RE: The most subtle misconception about female dominants

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LadyHibiscus -> RE: The most subtle misconception about female dominants (10/7/2008 9:07:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: OneMoreWaste quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha Submissive: He does not speak unless spoken to He keeps his eyes lowered as a token of respect He remains politely quiet unless conversation is initiated with him He does not say anything to disagree He waits for her to make the first move always and never even initiates casual flirtacious contact of any kind, ever. He says very little and only answers questions, does not ask any of his own. Most of these points don't really sound like someone who is presuming to be your submissive without due process- maybe they're just shy? [&:] I still don't think it's right that you have to be assertive to be a good submissive. I bet the girl subbies don't have to put up with that nonsense [:o] I don't think you have to be "assertive" to be a good submissive, if the dominant wants to be the auxiliary brain for her sub. To be a good submissive for ME, you have to be INTERESTING. I used to have a cranky handle, DontBoreMe... sometimes I think I should bring her back out to play!! I come out and say in my profile that I do not do well with shy or passive people---and for me PASSIVE is not a synonym for SUBMISSIVE. I am reasonably sure that there are women who want a shy person who will not speak until spoken to, but personally, I can't imagine anything more tedious than someone who can't carry on a conversation. If someone is not speaking until spoken to, they cannot display their personality, their intelligence, or the lack of either of those traits. I appreciate the value of someone who knows to await further orders. Someone who starts off in that mode puts me on edge--am I being tested, somehow? If I give the wrong orders, what then? What is he expecting? As to whether the female subs have to deal with all this nonsense---they do NOT, generally, because they do not behave the way male subs do! I have never had a female sub stare at the floor, refuse to speak up, or not have an idea or suggestion to offer when asked. My many female submissive friends are outgoing, outspoken, have plenty of ideas, are self starters, KNOW HOW TO SERVE AND PLEASE, yet manage to be submissive as well.

Twicehappy2x -> RE: The most subtle misconception about female dominants (10/7/2008 6:27:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Chi In reference to your trip, to Florida, once again, both you and your Dom would be welcome. Ok, i rarely post here but i just had to; LMMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean i just scared the cat out of his computer chair i was laughing so hard. HER DOM? Chi, are you talking to the same ShiftedJewel i live with? The one who is actually married to my Master, ScooterTrash? Who i consider to be my precious little china doll wife? That ShiftedJewel? Her with a Dom, oh my, toooo funny. She is a dominant, yes she is also married to another dominant. But in no way does she submit to him. Nor he to her for that matter.

Chi -> RE: The most subtle misconception about female dominants (10/8/2008 12:55:18 AM)
Twicehappy2x: It pleases me that I have brought laughter into your life, pleasing a woman somehow seems the right thing to do. Damn I don’t know why I am so very convinced women are special. Perhaps it is the swelling pulsating and throbbing in my loin when I look at them. Can that be why?

Twicehappy2x -> RE: The most subtle misconception about female dominants (10/8/2008 3:45:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Chi Perhaps it is the swelling pulsating and throbbing in my loin when I look at them. Can that be why? Jeez.....must be a biker, a poetic one at that. Wonderful, so you can a hard on. What else can you do? Grins...teasing....thanks for the laugh though.

Chi -> RE: The most subtle misconception about female dominants (10/8/2008 4:30:50 AM)
Twicehappy: "What else can I do," why did you have to ask the hard question first? Mommy always does that, like did you wash your hands, or did you put the seat back down? Always the stuff I forget to do. Sometimes women can be so damn picky, they even complain because they find water spots on wooden table I set my beer on. Once when I was in Texas the woman said she wanted to do it with the lights on, so I left the truck door open, then she complained about the mosquitoes. Women can be so damn picky.

Twicehappy2x -> RE: The most subtle misconception about female dominants (10/8/2008 5:06:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Chi "What else can I do," why did you have to ask the hard question first? Mommy always does that, like did you wash your hands, or did you put the seat back down? Always the stuff I forget to do. Sometimes women can be so damn picky, they even complain because they find water spots on wooden table I set my beer on. Once when I was in Texas the woman said she wanted to do it with the lights on, so I left the truck door open, then she complained about the mosquitoes. Women can be so damn picky. Grins, ummm...if you ever visit here, you best put the seat down. Scooter always does, and he is a dominant male. Plus if you leave the seat up the cat, Tom, cannot properly perch on the toilet to pee. Coasters, yup, if you are setting your beer on a wooden table, you need to use a coaster. Ok, subbie or not i really am the house "mom". Truck lights? Truck lights? Not bike lights? WTF? So, you are not even properly house broke. Tell me, do you use the sugar shell to stir your coffee too? Important question now, just for Jewel; do you look good in a tool belt and nothing else?

Chi -> RE: The most subtle misconception about female dominants (10/8/2008 6:04:48 AM)
Twicehappy: Your ask, “Tell me, do you use the sugar shell to stir your coffee too?” Of course, why dirty the only spoon I have? But, if I am putting bourbon in the coffee I don’t use sugar, I just pour it into the gallon jug half and half, shake it once and thats enough to start my morning. ”Important question now, just for Jewel; do you look good in a tool belt and nothing else?” A tool belt, do I really have to wear a costume? By nothing else, do you mean get nicked, I get nicked if I am getting in the pool but I always leave my hat and boots on. A tool belt, that sounds like work may be involved; I am opposed to working, that’s why I am looking for a dominant female, someone to take care of that swelling throbbing and pulsating as in keeping my pipes drained and supply me with beer and gas money.

ShiftedJewel -> RE: The most subtle misconception about female dominants (10/8/2008 6:54:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Chi Twicehappy: Your ask, “Tell me, do you use the sugar shell to stir your coffee too?” Of course, why dirty the only spoon I have? But, if I am putting bourbon in the coffee I don’t use sugar, I just pour it into the gallon jug half and half, shake it once and thats enough to start my morning. ”Important question now, just for Jewel; do you look good in a tool belt and nothing else?” A tool belt, do I really have to wear a costume? By nothing else, do you mean get nicked, I get nicked if I am getting in the pool but I always leave my hat and boots on. A tool belt, that sounds like work may be involved; I am opposed to working, that’s why I am looking for a dominant female, someone to take care of that swelling throbbing and pulsating as in keeping my pipes drained and supply me with beer and gas money. Actually, she forgot something... That's ok, I'll fix it. Do you look good in a tool belt on a ladder? lol Ladders do the same thing for a mans ass that high heels do for a womans!! All nice and tight up there balancing on that ladder... And yeah, there is work involved and I personally can sit and watch it alllll day long. *Jewel*

Chi -> RE: The most subtle misconception about female dominants (10/8/2008 8:22:09 AM)
Jewel, ladders are for taking one to higher places, whips single tales and floggers do the same thing and the coming down is generally accompanied with enormous does of TLC, now why would I want to climb a latter? My cute little ass is best viewed from a mirror while your knees are touching your ears and those moans and screams of pleasure burst from between your clinched teeth time after time after time. Oh waite, that would make Jewel, twice or more happy too.

Twicehappy2x -> RE: The most subtle misconception about female dominants (10/8/2008 9:28:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Chi while your knees are touching your ears and those moans and screams of pleasure burst from between your clinched teeth time after time after time. Oh waite, that would make Jewel, twice or more happy too. Chi, if Jewel wanted that, she could have it. She lives in a poly household, remember. What she is truly looking for is that look/feel of devotion that one gets from ones very own subbie. Now that would make her happy twice.

ShiftedJewel -> RE: The most subtle misconception about female dominants (10/8/2008 10:32:19 AM)
Yeah, darlin'.... that's true. Getting laid isn't an issue for me. I have my choice here and both are good at what they do. In my mind sex is a perk, not a mandate. It's just like the kinky side of BDSM... it's a fine desert after a wonderful meal... it's great occasionally, but nothing I could live on. And I think that's probably the biggest issue with the largest part of male s-types. For whatever reason they think it's about sex and getting laid. It reminds me of a joke I heard a long time ago. Two saplings were playing show and tell, the male sapling dropped his pants and showed off... the female got upset cuz she didn't have one of those... she went crying to her mom. Her mom said "Don't worry hon... with what we have we can get as many of those as we want". *Have truer words ever been spoken?* *Yeah, we want more... a LOT more.* *Jewel*

Chi -> RE: The most subtle misconception about female dominants (10/8/2008 11:57:28 AM)
Jewel, that sapling story, no truer words were ever spoken.

pixelslave -> RE: The most subtle misconception about female dominants (10/9/2008 9:42:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha The problem comes in the continued relationship development, as chemistry is determined. If he shows no initiative and waits for the femdom to do it, he may find himself alone more than not. She may pursue him eagerly and readily; or, she might be busy, distracted, or in the case of a forum like this one, slammed with approaches from other subs -- persistence, politely, is key. The false perception, again, is that the woman will eagerly/readily/always take initiative out of the gate - and to not do so is a signal of lack of interest. Moreso, the submissive is not interested or willing to make any moves - his preferred role is to just submit. Again, before any protocol has been established. Akasha, I've wanted to post back on this subject for several days, but have not found the time. From reading much of what you've posted in the past, I have to wonder if a certain amount of what you've been trying to convey isn't related to the fact that you tend to like to take the role of the huntress. As such, it would seem quite logical to me that you'd prefer a man who would take the lead, exerting a degree of power and confidence up front in the initial stages of the relationship, all so you could take it away from him later as you began to take control when expressing your dominance! [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m24.gif[/image] I'm curious if upon further reflection, you might conclude that for you what I've described might have some merit?? [8\|] - pixel Lady Pact's bleaux under consideration by each other [;)]

Eivarden -> RE: The most subtle misconception about female dominants (8/28/2009 8:19:22 PM)
Sorry for this Necro bump. But this is something that does need to be shared with allot of sub males. AAkasha, you asked if allot of subs would be a sub, knowing it would be harder. I would say yes. Most of the guys I know who are subs, are subs because of their inability to court the normal way. But porn being the main influence? I don't know about that one. Most of the subs I know, don't really look at D/s porn. Can't speak for everyone, so maybe this is a small percent. But I actually didn't like the concept of a D/s relationship when I first saw a BDSM porn. Heck, I stopped watching it a few seconds into it. Seemed too fake. I happened to be courted by a Lesbian, who thought I was a girl. I told her I wasn't a girl, but she decided to just keep going. I ended up playing as her girlfriend in a sort of way. But the over all role reversal was simply one word, "Fulfilling". Honestly, I've never felt that comfortable in any of my previous relationships, something always seemed wrong. I did the courting. I played their Dom, since all my Ex's wanted a Dom for a BF. But I never felt with them, what I felt with her. I know most Dommes reply with "Of course subs need to court us, were are still women." is a bit unfair. That leaves most guys never knowing what it is like. I've come to terms with the fact I can't be in that sort of relationship, because I am a straight guy. I've learned how much of a sub I really am. I can't be the same kind of sub, but I'll try to be a decent sub anyways. But part of me will still always think back to her, and think anything I end up with, will only "complete me" half way. Of course I also know it is possible to be in that situation again, all I have to do... is be gay lol. But I couldn't bring myself to be gay. Thought heavily on that subject. So that is partly why I will still settle for 2nd best. If I'm not willing to accept the change (to gay) to be in that position, I will have to be willing to accept the normal role of a sub. I know my experience isn't going to be all that common, so it doesn't make "Porn contributes to this" any more false. Just throwing out some guys were not just "looking for the easy way out". (I wonder if AAkasha remembers this year old thread xD) edit: quote: I have to wonder if a certain amount of what you've been trying to convey isn't related to the fact that you tend to like to take the role of the huntress. As such, it would seem quite logical to me that you'd prefer a man who would take the lead, exerting a degree of power and confidence up front in the initial stages of the relationship, all so you could take it away from him later as you began to take control when expressing your dominance! Actually, that does sound plausible for some Dommes.(maybe not AAkasha thought.) Would make "taking control" that much more rewarding.... maybe.

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