RE: Why you need to pay a pro-domme (Full Version)

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Venatrix -> RE: Why you need to pay a pro-domme (9/13/2008 12:43:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wheldrake

I suppose the short version is that you should go to a pro domme if you want to experience submission on your own terms - and a lifestyle domme if you're ready to experience submission on someone else's.


Yes, but experiencing submission only on one's own terms doesn't exactly qualify as submission.



Lynnxz -> RE: Why you need to pay a pro-domme (9/13/2008 12:48:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wheldrake

I suppose the short version is that you should go to a pro domme if you want to experience submission on your own terms - and a lifestyle domme if you're ready to experience submission on someone else's.


Yes, but experiencing submission only on one's own terms doesn't exactly qualify as submission.


If it does to them- more power to em. [:D]



DominaErotica00 -> RE: Why you need to pay a pro-domme (9/13/2008 12:53:48 PM)

I understand the breakdown and agree with the Author of this post and Her list of reasons to pay tribute to a Pro-Domme. I also agree with (Coupleofwhats) MissEliza who posted here and said "Some Pro-Dommes are also Lifestyle"...I for one am a Pro- Domme as well as a Lifestyle Dominatrix for over 17 years now. There are some that strongly believe you have to be one or the other and I have to strongly disagree. But that is for another topic....Spanks & Kisses, Domina Erotica
 
www.blackbeautydommelovers.ning.com



littlesarbonn -> RE: Why you need to pay a pro-domme (9/13/2008 1:03:02 PM)

I know this has been broached before, but honestly sometimes a submissive just gives up trying to make a connection with someone that's a lifestyler. It's like there's this need to eliminate potential submissives as much as possible so that sometimes a sincere submissive decides to just cut losses and seek out someone he KNOWS is interested in a bdsm relationship. And no, it doesn't have to be just a play relationship. When I first started doing sessions, I sought out some of the professional women who appeared to be lifestylers and long-term players, which told me that they might be interested in cultivating a Mistress/slave relationship, even if it is considered professional. My second live-in situation came from exactly that type of relationship. Another time, I was introduced to another professional dominatrix by a professional I was seeing for sessions (she recommended me to one of the women who was working with her); I ended up becoming her slave for a few years and not once did we ever do a professional session together.

I think there are a lot of submissives who would do anything to just make a connection. It's really hard for a myriad of reasons these days. When I first started, finding someone was quite easy (usually someone found me). Now, it feels like people are more interested in the courting process, or the pre-contact process, than the actual relationship process. Sure, there are a few successes here and there, but they seem more lottery like than a normal occurrence.



Venatrix -> RE: Why you need to pay a pro-domme (9/13/2008 1:03:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wheldrake

I suppose the short version is that you should go to a pro domme if you want to experience submission on your own terms - and a lifestyle domme if you're ready to experience submission on someone else's.


Yes, but experiencing submission only on one's own terms doesn't exactly qualify as submission.


If it does to them- more power to em. [:D]



That's true.   A self-induced mindfuck is still a mindfuck.



Wheldrake -> RE: Why you need to pay a pro-domme (9/13/2008 1:32:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wheldrake

I suppose the short version is that you should go to a pro domme if you want to experience submission on your own terms - and a lifestyle domme if you're ready to experience submission on someone else's.


Yes, but experiencing submission only on one's own terms doesn't exactly qualify as submission.


Well, perhaps a kind of simulated submission. I suppose that if I were to go to a pro domme I would think of it as paying an expert to show me approximately what submission to certain activities would be like, as opposed to actually submitting.



OneMoreWaste -> RE: Why you need to pay a pro-domme (9/13/2008 4:53:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I know this has been broached before, but honestly sometimes a submissive just gives up trying to make a connection with someone that's a lifestyler. It's like there's this need to eliminate potential submissives as much as possible so that sometimes a sincere submissive decides to just cut losses and seek out someone he KNOWS is interested in a bdsm relationship.


Amen, brother. It has crossed my mind that some Dommes actually do themselves a disservice by starting their profiles with a long list of behaviors that piss them off... It's like, ok, I just read half a screen worth of text and all I know about you is that you're highly irritable, and nobody better contact you without a DAMN good reason. Just what I'm looking for [:D]



MsIncontrol -> RE: Why you need to pay a pro-domme (9/13/2008 6:17:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OneMoreWaste

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsIncontrol
6. You are not interested in or won't make time for a full-time Dominant female partner.  Or, you are not interested in getting married/re-married to a Dominant woman.


I don't think it's entirely correct to assume that there are NO Dominant Women out there who are looking for play-only partners or Friends-With-Beatings [:-]



Not at all.  I am sure there are some women out there just looking for play-only partners.  I am very active in our local scene and I do casual play a lot, with a lot of different people, but I wouldn't come here looking for that in particular, but you are 100% right...there are Dommes out there not looking for life partners who also are lifestyle.



MsIncontrol -> RE: Why you need to pay a pro-domme (9/13/2008 6:19:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaErotica00

I understand the breakdown and agree with the Author of this post and Her list of reasons to pay tribute to a Pro-Domme. I also agree with (Coupleofwhats) MissEliza who posted here and said "Some Pro-Dommes are also Lifestyle"...I for one am a Pro- Domme as well as a Lifestyle Dominatrix for over 17 years now. There are some that strongly believe you have to be one or the other and I have to strongly disagree. But that is for another topic....Spanks & Kisses, Domina Erotica
 
www.blackbeautydommelovers.ning.com


Absolutely, most of my friends who are pro-dommes are also in the lifestyle.  But I am guessing that your requirements for a client are much different than your requirements for a lifestyle submissive partner.



subzoom -> RE: Why you need to pay a pro-domme (9/13/2008 9:23:35 PM)

So true... and after such a long list of things they don't want, I'm having a very difficult time trying to imagine what they do want.



OneMoreWaste -> RE: Why you need to pay a pro-domme (9/13/2008 9:39:18 PM)

0. 'Cause I'm a loser, baby, so why don't you kill me? *dee     de de do dum*



subexploring -> RE: Why you need to pay a pro-domme (9/13/2008 10:31:53 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OneMoreWaste

It's like, ok, I just read half a screen worth of text and all I know about you is that you're highly irritable, and nobody better contact you without a DAMN good reason. Just what I'm looking for [:D]


So true, and well put too. Devoting most of your profile to the meandering, all-caps, multicolored screed about annoyances is a real turnoff. I mean, sub men know perhaps better than anyone how wearying and irritating the search can be, but it's still pretty telling if that's the major thing you want to express.



SnowRanger -> RE: Why you need to pay a pro-domme (9/14/2008 3:39:42 PM)

Hello A/all,

Having done sessions with both pros and lifestylers my perspective may be useful (Note that I said may be useful).  I visited a pro when I first decided to do more than fantasize.  I was living near LA at the time and there were all sorts of advertizers available that featured many pros and Femdom clubs.  I found that the pro route was a good way to get my feet wet.

I am currently in a lifestyle relationship (non live-in) that I really enjoy.

In the future, I might consider a session with a pro to indulge a particular kink; or, if I am seeking a particular look.  On the other hand, I am the ugly cave man type.

Resectfully,
Mike
SnowRanger



ShaktiSama -> RE: Why you need to pay a pro-domme (9/14/2008 5:31:31 PM)

Innaresting post, if perhaps a teensy bit hostile.  But honestly, I find myself perversely amused by the idea of an analogous list of Reasons to Go Pro for the women who provide the service--not just the men who shell out for the service.   I have a much clearer idea of why professional domination is good for the customer than why it is good for the women who enter the profession.

A lot of my friends who have tried professional domination have said that it was a pretty toxic experience...in some cases, they've even said that it contaminated a lot of the joy of BDSM for them, and made it impossible to enjoy activities they once might have found pleasurable, etc...it often leads to "taking a break" or "leaving the lifestyle" for extended periods, etc.

*shrug*  I dunno, I guess posts like this just get me thinking sometimes--what's so great about going pro for the pro?




LadyHibiscus -> RE: Why you need to pay a pro-domme (9/14/2008 7:09:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama


*shrug*  I dunno, I guess posts like this just get me thinking sometimes--what's so great about going pro for the pro?




Lots, actually.  But, you need to have the right personality for the work.  It's not for everyone, by any means.



yourMissTress -> RE: Why you need to pay a pro-domme (9/14/2008 7:17:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wheldrake

I suppose the short version is that you should go to a pro domme if you want to experience submission on your own terms - and a lifestyle domme if you're ready to experience submission on someone else's.


Please explain this to me....how does one submit on their own terms? 



Lynnxz -> RE: Why you need to pay a pro-domme (9/14/2008 7:19:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama


*shrug*  I dunno, I guess posts like this just get me thinking sometimes--what's so great about going pro for the pro?




I was thinking about this the other day, when another poster pointed out that I have complained about having bad days with this job. Yes- I have shitty days, and clueless people... but then again, I figure I will have to deal with that with any job.

At any rate, it is less stress than my first job I had at a fast food restarant, and it pays better too. I get a fair amount of free time as well- I work when I want to work, although sometimes not as much as I'd like (People get annoyed when I find out I do not have a personal dungeon) Because of this free time, I can now volunteer a bit, piddle around on the haunted house hobby (made my own gas mask!) and help pay my parents bills..

As far as the dark side... it gets frustrating, especially when clients feel they should get more than I offer. I quit playing with all casual play partners, and only play with C who I'm dating.  Burn out is a bitch.



KonDomme -> RE: Why you need to pay a pro-domme (9/14/2008 7:19:35 PM)

If you don't, the chances of getting out alive are slim to none.



undergroundsea -> RE: Why you need to pay a pro-domme (9/14/2008 7:45:11 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wheldrake

I suppose the short version is that you should go to a pro domme if you want to experience submission on your own terms - and a lifestyle domme if you're ready to experience submission on someone else's.


Please explain this to me....how does one submit on their own terms? 


I interpretted the statement to mean that with a professional domme, one can specify within reason what activities one wants to experience without necessarily experiencing kinks she enjoys because the reciprocation occurs in the form of payment.

That said, I don't think submission to a lifestyle domme is on someone else's terms only but instead that reciprocation needs to occur and it must occur through interpersonal means. If submission is occurring on someone else's terms only to the point that it leaves the submissive unsatisfied, the relationship is on weak footing.

Cheers,

Sea



undergroundsea -> RE: Why you need to pay a pro-domme (9/14/2008 7:52:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OneMoreWaste
It has crossed my mind that some Dommes actually do themselves a disservice by starting their profiles with a long list of behaviors that piss them off


I agree that such negativity undermines the ultimate objective of a profile. Also, I regularly encounter profiles that seem to rely on the ratios; I encountered one recently that had only two words: serve me.

While that profile might still draw attention, a profile where more personal information is given would draw even more attention, and attention of subs who are interested in personality.

Also, I regularly encounter profiles that focus on only BDSM interests and criteria, which leaves it hard to initiate conversation about anything aside from BDSM. Such a profile encourages the vertical mindset of male submissives that is often decried.

Cheers,

Sea



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