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RE: Being Bratty - 8/31/2008 5:08:47 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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I don't know about the guilt part. But to begin with I would never be able to respect a guy who allowed me to push him around. That is unappealing.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 21

RE: Being Bratty - 8/31/2008 5:38:11 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

I don't know about the guilt part. But to begin with I would never be able to respect a guy who allowed me to push him around. That is unappealing.

Being a little bratty has nothing to do with pushing someone around. part of the fun is the humor of it and getting in trouble. Its enjoyable for both. A daddy is NOT a push over. At least not the one who masters me.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 22

RE: Being Bratty - 8/31/2008 5:50:11 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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I think there's a distinct difference between "We're all fooling around and teasing and everyone knows it" and "I am going to try and undermine you and challenge you as a way to get attention and to get you to show me what I want." The latter I find wasteful.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Kalista07)

Post #: 23

RE: Being Bratty - 8/31/2008 6:03:38 PM

LittleWench

Posts: 265
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline

There's an interesting dynamic I see occurring here!

How do you know if a Dom/me is actually capable of being dominant without having that reinforced? Sure you meet, you are compatible, he tells you to do something, you do it. That's compatability, not dominance and submission. You're told to do something, and you do it, because you want to, because it's mutually beneficial to do so. There is a difference between someone who can tell you what to do, and someone who can enforce that directive should you reject it. I can't respect a man who lets me walk all over them, or lets me push them around, but just because he can tell me to fetch him coffee doesn't make him capable of being dominant.

So unless you have broken a rule, disobeyed or otherwise incurred the displeasure of your Dominant, how do you know they can be dominant? ;)

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 24

RE: Being Bratty - 8/31/2008 6:19:11 PM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleWench

quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader
If you enjoy "playing the misbehaving child", fine - that is your kink. However, your original post sounded like someone acting childishly in order to fullfill needs instead of communicating~

I am obviously failing to communicate the situation well enough. I am not "playing the misbehaving child", it's not an act, it's my personality. At times when I feel he is not in the mood I usually stymie that and am more placid, however I found at times those quiet moments were not enough to re-inforce my submissiveness, so I would stop censoring my behaviour. I am by nature inquisitive, playful, argumentative and I am very used to getting my own way in life, and this dynamic although very much wanted by myself, is new. I understand that even though my Owner loves me unconditionally, there will be times when he just won't be in the mood to deal with me when I am like that... so I was asking other subs who felt the same way how they dealt with getting their needs met.

All i will say on the subject is be careful playing and conforming into a "label"...particularly one that is generally seen as unflattering.

So far, your self-descriptions don't fit the definition of "brat" and you most likely are very intelligent but your newness is throwing you a curve ball. Give yourself and your Dominant time to work out the bumps in your relationship and really talk to him.

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to LittleWench)

Post #: 25

RE: Being Bratty - 8/31/2008 6:26:28 PM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleWench

There's an interesting dynamic I see occurring here!

How do you know if a Dom/me is actually capable of being dominant without having that reinforced? Sure you meet, you are compatible, he tells you to do something, you do it. That's compatability, not dominance and submission. You're told to do something, and you do it, because you want to, because it's mutually beneficial to do so. There is a difference between someone who can tell you what to do, and someone who can enforce that directive should you reject it. I can't respect a man who lets me walk all over them, or lets me push them around, but just because he can tell me to fetch him coffee doesn't make him capable of being dominant.

So unless you have broken a rule, disobeyed or otherwise incurred the displeasure of your Dominant, how do you know they can be dominant? ;)

Now THAT is a good question, of course i will probably answer it differently. To me dominance has absolutely nothing to do with enforcing punishment and everything to do with inspiring me to submit and obey. i will be 46 tomorrow and if i need to be whipped to obey a command or to feel a Dominant is authentic, then i might as well be 3 again~

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to LittleWench)

Post #: 26

RE: Being Bratty - 8/31/2008 6:42:50 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

Being a little bratty has nothing to do with pushing someone around. part of the fun is the humor of it and getting in trouble. Its enjoyable for both. A daddy is NOT a push over. At least not the one who masters me.

And if you can respect a guy who lets you get away with stuff, that's cool. All I'm saying is that sort of dynamic would not work for me.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 27

RE: Being Bratty - 8/31/2008 7:18:20 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

Being a little bratty has nothing to do with pushing someone around. part of the fun is the humor of it and getting in trouble. Its enjoyable for both. A daddy is NOT a push over. At least not the one who masters me.

And if you can respect a guy who lets you get away with stuff, that's cool. All I'm saying is that sort of dynamic would not work for me.

I dont get away with much. When I do its his choice. But during play humor is fun. But he is very much in charge and command . I wouldnt respect a push over either.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 28

RE: Being Bratty - 8/31/2008 7:47:14 PM

WyldHrt

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Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

I gotta go with Lushy here. For me, it's not a matter of pushing him around, it's just being playful. I'm an inveterate smartass, but not a SAM. I'm not going to push him when he isn't in the mood, "test" his domliness by acting up inappropriately, or persist when he lets me know that I'm about to cross a line. That said, a bit of good natured teasing that elicits a softly growled "You're toast when we get home" or "Maybe I should put a gag in that smart mouth" is hot.

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 29

RE: Being Bratty - 8/31/2008 9:07:25 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

I gotta go with Lushy here. For me, it's not a matter of pushing him around, it's just being playful. I'm an inveterate smartass, but not a SAM. I'm not going to push him when he isn't in the mood, "test" his domliness by acting up inappropriately, or persist when he lets me know that I'm about to cross a line. That said, a bit of good natured teasing that elicits a softly growled "You're toast when we get home" or "Maybe I should put a gag in that smart mouth" is hot.

Exactly!!!!!!

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to WyldHrt)

Post #: 30

RE: Being Bratty - 8/31/2008 9:37:46 PM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I think there's a distinct difference between "We're all fooling around and teasing and everyone knows it" and "I am going to try and undermine you and challenge you as a way to get attention and to get you to show me what I want." The latter I find wasteful.

Some people can't even handle the first, when on the outside viewing someone's relationship.

_____________________________

HBIC

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 31

RE: Being Bratty - 8/31/2008 9:53:31 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleWench
How do you know if a Dom/me is actually capable of being dominant without having that reinforced? Sure you meet, you are compatible, he tells you to do something, you do it. That's compatability, not dominance and submission. You're told to do something, and you do it, because you want to, because it's mutually beneficial to do so. There is a difference between someone who can tell you what to do, and someone who can enforce that directive should you reject it. I can't respect a man who lets me walk all over them, or lets me push them around, but just because he can tell me to fetch him coffee doesn't make him capable of being dominant.

So unless you have broken a rule, disobeyed or otherwise incurred the displeasure of your Dominant, how do you know they can be dominant? ;)

Because they just are. Over time and shared experiences together, you recognize that
a) their orientation is a dominant and they are fulfilled by having authority within their personal relationship dynamics
b) their style of dominance is compatible to yours and you are fulfilled by actively engaging in the authority dynamic together

Or you don't and you don't get involved with them.

I simply AM- if that is not enough for someone, then they need to find another who is willing to perform on command and give them whatever inspiration they need to be fulfilled in their relationship.

I prefer slaves who happily crawl to my feet with a single look rather than slaves who need to be chased and tied down just to eat dinner.

I don't mind chasing and tying down either- after they've properly asked for it.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to LittleWench)

Post #: 32

RE: Being Bratty - 8/31/2008 10:33:40 PM

LittleWench

Posts: 265
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline

I get that a dominant would take that position, I simply AM and I have nothing to prove, and that's a pretty dominant position to take :D
I get that a submissive places that faith on the warm tinglies a dominant gives them, allowing themselves to be inspired by their dominant aura, but that doesnt slice my cake.

I can make claim to giving the best blow jobs on earth (I use champagne they are pretty good), but without being asked to give one, its just my word. I can pull off being sexy, alluring, sensual and seductive, and for a while I could make a guy believe that is actually the case without giving one to him, but sooner or later I have to put my mouth well where my mouth is and come up with the goods.

We show the world what we want them to see, and only two people in this world know I am submissive, every single other person would pick me as the leather wearing bitchy whip wielding dominant in a relationship, but that's not who I am, that's just what I want people to think I am. I want a man who can walk the walk, not just talk the talk, a little brat is a good way to find out.... but that's a long way from what my original post was about!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 33

RE: Being Bratty - 8/31/2008 10:38:25 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

But that's what I said- I AM, I walk. You either accept how I walk or you do not. I don't want faith in tinglies- tinglies don't last, tinglies aren't what gets you through the REALLY hard life crap we'd need to go through together. I want faith in ME- my good and my bad, my strength and my weakness.

I don't expect someone to believe me when I say I am what I am. But I won't prove it by putting on some show of command or making someone feel tingly. I simply am me, and you will spend time and share experiences with me and will either know it for yourself or you won't.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to LittleWench)

Post #: 34

RE: Being Bratty - 8/31/2008 11:11:45 PM

LittleWench

Posts: 265
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

I don't expect someone to believe me when I say I am what I am. But I won't prove it by putting on some show of command or making someone feel tingly. I simply am me, and you will spend time and share experiences with me and will either know it for yourself or you won't.

God won't put on a display of power either, you either feel him or you don't, you either have faith or you don't, and I am an atheist for a reason.

Besides, the faith and belief you are talking about comes from knowing each other quite well, as you said "spend time and share experiences with me"... its a knowledge that comes part way through the journey not at the beginning... and I want to know right there at the outset before committing to taking a step whether a guy is going to have what it takes... not be disappointed further down the road.

If I have been with a Dom for some time and I need him to put on a display of authority then there is definitely something wrong, but that's not what I am talking about.

< Message edited by LittleWench -- 8/31/2008 11:13:07 PM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 35

RE: Being Bratty - 8/31/2008 11:58:25 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I won't accept someones blind commitment. I'm not sure how you are interpreting what I am saying.

This is me and how I do things- we meet somehow, we get to know eachother, we spend time together, we see how things feel and how they evolve, THEN we choose to make some commitment to eachother of some sort.

At each step we are both in sync together, we both are simply being who we are and getting to know eachothers expectations.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to LittleWench)

Post #: 36

RE: Being Bratty - 9/1/2008 12:31:09 AM

LittleWench

Posts: 265
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline

We are simply seeing the act of commitment happening at different stages along the relationship path and/or perhaps having a different definition of commitment. For you it occurs after you have gotten to know someone, for me the commitment is right at the outset, its the investment of time, energy and feelings into someone - that is a commitment for me... before I make that commitment there are some things I want to know up front.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 37

RE: Being Bratty - 9/1/2008 12:42:26 AM

aravain

Posts: 1211
Joined: 8/26/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery
...or will waste time tolerating.

And, as I've said before, to each his own. I'm not trying to claim that every dominant SHOULD tolerate it... if it's something that annoys them... well, obviously they're not the right person.

In general there seems to be a misunderstanding of the idea of a 'bratty' submissive... though I'm not sure how to clarify it. I think it's one of those cases where... if you don't get it, you never will.

*shrug* Some of the discourse is quite interesting though :)

(in reply to LittleWench)

Post #: 38

RE: Being Bratty - 9/1/2008 12:56:58 AM

hopelessfool

Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery
...or will waste time tolerating.

And what person whats a submissive any one can have, I mean seriously, you see it ALL the time, Why do people spend 300,000 dollars on cars, or more on houses, on special watches and such? Why because hardly ANYone else can have them... Or people who pour their life into a hobby or craft to make something. Why should ones partner be any different, I dont think Ive ever heard in my life someone saying they wanted someone common, with nothing special about them...

A submissve that is a challenge is a submissive many men will refuse to take on, showing they simply want something more easily obtained, but then that is their choice, and mine is to have one who knows owning me is a while a great task, an even greater reward....

Anywhos... Op, If he doesnt mind the behavior, embrace it... For times you know hes not in the mood, ask permission to go for a run, or to paint, or bake or something else you enjoy doing to take the "edge off the extra energy"

To me a brat isnt a spoilt child, or someone who has to misbehave, to me a brat is someone whos a challenge to concour, much like climbing mt everest. Shes like a peice of clay that needs to be molded, stone that needs chisled. But in the end you have a masterpeice like "David" with a sparkle and glimmer in their eye.

I have a lot of excess energy, most of its spend bouncing about the house doing some task or another to try to tire myself. If I know all I have to do when Im feeling VERY overwhelmed is talk to my parnter and him "engaging in the bratty play" why does it matter if someone else scorns it. Its not for you great, It is for him.... really great, why because all those wonderful playful spanks feel OH so good to ones bottom

_____________________________

" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

(in reply to aravain)

Post #: 39

RE: Being Bratty - 9/1/2008 4:06:33 AM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

How do you know if a Dom/me is actually capable of being dominant without having that reinforced?

How does the dominant know that I am submissive if my behaviors don’t show it to be true?

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to LittleWench)

Post #: 40

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