quote:

ORIGINAL: pinnipedster

I would have to say that one reason I would be reluctant to identify as a bottom rather than a sub, is that there don't seem to be many women here looking for bottoms rather than subs.  It seems like ads from women stress wanting real, service-oriented submissives.  And I think there's a fear of getting the "you ought to go look for a prodomme" response. 

For that matter, I don't see many women here who identify as tops, rather than dominants.

Looking over this thread, I see a number of women who have enjoyed playing with male bottoms.  But are there any actually looking for a relationship with a bottom, rather than just occasional play? 

I have thought about bringing this up in the past myself, because sometimes I am not sure exactly what I am.  And while I think I could have a satisfying relationship with a woman who wasn't a lifestyle dominant, I don't think I could have one with a woman who didn't at least like to top once in a while.  (I *would*, however, want to be with a woman who actually enjoyed it, rather than a woman who just did it to accommodate me.)

quote:

ORIGINAL: pinnipedster

Well, let me ask a couple of questions then.  Assuming I am a bottom looking for a top, how would I go about it? What "bottoming skills" are you looking for?  Much of the advice to male subs who aren't sure how to advertise talks about their non-kinky skills -- can you do competent housework?  Cook well?  Are you a certified massage therapist?  An auto mechanic?  Or something else that might prove useful to a given Dominant woman. 

I'm not sure what sort of skills or other qualities a bottom is expected to have.  I mean, I can take at least a moderate amount of pain, and greatly enjoy all the bondage I've experienced so far, and really want to experience much more in that area, but what is it about a bottom that punches buttons?  Attitude?  (If so, do you want enthusiasm?  Fear?  Resistance?)  Flexibility?  Role-playing aptitude?  The way he moans?  Or just a hot body?  (And does it make a difference if he's just going to be an occasional play partner, or if you are looking for an actual boyfriend who is also a bottom?)

The only real data I have on that from my last few encounters is that one woman loved the way I flinched when she hurt me, but the next couldn't stand it, and I think was disappointed that I didn't make more noise.  I admit that my reaction to pain tends to be more physical than verbal -- I probably gasp, but I don't tend to yelp or whimper, and trying to do so, I think, would usually come across as being artificial. 

Also, I apparently give pretty good foot massages.  And love kissing feet.  And one woman was oddly gratified when she had me cuffed on her floor and I fell asleep -- she seemed to think it said something that I was comfortable enough when bound to do so.  (It wasn't particularly uncomfortable bondage, IIRC, but it wasn't a totally natural sleeping position either.)  And there are a lot of things I would be willing to try, and some things you might well get me to beg for.

Anyhow, not trying to convince anyone that I'm their perfect bottom (though if anyone thinks so, feel free to write ), just trying to get a notion of what is considered to be a good bottom.  I have a notion of what most women are looking for in a good submissive.  I personally feel I am someplace in between the two, which might be part of the problem.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

I think a successful and competent bottom is experienced at reading the needs and emotions of his dominant partner so that he can satisfy her. He has to be very perceptive and intuitive and really hone those skills. That said, he's probably a bit of a natural flirt but not in an obnoxious way, but he knows what women like, and how to get into their head a little bit.  He is able to be "present" while bottoming in that he can be inside her head and inside his own head at the same time.

I think good bottoms ask a lot of intuitive questions before and after and get a sense of the dominant's desires and why she needs and enjoys what she wants.  I think it's a lot like being a great lover, kisser and excellent at foreplay - he's sensual, erotic, passionate, exciting. He knows when to resist and when to surrender, and he can read a lot in her eyes, body language and non verbal cues. 

He can also balance between his own vulnerability and his ability to roleplay when necessary.  Probably a great way to find out more would be to ask a professional female submissive/bottom, I think - these ladies must "bring their A game" to pro sessions with men they do not know, and be exciting and sexy to them while remaining believable, present, and real in their reactions.

Akasha

Interesting description Akasha.  Wouldn't you also add that to be a "good" bottom, a male would also need to have a fairly high pain threshold?  My impression is that most Dommes who seek bottoms also have something of a preference for "pain sluts", if you'll excuse the expression.

 still under each other's consideration

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha


I think a successful and competent bottom is experienced at reading the needs and emotions of his dominant partner so that he can satisfy her. He has to be very perceptive and intuitive and really hone those skills. That said, he's probably a bit of a natural flirt but not in an obnoxious way, but he knows what women like, and how to get into their head a little bit.  He is able to be "present" while bottoming in that he can be inside her head and inside his own head at the same time.

I think good bottoms ask a lot of intuitive questions before and after and get a sense of the dominant's desires and why she needs and enjoys what she wants.  I think it's a lot like being a great lover, kisser and excellent at foreplay - he's sensual, erotic, passionate, exciting. He knows when to resist and when to surrender, and he can read a lot in her eyes, body language and non verbal cues. 

He can also balance between his own vulnerability and his ability to roleplay when necessary.  Probably a great way to find out more would be to ask a professional female submissive/bottom, I think - these ladies must "bring their A game" to pro sessions with men they do not know, and be exciting and sexy to them while remaining believable, present, and real in their reactions.

Akasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave



Interesting description Akasha.  Wouldn't you also add that to be a "good" bottom, a male would also need to have a fairly high pain threshold?  My impression is that most Dommes who seek bottoms also have something of a preference for "pain sluts", if you'll excuse the expression.
 
 - pixel
 
 Lady Pact's bleaux
 still under each other's consideration
 

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

However, the way he reacts to pain is key. 

 ...still considering each other

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Not for me.  The amount of pain a bottom can take doesn't matter most of the time (sometimes, yes, I am in the mood to do a lot of pain, but prefer chemistry to intensity).  However, the way he reacts to pain is key. 

Akasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtex

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Not for me.  The amount of pain a bottom can take doesn't matter most of the time (sometimes, yes, I am in the mood to do a lot of pain, but prefer chemistry to intensity).  However, the way he reacts to pain is key. 

Akasha

This is something I've often wondered about.  Why would someone necessarily be interested in someone who can take a lot of pain?  It seems a sadist could get just as good reactions with less effort when playing with someone who can't take a lot of pain.  What I came up with is maybe the top likes to get the feeling that the bottom is enjoying what is going on.  I think maybe that's what people mean when they talk about a pain slut.  Am I near the ballpark?  Although pain isn't my favorite I do enjoy it on some level.  Maybe it's more fun to whip someone who lives for it.

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact
I hope this helps to answer the questions that you have.  Sometimes, My passion doesn't allow Me to be as articulate as I would like to be.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MISTRESSKUMA


Everyone knows guys don't discriminate and will fuck anything with a hole. You know it.

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ORIGINAL: marsneedswomen

quote:

ORIGINAL: MISTRESSKUMA


Everyone knows guys don't discriminate and will fuck anything with a hole. You know it.

That explains why I tried to fuck an electrical plug....thanks for clearing that up for me.

mnw

quote:

ORIGINAL: MISTRESSKUMA

I hope this doesn't sadden or frustrate you [more than you already are] but I wasn't moved by our talks one bit. Try some more, maybe you'll make it happen. NOT.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Are you at all interesting in men who are not submissive at all, but are bottoms? Have you had experience with bottoms who were better at pleasing you, compared to a submissive that bottomed to you?


What about switches who were not submissive, but liked to be on the other end of the whip, or bondage play or sensation play?

I have never received an email on collarme from a man who identified as a bottom. Then again, I don't think I have ever received an introduction from a male bottom anywhere.   Where are they?

Akasha

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ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'm kind of wondering something on the subject now.  Would folks be more prone to express they were a top or bottom if those were actual role selections on the site?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dilseachd

The person who isnt into pain in truth probably gives as much of themselves to the level you can go with them as the person who can take a singletailing or caning until the blood freely flows.....but damn...isnt it nice to be able to play with someone who can indeed go to that point?   I think thats the biggest differance.

One of my former Ladies used to make that observation.  She would tell me that her boy who wept after only a light beating gave her as much or more as me..who she could beat to a bloody pulp....and I agree.

Regards