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Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/26/2008 5:13:39 PM   
DomDolf


Posts: 363
Joined: 7/11/2008
Status: offline 		I have some theories in why some dominants read a submissive's incoming and outgoing messages. Dominants, why would you feel any reason to do so? I would like to hear from submissives, that feel like responding, why they have been told their messages would be read.

For those that would like to post an opinion on why someone might do this, please refrain. I feel that there may be some hesitation from those that do this to respond if they aren't given room. Thank you to all that reply.

Dolf
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/26/2008 6:14:37 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Well for us it's usually to check dates or info on events we've agreed to, read something when the other is on the road and can't get to email, share something funny a friend sent, share a pic from the family, or print a coupon or ticket from email.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to DomDolf)
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RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/26/2008 6:20:04 PM   
Tetron


Posts: 48
Joined: 6/16/2006
Status: offline 		The only reason I can think of to do this is to show to the submissive that they have no secrets from me. I have not yet felt the need to do so with a submissive but in literature I have read about D/S and training a submissive one of the pieces of advice is to do such things as read their emails. Lack of secrets aparently helps reinforce a submissives attitude. 

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/26/2008 6:37:27 PM   
lizcgirl


Posts: 287
Joined: 4/13/2008
Status: offline 		My Master has all my account passwords, and I asked Him why when He told me He wanted them. His reasons were: 1) I shouldn't have anything to hide from Him (that's easy, I don't), 2) if there ever was any accusation made as far as my faithfulness or my respect of Him, He could simply check it, 3) if I had any problem or wanted to share an email with Him, He could read it from anywhere without having to make me re-send it to Him. He's only used it a couple of times to read something I wanted to share with Him or to help me solve a problem with rude emails and has never abused it. I don't hide anything from Him, so to me it's not even a big deal on any level.

_____________________________

Never make some one a priority when all you are to them is an option.


(in reply to Tetron)
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RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/26/2008 6:37:53 PM   
hejira92


Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline

Oooh! I can't believe LA missed an opportunity to list the dozens of times this topic has been discussed!
 
 
But, back on topic, Master and I have both stated many times the reasons He monitors my mail here. It basically breaks down to "because He can."  (That may sound harsh, but His decisions always involve His caring for me and deciding what is best for me.)

_____________________________

Property of Cuffkinks

Member:
The Pimpettes
MoGa's IN-Crowd

"You're the gleam in my eye, the smile on my face and the bulge in my pants" - Cuffkinks

(in reply to Tetron)
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RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/26/2008 6:41:24 PM   
hopelessfool


Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Eh, Im more frugal with giving out my passwords, mostly because, What if the relationship ends and the other party wants to be a jerk about it, there goes my profile, and all my hard work as well as possibly contact info of close friends.

that being said, If anyone in my life wishes to check my email or such, all they have to do is use my computer, everything is saved and he can go in and check at will, If he honestly doesnt trust me to open up my account for him when asked, as well as be faithful to him, we have larger issues then what a shared password would solve.


_____________________________

" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

(in reply to hejira92)
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RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/26/2008 6:52:38 PM   
DomDolf


Posts: 363
Joined: 7/11/2008
Status: offline 		With the great number of posts here, I am sure this has been asked. I had a specific way I wanted to ask it.

To add to my question, I recognize that in well-established relationships sharing this information would seem fine, but what about new relationships where there has not been any time for trust to be developed? Before this gets shot out of proportion, I am not talking months, I am talking days. Also this is an inquiry not an inquisition of those that do this.

Dolf

(in reply to hejira92)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/26/2008 6:56:59 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		I havent been asked to give my account details to anyone, as hopeless said there are bigger issues if its needed. I have however read messages to Doms and had they wanted could read over my sholder or whatever, to be fair I used to just use it as a way to stem trolls "Sir has access to this account" kind of things on my profile, terrible I know.

I have however had new accounts made for me, one of my ex Doms had an email account for him alone which I had to check every day and use only that when he was online (oh the stress of LDR's)

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to DomDolf)
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RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/26/2008 7:03:44 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14442
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		We've been together 8 years. He has my passwords, I have his. The only times that he has used my email is to send email to my family (the adresses are stored) or when I've asked him to read an email I've received. The reverse is also true.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to colouredin)
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RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/26/2008 7:05:03 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomDolf
With the great number of posts here, I am sure this has been asked. I had a specific way I wanted to ask it.

To add to my question, I recognize that in well-established relationships sharing this information would seem fine, but what about new relationships where there has not been any time for trust to be developed? Before this gets shot out of proportion, I am not talking months, I am talking days. Also this is an inquiry not an inquisition of those that do this.

Dolf

Whatever works for you- it's your choice to hand them over and your consequences to deal with later.  I know kinky people who won't give their name until you've known them for a very long time.  That's what they are comfy with.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to DomDolf)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/26/2008 7:48:27 PM   
Huntertn


Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		I have hers..she has mine..so what?  Some times she wants me to read parts of her mail..snickers..frankly, I think most of her emails are Boaring...again..so what?

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/26/2008 7:53:57 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I don't read my sub's  email, mail or anything other thing. I trust him and trust is the foundation of our relationship. To me if you have to constantly monitor someone's email or snail mail it tells me there is some distrust there. We have no secrets and if he did keep one, I don't think he'd be dumb enough to put it in an email or snail mail where it could be found out.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to DomDolf)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/26/2008 8:02:49 PM   
restlessdreamer


Posts: 60
Joined: 3/19/2007
Status: offline 		~ FR ~

When he's ready to share his bank account pin number, I'll share my passwords.

Otherwise, it's a big "Hell no" from me. Trust in a matter of days just doesn't exist for me. I see this as a nosy and demanding behavior that sends up red flags concerning abusive control. The potential for damage is too great.

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/26/2008 8:42:40 PM   
DomDolf


Posts: 363
Joined: 7/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Huntertn

I have hers..she has mine..so what?  Some times she wants me to read parts of her mail..snickers..frankly, I think most of her emails are Boaring...again..so what?


Interesting response.

(in reply to Huntertn)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/26/2008 9:06:54 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DomDolf
To add to my question, I recognize that in well-established relationships sharing this information would seem fine, but what about new relationships where there has not been any time for trust to be developed? Before this gets shot out of proportion, I am not talking months, I am talking days. Also this is an inquiry not an inquisition of those that do this.


I've had dominants ask me for my passwords just days into talking with them. It was the end of talking to them. Just having them ask such a thing made it crystal clear to me that we were on completely different pages. I don't consider such a request appropriate, at least until there is a commitment to each other....and even then such a request should work both ways.

Now inside of a relationship it's different. I have Sir's passwords, bank account numbers and pin numbers....and he has all of mine. I don't think that either of us ever asked for them....it simply came about in the course of living together. Even though we have each other's passwords....I don't read his mail and he doesn't read mine unless we have something that we specifically want to share. If he uses my bank account or credit card or if I use his...we always talk to each other about it first. His wallet is his space...as my purse is mine. I don't mind him going in mine...but he has no desire to, not even when he needs something out of there (maybe he's afraid he will accidently pull out a tampon or something...lol), the same goes for his wallet....if I need something out of there I will take it to him and let him get it for me. It's all a balance of trust and respect.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to DomDolf)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/26/2008 9:29:03 PM   
DomDolf


Posts: 363
Joined: 7/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:


His wallet is his space...as my purse is mine. I don't mind him going in mine...but he has no desire to, not even when he needs something out of there (maybe he's afraid he will accidently pull out a tampon or something...lol), the same goes for his wallet....if I need something out of there I will take it to him and let him get it for me.


I do not let anyone go in my wallet. I will never go in a woman's purse. Not because I am afraid of finding something but because I have never and will never feel right about going in one. Funny thing about my wallet, it's a leather card wallet with a money clip. Nothing can be hidden in it, but it's the one thing I don't allow anyone to touch.

Dolf

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/26/2008 9:38:50 PM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		I have my boy's passwords and he has mine, this way he can answer those emails that I just don't really want to answer but need to be.  I have his since since he tells me what they are, I don't really care what's there and if I wanted to know I would ask.

Mike


(in reply to DomDolf)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/26/2008 10:42:09 PM   
DomDolf


Posts: 363
Joined: 7/11/2008
Status: offline 		I'm calling it a night. I appreciate everyone's responses.

I do not want to know a submissive's passwords, account information, exact earnings, etc. until I am ready to have her move in with me. As someone said, if I want to know, I'll ask. If her behavior is not showing signs of sneaking or other actions/attitudes that have me questioning trust then I am not going to ask. Essentially, if I feel I need that information early on in a relationship then I most likely need to walk away. 

My submissive cannot expect privacy from me, but she will get it from me. She may not expect a lot of things, but she will get some of them. Just because I have the right to ask for anything doesn't mean I will.

I have no particular take on a dominant's decision to ask for passwords accept in the cases where a serious and long-term relationship is not in place. In those cases I feel it's inappropriate. But that's my thinking and does not negate the right of other's to believe differently.

Again, thank you all for your replies.

Dolf

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/27/2008 4:37:44 AM   
FrankAr


Posts: 817
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Tal Dolf,

I would take over reading her email if need be.  A reason is just simple.  I think that to have my slave at her best then it is her mental strength that should be high.  Now I know from reading so many journals and profiles and talking with females from all over the world, that they do recieve some crap and shit emails from dickheads.  Now why would I want my slave to open up page after page of emails from dickheads, her time would be better suited in other ways.

So I would get the password, and then go through her mail quickly.  I do not have to read it in full, just quickly glance at it and then if need be, delete it.  She then would log on later if I give her that freedom and time, to check her mail.  Her mind is then clear, and she does not waste her time on the net, and waste her precious time on things that need not bother her, simple.

Be well.

Frank Ar.


_____________________________

I am just me, simple ol me.

Even the softest whisper can be heard in the loudest group....Frank H.

(in reply to DomDolf)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Question: Dominants reading submissive's email - 8/27/2008 8:43:20 AM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline 		my Master has checked my emails, various online accounts, etc., from the very beginning, long before we lived together and continues to this day. that is his right as Master, property has no right to privacy. as to why he would check...well i suppose if asked he would give two reasons, one being simply the fact that he can. the other being the fact that my business is his business. meaning, anyone i communicate with, any website i browse, any mail i receive, etc. is his concern as my Owner. more often than not, he checks such things long before i do, deleting anything he finds inappropriate, even engaging in brief correspondence under my i.d. if he feels it's necessary. He'll also let me know whether or not he approves of my communication or interaction with a particular person. that's just part of what he does as Master, and i've never questioned it or felt uncomfortable with it.

(in reply to FrankAr)
Profile   Post #: 20
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