Pretty Sure I'm A Switch... When Do You Know?

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Pretty Sure I'm A Switch... When Do You Know? - 12/1/2005 9:30:40 PM

streetjacker

Posts: 4
Joined: 11/22/2005
Status: offline

Hello all -

I'm a super noob that's had some switch play with only two previous partners and while it was clumsy and amateurish, I've had some small taste of what's been dormant in me all this while. Who knew?

I've found myself comfortable both mentally & physically in both roles. Our play was light, though, and while I definitely have natural Dom instincts, a friend suggested I assume a sub role with someone before taking on the responsiblities of being a full-time (maybe 24/7) Master/Dom. I've liked sub play and would love to persue it more fully, which is why I'm here.

So I'm wondering, what if I eventually am lucky enough to find a Mistress that I'm happy serving, and totally love her, but find that I still want to exercise my Dom tendencies, if not on her then on someone else? I can't easily imagine being Dom to the kind of woman I enjoy subbing to, and vice versa.

I currently imagine myself happily ending up in a 24/7 LTR switch relationship, but need to immerse myself more fully in the lifestyle before I'm comfortable with that as a definite plan. I may be naive about a lot of interpersonal experience I have yet to experience, and which may yet effect how I express myself sexually.

Okay, I'm done typing for now....

- Streetjacker

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RE: Pretty Sure I'm A Switch... When Do You Know? - 12/3/2005 7:58:47 AM

LadyCompassion

Posts: 87
Joined: 11/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

So I'm wondering, what if I eventually am lucky enough to find a Mistress that I'm happy serving, and totally love her, but find that I still want to exercise my Dom tendencies, if not on her then on someone else? I can't easily imagine being Dom to the kind of woman I enjoy subbing to, and vice versa.

If you would happen to find that Mistress which you are happy to serve, and she approves, she could allow you to have a sub of your own where you could express your dominant side while still submitting to her.

(in reply to streetjacker)

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RE: Pretty Sure I'm A Switch... When Do You Know? - 12/15/2005 1:10:24 PM

sallysally

Posts: 36
Joined: 12/12/2005
Status: offline

Now this i can start to understand, sub to your Master but with a sub to you who would also be sub to the Master. This keeps things in order, everything in its place. What i cannot understand is how the roles can actually switch - sub is sub and Dom is Dom?

(in reply to LadyCompassion)

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RE: Pretty Sure I'm A Switch... When Do You Know? - 12/15/2005 7:08:39 PM

Sensualips

Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
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Some people can be Dominant with some partners and submissive with others.

Some can be submissive, but act as a top. Some can be Dominant, but serve as a bottom.

Some can switch with the same partner, at different times.

Some can switch mid-scene.

Some people have both submissive and Dominant aspects to their personality, and express them in different ways and with different intensities. It is often compared to being bisexual.

Some people don't need or want things in order or in place. Some people do.

(in reply to sallysally)

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RE: Pretty Sure I'm A Switch... When Do You Know? - 12/16/2005 5:29:24 AM

sallysally

Posts: 36
Joined: 12/12/2005
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i guess this is just a lot bigger than i thought, my Master and i are so straight and conventional compared to all these different ways, but i like order, i like to know my place exactly and i like Master firmly in control

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RE: Pretty Sure I'm A Switch... When Do You Know? - 12/16/2005 4:36:44 PM

AbstractSavant

Posts: 149
Joined: 6/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sallysally

i guess this is just a lot bigger than i thought, my Master and i are so straight and conventional compared to all these different ways, but i like order, i like to know my place exactly and i like Master firmly in control

Are you posting things like this for your own mental security, or because you know he is reading it?

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RE: Pretty Sure I'm A Switch... When Do You Know? - 12/22/2005 12:36:29 AM

FemSwitchin

Posts: 2
Joined: 11/29/2005
From: Nor Cal
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sensualips

Some people can be Dominant with some partners and submissive with others.

Some can be submissive, but act as a top. Some can be Dominant, but serve as a bottom.

Some can switch with the same partner, at different times.

Some can switch mid-scene.

Some people have both submissive and Dominant aspects to their personality, and express them in different ways and with different intensities. It is often compared to being bisexual.

Some people don't need or want things in order or in place. Some people do.

I like this explaination. It fits me completely.

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RE: Pretty Sure I'm A Switch... When Do You Know? - 12/22/2005 12:23:23 PM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

Some people like Peanut Butter let's say this is a Dominant male
Some people like Jelly let's say this is a submissive female
Some people like Peanut Butter and Jelly lets say this is someone bisexual

Well some people will only eat Peanut butter...nothing else....a Pure Dominant
Some only jelly....nothing else......a pure submissive

A switch will go back and forth, Peanut butter one day...jelly the next....
Now, if you are going peanut butter and jelly along with the switching back and forth, you are a bisexual switch, who will have a hard time finding anyone that can fully satisfy you all the time. Atleast this is how I explained it to my 16 y.o. son.

I won't even get into what it means if you like Peanut butter and banannas, Peanut butter and marshmellow creme, or Peanut butter and honey.
These explanations become way too long!

Now my tummy is growling
Peace, Kevin

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to FemSwitchin)

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RE: Pretty Sure I'm A Switch... When Do You Know? - 12/22/2005 12:35:49 PM

Shayna

Posts: 205
Joined: 1/16/2005
Status: offline

Earlier in my life I went through a process of clarifying my sexual orientation. Coming into bdsm has been a very similar process. I had to experience real interactions as a submissive and a Domme to learn more about myself and I feel much clearer as to what works for me. And that's really all that matters - finding out what works for you. It's nice to have our identity wrapped up in a neat little package represented by one consistent label, but not all of us fit that mold. Welcome to exploration! Be open to the possibilities and relish the discovery process :)

(in reply to fastlane)

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RE: Pretty Sure I'm A Switch... When Do You Know? - 12/24/2005 5:42:02 AM

SeeTouchFeel

Posts: 2
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

Interesting I would find this conversation. I was having a discussion with my dearest friend (a Pro-Domme) last night and she pointed out to me (I am always greatful for her honesty with me) that I'm not so much a sub but a switch and to embrace it.

Either way, it's all about accepting yourself for what you are...or in some cases aren't.

Personally I don't know about labeling anyone as anything (although I like the peanut butter/jelly analogy) because once you do, you're running the risk of confining it.

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RE: Pretty Sure I'm A Switch... When Do You Know? - 12/27/2005 12:28:15 AM

LadyAlethea

Posts: 2
Joined: 7/7/2004
From: Louisiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sensualips

Some people can be Dominant with some partners and submissive with others.

Some can be submissive, but act as a top. Some can be Dominant, but serve as a bottom.

Some can switch with the same partner, at different times.

Some can switch mid-scene.

Some people have both submissive and Dominant aspects to their personality, and express them in different ways and with different intensities. It is often compared to being bisexual.

Some people don't need or want things in order or in place. Some people do.

I really like this explanation. I came into the life nearly 15 years ago as a submissive in a high protocol house. But fifteen years of major changes in both my personal life and my entire world left me sort of adrift and uncomfortable in what were once familiar roles. I'd embraced my sexuality (I'm bi) a long time before, but there were other factors influencing my thoughts and choices. A Domme friend suggested that I re-enter the public scene and do some experimentation with roles and play and such, and I discovered a side to myself that I'd spent a long time suppressing in the interest of training and expressing my submission. What I'd not realized is that the dominant side of my nature, rather than being a weakness that led me into temptations of rebellion, was a balance for my submissive side.

I sometimes catch myself really envious of people who know without a doubt exactly where their nature lies, and know how their universe is ordered every day. It doesn't usually last long, as I am much happier when my life is balanced than I was when it was not. And for me that means allowing myself to explore whatever side of me happens to be strongest (and for me it waxes and wanes like the tides). I'm lucky in that I am part of a community that allows me to explore both sides of my nature without pigeonholing me into one or the other.

(in reply to Sensualips)

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RE: Pretty Sure I'm A Switch... When Do You Know? - 1/7/2006 11:05:32 AM

LatexMatrix

Posts: 13
Joined: 1/14/2005
Status: offline

I think I may be in a similar situation. I am a "newbie" also, having only recently embraced my Dom nature and made the decision to throw caution to the wind, and start exploring this "lifestyle". I have had some fantasies of having things done TO me, but they are back seat to those I've had of MY doing things to OTHERS. I've had sugestions from some folks to the effect that I should experience the sub side in order to get a "rounded" perspective to the the lifestyle and to add to my experience as a Dom. Some have disagreed, and stated that if one is a Dom/Domme, then they have no need for exploring the other side of the paddle. I personally feel that knowledge and learning are never bad things, and that ANYTHING I can learn can only add to and compliment who I am. This is just my two cents worth, coming from where I am in my journey. Best of Luck!
~LM

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RE: Pretty Sure I'm A Switch... When Do You Know? - 1/7/2006 10:29:19 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sallysally

Now this i can start to understand, sub to your Master but with a sub to you who would also be sub to the Master. This keeps things in order, everything in its place. What i cannot understand is how the roles can actually switch - sub is sub and Dom is Dom?

He's wanting to be the hingepoint in the middle

(in reply to sallysally)

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RE: Pretty Sure I'm A Switch... When Do You Know? - 1/7/2006 10:46:07 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
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quote:

So I'm wondering, what if I eventually am lucky enough to find a Mistress that I'm happy serving, and totally love her, but find that I still want to exercise my Dom tendencies, if not on her then on someone else? I can't easily imagine being Dom to the kind of woman I enjoy subbing to, and vice versa.

I currently imagine myself happily ending up in a 24/7 LTR switch relationship, but need to immerse myself more fully in the lifestyle before I'm comfortable with that as a definite plan. I may be naive about a lot of interpersonal experience I have yet to experience, and which may yet effect how I express myself sexually.

Just an FYI as a Switch that Domme in my current relationship and sub in a previous one, picking a side and growing a relationship in that direction is a LOT easier than the switch back and forth. My current boy is a newbie and is sub to me but shows definate switch tendencies. Personally the idea of a long term non-poly arrangement where my boy has his own girl TO ME is a separation of his priorities. It's difficult enough to be a Domme with switch tendencies without throwing in another that in theory has no connection to the spouse.
TO ME this hingepin arrangement is why switches have such a bad reputation. The focus is on the one in the middle not on the Top. I have to admit it's an arrangement that long term would leave me cold.

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