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kidwithknife -> RE: Positive Relationshkips (9/17/2008 8:24:13 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark
Thanks for the input I appriciate it.
I like the concept of 'artistically' - could you expand on that at all?
I'll spin off a new thread on theatricalitiy/art and BDSM soon- hopefully by the end of today. As that would be getting into issues that are both linked to my academic field and also one of my pet topics, my complete inability to discuss topics briefly would be increased tenfold. And writing an off-topic thesis strikes me as somewhat unfair on the OP.
quote:
When I first met Darcy, I was in the middle of nowhere in Cornwall. He was just outside London. I had nothing around me so I was pro-active. I brought people to me and brought me to others by co-ordinating a munch, create online communities and participating in forums like here, writing blogs and attending outside my 'zone'. That wasn't luck, that was hard work and conscious effort. Meeting Darcy, I don't see luck come into it and no, we didn't believe that it came down to being lucky enough to find someone else compatable. We made it happen by being persistant, having the same goals(even if we were unable to relocate at the time) and being fantastically brilliant people. You have to be aware to let this so called 'luck' to get through. Placing it on good or bad luck makes personal responsibility void. We make our own life- or some people seem to call it luck.
Even now, we both make a conscious effort to meet people both BDSM wise and other - we attend mashups, go to gigs and actually talk to people. We went to see Numan the other weekend and ended up talking and laughing to two guys we met on the bus just because we made an effort. We meet people from here - making the effort to do exactly what we claim we will do. If we say we want and will meet up with you, we do it. But it's not luck, it's persistance and follow-through.
I don't think that a belief in "luck" and "personal responsibility" are necessarily exclusive.
On one hand, as the example of you and Darcy shows very well, you don't have to have the luck to bump into the right person to make things work. While you living in the same town would have been good luck, it was effort and hard slog that meant that didn't matter.
On the other hand, you can be the luckiest person in the world If you don't have the courage to grasp the opportunity it presents you with both hands, it'll do you no good at all.
So it's not that I believe that luck absolves us from responsibility for our actions. I don't believe we always create our own luck either. But we're certainly responsible for whether we take advantage of our good fortune. Or whether we escape our bad.
To give a counterexample to yours though.
Knifeplay isn't particuarly my kink. (Yes, I'm aware that puts me in the running for most poorly chosen username ever). However, I have no issues with it either. So, theoretically, if I met someone who was great in lots of ways, but knifeplay was very important to them, it really wouldn't be a problem.
In reality however, it would be a massive one. Because I'm actually dyspraxic. Which is a disability with varying effects. In my case, it's mainly my physical co-ordination and spatial awareness that's affected. Add to that a sizeable degree of (unrelated to my disability) physical strength. Basically, I'm the Hulk. I suspect you can see where the problem arises. For me to do any kind of knife play would be as dangerous as chainsaw play for most people.
Now, I'm not in any way distraught about this. And I'd hope it's obvious that I'm not the kind of person who mentions this kind of thing for sympathy. Let alone *spits* pity. But it's an accident of birth that could potentially affect compatibility with someone who has that as an important part of their preferences. I think that's reasonable to see as bad luck. However, it obviously wouldn't be reasonable for me to see it as anything other than minor. Moping around about how my disability "ruins my chances of a relationship" would be the kind of denial of personal responsibility we both object to.
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