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the bipolar sub... - 11/27/2005 10:46:16 AM

raney

Posts: 18
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

i am a submissive, and i was diagnosed with bipolar 2 1/2 years ago. my question is to those that have bipolar, a mental disorder or those that know of someone with it, how do you deal with it all? i have found, that it is very difficult for me to get something accomplished when i am depressed. IE: i just cannot get up and clean the house. Master is very well aware of my bipolar, as He also has bipolar<diagnosed in June of this year> He will adjust His punishment according to my mood that day, whether it is normal, manic, or depressed. but here is my dilemna<spelling?> i want so bad to please Master, but, physically, there are times i just cant do things. He doesnt know whether He should punish me or not. seeing as i have not willfully disobeyed Him, i just wasnt able to do it. my opinion, is that i should be punished. whether it is just a light spanking, or something else. something that that fits the crime, but is also adjusted to take into consideration my mental status at the time. with as large as the bipolar population is, i know there are more subs out there besides myself that have bipolar. Doms/Dommes too for that matter. how much of a consideration is made? i would appreciate any input any may have. thank you in advance.

stephanie

_____________________________

i love the way you look at me. i love the way you smack my ass. i love the dirty things you do. i have control of you~puddle of mud, control

RE: the bipolar sub... - 11/27/2005 11:05:05 AM

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

If you are both diagnosed with bipolar disorder....are you also both being treated for it? If so, is the treatment successfully bringing the situation under control? If no, why?

No disrespect intended here but I guess that I don't understand why being bipolar would make it impossible to clean the house or do other things physically. I understand that being bipolar may very well decrease your motivation to do so, but saying it makes it impossible seems to me to be using your diagnosis as an excuse. Again, no disrespect intended, I am not trying to be sarcastic I just honestly don't understand that mindset. I have arthritis and most days I feel great but I have days when I am in a great deal of pain. Some days I just don't feel like doing things. If I don't clean the house on those days I will say that I just plain didn't feel like dealing with it...not say that my disease made it impossible, more difficult maybe... but not impossible.

The other thing that I have to wonder is if there really are things that you CAN NOT do, then why would you feel you deserve to be punished in any way for them?...and why would you accept punishment for something that is not within your control?

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to raney)

RE: the bipolar sub... - 11/27/2005 11:15:23 AM

Posts: 141
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

Hey stephanie,

Punishment is a sticky issue without bipolar dynamics getting in the way. But here's what I think. First I think the only disobedience that should be punished is willful disobedience, if one is inclined to punish at all. Personally, I think directed behavioral correction is much more powerful than punishment - in other words, positive reinforcement. In fact, punishments can quickly turn into negative reinforcements, I think esp when depressive states are present. I believe this happens b/c depressives already believe themselves to be worthy of punishment (i'm speaking as a chronic depressive and clinical social worker) and the recpt of punishment reinforces that belief in the depressive's mind and so unconsciously, the depressive may inadvertently "seek" out further opportunies for punishment. I know this may be a whole lot of hokey-sounding psychobabble, but I ask you to think about it and present it to your Master as well, before rejecting it outright.

Take care of you.

gina

(in reply to raney)

RE: the bipolar sub... - 11/27/2005 11:34:16 AM

jamesthehumanrug

Posts: 668
Joined: 10/21/2005
Status: offline

greetings raney
dear stephani
dont expect punishment ;you have to ask for it ,and take full- responsibility for your own behavior

i take it as a handicap status
,so ,to give you an example,
if an animal has no legs; you can't beat his legs,
he's handicapped,
you can't beat a dog, and ,punish it, for things he did:
like not run or walk;
he's, not responsible,
since the leggs are technicallyt absent ,and he's not capable.

so you cant take anyone,handicapped , as someone who isnt ,with a handicap,
, you have to make special adaptions, and, considerations
if you want to be punished, then ask, for it ,outright.
dont exspect anyone ,esp. someone who, understands your plight ,to dish out the punishment;like your ,not handicapped ,or
like your legs are still there, and,you could have done different,
when you have'nt a leg ,to stand on!....

if you, both start ,out handicapped :
then say- it's ,not ,because ,i'm "handicapped;"
it's cause: i ,just did'nt do it! ,
so hit me ,now ,or ,forever hold your piece.

we all know:
there are" benefits,to the sick-role "
and,
any slave can pull the : well....
i was, too depressed ;can't help it ;sorry,
but,go ahead just hit me bit;and,get it over with;it was bound,to happen....
the guilt and responsibility has to always be on the bottom,side,
not on the top,
or punishment is delivered at the tops 'expense
and will be too few and far between.
in other words dont handicap the tops functioning by not taking full responsibility, if it is bipolar reasons, then you have ,to show the difference and, say ,
now you cant touch me; it is my handicap.
you'll see the difference; guarenteed.

_____________________________

I REMAIN RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED
,LOVEles,
jamesthehumanrug

(in reply to raney)

RE: the bipolar sub... - 11/27/2005 11:42:57 AM

raney

Posts: 18
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

Erin,
thank you for your reply. i would first like to say, i in noway use my illness as an excuse. when i was diagnosed and very unstable, i waited over six months before applying for social security. i in no way wanted to NOT work. i had to face the fact that i was unable to work.

yes, we are BOTH getting treatment. i know that i will always require meds for my illness. He knew i was bipolar when He met me, so that was never an issue. He knew when He was diagnosed, that He had to continue with treatment, which He has.

yes, there are times, not often thank god, where i physically can not do things. when i am in such a depressive state, i can barely get out of bed to go to the bathroom. also, i dont eat, which greatly diminishes what little energy i would have. we have not had to deal with that yet with living 24/7. we may not have to deal with that. what we deal with, are the "little" ups and downs. example, housecleaning... i wont let it all sit, i will get say, the kitchen, living room, dining room and our bedroom clean, but will not do the bathrooms. it is not out of laziness, it is out of sheer exhaustion. and i was rewarded for having gotten done what i did, and told to try and have the rest done tomorrow. now when im manic on the other hand, i am looking for MORE to do.

Gina,
thank you also for your response. i will definitely show Him your post. i wanted to know how others handle this aspect. i know more of the population than not has some sort of mental disorder, some more severe than others. and you being a clinical social worker, helps out a great deal <smiles> cant really bring this up with my therapist. he would turn bright red and excuse himself from the room lol my phsych doc on the other hand, would probably look at the both of us, and tell us, well, if it is making you happy then do it. but, as far as knowledge of D/s.. i am sure he has no clue. could be wrong, but he just doesnt rub me as someone being knowledgable about this subject. and i really dont want to bring it up seeing as i used to work at that hospital, and know many many people that might possibly see my chart. its none of their business. thank you so much for your perspective. hmm do you know any bdsm friendly therapists or physchiatrists in northern illinois?

stephanie

_____________________________

i love the way you look at me. i love the way you smack my ass. i love the dirty things you do. i have control of you~puddle of mud, control

(in reply to ginawithaB)

RE: the bipolar sub... - 11/27/2005 11:49:45 AM

Posts: 65
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

Greetings all,

i felt a need to comment on this thread as i am dealing with something similar myself. here is the story.
i was diagnised bipolar one about a year ago. had all the normal ups and downs, complete with a stay in the hospital. i was with a Master who was WONDERFUL with it... he did not ALLOW mood swings to affect my service. The bottom line is, while you may not be in control of your emotions, you ARE in control of your actions and your mouth. Learning to serve when you're in a depression is hard, but it can be done, and believe it or not, it actually helps.
However there is a point where the depression (or mania) is SO BAD it affects you physically.... for me, it was going through a change in medications, when i had tapered off one and was about to start a new one. For a few days it was so bad, i would get on my gazelle to work out and just could not make my legs move no matter how bad i wanted to. At that point, i decided ok, i need to get in bed, and just wait for the meds to work.
If you are getting to that "really bad" state a lot, you need to go back to your doctor and have your meds evaluated. They're obviously not working like they should. During those times, i don't believe you should be punished, nor should you have the normal work expectations... you are ILL and should be treated as such.
Be careful though not to use it as an excuse... push yourself to serve the best you can... if you are able to function (eat, sleep, play, do "some" things normally) you are also able to serve. Know your warning signs when things are getting bad, warn your Master and consult your doctor.
This disorder is about managing it, not curing it... so MANAGE it, don't let it run your life.

best of luck on your journey

angela

(in reply to ginawithaB)

RE: the bipolar sub... - 11/27/2005 12:08:39 PM

Posts: 141
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

Hey again, Stephanie,

Don't know any kink aware professional in your area, but here is a link to an online list... http://www.bannon.com/kap. I offered to another person on the boards. Hope you find it helpful. There are not a lot of KAPs out there simply b/c there are just not a lot of Kink Aware folks in general, and to my knowledge, there are not a lot of courses on kink psychology being taught.

Also, I liked very much what angelynne had to say. Very well put. Take care. Feel free to email me directly if you like.

gina

(in reply to raney)

RE: the bipolar sub... - 11/27/2005 12:36:18 PM

raney

Posts: 18
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

angela,

thank you for your response. as i stated, i was diagnosed 2 1/2 years ago after my first suicide attempt. i was living vanilla at the time. married also. my bipolar has been hard to tame until the last 2 months. kinda coincides when we started the D/s in our relationship. because of insurance reasons, which end dec 1. it has been six months since ive seen my doc. i have not taken my meds for the last month, not by choice. my med group terminated me for an unpaid bill, and Masters insurance is strictly through that hospital/group. so ive had to wait till my medicare kicks in to see a doc. anyhow, the amazing thing is, is that im more stable now in the last 2 months, than ive been in probably close to 3 years. no that does not mean im not going to go back on meds. i havent had a severe swing, but ive had little ones. i know that i have to remain on meds for the rest of my life. is just a matter of finding the right ones. i have been on probably all the well known ones, plus the obscure ones. at one point, i was totally overmedicated on 14 of them to be exact, and checked myself into the hospital to reduce that list. it has been very frustrating for both myself, and my doctor at the time. in the last 2 1/2 years, ive been hospitalized 5 times. Master spends most of His time in a hypomanic stage and i am mostly depressed. but when i swing manic, boy do i go manic. because i have been on so many meds, and doc knows me and us so well, it has come to a point, where i can actually suggest a med to try. and i of course, always give Him my perspective on how a med works, side effects, etc. in my time, i have found a few meds that worked wonderfully for me to control my swings, but, the side effects were too nasty for me to continue with them. i think with my new doc, who i will be seeing in a few weeks, i would like to try zoloft. many of my bipolar friends have had a lot of success with that.

lol.. sorry for rambling. is a bad habit i have.

stephanie

_____________________________

i love the way you look at me. i love the way you smack my ass. i love the dirty things you do. i have control of you~puddle of mud, control

(in reply to ginawithaB)

RE: the bipolar sub... - 11/27/2005 12:39:16 PM

raney

Posts: 18
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ginawithaB

Hey again, Stephanie,

Don't know any kink aware professional in your area, but here is a link to an online list... http://www.bannon.com/kap.

gina

the link didnt work for me.

stephanie

_____________________________

i love the way you look at me. i love the way you smack my ass. i love the dirty things you do. i have control of you~puddle of mud, control

(in reply to ginawithaB)

RE: the bipolar sub... - 11/27/2005 12:41:59 PM

Posts: 5
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

There is a forum on kink aware therapists going on right now.

There is also a few older forums on bipolar and as well as DID. you might want to utilize the search option.

erin...
i understand how you mean NO disrespect, but until you walk in the shoes of another depressed or incapable for some emotional reasons...you will NOT understand, ever.

(in reply to ginawithaB)

RE: the bipolar sub... - 11/27/2005 12:48:10 PM

Posts: 65
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

very good... then i suggest just take the M/s light for now since you are in an "unstable" place. i've been on a few myself (Master calls me a "human drug dictionary") so if you want to hear about my experiences on anything, send me an email.

take care

angela

(in reply to raney)

RE: the bipolar sub... - 11/27/2005 1:15:28 PM

Posts: 338
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: raney

]the link didnt work for me.

stephanie

Hi. Try taking the period off the end of the URL.

It will work that way.

i don't have a whole heck of a lot to contribute to the thread, but i do wish you the best in managing your illness. And i agree with a lot of what has been offered.

_____________________________

Sometimes, He calls me "subbie." Sometimes, i call me "subbie." And if someone wants to call me a BBW, its flattering. Just don't call me false.

"Please do not show me your ass and expect me to read your mind." -Opencollar

(in reply to raney)

RE: the bipolar sub... - 11/27/2005 1:20:21 PM

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

stephanie,
I am very glad to hear that you are both receiving treatment and wish you all the best with your new doc. I am also glad that you did not take offense at my post as none was intended.

Thank you for clarifying for me the reasons that you are incapable of accomplishing the things you wish to do. Exhaustion is certainly a valid reason as are medication fluctuations. I was not attempting to be rude, I was merely trying to ascertain where you were coming from. Having worked as a counselor myself I have seen many people who do indeed use their diagnosis(whether it be a diagnosis of a mental disorder or a physical problem) as a way to relieve themselves of personal responsibility.

Angelynne said it very well here:

quote:

i was diagnised bipolar one about a year ago. had all the normal ups and downs, complete with a stay in the hospital. i was with a Master who was WONDERFUL with it... he did not ALLOW mood swings to affect my service. The bottom line is, while you may not be in control of your emotions, you ARE in control of your actions and your mouth. Learning to serve when you're in a depression is hard, but it can be done, and believe it or not, it actually helps.

quote:

Be careful though not to use it as an excuse... push yourself to serve the best you can... if you are able to function (eat, sleep, play, do "some" things normally) you are also able to serve. Know your warning signs when things are getting bad, warn your Master and consult your doctor.

She also made a very good distinction between not wanting to do something and not being able to do something. Certainly when you are incapable of doing something then the only course of action is to tend to yourself and do what you need to do to make yourself well. You can not nor should you be held accountable for things you are incapable of.

I also think that this statement by ginawithaB is important enough to be repeated:

quote:

I think esp when depressive states are present. I believe this happens b/c depressives already believe themselves to be worthy of punishment (i'm speaking as a chronic depressive and clinical social worker) and the recpt of punishment reinforces that belief in the depressive's mind and so unconsciously, the depressive may inadvertently "seek" out further opportunies for punishment.

DoYouHaveOne, I am sorry if you misunderstood or thought my post was a veiled attempt at disrespect. I know that sometimes I am rather blunt and may come across as unfeeling to some degree. That is a shortcoming on my end and I do apologize. I can assure you that nothing is further from the truth and those who have been here for awhile know where my heart is. I guess that the one thing that I never waiver on is that regardless of your life situation, your past or your limitations....I believe in personal responsibility and accountability. We all have a duty to ourselves to be the best that is possible for each of us as individuals.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to raney)

RE: the bipolar sub... - 11/27/2005 2:34:20 PM

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

My beloved Mother was bipolar for a gizillion years---when someone is down, it takes all they have to even do the most basic of tasks--let alone clean, she would simply sit and let the world revolve around her--not doing anything, waiting for the sun to shine or tomorrow to come--I so understand--so if you have done some of these tips, disregard--but they may help--the manic swing up is usually pretty obvious, I'd say if during that phase the house doesn't get cleaned, that's punishment time--have Master meet with you and your Dr to understand the swings--and the bio, chemical causes (sometimes certain food doesn't help)--He has to be able to read them closely--and you have to be able to articulate what's happening when you can, a "bioword" is always helpful-- and He needs to understand the subtleties of the swings--I will also ask My sub to contact you off board ( if Master approves), he has deep experience with bipolar and has done much study, as a sub he can give you some perspective--

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to ginawithaB)

RE: the bipolar sub... - 11/27/2005 2:47:05 PM

Posts: 343
Joined: 9/5/2005
Status: offline

my fiance/dom is bipolar as well...and went back on meds soon after we met...it's helped in a lot of ways, caused problems in others.

i won't hijack the thread but wondering if anyone could email me privately if they can offer any advice.

one of my fiance's addictions is sex. flirting has always been a major issue with him, and its at the point where it threatens his job. his doc has told him about a medication that will help fix that, and we both think it is more important to protect his job first, but i am terrified of how it will affect the relationship (there are already problems in that regard).

i've had a hard enough time dealing with the decrease in M/s/BDSM, from what little info i know this new medication will have an effect on us intimately and im not sure if i will be able to handle it.

okay enough long story, i apologize for diverting the thread but i would appreciate any emails if anyone else dealt with this personally, or is with someone who has had to deal with it. thank you.

(in reply to MHOO314)

RE: the bipolar sub... - 11/27/2005 4:51:38 PM

Posts: 1
Joined: 11/26/2005
Status: offline

hello raney wanted to let you know i also am bipolar there is a medicine out there called lamictal its a mood stabilizer i am on it and it has done wonders for the manic epsodes talk with your doctor about it i wish you the best of luck and feel free to message me ,,,,,,TenderTears4u

(in reply to raney)

RE: the bipolar sub... - 11/27/2005 5:35:00 PM

perfection20005

Posts: 419
Joined: 4/20/2005
Status: offline

I have been diagnosed bi-polar since Dec. 2002. I take a anti-depressant for my depression, but I refused to take the others because they made me so tired. I know when I'm going to have a bad day, and I usually let my Master know that before hand. He does know how to snap me out of my depession most of the time though. I don't think that punishment is necessarily a good thing when you are having a bad day. I also have some physical handicaps, so that stops me from doing a whole lot that I would like to do. Master know my limits and He has found different ways to deal with it. You will both find ways to deal with the situation as you each become more used to each other. Good luck.

_____________________________

perfection

"I took one look at Him, and I knew He was my Master."

(in reply to raney)

RE: the bipolar sub... - 11/27/2005 7:16:59 PM

Posts: 141
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: raney

quote:

ORIGINAL: ginawithaB

Hey again, Stephanie,

Don't know any kink aware professional in your area, but here is a link to an online list... http://www.bannon.com/kap.

gina

the link didnt work for me.

stephanie

Sorry abt that...the period does not belong on the link...try it again and take out the period-it should work.

gina

(in reply to raney)

RE: the bipolar sub... - 11/27/2005 9:04:18 PM

raney

Posts: 18
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

Mistress Hathor,

i would love for your sub to contact me. i can use all the insight, info i can get <smiles> thank you for your generous offer.

stephanie

_____________________________

i love the way you look at me. i love the way you smack my ass. i love the dirty things you do. i have control of you~puddle of mud, control

(in reply to MHOO314)

RE: the bipolar sub... - 11/27/2005 9:09:01 PM

raney

Posts: 18
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TenderTears4U

hello raney wanted to let you know i also am bipolar there is a medicine out there called lamictal its a mood stabilizer i am on it and it has done wonders for the manic epsodes talk with your doctor about it i wish you the best of luck and feel free to message me ,,,,,,TenderTears4u

ahh i know lamictal very well. i was on 400 mgs a day for close to 2 years. lithium actually works better for me. i at one point, was on three mood stabalizers. topamax, lithium and lamictal. did it stabalize me? no. but it did keep things more under control than they would have been not taking them. meds seem to work for me for a 3-6 months period, then stop. it is very frustrating. and i actually asked my doctor for the lamictal after a friend of mine, who is bipolar and a phsychiatrist told me to ask him about it. it worked well for about 9 months.

stephanie

_____________________________

i love the way you look at me. i love the way you smack my ass. i love the dirty things you do. i have control of you~puddle of mud, control

(in reply to TenderTears4U)

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