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has anoyone had - 9/17/2008 10:25:49 PM

xoel

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a sub that has been owned for a while... that wants to explore her submission on a deeper level... had a bad exp. with humiliation, a while ago, but is now intrigued by it, and wants to explore her fears....

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RE: has anoyone had - 9/17/2008 11:20:20 PM

BlackPhx

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Ok, very interesting but this forum is Ask a Master. So what exactly is your question?

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RE: has anoyone had - 9/18/2008 12:05:08 AM

masterforRT

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I think she's saying that she's been with her Dom long enough that she feels comfortable exploring things that were formerly too scary for her to deal with. If you've been with him that long, surely you know him well enough to talk to him about this (or not).

I'd explain your desires to him.

IMHO, it's healthy to air out the cobwebs in your psyche once in a while-and scary, repressed things are certainly the ones with the most webs of all.

Good luck.

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RE: has anoyone had - 9/18/2008 5:33:01 AM

DesFIP

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Lots of people aren't ready for something at one point in their lives but are ready for it at a later. Especially with something as potentially damaging as humiliation it makes sense that one might need to be stronger in themselves, in the relationship, in order to deal with it.

However, knowing you had difficulty with it in the past, it might be wiser to start very lightly and go slowly, while taking time to see how you feel afterwards. It probably wouldn't be the wisest thing to go from being a cherished angel to eating out of the dog's dish on the first day.

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RE: has anoyone had - 9/18/2008 4:09:38 PM

JewAndCelt

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If I am misconstruing this, forgive me; it just seems the OP is quite ambiguous with her post.

First off, this seems to belong in the 'Ask a submissive/slave' forum.

Secondly, after viewing the OP's profile, this post seems almost trollish - as her profile does state,

I have been experimenting with my switching side. I also love to play with sweet submissive ladies.

If this is indeed the case, just contact people on the other side. I believe the 'send a quick note' function would serve nicely.

If trolling isn't the OP's intent, she should probably post in the appropriate forum.

Again, sorry if I've misunderstood anything.

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RE: has anoyone had - 9/19/2008 11:08:46 AM

aravain

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I think it was just poorly worded...

if I understand correctly she's asking dominants if they've ever had a submissive who has had a bad experience with humiliation in the past and wants to explore her submission and touch on this previously too-difficult-to-handle subject.

I'm guessing that she also wants to know what they did if this has happened, but that question isn't asked.

So I DO think it belongs in this forum.

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RE: has anoyone had - 9/19/2008 12:20:13 PM

SteelofUtah

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xoel, to answer your exact question with an exact answer..... Yes, yes I have.

To expand on what it is that I think you are looking for information on that will take a little more space.

Limits, Fears, Comfort, and the like are subjects of personal preference. Personally I am the kind of guy who wants to go from having just met to being comepletely comfortable with all aspects of the other person as quickly as possible. As I am sure you can see this rarely happens at a speed I am comfortable with and this tends to at times cause frustration with certain fears.

Prime example is in what you described. I was once with a girl who would fall to pieces at the simplest derogatory comment, calling her a fuck toy was out of the question for some reason at the core of her being she could not see her own worth when someone spoke derogatorily toward her. One day she said she wanted to work on that so we started working on this issue in the only way that I felt I could slowly but consistently. Our relationship ended for reasons other than what I am discussing now but I ran into her a few months later with her new Master and she was excited to inform me that she was now a Party Slut. With the quite literal purpose of being a sexual object at parties. Her Master delighted in calling her a "Cock Socket" and she squealled at his pleasure in calling her such.

Turns out that she was ready to explore that side of her she was just unable to explore it with me. I never bothered to find out why and although not estatic about the idea I held no ill will toward her for being able to open up to someone else, truth be told sometimes people just can do certain things with certain people. Do I think her Master was a better person than me? Not in the least I just think it was easier for her to deal with her issue with him than with me.

you mention in your OP that the sub in question wants to explore her fears, I don't know if you are the sub in question or maybe you know a sub who wants to explore these fears with you and you don't know what to do or what, not knowing what the situation is I can't really be exact in my advice. I can only say this.

Fears ALL FEARS are things that should be inventoried at random times in our lives. We should ask ourselves why they are fears, and if they are necessary and what purpose they serve, test the waters from time to time. I ride rollercoasters and stand at the edge of cliffs just to remind myself that I am still afraid to die. You just have to test that fear from time to time and sometimes the person in your life connects with some of those fearts and doubles them. Sometimes they don't and you are able to relax for the first time long enough to determine how you really feel about the things that you are afraid to confront in your life.

Andi was terrofied of Anal Sex all her past experiences were bad and when we got together the idea of it made her cry. Today that is a VERY different story, chalk it up how you want in the end sometimes it's the person sometimes it's the act that keeps you from trying something new.

As Always

Steel

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RE: has anoyone had - 9/20/2008 6:54:41 PM

Hekatonkheires

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Xoel, you haven't said what it is you fear. Was your bad experience from the past with the same One as now?

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RE: has anoyone had - 9/20/2008 10:11:04 PM

WhiplashSmile2

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ok, if you want to do it, go for it.

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RE: has anoyone had - 9/21/2008 5:27:08 AM

IronBear

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xoel

a sub that has been owned for a while... that wants to explore her submission on a deeper level... had a bad exp. with humiliation, a while ago, but is now intrigued by it, and wants to explore her fears....

Unlike some posters here, I have no problems with understanding a simply worder question. The heading says it all and thus my responce is yes! I have had two slaves with similar backgrounds and was able to help them past their fears to become happy girls in service. One problem here in CM is that many responders tend to try to out think the simplest things and build bloody great mountains out of small mole hills. Sometimeds things are as simple as they seem.

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RE: has anoyone had - 9/22/2008 3:19:45 PM

tweedydaddy

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I had her several times, how do you know her?

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RE: has anoyone had - 9/22/2008 8:19:05 PM

erebus

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Please...'that' refers to an object or a thing. 'Who' refers to a person or a pet.

From the web:
"As a relative pronoun, it is fairly limited. “Who” (as well as its inflections “whose” and “whom”) can only be used to refer to people or entities equated with people (like deities and occasionally pets). It should never be used when referring to things or animals."

(Yeah I know this is not consistent within itself. But the sense is right.) http://copyediting-grammar-style.suite101.com/article.cfm/that_or_who

Government schools are so crappy now they can't even teach proper English. More important to be 'politically correct', I guess.

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RE: has anoyone had - 9/22/2008 9:27:20 PM

xoel

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Sorry about the ambiguity... i am just curious, and am not sure what exactly my question is. I have just been feeling lately that i want to explore my submission on a deeper level, honestly i am a little scared of taking the humiliation route, due to the fact that the last experience i had left me wrecked for weeks. I think now, that i have moved past it, and reconciled with Him, i am intrigued with what i fear. Just looking for advice...

xoel

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RE: has anoyone had - 9/22/2008 9:31:17 PM

xoel

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Thank you! You make alot of sense to me, and i appreciate the time You took to respond.

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RE: has anoyone had - 9/22/2008 9:41:27 PM

xoel

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i think the experience made me fear humiliation in general, especially if there is no aftercare... that is something that i definately need. to let oneself go like that, and not to be brought back to feeling like everything is Ok, is scary

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RE: Has anyone had... - 9/23/2008 9:05:32 AM

MarcEsadrian

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xoel

Sorry about the ambiguity... i am just curious, and am not sure what exactly my question is. I have just been feeling lately that i want to explore my submission on a deeper level, honestly i am a little scared of taking the humiliation route, due to the fact that the last experience i had left me wrecked for weeks. I think now, that i have moved past it, and reconciled with Him, i am intrigued with what i fear. Just looking for advice...

xoel

Xoel,

I feel slavery—or in the very least, deeper submission—requires laying aside the protective chatter of ego and pride in the mind. I would perhaps address internalizing a focus upon that on your own. Easier said than done, of course.

With that said, when I think of deep-level submission, "humiliation" is not really in the fore of my thoughts; it's a much bigger and consequently more productive thing than that. Laying aside your barriers of pride and protection is often one of the critical first steps, however.

< Message edited by MarcEsadrian -- 9/23/2008 9:07:18 AM >

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RE: has anoyone had - 9/23/2008 11:24:27 AM

Jeptha

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If there's a negative reaction to something I'm doing, I'll explore it, perhaps slowly, over time, without pushing it, just to learn what it's about.
Partly, I think it's interesting and good to learn about those things.
But also, sometimes things that produce shock or surprise at first can turn into curiosity and interest later.

Not that it happens every time like that.
But communicating about it can help prop that door open a little bit in case interest does develop later, once the initial shock wears off.

I've experienced that to some slight degree with humiliation scenes, mostly in how certain words are used in certain contexts, etc., usually because, initially, my partner doesn't have the same understanding about why I'm using the words that I'm using that I do.

Like I said, we don't always change our minds about things.
But, I'm a pretty slow processor, so I understand how it can take days or weeks for one to get one's mind around something in such a way that you're feelings become more positive about it.

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