RE: soulsearching

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LuckyAlbatross -> RE: soulsearching (11/26/2005 11:28:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: fyreredsub and what does one do when they find out Master isn't perfect that indeed he is human and can occasionaly 'fuck up'?how would i handle that scenario? oh there is just so much to think on.thanks ya'll. That's not really something you find out- it's something you KNOW. Unfortunately we let ourselves get washed away with the nice idyllic scenario of a perfect god on a pedastal and then have to pick up the pieces when that idyllic scenario turns out to be...not real. Everyone deals with disappointments and lost expectations in relationships- including vanillas. Hopefully you go through all that and get to know the big marks before you get too deep. When you hit a bump, you work through it together. You see whether this bump leads you to think they aren't good in a relationship, or whether it's just something in life that you deal with. I like lots and lots of talking, processing, making sure everyone knows where everyone else stands and exactly what expectations are out there.

fyreredsub -> RE: soulsearching (11/26/2005 11:37:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: ORIGINAL: fyreredsub and what does one do when they find out Master isn't perfect that indeed he is human and can occasionaly 'fuck up'?how would i handle that scenario? oh there is just so much to think on.thanks ya'll. That's not really something you find out- it's something you KNOW. Unfortunately we let ourselves get washed away with the nice idyllic scenario of a perfect god on a pedastal and then have to pick up the pieces when that idyllic scenario turns out to be...not real. Everyone deals with disappointments and lost expectations in relationships- including vanillas. Hopefully you go through all that and get to know the big marks before you get too deep. When you hit a bump, you work through it together. You see whether this bump leads you to think they aren't good in a relationship, or whether it's just something in life that you deal with. I like lots and lots of talking, processing, making sure everyone knows where everyone else stands and exactly what expectations are out there. well as a Gorean slave there isn't going to be much choices for me other than do as your told,lol.thats why it is such a big thing to process(god, i love your words sometimes LA)

fyreredsub -> RE: soulsearching (11/26/2005 11:59:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bottominwa Just my two cents but for years I have thought TPE was really a misnomer when you actually see it in most dyads and certainly as it is generally described online...it is more of a TPT total power take...in most cases...meaning one person has total power over the other period. Exchange implies a cross current as it were...a give and take...We strive for this...TPE...an exchange...not a "taking' of power. just an aside. sabrina King yes i think that is it exactly, b/c once i give up control over my life-it's his...its not an exchange at all.i gave it, he takes it and then he keeps it.thank you sabrina

fyreredsub -> RE: soulsearching (11/27/2005 2:12:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: ORIGINAL: fyreredsub all i know is i have loads to think about before seriously surrending all of me.just boogles the mind. You're a step ahead by knowing that much at least. sitting here right now thinking, i dont know if i can do it.i'm just not sure if i have the strength.

Mercnbeth -> RE: soulsearching (11/27/2005 8:47:11 AM)
quote: sitting here right now thinking, i dont know if i can do it.i'm just not sure if i have the strength fyre red, How wonderful for you to realize that it takes "strength"! So many have no clue when it comes to this. So many write lists and set up hoops for their "doms" to jump through. These submissive dominants will never come to the conclusion that you have, which is it takes strength and courage to trust enough to surrender to your desires. The screening process is only important if it's result is mutual trust. It doesn't matter how you got there. A person jumping through all the hoops can do so only to achieve his "puppy treat" at the end. Once he's got the treat, he can go back to his standard behavior. Keep up your work of self analysis red. You are on the right path. Don't think it as "failure" if the answer you come up with isn't the path you expected. The process is just as important. Good luck!

Wildfleurs -> RE: soulsearching (11/27/2005 8:51:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bottominwa Just my two cents but for years I have thought TPE was really a misnomer when you actually see it in most dyads and certainly as it is generally described online...it is more of a TPT total power take...in most cases...meaning one person has total power over the other period. Exchange implies a cross current as it were...a give and take...We strive for this...TPE...an exchange...not a "taking' of power. just an aside. sabrina King I like the term Control Transfer more. For me its not really about power, I feel like I retain my personal power and if anything through being in a dynamic that really resonates for me I feel more empowered. And similarly I don't find it to be an exchange, but rather a transfer of control.... flowing towards him. C~

fyreredsub -> RE: soulsearching (11/27/2005 9:09:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth quote: sitting here right now thinking, i dont know if i can do it.i'm just not sure if i have the strength fyre red, How wonderful for you to realize that it takes "strength"! So many have no clue when it comes to this. So many write lists and set up hoops for their "doms" to jump through. These submissive dominants will never come to the conclusion that you have, which is it takes strength and courage to trust enough to surrender to your desires. The screening process is only important if it's result is mutual trust. It doesn't matter how you got there. A person jumping through all the hoops can do so only to achieve his "puppy treat" at the end. Once he's got the treat, he can go back to his standard behavior. Keep up your work of self analysis red. You are on the right path. Don't think it as "failure" if the answer you come up with isn't the path you expected. The process is just as important. Good luck! thank you, i am trying.it is not an easy road or lessons to examine. it is quite painful as a matter of fact, and i am coming to find out how humbling of an experience it is.

mnottertail -> RE: soulsearching (11/27/2005 9:16:41 AM)
Ah.........self realization....... Finding yourself is not an easy task. Most people cannot find their own ass with two hands and a flashlight. You do well to consider with profundity and introspection, Who Am I ... What Am I .... Am I... and finally I. So many in the cosmos, as you are aware, haven't the glimmer of the concept. As Dean Wermer said "Drunk and stupid is no way to go thru life, son." Good Luck and wish you well. Ron

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: soulsearching (11/27/2005 9:26:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs I like the term Control Transfer more. For me its not really about power, I feel like I retain my personal power and if anything through being in a dynamic that really resonates for me I feel more empowered. And similarly I don't find it to be an exchange, but rather a transfer of control.... flowing towards him. C~ But if you still have power, then you still have control. Uncontrolled power would be chaos. You still control your motor functions, your speech, your expectations, etc. What you do not have is AUTHORITY over those things.

Tine11 -> RE: soulsearching (11/27/2005 10:10:11 AM)
quote: But if you still have power, then you still have control. Uncontrolled power would be chaos. You still control your motor functions, your speech, your expectations, etc. What you do not have is AUTHORITY over those things. thanking your for just explaing something in my paper i was havign a hard time putting into words.

LadyMorgynn -> RE: soulsearching (11/27/2005 10:11:13 AM)
Coming from the other side of the spectrum, the Domme side, I find all the comments and questions being raised in this thread to be invaluable. The Dom also doesn't go into such TPE lightly, either. Or at least, if they do you'd want to steer clear! He is, after all, pretty literally taking your life into his own hands. There are many many issues to be thought of and addressed, and it's a great responsibility; the Dom has to be not only willing, but capable of taking this on. It was the questions below that moved me to respond here. I don't think a lot of subs who think they want a 24/7 TPE (but haven't entered into one), have actually thought all this through. I've had any number of subs respond to me, but when I ask them to write what they think a full day spent in 24/7 TPE would look like, every one of them has suddenly disappeared from view. I was at a loss to know why, until I came to this thread. Now I am thinking that perhaps facing the reality of what 24/7 would mean to them, on a day-to-day basis, outside the fantasy of it (as someone else on this thread mentioned) hasn't hit them until then. All in all, this is a terrific thread, and I hope every sub who is thinking of entering into a 24/7 TPE finds his or her way here. quote: ORIGINAL: starshineowned Do I really understand what 24/7 and TCE means? Does it match what my perspective Masters idea's of these are? Am I really, and truely being honest with myself about being a slave, and the type of life that would entail hence forth or am I just giving myself lip service, and thinking it's all going to be so cool because of that fantasy allure? Do I fully "get it" that when the Master takes this control from me..that it means just that in All facets of my life, and not just one's I feel like letting go of? If he doesn't let me make the bills out, and he forgets to send one out..am I prepared to just be the slave in these situations and truely let go of those responsibilities and outcomes of such as he has directed?

slavedesires -> RE: soulsearching (11/27/2005 12:59:22 PM)
quote: this slave doesn't feel that the same vanilla rules apply here, as in, FOR THIS SLAVE, an M/s relationship is a LOT different than entering into a vanilla marriage contract or "dating" someone with that marriage contract as an end goal. Completely different set of rules. i totally agree...so the questions will vary with the journey at hand quote: Just my two cents but for years I have thought TPE was really a misnomer when you actually see it in most dyads and certainly as it is generally described online...it is more of a TPT total power take...in most cases...meaning one person has total power over the other period. Exchange implies a cross current as it were...a give and take...We strive for this...TPE...an exchange...not a "taking' of power. just an aside. sabrina King thank you sabrina...it is the GREAT exchange. Whether authority, power, control. A sub/slave gives something in exchange for something. i give obedience in exchange for power, control, authority, call it what you may. Tis why "it" is NOT a gift. Its an exchange. Each soul searches from past experiences, who and what they are, knowledge, discernment, needs, demands and wants ... for no matter what, a sub/slave brings in a personalty, individuality and a whole set of dynamics just like the Dom/Domme.

fyreredsub -> RE: soulsearching (11/27/2005 1:29:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail Ah.........self realization....... Finding yourself is not an easy task. Most people cannot find their own ass with two hands and a flashlight. You do well to consider with profundity and introspection, Who Am I ... What Am I .... Am I... and finally I. So many in the cosmos, as you are aware, haven't the glimmer of the concept. As Dean Wermer said "Drunk and stupid is no way to go thru life, son." Good Luck and wish you well. Ron Thank you Ron as i am only begining to find out how hard it is

fyreredsub -> RE: soulsearching (11/27/2005 1:31:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyMorgynn Coming from the other side of the spectrum, the Domme side, I find all the comments and questions being raised in this thread to be invaluable. The Dom also doesn't go into such TPE lightly, either. Or at least, if they do you'd want to steer clear! He is, after all, pretty literally taking your life into his own hands. There are many many issues to be thought of and addressed, and it's a great responsibility; the Dom has to be not only willing, but capable of taking this on. It was the questions below that moved me to respond here. I don't think a lot of subs who think they want a 24/7 TPE (but haven't entered into one), have actually thought all this through. I've had any number of subs respond to me, but when I ask them to write what they think a full day spent in 24/7 TPE would look like, every one of them has suddenly disappeared from view. I was at a loss to know why, until I came to this thread. Now I am thinking that perhaps facing the reality of what 24/7 would mean to them, on a day-to-day basis, outside the fantasy of it (as someone else on this thread mentioned) hasn't hit them until then. All in all, this is a terrific thread, and I hope every sub who is thinking of entering into a 24/7 TPE finds his or her way here. quote: ORIGINAL: starshineowned Do I really understand what 24/7 and TCE means? Does it match what my perspective Masters idea's of these are? Am I really, and truely being honest with myself about being a slave, and the type of life that would entail hence forth or am I just giving myself lip service, and thinking it's all going to be so cool because of that fantasy allure? Do I fully "get it" that when the Master takes this control from me..that it means just that in All facets of my life, and not just one's I feel like letting go of? If he doesn't let me make the bills out, and he forgets to send one out..am I prepared to just be the slave in these situations and truely let go of those responsibilities and outcomes of such as he has directed? thank you for your response here.sometimes we slaves do forget how hard it is to be a Master/Domme etc. i am only now starting to learn some of the ramifications of my actions as a slave and all that it entails.

mnottertail -> RE: soulsearching (11/27/2005 1:44:39 PM)
It is not often I would devine the future, but I see you as a pretty woman who, in the fullness of time, will have made a difference to someone and been a joy to someone, and had words and life worth carving in a gravestone. Much Health, Wealth and Happiness, to You and Yours, Ron

MHOO314 -> RE: soulsearching (11/27/2005 2:00:00 PM)
My first question is always, do i need to be rescued? Is your current vanilla life a shambles? Often ( and I am not saying that's you--) subs see a Dom as the rescuer, the saviour of bad bills, bad life management ways, the intervenor in bad family situations---that is IMHO not fair---it starts inside, what drives you, what do you seek, remove the vanilla, what will make your life complete--and of you do not find the One, are you organized and prepared to go on?

mnottertail -> RE: soulsearching (11/27/2005 2:18:45 PM)
Oh, Christ MH00314, I am appalled by the number of /slaves/submissives whatere, that come to jesus on prom night..........LOL. you bear watchin', I think, and I hope you find no rancor when I say..... Well Met, Ron

fyreredsub -> RE: soulsearching (11/27/2005 4:13:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail It is not often I would devine the future, but I see you as a pretty woman who, in the fullness of time, will have made a difference to someone and been a joy to someone, and had words and life worth carving in a gravestone. Much Health, Wealth and Happiness, to You and Yours, Ron thank you so much. i needed to hear that.

Quivver -> RE: soulsearching (11/27/2005 7:03:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MHOO314 My first question is always, do i need to be rescued? Is your current vanilla life a shambles? Often ( and I am not saying that's you--) subs see a Dom as the rescuer, the saviour of bad bills, bad life management ways, the intervenor in bad family situations---that is IMHO not fair---it starts inside, what drives you, what do you seek, remove the vanilla, what will make your life complete--and of you do not find the One, are you organized and prepared to go on? Jumping in the middle here without reading the entirety. All in all I agree with you. We all need our life in order, few have that....... Raising my hand and waving wildly here, my life is a mess. but I've noticed in reading the boards here and chats with others, that i'm not alone. it universal, regardless of what we choose to call ourselves Dom's and Submissive's are both effected. I'm not here to be saved, possibly there are some who are, I don't know them. I can say that the vanilla removed is simply words, life must go on. and in that those poor life choices still exist coloring every other choice that is made. I've recently changed my profile to make any and all aware that my suit cases are full. when conversing, I'm up front with my chaos, one can choose to turn away as they wish. what i am trying to get at is getting life in order, organized and prepared to move on can be overwhelming at times, as I have often found. which leads me to this..... with our cross section of humanity being so small and seeking another difficult enough as it is, i believe we all need to find patience with each others failings, improve our bed side manor. possibly both sides can grow because of it. Q

KatyLied -> RE: soulsearching (11/27/2005 7:07:16 PM)
quote: i believe we all need to find patience with each others failings, improve our bed side manor. possibly both sides can grow because of it. Nice words.

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