Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (Full Version)

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AAkasha -> Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/13/2008 10:11:29 AM)



Subs, if you met a dominant kinky person via normal social channels - dating, parties, friends, and found them to be outrageous, exciting, incredibly sexy, but they had no idea/did not care/did not want to know about the 'kinky community' - would that bother you?  If this person hadn't read about S&M, had no idea about "safewords" but just seemed to rely on common sense, seemed very creative and adventurous but really not all into the idea of ever going to bdsm events, participating in discussions, etc....would that bother you?

How many people do you think are out there, regularly practicing S&M, who really do not know about the bdsm community, have never read a bdsm book?   Can a person be a well rounded partner without it?

Akasha



KatyLied -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/13/2008 10:28:17 AM)

quote:

Can a person be a well rounded partner without it?


Yes, of course.  I don't belong to a lifestyle community, such as attend munches or demos.  I'd prefer a partner who was not into those sort of things.  I'm not hardcore and I don't need a hardcore partner.  I don't even need D/s.  I do need some kink though.  There are so many areas of my life where I spend more time than D/s bdsm, so it's more important to me to find a compatible person, in general, than it is to focus on the lifestyle stuff.



badlilthang -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/13/2008 10:31:18 AM)

hi there.

i have met a few of those - purely by "accident" - and they are just as wonderful as "commuity type" Doms/submissives. Ok - where i live, it is small - and very narrowminded in my bdsm community - so i stopped going there....but somehow we do find each other anyhow us "pervs"..lol..

So to me it does not matter if they are wellknown in the community or not - as long as they see to know what they are doing...s~... i actually prefer them not to be someone everone know...*L*...

Why the ones yiou mentioned would not participate in discussions depends also if they are online or realtime ones...one of my absolute dearest friends - a Dom i have had the honor to serve a few times does not participate in discussions - as He says...He has heard it all - and He does not need to talk endlessly about this - He is what He is regardless...and He IS one hell of a guy in every sense of the word...s..

Fun thing is - even in His everyday ways - He has this intense dominant aura around Him it weakens my knees - no leather - gear - bdsm kind of clothing - casually dressed - elegant always - but wow....just a look and i am shivering. i have met many inside the community - that screams DOM all over - and they can not even touch the most shallow part of me....

edited for spelling - did it help?



badlilthang -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/13/2008 10:36:08 AM)

doubled..ops



OneMoreWaste -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/13/2008 10:55:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
How many people do you think are out there, regularly practicing S&M, who really do not know about the bdsm community, have never read a bdsm book?   Can a person be a well rounded partner without it?


I'm not sure that it would bother me, but I'd find it very strange. I always pull down massive amounts of information about any hobby that I'm seriously interested in, so having no interest in learning more about something as complex as BDSM is an alien concept.

One thing I'd want to know is whether they addressed their other interests in the same manner, or if there were some reason that they specifically avoided interacting with other people where BDSM is concerned.

I don't see any reason someone couldn't be a well rounded partner without it, but then, I'm not entirely sure I could define what makes someone a well-rounded partner. [:-] I certainly don't see a problem with developing a power dynamic organically without any input as to How It Should Be Done. And I've certainly done a lot of things without training where the common wisdom is "don't ever do that without learning from an expert..."



zakkan -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/13/2008 11:00:05 AM)

I will be delighted to find such a person. Creativity is the way to go in this sort of relationship. Everything will be new, and it will be very exciting.

And since I don't go to events too, [sm=hearts.gif]

Humans have probably been engaging in BDSM-like activities for a loooong time. Before magazines or the internet, they generally got creative by themselves. So, yes, a person be a well rounded partner without it.



DesFIP -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/13/2008 11:28:44 AM)

The problem of someone being a dominant vanilla personality with no scene knowledge is that it's hard to judge if he's controlling you, or just a control freak. I prefer that someone is aware of the importance of consent, of negotiation, of not breaking limits. And control freaks aren't that likely to be as respectful. I find dominant vanillas tend to disrespect submissive types, holding to the old prejudice that submissive people are weak.'

And it's important to me that I be respected and not looked down on for being different from him. I don't require participation in the community, I don't do it either. But yes, knowing that consent is a must is important to me. Without it, it's just date rape not force play.



sophia37 -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/13/2008 11:37:08 AM)

I practiced BDSM before I ever knew I was practicing BDSM. And I still dont call myself a lifestyler or any such thing. So of course it wouldnt bother me if I found someone to my liking that hadnt put a label on what they were practicing. How refreshing in fact. 



Coupleofwhats -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/13/2008 11:37:47 AM)

Well, I was once a kinky person with no knowledge of BDSM or the community: I just knew that I liked to do weird and sometimes dangerous things before/during sex.

My biggest concern would be about safety. I would definitely want the person to have an idea of acceptable risk/precautions, etc. And I would want them to have a sense of what is psychologically OK and not OK for them. I mean, when I was introduced to the larger world of kink, I stopped doing some of the more dangerous stuff when I realized there were safer ways to play.

Other than that... they don't need to be big on "the scene." I figure that I would be enough for the both of us, in terms of knowing what sort of gear/toys are out there, etc. And the only time I get into safewords is when it's a Pro session with a very new or especially difficult to read client.



windchymes -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/13/2008 11:38:53 AM)

I'd grab him up in a heartbeat.  Even if he was, oh, say, several states away. [;)]



badlilthang -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/13/2008 11:42:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

. But yes, knowing that consent is a must is important to me. Without it, it's just date rape not force play.


consent is a given in any kind of relationship, though - if not it chances from dominance to abuse..s..



azropedntied -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/13/2008 11:49:30 AM)

I have had many " lifestyles " BDSM is not one of them . zakkan yur exactly right  there was a bdsm community prior to the  net and dvd  era , we used a thing called the rotary phone , sent things  called letters and they required this strange thing called  postage stamps and a mail man written on paper  with the use of pen or another strange  item called a typewritter .It was right after  the wheel and fire  were invented  .For me, i read on here ,and sorry forgot who penned /typed it " i dont date outside my gene pool ".I dont  Judge people who do not want or feel they need a community ,to read a book , attend a class thats their call .There are  " lifestyle people " Scene people " bedroom only people and thats great if it works for them .I just can not do that , i hunger for it all  knowlege , growth , spirit ,BDSM , community .I find it  an undoable task to just take off and put on bdsm  like a t-shirt or treat it as a hobby .
Would it bother me if this other person had no desire to  learn and grow ?know about  safety ?not read anything  and did not wish to,no events no classes  ..I would not say it would so much bother me  as it i just would not take it any further but i would wish them well .thats just too many no's for me to say yes to .
I know there are Many people  who do BDSM s&m  things behind closed doors , some  just use it to " spice up" a dull sex  life , some  just want added fun ,a game ,a spank on the butt or go to the mall and  buy a made in china  spencers gifts  toy .There are many degrees to what a person can do and be in BDSM everything  from  so light and casual its a hobby/ fun time game  to old gaurd high protocol Leather traditional .I highly doubt the casual person would  hold an intrest in  learning  all the old history and practices and putting them into their life .
By all means  go forth  be kinky , enjoy  have fun , wear a rubber chicken outfit  and crow like a rooster  while getting spanked with a rubber chicken , wear PVC , leather , whatever just be safe and  do not kill your partner and keep yourselves safe .As long as we have no castitrophic  oop's " oops i guess i shoulda learned  how to do breath play before this bad oops hello 911 " is not the call anyone wants to hear about .



totalditz -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/13/2008 12:28:50 PM)

Isn't that usually the way?  I would expect most of us were into kinky stuff first, then learned about the community.  Sure, there may be odd little ideas I've learned about in community and thought "hey, I'd like to try that", but I can't imagine too many people were living blissful vanilla lives until they first stumbled across a sex store, munch, or website and a light dawned over their heads.

You may end up just leading him along a path he'd have chosen anyway....but know he has a guide.



hardbodysub -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/13/2008 12:33:14 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha



Subs, if you met a dominant kinky person via normal social channels - dating, parties, friends, and found them to be outrageous, exciting, incredibly sexy, but they had no idea/did not care/did not want to know about the 'kinky community' - would that bother you?  If this person hadn't read about S&M, had no idea about "safewords" but just seemed to rely on common sense, seemed very creative and adventurous but really not all into the idea of ever going to bdsm events, participating in discussions, etc....would that bother you?

How many people do you think are out there, regularly practicing S&M, who really do not know about the bdsm community, have never read a bdsm book?   Can a person be a well rounded partner without it?

Akasha



None of the above would bother me in the least. Most of what one needs to know in all of this is achievable through common sense. And, frankly, I think a lot of people have been too fully indoctrinated, to the point where they strictly and thoughtlessly follow rules and protocols learned from books and the bdsm community.



Venatrix -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/13/2008 12:33:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sophia37

I practiced BDSM before I ever knew I was practicing BDSM. 



Yep, me too.



littlesarbonn -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/13/2008 1:05:34 PM)

If there's a strong connection between us, that's really all that would matter to me. I'm not defined by my kink; I define my kink.



MzMia -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/13/2008 1:30:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

Can a person be a well rounded partner without it?


Yes, of course.  I don't belong to a lifestyle community, such as attend munches or demos.  I'd prefer a partner who was not into those sort of things.  I'm not hardcore and I don't need a hardcore partner.  I don't even need D/s.  I do need some kink though.  There are so many areas of my life where I spend more time than D/s bdsm, so it's more important to me to find a compatible person, in general, than it is to focus on the lifestyle stuff.


I totally agree with you Katygirl, as lately
I often do!
I was thinking about something similar to AAkasha's op today.
As long as my partner is kinky with submissive tendancies, he need
not be into the "bdsm community" at all.
I male Dominant friend of mine from CM, met the sweetest submissive
woman from a free vanilla dating site.
Now the poor man is busy corrupting her, what a tough job, but someone
needed to do it!
[:D]



Usako -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/13/2008 1:38:34 PM)

I'd be very happy with a person like that! That means there is room for them to learn.

I'm not hardcore (as someone else) nor do I really want someone like that either. I'm just me, a person who happens to be into BDSM but doesn't let it totally define them. I don't mind munches and demos and stuff, always nice to learn things, but this isn't my 24/7 mindset. People who contact me who are only about BDSM turn me off, I'd much rather a down to Earth person who happens to be kinky or into BDSM but has more to offer than just whips and chains.

Can't spank someone all day, need to have other connections to make up a real relationship in my sense of the term.



Venatrix -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/13/2008 2:57:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Usako


Can't spank someone all day . . .



You can't?  Sigh.  Another fantasy bites the dust.



Quivver -> RE: Not a lifestyler - just a fun, freaky kinky person (9/13/2008 2:58:43 PM)

Absolutely without a doubt .... and actually preferred.  



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