you are wrong. Exactly why or how you think you know what i want the answer to be i could not imagine. I only want to grasp exactly what i've asked.



Twicehappy2x -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/26/2008 4:36:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: hejira92

I kinda find this whole thread judgmental in a "my-kink-is-better-than-your-kink" kind of way. Why care what others are looking for? If you're not into it- go to the next profile.
 
He is not in any way trolling for threesomes. He is indulging me in my fantasy of watching Him dominate (and, if the situation is right, have sex with) another woman. 


In no way have i stated my kink was better. In fact i am sure i've went out of my way to state that is not what i was attempting to do.
 
The question was not brought up over profiles, but rather over the weekly posts in various forms over the subject.
 
What you are looking for, i get, you appear to being honest about it and secure in both your relationship and what you seek.  It is the the type i initially asked about i am seeking to comprehend.



Annabelle83 -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/26/2008 9:21:50 AM)

This is not the type of situation that we were seeking but it is what came about in our home. We did not set out to look for it but it was the roles that we fell into very naturally and have found our peace and place within this dynamic. Master and I both love and adore both of  the slaves we basically co-own ( I use that term loosely).
Maggi



aperversetwist -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/26/2008 2:06:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: hejira92

I kinda find this whole thread judgmental in a "my-kink-is-better-than-your-kink" kind of way. Why care what others are looking for? If you're not into it- go to the next profile.
 
Personally, I have always been bisexual and only semi-monogamous. Master has always been completely monogamous when in a relationship. We have a couple's profile looking for female submissive play partners. Believe me, it was not His idea. He is not in any way trolling for threesomes. He is indulging me in my fantasy of watching Him dominate (and, if the situation is right, have sex with) another woman.
 
And we may be just one couple, but our example proves that you cannot jump to (prejudged) conclusions from just reading what a couple is seeking.


I'm happy to see that my situation is not completely uncommon.  Out of curiousity which of you chooses the female bottoms who join in on occasion with you?  So far it has been my gf picking women she is attracted to, but also checking with me to be sure I'm attracted to them.  Though in one case she did approach a woman who I had commented on as being attractive.  Later she told me much how she enjoyed procuring another woman for me to use.



MizSexyVixen -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/26/2008 2:17:28 PM)

er...I'm sorry...males subs/slaves do exist. I have a marvelous one!!

For the OP: as with any poly type relationship, you need to ask yourself, what is the motivation? It's a basic, who benefits? Answer that for yourself and you may have the info you need to proceed.



Twicehappy2x -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/26/2008 5:47:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MizSexyVixen

er...I'm sorry...males subs/slaves do exist. I have a marvelous one!!

For the OP: as with any poly type relationship, you need to ask yourself, what is the motivation? It's a basic, who benefits? Answer that for yourself and you may have the info you need to proceed.


LMAO...yes, i have meet a select few male slaves who were genuine. Congrats to you on capturing one.
 
Grins, i was actually only curious, currently as there are four of us already we are no longer looking.
 
I often wonder though if these folks really think out what they are trying to do in this type of a situation. So often i see posts like the following from another thread.

"  I have been the third wheel in a threesome and it sucked, as they didn't have a plan as to how to handle problems other than the two of them talking, then coming and telling me what they decided. Being shut out hurt a lot. That is why I suggest people really think hard about what it is they can give, and how they will make sure they give it. I just don't believe a third should be a doormat or a toy to be used and discarded at will.

I also believe people should really think about the other's needs ahead of time, instead of their needs as an afterthought like "Oh, that hurt you? I had no idea it might hurt you...um...sorry?" A lot of pain could be avoided by a little forethought. "



KnightofMists -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/26/2008 8:21:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Twicehappy2x

Why is this the most common type of search? Seems like the majority of couples seeking are looking for a bi poly female sub/slave that is willing to submit to the first slave in the couple.
 


I agree this is by far the most common situation of people looking for a third.  Interestly enough... of the types of active poly arrangements... I don't think anyone arrangement is more numerous to any significant degree.

I think the reasons why this is the common search is a whole variety of reasons... you started a pretty good list and I am sure there is alot more to add....    But... I am wondering... if this is the most common group searching... why is it not the most common active arrangement?




StormsSlave -> RE: I have to ask...... (8/26/2008 11:43:20 PM)

Well, there's a flip side to every perspective.

My Lord and I would love to find a third, male or female, or one of each. A male would thrill me, and satisfy his cuckolding tastes. A female would satisfy his desire for girl-on-girl action, and expand our sexual options.

As for domestic help, sure, that would be nice, but would rather they worked and helped maintain the household.

I don't have any idea if I'm a switch or not, but I'd like to expirement. There is the occasional fella that strikes me that way. My Lord was up front with his desire for poly, has allowed me to take this at my speed, and given me plenty of time and room. He has let me head up the search because my tastes are more particular than his.

Sometimes what people say is what people mean. shrug.



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