Does it work? Will it happen?

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Does it work? Will it happen? - 8/1/2004 5:53:42 PM

Zaudika

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Joined: 1/9/2004
From: Waltham, MA
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Say two people are together and are for about 6 months, one moves half way across the US to be with the other person. They're in love, they're happy.
Things get rocky and they split up, but decide to stay friends. After a few months of being just friends they become intimately involved again. ... but, do not get back together. It is a D/s relationship, and a sexual one, there's just not a 1 on 1 commitment there. (both can date others, but there is the agreement that neither will have sexual relations with another)

Things stay this way for a few months. They discuss getting back together at times but the Dom and very good friend in the relationship says that while he cherishes her with every bit of his being, he just doesn't know if he'll ever fall back "IN" love with her again.

So,.. she doesn't want to leave because she still loves him, she continues to hold on, but also continues to date others casually while in this relationship to make sure that she isn't going to make a mistake about the right one coming along. Although, her heart still completely belongs to her Dom she's still intimate with.

So.... in this situation. Does it eventually work out? Is it possible for someone (the Dom) to fall back in love after falling out of love? ... Is it possible with time the original feelings in the original relationship may come back?
Or does it seem that it would be better for both parties to just step back. Stay only good friends and cut the physical aspect?

Just wanting general unbiased opinions...

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RE: Does it work? Will it happen? - 8/1/2004 6:34:08 PM

cheeba0228

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Joined: 7/27/2004
From: Detroit
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Well I dont think there is any hope for a realtionship there unless both people are wanting one. However on the other hand. As long as both agree on that and you keep it strictly out of the emotional arena I'd call it fun. But if you cant separate the emotions I'd move on ASAP as no good can come from that situation.

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RE: Does it work? Will it happen? - 8/1/2004 7:04:01 PM

sub4hire

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In my opinion this is a top/bottom relationship. Not a D/s one. The only reason why I say that is because a D/s relationship to me is usually a committed one. Keep in mind these are my views.
The relationship started as a D/s one but it lacked whatever interest by either one or both parties to keep it going. Something just was'nt quite there. Apparently the submissive couldn't satisfy the Dominant. So he or she is using the submissive until something or somebody better comes along.

If it were me in this situation I'd get out of it. Find a Dominant who wants me for me. That way I have a chance to be happy as well.
It sounds like the person who moved. Which sounds to me it was the submissive. The sub needs to get on with their life. Start going to munches. Start networking so he or she is'nt so dependant on the Dominant for friendship and as a lover. If the dependance goes away so will the feelings of love.

Anyway, that is what I think on the topic.
Hope it helps.

(in reply to Zaudika)

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RE: Does it work? Will it happen? - 8/1/2004 7:43:49 PM

Sundew02

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It seems this relationship has gone from a d/s one to just sexual release. For the one who moved, it is also a large financial commitment. Since the Dom has clearly stated he is no longer in love with the submissive, thats the end of the d/s relationship. Unless the submissive is willing to just be an occassional stress relief with no hope of ever being his. It is time to fold the tent and move on. A very expensive short term relationship for the one who moved, but I see no real hope of a reconnection. If the Dom just wants to be friends, then the sexual aspect should never have occurred following the D/s break up. I wish you both luck, but find another to love. Sundew

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RE: Does it work? Will it happen? - 8/1/2004 9:18:28 PM

Estring

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I think it's very rare for a relationship to end and then be started up again and be the same as it was originally. I definitely don't see that happening in the scenario you have described.

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RE: Does it work? Will it happen? - 8/1/2004 10:54:30 PM

Leonidas

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Well, first of all, there are no unbiased opinions. This is especially true when an opinion is preceeded with "here is my unbiased opinion". So, here is an opinon, biased by my particular life experience:

What you are describing is not a D/s relationshp. It may be an SM relationship. It may be a fine fancy-fucking relationship with some slappy-spanky and a few toys thrown in to spice it up. If it ever was a D/s relationship, it isn't anymore. What it would take for him to "fall back in love with you" is to decide again that you are a woman that he wants to dominate and possess in a real and ongoing sense. For him to take control of you and to bring out in you those qualities that he could "love". He's not doing that. He's not engaged. He is using you for sex, and you are doing the same toward him. That is only going to lead to more of the same. There is nothing wrong with that, if you enjoy it. If that is the case, do yourself a favor, and just enjoy it for its own sake.

quote:

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

- Albert Einstein

Just a biased opinion, but you did ask.

Take care of yourself

Leonidas

< Message edited by Leonidas -- 8/1/2004 10:58:31 PM >

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RE: Does it work? Will it happen? - 8/2/2004 2:23:15 AM

MistressDREAD

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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Does it Work?

Sum times if the Love was true with both
because Love is ever lasting lust however
fades and changes with desires. It sounds
more that the two were in Lust not Love.

Will it happen?

Only the two can know.
If they are comfortable doing
what they are then cudos for
them. The dependancy of both
from the other is feeding their
need, when that need changes
so will the both of them and move
on.

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RE: Does it work? Will it happen? - 8/2/2004 7:30:24 PM

ScorpioMaster

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The only guarantee you have in life is life and death. All you can do is giving it a try and who knows what wonder things well come your way. To loose love once and then to find it again would mean give it a try. Who knows what will happen tomorrow for you could never wake up knowing what if. The only thing you could loose is not knowing what would happen if you do not at least give love a try.

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RE: Does it work? Will it happen? - 8/3/2004 4:56:41 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

The only guarantee you have in life is life and death.

Actually, my father used to say the only guarantees in life are death and taxes.

I've amended that to say the only guarantees in life are death, taxes and spam.

But I digress...

I have no issues with open relationships. I've had a few myself.

However, and this is my opinion, when a relationship is rocky, it is not the time to go around fucking left right and centre. It is time to concentrate on the relationship that needs mending.

But then again, I see how fucking left right and centre can help people deny that they have a relationship that needs mending.

- LA

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RE: Does it work? Will it happen? - 8/3/2004 8:22:11 AM

FatherMichael

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when any of us ask the question "will this relationship work out" the answer is already in front of you...if it was going to work out, the question would never pop to mind.

Lassie never worried about Timmy was doing, two way commitment, two way loyalty is there or its not.

don't love someone because its the easiest option, and don't be afraid of change, unless you know down to your bones they will live & die for you...and give you the things you need --which is different than the things we all think we want from time to time.

and as my grandmother used to say...since this thread is full of quotes..

if it smells like bullshit, chances are some cow with a pecker took a dump where you ain't found it yet.

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sitting funny for a few days is a consequence

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RE: Does it work? Will it happen? - 8/3/2004 10:48:36 AM

Sinergy

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quote:

when any of us ask the question "will this relationship work out" the answer is already in front of you...if it was going to work out, the question would never pop to mind.

Questions always pop into my mind. I am not sure I agree that it would never pop into one's mind.

For me, I take a different approach but it is more in keeping with my particular worldview.

Working out implies something will happen in the future.

I dont see life as a race. I set any number of goals and generally achieve them, but my focus is not on my goals. My focus are on the details I need to do today to achieve the goal. The reason for this is that I dont spend much of my time thinking about the past or the future. One is simply a memory which can be examined for information. The future may never happen, or may veer off in some completely different direction than I thought it would go because of unforeseen circumstances.

So for me, whether a relationship WILL work out is not relevant. The question in my mind is generally IS the relationship working out. If it does not seem to be, I start to
ask myself what is the nature of the relationship and can it be salvaged.

JM, CBW, BTYG.

Sinergy

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RE: Does it work? Will it happen? - 8/3/2004 11:19:43 AM

darchart

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Joined: 7/20/2004
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I read and reread this a few times..

I am inclined to think that the D's aspect of your relationship is no longer there. Agreeing to not have a sexual relationship with anyone other than your former Dom is harmful to any new relationship you might find. How can you find someone who might be the right person for you if they are kept at arms length and the new relationship not allowed to progress or grow?

this is just MO..

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