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Hmmm.. - 9/4/2008 11:34:10 PM

Monkeyontuesday

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So I see a lot of curiousity with the link between practicing BDSM and mental disorders... I can't claim to have read the entire thread, so forgive me if this has been addressed...

I'm curious, if you have had the tragedy of being sexually abused or assaulted in any form at any stage in your life, do you feel it has had an impact on your involvement in "the scene" or "lifestyle" or whatever phrasing you want to use?

I have been sexually assaulted and for whatever reason am still strongly attracted to forced play/ rape scenes... I don't necessarily have any commentary other than, "Hmmm..."

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RE: Hmmm.. - 9/4/2008 11:51:18 PM

catize

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There are many folk in al walks of life who have been assaulted/molested/abused I'm not convinced there is a correlation to BDSM practitioners any more than the vanilla.

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RE: Hmmm.. - 9/4/2008 11:55:55 PM

Monkeyontuesday

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Not so much a correlation as I'm wondering if it 1) had any impact in someone getting involved in BDSM or 2) if it had any impact if one was already involved.

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RE: Hmmm.. - 9/5/2008 12:02:46 AM

VoicesInTheDark

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Gift From Within - Article: "Stress Responses in Sexual Trauma Victims and in Others Experiencing Overwhelming Events"

Trauma reenactment: rethinking borderline personality disorder when diagnosing sexual abuse survivors. | Journal of Mental He...

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RE: Hmmm.. - 9/5/2008 12:07:03 AM

Honsoku

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This subject comes up rather frequently.

Stock answer: sexual/psychological trauma and disorders are not a corequisite for an interest in BDSM.

Less stock answer: I'm sure it has some impact, just as any traumatic event impacts an individual. Which direction the impact has depends on how the individual processes and adapts to the event(s). For some, it isn't a factor, others it is/was a deterrent, and some it was an inducer. I have known people that fell into each of the three categories.

< Message edited by Honsoku -- 9/5/2008 12:08:21 AM >

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RE: Hmmm.. - 9/5/2008 12:08:47 AM

catize

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Monkeyontuesday

Not so much a correlation as I'm wondering if it 1) had any impact in someone getting involved in BDSM or 2) if it had any impact if one was already involved.

There may be individuals who turn to BDSM because of past abuse, but I don't believe there is any greater percentage in WIITWD than in the overall population.

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RE: Hmmm.. - 9/5/2008 4:59:54 AM

chamberqueen

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I was raised by a neglectful/abusive father, then was married to two increasingly abusive husbands. What I have found in the lifestyle is that I can fulfill my urge to serve but now, instead of just receiving more tasks as a reward for doing something well, I receive real appreciation. I have no doubt that my background helped me to choose this way of life - I chose it based on the trust and communication. Now I am with someone who delights in everything I do well - whether vanilla or lifestyle. He is thrilled for me when I win a prestigious award instead of being jealous of me, He never abuses me, and He listens to my feelings about the need to be appreciated for my hard work.

I am not a pampered princess. I have gone beyond what I would once have considered hard limits, and the trust has not always come easily for me. I often spend time in tears before I can move to the next level of trust, tearing down emotional walls that I so carefully built over a long period of time. I still tend to worry if I am not getting as much attention as I would like from time to time, but then I have to remember His promise to me: "I am here. I am not going anywhere." No one has ever made the promise to me before that if I simply follow the tasks assigned that they will never leave.

I could never have done so much growing and healing in a vanilla relationship. I have never felt so treasured, or been so rewarded for my willingness to please. With the strength comes a desire to be even more pleasing, while in the vanilla world the strength would typically make most more dependent and looking out for their own interests more. I know that where I belong is in the lifestyle, being owned, doing my best to please my One, and reaping the rewards. If it wouldn't have been for my past I probably wouldn't have chosen this road, but I have never found anything that has been more "right" for me based on what I have gone through.

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RE: Hmmm.. - 9/5/2008 10:17:04 AM

Bstardsbitch

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For me, I think I arrived in this lifestyle through deliberate choice. I was also in an abusive marraige, did everything for that man (said loosely), tried in every way possible to please him. Looking back, it was obvious nothing was ever gonna be good enough. I was twenty one when I married, on reflection I beleive I didn't understand the difference between domineering and bullying, and domination ot dominating. Fast forward fifteen years, a little wiser and older, I found a few websites and had a lightbulb moment.

Now in my relationship, I am appreciated and loved for who I am and what I do, which is still a new thing for me to accept. I can at last be me, and that is the greatest thing I could ever ask for.

So after my ramble lol, I do believe the abusive relationship I was in had an impact on where I ended up. I also am thankful in a weird kinda way lol

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RE: Hmmm.. - 9/5/2008 3:10:49 PM

littlewonder

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every experience we have in life makes us who we are today so I'm sure my past traumas have had some impact in my interests today.

Environmental factors do play a role in everyone's life.

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RE: Hmmm.. - 9/8/2008 8:51:19 PM

DesFIP

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If you're asking for a link between past assault and a liking for force play, some people find that by doing it within pre-negotiated limits, it allows them to take control of the assault. Being able to choose to do it is a lot more empowering than having it done against your will.

It is however an emotionally edgy thing and can be difficult to handle afterwards, even though you thought it out thoroughly ahead of time. Which is why it's best done inside of a supportive, longlasting relationship.

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RE: Hmmm.. - 9/9/2008 9:45:13 AM

FRSguy

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I can see where there might be a link between display behavior and BDSM and then there is the whole personal empowerment thing where people that have lots of sex are personaly empowered where they normaly wouldnt have any however I think the links are very weak. The reason I say this is that when you look at the stats the number of woman that are abused is simply over the top, shocking and totaly off the wall especially now days. There are whole contries that are using rape as a method of political control where woman are gang raped and left for dead. If you go to public school you have like a 1 in 4 chance of getting molested by your teacher... (over 250,000) children per year get involved with school teachers not to mention the other influences in life like bad relatives clergy members ect. The odds are so stacked against woman here in the U.S that it is truly shocking and I feel that its one of cultures largest downfalls that does not get the political attention it deserves.... now then ... how could there be a link. If 25-50% off all woman have been sexualy abused and only about 2% of the population identifies with BDSM and only 10-12% practice or play around with it. I dont see where you can form a connection between the two in a broad statement. I think its more likely to say that a small percentage of woman are into this because they need help and cant get it together while a much larger group has it together and just want to have fun.

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RE: Hmmm.. - 9/10/2008 7:35:44 AM

candystripper

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I think 'force play' requires and demonstrates a great deal of trust between the parties. Whether you have been abused, I think this level of trust can be very alluring and gratifying.

Best wishes.

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