Does his submission (bottoming) ever turn you off?

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Does his submission (bottoming) ever turn you off? - 9/5/2008 6:03:52 PM

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Have you ever topped a man you were very attracted to, but his "bottoming" persona was a real turn off? Maybe he turned too "wimpy" very quickly, or he started to get robotic and monotone, or he acted really "pathetic" in a way that did not turn you on?

Or, is it really more the acts - not the reactions - that get your juices flowing? Are his reactions and the way he responds to bondage, pain, humiliation just secondary? Or are they primary to you?

If a man submits to these things in a manner you find annoying, have you been able to correct it without offending him or making him self-conscious?

Akasha

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RE: Does his submission (bottoming) ever turn you off? - 9/5/2008 6:33:43 PM

sambamanslilgirl

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my pet is listed here as dominant however whenever he's with me, he's my pathetic, sissy subbie.

truth be told, it started off as a simple switch game between us - me topping and him bottoming. yet the more and more we got into it, i noticed he was enjoying his submissive side and accepting as his Mistress more than vice versa. it was a turnoff for me at first but it gradually became a turnon as this side our relationship grew.

we sometimes have very intense sessions which leaves both us in some sort of headspace. our recent session over the weekend had him shivering to my harsh touch and me enjoying what i was doing to him. now, we're planning our collaring ceremony and another event to take place in 2yrs.

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RE: Does his submission (bottoming) ever turn you off? - 9/5/2008 6:36:22 PM

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This is way the second to final step in my formal courtship includes a sample scene. If the chemistry just isn't there for me, for him/her, and certainly if it is lacking for both of us, I've learned to just part as potential friends and risk damaging that by continuing onto a training contract.

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RE: Does his submission (bottoming) ever turn you off? - 9/5/2008 6:59:45 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

This is way the second to final step in my formal courtship includes a sample scene. If the chemistry just isn't there for me, for him/her, and certainly if it is lacking for both of us, I've learned to just part as potential friends and risk damaging that by continuing onto a training contract.

You don't think it is something that can be adjusted or re-trained?
One of the most common "turn offs" I have found in bottoms, for example, is just a lack of reaction/expression/emotion - and quite often they either need a couple of experiences so the newness/shock of it kind of tones down, or they need to know that it's ok to react.

Akasha

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RE: Does his submission (bottoming) ever turn you off? - 9/5/2008 7:06:54 PM

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I rarely get involved with men who are not into pain at some level, or at the very least extreme sensations. I do need some amount of feedback, conversation, heavy breathing, *something* that lets me know that he is reacting to me. I had a marvelous spanking scene with a local man, but it was very clear to me that his reactions really had nothing to do with me, they were a reaction to the movie in his head, that I was just enabling. He didn't get a second date.

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RE: Does his submission (bottoming) ever turn you off? - 9/5/2008 8:43:42 PM

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No mine has never acted "whimpy" or "pathetic". He is actually very manly (some would say dominant) with everyone but me and when he is with me he is submissive but in a manly way. I don't find wimpy or groveling attractive at all, in fact its a huge turn off for me.
I'd never take on a man who acted that way.

~Lashra

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RE: Does his submission (bottoming) ever turn you off? - 9/5/2008 8:56:13 PM

MistressAthenaX

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When little things about his submissive behavior are a turn off to Me, I teach him how I would prefer that he act. I find that many subs would rather be molded on things like this, as they don't always know what is expected but their desire to please is strong enough to be worth some changes.

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RE: Does his submission (bottoming) ever turn you off? - 9/6/2008 7:44:13 AM

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Hm, I've never had reactions that turned me off... I love their reactions, sharp intakes of breath are fantastic. =)

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RE: Does his submission (bottoming) ever turn you off? - 9/6/2008 8:12:56 AM

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I switch with a good friend of mine. When we first started, he was very wooden and unreacting and yes, it was a huge turnoff for me. Over time, however, I realized that it helped him with his "headspace" when he was being a bottom. Through open communication, he's learned both what I expect and that it's okay to react.

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RE: Does his submission (bottoming) ever turn you off? - 9/6/2008 8:17:27 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Have you ever topped a man you were very attracted to, but his "bottoming" persona was a real turn off? Maybe he turned too "wimpy" very quickly, or he started to get robotic and monotone, or he acted really "pathetic" in a way that did not turn you on?

Or, is it really more the acts - not the reactions - that get your juices flowing? Are his reactions and the way he responds to bondage, pain, humiliation just secondary? Or are they primary to you?

If a man submits to these things in a manner you find annoying, have you been able to correct it without offending him or making him self-conscious?

Akasha

In the past, I have had boys who would be very whiny and beg constantly when they were subbing to me. I HATE whiny begging. I would attempt to correct it 2 times. 3 strikes and they were out. I lost a few very attractive submissive men simply because they couldnt stop from sounding like a pathetic child whos mom took their favorite toy every time they wanted something from me. Reactions during play, I love, thats what fuels my interest. However, the conversation before and after ahve to do it for me too, and that was where these formers lost me.

DV

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RE: Does his submission (bottoming) ever turn you off? - 9/7/2008 1:04:37 AM

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You really need help. You have some serious sexual and man issues and undoubtedly a lot of baggage your lugging about there. If you are not past 30, maybe there's hope. Get it before it all comes crashing down on you one day. And if you're past 30, well... Good luck with all that.

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RE: Does his submission (bottoming) ever turn you off? - 9/7/2008 2:04:05 AM

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I tell subs upfront it's OK to react and that it's what turns Me on. I've had one or 2 still be wooden and passive. I've given them a max of 3 play sessions to adapt ... if I'm not seeing any signs of effort on their part to get out of the former mindset and allow themselves to react to the sensations, then generally I say "No, we are not compatible". I'm not looking for a total "cure" ... just signs of meaningful progress! Same applies with those formerly trained to the "eyes down" rule that I dislike intensely. They are here to serve Me now, they need to play by My rules.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: Does his submission (bottoming) ever turn you off? - 9/7/2008 5:22:02 AM

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AAkasha. you gotta love noobs huh?

I never really thought about it until I read this thread, but yeah, I had one sub that would whine, although he did follow that up with "Whiny sub talk" in a normal voice and I can understand how it would tend to grate on your nerves. I don't know, I think that the circumstances would dictate on whether or not it could be trained out of them. A discussion first on how to act or speak, then maybe letting them know that any time they whine they're request will be ignored? I don't know, it worked on my saplings... lol

And I make it a point to let others know that silence is NOT golden during a scene and that "ouch" will only provoke me farther. Amazing how many times one can say "ouch" isn't it?

Jewel

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RE: Does his submission (bottoming) ever turn you off? - 9/7/2008 5:52:03 AM

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try fisting a man anally and see how he reacts

before or after that 10 in strapon

we have been doing it now for over 2 and a half years and that first time she enters me still takes my breath away

lately my mistress wants me to experience some pain so shes has been smacking my ass some and she loves playing with my nipples

she rubs them gently until they are erect and then she pinches the heck out of them which can almost bring me to my knees

dont think im wimpy with her but i do love submitting myself to her when we are together ..the lady truly is amazing

when she fucks me with the strapon she likes to see me fucking back on it too as i enjoy the ride that she gives me

love our time together ..have fun ,,mal

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RE: Does his submission (bottoming) ever turn you off? - 9/7/2008 10:16:19 AM

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When I first started I would speak in a robotic monotone and I'd think to myself why am I talking like that? Like a bad actor reciting lines I couldn't stop. That went away after I got more used to it although I still have trouble expressing myself when I'm in the sub mindset. Also I found it takes some of the pressure off to talk about my non-verbal tendencies before hand. At least she knows my hesitancy answering is because the words are not forming in my brain.

Correcting this sort of thing might take a little time because it might be just as much about reaching a level of comfort as it is the sub wanting to change.

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RE: Does his submission (bottoming) ever turn you off? - 9/7/2008 1:08:55 PM

ScarlettStangata

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UH...excuse me but why do you think she needs help just because she is discussing the fine points of reaction during the scene and not really being into typical "pathetic" behavior that so many submissive men seem to like?

I myself have encountered many submissive men who prefer to think of themselves as being "pathetic" and who desire to be degraded and humiliated so if anyone needs the help I would think it is not she.

MS

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RE: Does his submission (bottoming) ever turn you off? - 9/7/2008 1:14:05 PM

meandmymistress

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This is such a valid question and anyone not into this scene would be turned off by a man that loves being submissive.

I absolutely love that my slave behaves "unmanly"...the fact that he is comfortable enough to do so in my presence makes me that much more attracted to him. I know he is doing it to please me and all he wants to do is please me so how can that be a turn off? LOL

Apart from our Mistress/Slave relationship, we do enjoy, I guess what you would call "normal" sex play...whatever normal is, lol.

Mistress C

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RE: Does his submission (bottoming) ever turn you off? - 9/8/2008 12:05:46 PM

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I haven't really run into the whinny thing. If anything, I've had to encourage bottoms to be more vocally responsive. I want the moaning, groaning, little sounds that come with having pain inflicted. It's not nearly as much fun if you're playing with someone who is as silent as a stone. Not only do I want to hurt you, but I want to hear that it hurts.

Just a side note here. If I've misread the question in some way, I apologize. My personal definition of "top" has much to do with My sadistic nature. It seems that other replies have focused on sexual acts, rather than the definition of play which I use for BDSM.

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RE: Does his submission (bottoming) ever turn you off? - 9/8/2008 5:42:55 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

This is way the second to final step in my formal courtship includes a sample scene. If the chemistry just isn't there for me, for him/her, and certainly if it is lacking for both of us, I've learned to just part as potential friends and risk damaging that by continuing onto a training contract.

You don't think it is something that can be adjusted or re-trained?
One of the most common "turn offs" I have found in bottoms, for example, is just a lack of reaction/expression/emotion - and quite often they either need a couple of experiences so the newness/shock of it kind of tones down, or they need to know that it's ok to react.

Akasha

Nope, I've never been at a shortage of folks wanting me and if the chemistry isn't there, it is just wasting my time and his.

Chemistry is hard to define but you can't fix that. It's partly a willingness to focus on the dominant in my opinion on the side of the sub. If he's so into himself that he's displaying actions and reactions that turn me off... we have no chemistry.

My time is valuable to me and those already in my household to spend on someone like that.

Same goes for the sub too... they don't feel a chemistry with me, they better damned well tell me "Thanks, TammyJo, but I'm thinking this isn't for me" and I smile and agree. Little point in investing more emotional and physical energy when there isn't anything to work with on both sides.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: Does his submission (bottoming) ever turn you off? - 9/8/2008 6:07:28 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Have you ever topped a man you were very attracted to, but his "bottoming" persona was a real turn off? Maybe he turned too "wimpy" very quickly, or he started to get robotic and monotone, or he acted really "pathetic" in a way that did not turn you on?

I can't stand wussy submissives. The thrill, for me, comes from taking a man who is so incredibly strong and masculine and making him obedient and devoted to me. I guess I have something of a corruptor fetish..

But if you take a man who comes "pre-broken," i.e. starts crawling around on the floor calling himself a filthy worm and begging me to stomp on his balls right off the bat... yeah, no, sorry, too ridiculous for me.

I also notice that a lot of the uber-wimpy subs tend to be that way in real life, too. Everyone thinks I'm joking when I said that I broke up with my ex because he was too nice, but truth is, I'm a raging asshole and I cannot in good conscience be with someone so nice and sweet and accommodating. Thrill of the hunt, people!

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