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Tricky business - 11/30/2005 2:44:56 PM

LadyCompassion

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I am currently involved with a man who is also a switch. He enjoys both roles but for the most part prefers to sub. I find it hard to discern between both of our roles. Its hard to me to know what I am that day if we are both feeling dominant or if we are both feeling submissive. It gets rather interesting.
And so I am curious. Has anyone else ever been in this situation? What types of things worked best for you to determine your roles? Did it end badly, or was it a good situation?

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RE: Tricky business - 11/30/2005 4:05:22 PM

siamsa24

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This is where communication is key. We are both switches in my realtionship and we simply express what we are feeling at what we happen to want at the time, it works well for us.

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RE: Tricky business - 12/1/2005 1:31:41 PM

LaDee

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I agree communication is the key. Honesty is also important. good Luck! La'Dee

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RE: Tricky business - 12/1/2005 2:50:58 PM

Krasnaya

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Well I think it depends on your relationship and how dominant you both are. For me it's easy to tell because one of us will just naturally "take over" as the dominant in the situation. If we're both feeling toppy it can be fun to "fight" over it.

I think the only time it's more difficult is if both partners are feeling submissive. Like the others have said I think being open to talking about it is the best way to deal with this. Just go where the mood takes you.

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RE: Tricky business - 12/1/2005 7:11:19 PM

fastlane

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ummm, you have to eventually figure out who is the home team, who is the catcher and who is the pitcher?
Yes, it must be very confusing, not to know from day to day, minute by minute, who is top or bottom?
May I suggest this little bit of advice?

when you wake up every morning, if you are hard, you are the Top, if you are soft, you are the bottom.

And that Fricken Dr. Phil get's paid for giving advice like this...go figure?

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

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RE: Tricky business - 12/1/2005 8:32:51 PM

Krasnaya

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As someone who has woken up next to a "hard" person and proceeded to take him roughly (and it was almost as fun as when I'm topped by my current partner)...I'll have to disagree. I'm sure he would too

I play on all sides of the field.

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RE: Tricky business - 12/11/2005 12:21:38 PM

theRose4U

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quote:

I am currently involved with a man who is also a switch. He enjoys both roles but for the most part prefers to sub. I find it hard to discern between both of our roles. Its hard to me to know what I am that day if we are both feeling dominant or if we are both feeling submissive. It gets rather interesting.
And so I am curious. Has anyone else ever been in this situation? What types of things worked best for you to determine your roles? Did it end badly, or was it a good situation?

My boy is a newbie and has been encouraged to seek his bliss. There are days that he's more switchy than sub and some of those can be a challenge...ESPECIALLY when the "isn't a relationship 50/50" discussion comes up. Those are the days when I have to lock up the toys to resist tying him up and wailing on him while repeating because I'm the Domme Dammit LOL (soo kidding).
Finding the balance in a relationship is always interesting...with a Switch it can be a challenge. We have come up with a "safeword" of sorts that means he's WAAAYY too close to being disrespectful and needs to tone it down. Some days it's like trying to put limits on a yo-yo, too much pressure one direction and it takes off in the other...it's all about balance.

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RE: Tricky business - 12/12/2005 6:43:37 AM

veronicaboundcd

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From my own experience as being a switch, it is very difficult to acheive anything more than an alternating Top/bottom feeling when two switches are involved in a relationship. ....In other words, it is almost impossible to really get into either deep Dom or sub emotions and feelings, when it is not a sustained position by either party involved. If you are both sensation players, it can be a very good and satisfying relationship, but you may want to establish a way to set your roles for given periods, so you can enjoy and plan your time together. You might consider setting up a flexible schedule, where it is predetermined who will be in charge ahead of time, such as, alternating days, weekends, or weeks. Or use the luck of the draw to add some fun to the mix. As far as a serious D/s relationship goes, it's almost impossible to do when two switches are involved, as neither has a chance to get established in their role as Dom or sub, but longer sustained periods of staying in one mode, can have very interesting results, often bringing out the more dominant and submissive individual in such a relationship. I have actually used contracts to make things interesting...........it really messes with your mind, when you know that you will be in complete control or controled for a week or month. I hope this gives you a few new ideas!!!
............Yours, Veronica

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RE: Tricky business - 12/12/2005 8:30:27 PM

theRose4U

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Have to agree. Switches by themselves can be a challenge...2 switches together is a log roll.

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RE: Tricky business - 12/27/2005 12:16:27 PM

fergus

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Sounds to me as if the power struggle is just as much fun for the two of you as the actual play ;)

I agree about communication, but in this case, the non-verbal communication might be just as important.

fergus

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