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The change - 8/30/2008 4:23:31 PM

zack

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Joined: 2/10/2005
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Hi,
once in life one get this moment where one have to decide. Go or not go. Yes or no. Up or down. Good bad. It follows us all the time. Its a mix of all emotions where you have to decide. Concious, family, love, family etc. Either left or right. This life or that life..
I have had that moment. I had to take that decision. I guess many of the people in here also had to take that decision. If not then let me tell you..

All my adult life I've had this longing to somewhere. I didnt know what it was. I just had that feeling.
I knew how I was as a person. I knew how I could justify between right and wrong, but I couldnt tell where I, my self, was emotionally. What am I?
I've been on top of everything else, my job, my colleagues, my friends, my family. But I wasnt on top of myself. I hadnt "found" what I was looking for.
Knew what I was looking for, but its been this struggle inside. How it would be to live the life one seeks and are being drawn to.Life as it is actually. Life, the only thing I know for sure that I have. In fact, its the only thing I know I do have.
But would I accept me as that individual?Would I like being that person. That submissive person?
And would she be the one that I seek? Would I be able to smile at the things I used to after I've taken that path to the "other" side. Would I like the person I longed to live as? Myself.

I feel sorry for those that I have met during my "normal" life. I've shared some of my life with some fantastic nice persons. Persons that you just wish all the best for. Persons that have hearts as ones you just dont want to hurt. Never..But inside of me I had this feeling. This feeling that I wanted something else. And it actually made my life miserable. Why couldnt I live with this person and give her a good life? it was because she wasnt the one. She wasnt that person I am looking for. She was just not her, shw was just a good soul on my way..

I have now taken my choice. I know where I am, what I am and what to do. Hopefully the one I want to be with will understand. I dont know, I just live.

This is a message about that struggle one goes through to decide. What to be. How to live. Who to be..You might not experience this, but if you do then you defently know what I am talking about. And dont be afraid..

Good luck:)

/zack

RE: The change - 8/30/2008 4:46:43 PM

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Heck, i thought this was a thread about menopause.

I sort of understand what you are saying. For the longest time i felt like a fraud - like a kid pretending to be an adult, as if my life wasn't quite real. I have only become fully engaged in my life since i discovered for myself bdsm. I think a lot of it had to do with completing therapy, and discovering what made me sexually fufilled.

good post.

(in reply to zack)

RE: The change - 8/30/2008 4:59:22 PM

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zack

I'm TG, I can relate... what a brilliant first post and welcome to the boards.

s.

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RE: The change - 8/30/2008 5:04:34 PM

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i also thought this was about menapause lol.....

Life is a struggle and people come in and out of our lives for various reasons. Many people will choose to be with someone just so they don't have to be alone - these individuals are the saddest of all. Sounds like you are becoming clearer on who you are and where you are emotionally, and that's what life is, a learning ground full of experiences to be shared with others we touch on our journey. Welcome to the boards!

< Message edited by velvetears -- 8/30/2008 5:05:18 PM >

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RE: The change - 8/30/2008 5:27:51 PM

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From: Kalamazoo, MI
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I've reached many points in my life where I knew I had to make a decision that could be life changing. One took me to Italy for three years, one took me to my step-father after my mother died, and then there was the lifestyle choice of giving up being a Domme to become the slave of a Master who captured my heart and soul. I have never been sorry for any major decision I have made, as much as they have changed my life, but I put a lot of thought into it and made a conscious decision. My lifestyle decision has given me more fulfillment that I ever dreamed could be possible in my life. I hope that yours works as well for you.

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RE: The change - 8/30/2008 6:10:06 PM

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Menopause? Who ever sat down one day and made a decision to begin menopause???

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RE: The change - 8/30/2008 6:48:55 PM

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hummmmmmmmmm... you sound...... cranky..............:)

Jeff

(in reply to windchymes)

RE: The change - 8/30/2008 7:15:49 PM

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Yes, i can relate too. i've been going thru the exact same struggle for a while now. You don't mourn those past relationships, knowing that each gave you some of what you needed ... the basics. But now that you've accepted what you crave, you mean to have it.
Excellent post. Best wishes for your search.
sm

(in reply to zack)

RE: The change - 8/30/2008 7:19:12 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

hummmmmmmmmm... you sound...... cranky..............:)

Jeff

I'M NOT CRANKY, DAMMIT!!!

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You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

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RE: The change - 8/31/2008 4:37:49 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

Menopause? Who ever sat down one day and made a decision to begin menopause???

If I thought it would work.... *I* would!!!!!!

*grumbles about friggin cramps*
OP... BRILLIANT first post... I wish you well :)

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(in reply to windchymes)

RE: The change - 8/31/2008 5:42:59 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

Menopause? Who ever sat down one day and made a decision to begin menopause???

So true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And Greedy, inspite of my hair, i am with you babe and for a few days a month, i am practically worthless!

To the OP: Several times in my life i have reached crossroads that have required me to reveal something intimate about myself to remain authentic to those i love or to leave others behind beause my choice dictates such... take comfort in knowing yourself and living authentically.

A good question to ask oneself comes from a Richard Bach book "One":

" I gave my life to become the person i am right now...was it worth it? Only you can answer that~

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(in reply to windchymes)

RE: The change - 8/31/2008 5:44:21 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

Menopause? Who ever sat down one day and made a decision to begin menopause???

If I thought it would work.... *I* would!!!!!!

*grumbles about friggin cramps*
OP... BRILLIANT first post... I wish you well :)

It's funny....I'm a grandmother now, and yet, I still get cramps! "Gramma can't play now, got cramps!" Sheesh!

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to GreedyTop)

RE: The change - 8/31/2008 5:52:15 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes
It's funny....I'm a grandmother now, and yet, I still get cramps! "Gramma can't play now, got cramps!" Sheesh!

Can I get you some chocolate?..... or maybe some chips?

ThoughtfulDom

(in reply to windchymes)

RE: The change - 8/31/2008 5:56:50 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes
It's funny....I'm a grandmother now, and yet, I still get cramps! "Gramma can't play now, got cramps!" Sheesh!

Can I get you some chocolate?..... or maybe some chips?

ThoughtfulDom

Mmmmm, this is the reason gramma luvs grampa....

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to Jeffff)

RE: The change - 8/31/2008 8:55:28 AM

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Zach,
I am totally there with you. I didn't have the greatest experience 11 years ago when I began my quest to understand my submissive self. The frustration of trying to penetrate the local community sent me right back into the vanilla life that I have not been satisfied with for the last 9 years. Those years have been difficult for me as I tried to evaluate the necessity v/s desire to actively persue the BDSM lifestyle. Ultimately, it wasn't a hard decision. I came to realize that the thoughts, feelings and desires of my most private self could not be denied. I, too am very much in control of my "public" life, so having no experience in dealing with my submissive soul, it has been difficult trying to find my place in the lifestyle. Fortunately, there are a lot more mediums for meeting People and sharing ideas now than there were then. I have re-entered the lifestyle with more confidence because meeting others and being able to share experiences without the pressure of face to face encounters with "strangers" has always been a big hang-up for me...
Whig :)

(in reply to windchymes)

RE: The change - 8/31/2008 3:40:15 PM

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quote:

A good question to ask oneself comes from a Richard Bach book "One": " I gave my life to become the person i am right now...was it worth it?

;-)

(in reply to dawntreader)

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