reality check please (Full Version)

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goodwood -> reality check please (9/6/2008 3:11:26 PM)

i'd like to do a reality check about what i want. feedback is appreciated.

starting with no BDSM experience and not interested in online relationships just real life full time. looking online and reading about BDSM, and considering past relationships i figure myself as extremely submissive and mildly masochistic. i adore women. i crave domination, verbal abuse, intense sensations mild pain and being cuckolded. when i think of an ideal relationship it is as the sex and domestic slave of a dominant, sadistic female. in daily life she tells me what to do. for sex play she uses me however she wants either for her own desires or as an object to offer to others. she is herself unapologetically, and part of my use to her is as an object of emotional expression and any perverse impulses. she assumes i am there to please and serve her without regard to my preferences or momentary desires. in my fantasies she gets off keeping me at a distance emotionally while maintaining a hold on my heart. she has one or more lovers that she flaunts her affections and interest for in my face to torment me. she makes love in front of me while denying me contact and if i am involved it is as a slave. she humiliates me verbally, inflicts pain on a whim and assigns me tasks to perform.

i am in awe of powerful, sexual woman and feel utterly unworthy of their attention and affection. i feel compelled to be kept by one in my place and used in demeaning ways. one of the aspects i like is to live vicariously through her potent sexuality.

now, that all expresses my desires but i am also realistic and so i doubt that at my age and because i am not in really great shape physically, if a dominant woman would get anything from keeping me on hand as her live-in slave. so i am asking you people who do have experience with this whether there is any point in my looking for a dominant woman or if i should just chalk it up to a fantasy and forget about finding her for real.



camille65 -> RE: reality check please (9/6/2008 3:16:15 PM)

Oh good grief. 'At your age'? Eeeep I'm just a few years behind you and by no means on the shelf. [8D]

I say keep on a truckin. But.. if you've a sad pitiful attitude (I'm not saying that you do please) then the search is much harder. If you hold yourself in good faith and like yourself then others tend to like you as well.

In my head its always worth going after what you want, especially if you really want it. It usually happens that I find what I seek when I'm not really looking but when I'm enjoying my life. I think positive feelings lead to positive actions.



Lockit -> RE: reality check please (9/6/2008 3:19:31 PM)

What is your fantasy in how you will serve this amazing dominant? 



ShiftedJewel -> RE: reality check please (9/6/2008 4:49:01 PM)

I think the op is his fantasy.
 
And to that I have to ask... what do you bring to the table? I mean female dominants are not fantasy machines or entertainment centers, we do have real lives and real responsibilities and being in "bitch" mode is tiresome after a while.
 
No, I guess your desires aren't totally unrealistic, but to have it full time may be.
 
Jewel



Lockit -> RE: reality check please (9/6/2008 4:53:43 PM)

The thing is, I don't mean to discourage with my question.  We don't just want a fucky-toy.  That may be part of it, but there is far more in a live-in situation as you claim to want.  I would suggest thinking on a balance and how it all plays out rather than focus on the sensual aspects to it all.



goodwood -> RE: reality check please (9/6/2008 5:20:59 PM)

i have no idea what a dominant woman would want. that's why i was asking. the answer seems to be that it is a fantasy. what else is a fantasy of not an expression of desire? so i am looking for the coresponding desire. maybe none exists. that's why i am asking: to see if there is a counterpart to how i fantasize, and then what it might look like in real life in a relationship. but i get it that how i am asking and what i wrote is not any good. so i will take that as my answer. it's just a fantasy and would be pointless to look for. thanks for the replies.



Lockit -> RE: reality check please (9/6/2008 5:33:15 PM)

goodwood, we often see this and most often it is unrealistic, but we do need to consider that something draws us all to the things we want and there has to be a starting place.  There are those that are sincere and then those that are fantasy based and don't wish to be anything different.  If you really desire these things and feel as you do, don't give up thinking as you are.  If you really want to understand and seek these things, hang around the boards, read, learn and examine your life/self and discover the beauty of a relationship that you have yet to fully understand.  If you give up now, it will have only been a fantasy.  You will be surely left frustrated.  If you explore and learn, you may find some balance in it all and a whole new world opening up before you.



MsStarlett -> RE: reality check please (9/6/2008 5:33:39 PM)

I just went to check out the OP... "Profile not found".  *shrug*  Another one bites the dust.



Lockit -> RE: reality check please (9/6/2008 5:36:23 PM)

Yup... lol



rookey -> RE: reality check please (9/6/2008 5:55:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: goodwood

i have no idea what a dominant woman would want. that's why i was asking.


Don't ask, lurk. 

I'm very much the neophyte myself (hence the nick).  These message boards are a great learning resource, so why not use them?  The Iron Duke once said time spent on reconnaisance was seldom wasted, that is very true here.

A couple of months ago I didn't really know for certain what dominant women wanted either.  Now after some research here, I believe I have a better idea.

For example, dominant women don't want whingers, fantasists and other selfish types.  On one posting one lady wrote the rule was to be a gentleman first and a submissive second.  I asked about this in one of the chat rooms and some of the ladies there agreed there was some mileage behind it.  You've gotta give to get. 

So lurk, look and learn.  When you've got some bearings, talk to people in the chat room and view them as people, not fantasy fodder. 



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