iwillserveu
Posts: 1633
Joined: 1/1/2004
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If you seek an erotic story, look elsewhere. This story was inspired by the poem.
“Jane” the dragon
The Lady of the castle asked Sir Lamorack to slay the Dragon that was taking the virgins from her village. Sir Lamorack agreed to look into it for he could do no other thing.
Sir Lamorack approached the dragon. It was asleep.
Its lair was a cave with gold treasure and littered with the bones of knights that came before Sir Lamorack.
Sir Lamorack found a chair and sat down. “I can wait,” he said, “until you stop the sleeping dragon act.”
The dragon lifted its head and opened its eyes. It batted its eyelashes and a foreclaw went to its chest. “What you were not fooled?” it said, “I mean Yawn, what? How long have you been there?”
“I’ve come to slay the dragon that has been eating virgins and terrorizing the village,” said Sir Lamorack. “From the bones, I assume that is you.”
“Virgins? That is a new one,” said the dragon. “What makes you think you can slay me?”
“Oh, I know I can’t,” said Sir Lamorack. “You have four legs with sharp claws, weight about 1,000 pounds, breathe fire and are facing a guy with a sharp knife. Did I leave anything out?”
“Your faith in the one true GOD, your strong right arm, and something about the serpent in the Bible,” said the dragon.
“Oh,” said Sir Lamorack, “I see some of those before me were Christians. I hope that does not reflect badly upon me. I apologize for their, um, rampant enthusiasm. Generally, they are good people but do get carried away.”
“I take it you are not a Christian,” said the dragon. “I was thinking I was too late. Are you experienced with dragons?”
“Experienced enough to know I shan’t be needing this,” said Sir Lamorack as he took off his helmet. “I also know that only one of us will walk out of here. I also know you get to decide which one.”
“So,” said the dragon, “tell me what you plan to do.”
“I’ll do nothing,” said Lamorack, “but ask if you are ready? There are two points to slay a dragon. One is in the mouth. I thrust my sword into your mouth, pierce the roof and pierce your brain. Is that the method you prefer?”
“No,” said the dragon. “It is a wee bit too Freudian.”
“Freudian?” asked Sir Lamorack.
“Sorry,” said the dragon. “I used a reference you have no way of knowing. What is the second way you know of?”
“Your scales make good armor but if I can strike through them I can pierce your heart,” said Sir Lamorack.
“Hmm,” said the dragon, “Either have you thrusting your sword in my mouth or my armor fails and I get a broken heart. If I don’t kill you I shall probably take the latter.”
Sir Lamorack stood up took his helmet in his left hand and pointed at the dragon. “Kill me?” he said. “I have given thee no offense and you threaten to kill me. How rude. I am seriously tempted to not slay you and let you continue your rampage against virgins”
Smoke puffed out of the dragon’s nostrils and it balled a foreclaw into a fist and started pounding the ground. Sir Lamorack just laughed.
When the general frivolity was over the dragon said, “Actually, you were rude to me first. Coming in here to thrust your sword in my mouth without so much as asking my name.”
“Dragons have names?” asked Sir Lamorack.
“Of course we have names,” said the dragon. “How do you think we converse with one another? When you go to your human hall do say, ‘Human stable my steed. Human bring me food. Human bang the dents out of my shield. Human let me thrust my sword in your mouth.”
“Sorry,” said Sir Lamorack. “What is your name?”
“It does not translate well,” said the dragon.
“How about phonetically?” asked Sir Lamorack.
“Phonetically you could not say it,” said the dragon, “Just call me Jane.”
“Um,” said Sir Lamorack, “Are you aware that ‘Jane’ is a lady’s name.”
“Yes,” said Jane, “and it is appropriate Sir Whonevertoldmehisname, since I am a Lady Dragon.”
“My name is Sir Lamorack.” Said Sir Lamorack.
“What no ‘of someplace’?” asked Jane.
“I hail from Ireland, spend much time in the Orkneys and spend much time in Camelot. I am from where I stand.” said Sir Lamorack.
“Why do you stand where you are?” asked Jane.
“For I can do no other,” said Sir Lamorack.
The puffs of smoke started coming out her nostrils again. “I Kant stand it,” she said as she pounded her fist. Even if Sir Lamorack heard the pun he would not understand the reference. He waited for Jane’s laughter to subside. “I apologize if you took my suggestion of the sword in the mouth as too bawdy, Jane.”
“Bawdy?” The snorts started again. “Could you get bawdy with a thirty foot winged lizard? Relax, no offense taken. You are not my type, although with some scales and a longer sword.” Her fist was then joined by her tail pounding the ground. “You are a good straight man, Sir Lamorack of where you stand. If only you took the test I’m sure you would’ve passed. You seem worthy.”
“Test?’ said Sir Lamorack.
She pointed to the bones before her. “They tried to kill me in my sleep with so much as a hello.” You refused to take the test.
“So,” said Sir Lamorack “if I had lied and slunk away until you were awake, I would’ve passed. Poor test rewarding lying. Besides I am truly insulted at being presumed a varlet until I prove myself honorable.” Then he realized why the treasure. “Did any try to steal from you while you ‘slept’?”
“No.” Jane said, “And don’t change the subject. I won’t explain my reasons, but I do need proof of your worth. When you called my sleeping bluff you did not pass the test, but rather refused to take it. I will have to devise another.”
“Good luck on that,” said Sir Lamorack. “Knowing there is a test I will behave as if there is a test and not naturally. And although I find the idea of needing to prove my worth insulting, I will submit to what ever test you devise.”
“That’s it,” said Jane. She stood on her hind legs and lifted a scale on her chest. “You pass.”
“Um.” said Sir Lamorack, “not so fast. You are a Lady. A big, scaly, Lady with wings, but a Lady. I am sworn to uphold chivalry. I’m not sure, but killing you seems to go against that.”
“I am a Lady,” said Jane, “and Sir Knight I beg of you to thrust your sword so you break my heart.”
“I won’t,” said Sir Lamorack. “Doing something I know will cause a Lady harm is unchivalrous. I’m not sure but killing you probably harms you.”
“Let me put it to you this way,” said Jane. “One of us is walking out of here. Don’t do it and I will kill you.”
Sir Lamorack thought about it. He drew his sword, held it high over his head, closed his eyes, took one step forward, paused, yelled in fury, and took another step forward, paused, yelled again, and paused again. Then he dropped his sword. He clenched his eyes and said, “Just be quick, please.”
Jane could not smile, but her tail wagged.
Sir Lamorack when he realized he was not dead opened his eyes slowly.
When she saw this Jane said, “You pass. Sorry for the deception but if you thought you had already passed the test you would not be thinking ‘This is a test.’ I needed to see how strongly you hold your values.”
“Unmitigated bitch,” said Sir Lamorack, “to knowingly cause me such a dilemma for no end. You are the basest of vile creatures. Ending your existence would have benefited the world.”
Jane waited until his fury abated and said only, “Sorry.”
Sir Lamorack said, “I am sorry I called you a bitch. I told you I would submit to the test so had no right to be angry. By the way how did you know I would not have killed you.”
“One,” said Jane, “I am immortal. Your Christians theorize about a soul. I don’t theorize, I know I have something similar, but different. I bet you do too, otherwise it would be a sorry waste. Anyway, you can’t kill me, mortal. When I’m good and ready for my next stage I need you, for I can’t ‘transform’ by myself.”
After a long pause when it was clear she would say no more, Sir Lamorack asked, “and number two?”
“Two,” said the Lady Jane, “My heart is over here,” she said as she lifted a different scale.
She snorted smoke and Sir Lamorack laughed.
“I give you my heart,” said Jane, “for my own reasons. I ask you knight to trust me to do what is right.”
Sir Lamorack picked up his sword.
He told the lady of the castle that the virgins of the village were safe.
< Message edited by iwillserveu -- 8/14/2004 7:43:29 AM >
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When the Lady smiles i can't resist her call. As a matter of fact, i don't resist at all. Well that depends if it is a smile or a grimmace. 
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