RE: Could it be just anyone?

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RE: Could it be just anyone? - 10/1/2008 12:32:52 AM

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In a nutshell no.

I save my generic, indiscriminate submission for the people who I feel deserve it, i.e. the homeless, people I work with doing charity or voluntary work, not for people in the BDSM community.

Otherwise there has to be something - chemistry, that symbiosis of mutual needs, wants, desires, wishes etc being fulfilled. I never assume that a relationship is going to be permanent, for so far all my relationships have been transient. But my bottom line is that whatever relationship I'm involved in brings happiness and fulfillment to both people and also leaves behind happy memories and friendship afterwards.

Whether it's my friendship, my time, my effort, or my submission I try to craft it so that it's a luxury item for that other person, something valuable, meaningful, individual.. exclusive.

Neither my friendship nor my submission is of the dollar store variety.

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RE: Could it be just anyone? - 10/1/2008 3:03:53 AM

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I was thinking about this very subject this morning. It seems to be a phenomenon (or maybe it's just me) on here that one should automatically find his or her "One" simply because we have some sort of kink in common. What I mean is...I see so many dominant profiles (because that's what I look at) decry "fake", or "not real" and it got me to thinking. Would you do that if you met someone vanilla who you wanted to date but she turned you down (for whatever reason). Is she not a "true" woman because she simply wasn't into you? Just because you like to spank and I like to be spanked...does that mean we'd be a good match?

I read profiles. I look at the person's interests. If someone lives for or loves hoods or humiliation, then I see no reason to continue anything more than a light conversation because we simply are not compatible. Same thing if someone lives too far. I know that long distance doesn't work for me. Does that make me fake? I just don't get it.

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RE: Could it be just anyone? - 10/1/2008 3:39:14 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: simpleplan2

Just because you like to spank and I like to be spanked...does that mean we'd be a good match?

For god's sake, no. I don't think a match on the kinks and being close is enough. I want someone to share other interests. I need the stimulation of an intelligent woman. I like to listen to music over a glass of wine with candle light. I like have friends over and cooking and having a boisterous dinner, where we laugh and talk. Deep midnight discussions of what we want out of life.

I guess that is why its so hard to fill the empty spaces in my heart and in my soul. But, pretending they are not there, dooms a relationship.

For those who think someone is not real because a couple kinks match and you haven't prostrated yourself to your "twue" master ... you are the fakes.

(edited for grammar)

< Message edited by MidMichCowboy -- 10/1/2008 3:40:05 AM >

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RE: Could it be just anyone? - 10/1/2008 3:45:26 AM

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You know I agree with that. It's not nearly enough. I, too, want someone to share my life with, not just my kinks with.

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RE: Could it be just anyone? - 10/1/2008 4:07:06 AM

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quote:

Honestly, I completely understand a d-type preferring to have an s-type that is only hirs once they've clicked, but what I -don't- understand is the 'holier than thou', demeaning, self-righteous attitudes that act like there is something -wrong- or dirty or inappropriate about the person who is just plain -submissive-, in general. Heck, call them doormats... I'll gladly take one of those beautiful doormats off your hands, because you know what, that sense of complete submission to -life- just rocks my block... I guess I just can't fathom how someone who is dominant by nature could look at a person who is eager to yield and not see the beauty and perfection in them being just that way, so malleable, and so vulnerable, and so eager to be pleasing and so trusting that the community will have a place for them to be who they are without apology. To me, that is just absolutely, amazingly beautiful... and the way they look at you when you give them the chance to express their submission.... like sunlight on a waterfall.

Lovely. Thank you. The part I bolded captures something important. For some (I imagine I'm not the only one here) submission is as much a life philosophy--perhaps a spiritual thing--as it is a 'relationship' thing.

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RE: Could it be just anyone? - 10/1/2008 4:11:12 AM

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Daily life, I'm 'quietly' dominant. I have the habit of command. But I can make it completely not obvious, for the most part. With friends, I try to tone that down a bit; when I'm learning something new, or in unfamiliar surroundings, I tone it down a LOT. With a new sub, I'm back to cruising speed, although I make it more obvious, I really don't 'dominate' them more than I do everything else. While I'm learning about them, I pull back on the throttle, because there are many things I need to know about how the sub handles themselves that I will never learn if I take up all the space. Once I know, I start taking charge again, and this time more than just 'cruising.'

That last bit can be disconcerting to my girl, especially considering the dip.

That said, every girl is different, and the chart changes accordingly.

< Message edited by DMFParadox -- 10/1/2008 4:13:01 AM >

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RE: Could it be just anyone? - 10/1/2008 4:37:06 AM

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Im with DMF on this one.

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RE: Could it be just anyone? - 10/1/2008 6:35:43 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lizcgirl

I do not and will not submit to just any one. If you hand out your submission to any person you meet, how can you consider it 'special'?

It depends on how you define "special". I don't consider submission to be inherently special- it just *is*. It may make your partner feel less special to think that he or she is just the *type* of person that brings out your submission, rather than being *the unique individual* who does it, but so it is. If you smile at everyone you meet, is your smile less special than if you hoarded them jealously and gave them only to your partner? Why would you let your smile be devalued like that?

For me, submission is not something that remains off until I find The One who turns it on. It's something that's always on, but 99% of the time needs to pushed down in order to do the normal-male-in-society thing. So encountering somone who accepts that- basically, someone who wants to take what it is that I have to give- is... refreshing, I guess is the term I'd use. I don't immediately think "Oh no, you naughty Dominant, this is not your submission to take". I just do what comes naturally*. If that makes me contemptible, well, I'm sure it's not the only thing

*Unless the Dominant in question is a total jerkface

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RE: Could it be just anyone? - 10/1/2008 7:29:55 AM

CreativeDominant

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Could I dominate just anyone? For my life and my work, I have to. Patients usually need to be led towards what they need while at the same time keeping their desires and wants and needs, in terms of their health, in mind. They sometimes need to be "pushed" to do what they are supposed to do at home and to keep follow-up appts. My ums sometimes need this push too, on occasion wayyyyyyyyyy more than they do at other times. My oldest right now is a big example of this...
To move it into the interpersonal realm of man/woman-dominant/submissive...then my answer is no, I could not dominate just anyone. Hell...it's been awhile since I "just" topped/dominated (always an element of D/s in my top/bottom play; otherwise it does not interest me) someone. I don't get all that excited by it unless it is an opportunity to learn/try something new. I deliberately keep myself less interested because, for me, BDSM play definitely contains the sexual element and if I want to play with someone, then it is because I am atttracted to that person on at least that level...which then leads to me wanting to have a more intimate sexual encounter with that person and on and on and on. Outside the BDSM realm and in the D/s realm, there are those submissives that are friends of mine who will do as I ask/request/command but I rarely push those buttons because they are either casual friends of mine or, like my first submissive, have been involved with me in a D/s dynamic before and I don't like to take advantage of that.

Would I want to? No...because D/s...for me anyway...is a connection as well as a relationship. I want a sweet submissive who understands that and gets it and who feels that submission to ME in a special way...not because I am a dominant (so are hundreds of others) or because I have the ability to wield a flogger and the ability to think beyond the moment (so do hundreds of others) but because of the way I SPECIFICALLY wield a flogger and think and dominate. That does not stop the fact that others bring out her submission but it makes her submission to ME that much more special. In fact, THE fact that she is submissive and others can bring it out while, for me, it is something different...for her and for me...makes it that much more fantastic.

< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 10/1/2008 7:45:34 AM >

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RE: Could it be just anyone? - 10/1/2008 7:52:39 AM

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quote:

S-types Could you submit to anyone?

No, they must be more dominant than I am and be dominating me.

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RE: Could it be just anyone? - 10/1/2008 7:57:25 AM

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No, In fact I cannot even just "play" with anyone at all, I just addressed this in my profile; I have to have chemistry and attraction and even more importantly I have to have some type of feelings of caring for the person.

I fall in love fast, hard and deep and have kicked myself in the rear a few times for falling for someones lines or their words that echo how I feel only to find out it was an illusion, trickery, to get what they wanted and I was left licking my wounds after they passed me by.

Perhaps I have learned from these lessons, for my heart's sake I hope so.

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RE: Could it be just anyone? - 10/1/2008 8:52:31 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

...S-types Could you submit to anyone? ...would you want to?

Interesting question, and the answer would depend upon the context and how I was being asked to submit...

As far as "how"... of course, the more sensitive and personal the request, the more trust I must have in the person. But in general, yes, I could submit to anyone if what you are referring to is to defer authority or obey. To an extent, we all do it everyday... bosses, doctors, police... even signs in businesses telling you where to stand or wait until served.

Doesn't mean I really want to. Doesn't mean I like it.

Doesn't mean I always will.

< Message edited by TreasureKY -- 10/1/2008 8:56:44 AM >

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RE: Could it be just anyone? - 10/1/2008 9:12:26 AM

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Absolutely not, although what I've gathered from being out and about the last 8-9 years is that some folks' kink involves nothing more than submitting to just about ANY D-type.

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RE: Could it be just anyone? - 10/1/2008 9:57:43 AM

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quote:

It depends on how you define "special". I don't consider submission to be inherently special- it just *is*.

quote:

For me, submission is not something that remains off until I find The One who turns it on. It's something that's always on...

Yeah, there's nothing special about my submission nor does it take much to call it forth. Hell, I defer to lamp posts and telephone poles if I happen to bump into one. :) To me, its the rational thing to do, and I can't imagine being any other way.

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RE: Could it be just anyone? - 10/1/2008 10:14:15 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

D types Could you Dominate anyone? And although, I'm sure that all COULD...would you want to?

No, no, I couldn't. Not even for a lot of money.

What I do in terms of my body and my emotions is not for sale nor for display to just anyone at any time.

I completely understand your post, yourMissTress. I find it very sad when someone claims they "love" me or want to serve me when they frankly cannot because they do not know me at all. In fact, I'd go so far to say that someone who has read everything I've ever posted on Collarme since I arrived still cannot honestly know me until they have interacted with me one-on-one several times.

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RE: Could it be just anyone? - 10/1/2008 10:18:53 AM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I have a fairly dominant personality in all aspects of my life. It's just who I am. I am also goofy, funny, a great cook and a multitude of other things.

Yes, I tend to dominate those around me in some way. BUT, it's a different type of domination than with a s type person that I want to be a part of my life. One is personality, the other is more of an active choice based upon all of her qualities that attract me to her.

I don't know if any of that made any sense to anyone but me.......but it's the best way I can think to explain it at the moment.

This made excellent sense to me, LaTigress, and says it better than I did in my original reply to the thread.

I am dominant in most situations and a loner in the rest... not a good follower at all! But I don't consider mundane matters of authority and power in the same field as BDSM.

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RE: Could it be just anyone? - 10/1/2008 12:30:55 PM

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No, but...

Like Subductrssss, I fell for an illusion. In my case it was a complex illusion woven by what I can only call a predator. A compulsive liar, a charmer, and a man who can weave words together to create a compelling picture. I know of at least three other women who have also fallen prey to his charms, and I'm sure there will be more, because he is very good at it. As someone new to D/s, it was all too easy to be persuaded by a very experienced "Dominant" (I use quotation marks because he is an abuser, not a dominant) to go down an increasingly destructive path without realising what I was doing. Only in retrospect was I able to see what happened clearly (and very painfully).

So I didn't submit to "just anyone", but I did submit to someone who wasn't at all what I thought he was. And while I am still here, hoping to find the right man, still theoretically willing to submit to the right Dominant, I also live in fear of it because I now know how damaging submitting to the wrong person can be.

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RE: Could it be just anyone? - 10/1/2008 1:53:26 PM

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Definitely couldn't just be with anybody... this is why I've been practically celibate for 10 years.

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RE: Could it be just anyone? - 10/1/2008 2:13:16 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: scary724angel

Definitely couldn't just be with anybody... this is why I've been practically celibate for 10 years.

Sorry, I don't mean to laugh, but that combination of the words "practically celibate" made me smile. I think it is either you are or you aren't.

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