|
CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Who's in control? (8/25/2008 1:34:13 PM)
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: IvyMorgan
I was off to a munch yesterday, and travelling up, I was asked by a friend of mine, did I think submissives had more control in a scene than was often thought.
I thought about it for all of a few seconds and then gave the same answer I always have. A submissive (and I'm using this term to apply to whomever is on the "bottom" in a given moment) is always the one in ultimate control.
He asked why, and I said... "Either the dominant is playing only as far as the submissive can take, so the submissive is in control, you rarely if ever hear dominants saying 'I want to/I did play as hard and as far and as long as I liked, screw the sub' whilst you tend to always hear, 'I watch my sub carefully and go only as far as they can take', 'my slave doesn't have a safeword, but I only push her as far as she can go' and so on. So those subs are in control in a round about way. Or you have a submissive with a scripted/negotiated scene, for example in public. Think of what percentage of public scenes end in a safe word... 50%, higher? In those scenarios, there's no pretense, the submissive is drawing the line of what goes and what doesn't. How many times does a dominant safeword, compared to a sub? Either a scene stops cos a sub says so directly, or because the dominant deems the sub has had enough, or because both have reached the place where they want to go. The submissive is always in control."
He agreed, but, I'm wondering if anyone else does?
Who is in control of your "play" relationship? When you take it apart, I mean.
In a 'play' relationship, while I am in control, the scene is negotiated, so it is a mutually pleasant undertaking. To me, though, scening is not the same animal as the "outside the scene" d/s relationship. Maybe the difference is so pronounced for me because of the things I do when I scene/play, and their variance from everyday living. Because the things I do in a scene are specific and may be harmful, I am cautious about doing damage that might result in hospitalization or extended damage. While I control our collared servants and bond-servants, when we are in scene, I am responsible for their physical and mental well-being at a different level -- I am acting on their bodies in a way that the body could consider hostile, and which the mind might have unpleasant reactions to. That is a completely different place for me than in a daily relationship where very little that I command or require could be deemed to actually -hurt- my servants. That is why, even if a servant has yielded to me as a bond-servant, and even if xhe has given up the right to agree or disagree to certain acts, by virtue of offering up all of hir life, I will -still- pay attention to hir when we are scening, and hir body/health/mental state will still control, in some measure, how the scene develops. That is just plain common sense.
Calla Firestorm
|
|
|
|
