CallaFirestormBW
Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008 Status: offline
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I don't know that I'd say that jealousy is "normal", after all, what -is- "normal"? I would say, though, that jealousy is common. Jealousy is really a kind of fear. It is a fear that someone is going to take away something that a person sees as hirs, or that something that a person values is going to be damaged by another. It is a fear of not having 'enough', or being forced to "make do" with a "hand-me-down" while everyone else gets something new. Jealousy is a fear based around the concepts of lack and not enough. I think that people who see the world as abundant, and as being capable of meeting their needs don't suffer as much from jealousy. That occasional burst of fear wells up, but the person whose perceptions are focused on the abundant universe worries less that something will be taken away from hir, and is better able to integrate into situations where xhe is not the 'only'. We live in a very materialistic, very acquisitive culture. Because of this, I think that our modern, capitalistic cultures make it difficult to face the challenge of a communal way of life. Honestly, we don't share well -- not just where other people and emotional ties are concerned, but in general... we, as a culture, are really focused on the idea of "what's mine is -mine-." Poly really requires a different kind of mindset, where sharing and integration, and welcoming supersede fear and possessiveness. Since our entire culture teaches much different lessons, and compounds the feelings of lack and loss with news stories about failing economies, people losing everything, death, destruction, pain, and the screwed up celebrity love life, it sometimes amazes me that there are as many successful poly relationships as there are. Calla Firestorm
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*** Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!" "Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer
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