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What do you do when: - 10/1/2008 5:14:38 PM   
goodgirl85


Posts: 221
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline 		I'm not even sure this is the right place to post this, but I am going to go for it anyway. What do you do when you think you may be pregnant and your significant other is very adamant about NOT wanting UMS? I'm scared to even take the test because of what it might reveal.
What happens if I am?

I'm scared and don't want to mention this to him at all until I know for sure, but I just need some advice as how to handle this if I am? Or should I tell him i might be and see his reaction.

Before the question is asked, we do use protection and I am on birth control but nothing is one hundred percent and there was an accident a few months ago. The birth control i'm on, makes me not have a period but other symptons are there...
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: What do you do when: - 10/1/2008 5:19:22 PM   
janigrey


Posts: 126
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		First things first.
Calm down  - you might be in a panic over nothing.  Go to the store and get a test.
There is no reason to tell him - you know his position - he doesn't want UMS - and if you tell him that you might be - and you're not - now you've emotionally tossed about you and him.
So - Again - get a test and take it.
Then - if you are preggers then you and he need to sit down and have a long conversation....

But first - GO TAKE THE TEST.

(in reply to goodgirl85)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: What do you do when: - 10/1/2008 5:38:37 PM   
Tsuriai


Posts: 8
Joined: 8/8/2008
Status: offline 		I agree with janigrey about the no panicking.  It's not necessary and will only make things more complicated and difficult in either direction.  If you tie yourself in knots now and find out you're not pregnant then he'll have to untie you later and just find out what went on anyways.  I don't know what UMS is, but if you are pregnant the best thing you can do is stay calm so that rational decisions can be made.

I don't necessarily agree with hiding things from an owner, but you will have to have some clear thoughts before deciding to do something like that and make certain that it is really the best way, -YOU- feel, to handle it. 

janigrey is right though, go get a test.

kitten

(in reply to janigrey)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: What do you do when: - 10/1/2008 8:33:45 PM   
ExKat


Posts: 300
Joined: 8/25/2008
Status: offline 		  In this situation, I'm all for the submissive taking control. The dominant has control over mostly every part of me, but when it comes to potential future bitty doms, then I'm the one who ultimately is in control. I'm the one who would live with the consequences for the next twenty years...so in that situation: fuck the dom. I'm part of a modern group of women raised by single mothers who -no matter how much they love and trust and want to be forever with thier current parter-holds limited/no belief that the sperm-donor will stick around.

  However, in this situation, calm down. Usually with people who are nervous/excited to get pregnant, they'll convince themselves of a false positive. Take the test, and then start panicking, if that's your way. I suggest you talk to your parents, your dominant, but mostly yourself. Then consider your options.

_____________________________

~*~ The amalgam of Exquemelin and Katie978~*~
In the forums, it'll usually be Katie you're speaking to.
testing
"That's the plan/ Rule the world/ You and me/ Anyday ::wink::"

(in reply to Tsuriai)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: What do you do when: - 10/1/2008 9:10:26 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: goodgirl85

What do you do when you think you may be pregnant and your significant other is very adamant about NOT wanting UMS? What happens if I am?



That's when you say "Honey, remember that doctor with the small pair of scissors? You should have scheduled an appointment."

If he's that adamant, he should have done something about it.

Remember, Gods punishment for enjoying great sex is Teenagers.

Whatever happens, all you can do is follow your heart and personal values. If he can't make that journey with you, then he was never meant to be the one for you to begin with.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to goodgirl85)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: What do you do when: - 10/1/2008 10:57:10 PM   
monywildcat


Posts: 452
Joined: 2/26/2008
Status: offline 		I agree with all here, get a test first, and then consider the options and openly discuss after the results are in.  If in doubt, go see the doctor.  How you handle a positive test result depends entirely on your own values.  There are options available, there are lots of couples that would just love to adopt a baby.  Just my two cents anyways...

And I also agree with the stance if your significant other was/is that adamant, then he should share in responsibility of the family planning.  I don't care if he does have a great big D on his chest.  Even if it blinks. 

Am I the only one that caught the statement that there was an "accident a few months ago"?  Would this accident be in relation to the possible pregnancy scare now?  If so, get thee to the doc.  Posthaste. 

_____________________________

Major Life Change Necessitates Personal Reinvention...

(in reply to FangsNfeet)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: What do you do when: - 10/10/2008 2:16:40 PM   
shatteredplaster


Posts: 47
Joined: 10/22/2007
From: NY
Status: offline 		As a medical professional, my advice is to get the test first before you start worrying.  The faster it's done the more options you will have in the event you are pregnant.  You also might not be pregnant so there's no point in getting worked up yet.

(in reply to monywildcat)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: What do you do when: - 10/10/2008 3:10:52 PM   
servantheart


Posts: 960
Joined: 10/26/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet

That's when you say "Honey, remember that doctor with the small pair of scissors? You should have scheduled an appointment."

If he's that adamant, he should have done something about it.

Remember, Gods punishment for enjoying great sex is Teenagers.

Whatever happens, all you can do is follow your heart and personal values. If he can't make that journey with you, then he was never meant to be the one for you to begin with.


Thank you for saying this!  I agree.  As the Dom, He should have taken the necessary precautions if He was so hell-bent on not having any UMs.  This is, of course, assuming the OP actually is pregnant. 
 
Goodgirl85, get yourself to the nearest pharmacy, get the test and take it ASAP.  If it turns up positive, do NOT allow your Dom to blame this all on you. 
 
Good luck *HUG*


_____________________________

When you really trust someone, you have to be okay with not understanding some things.
~Real Live Preacher, Real Live Preacher weblog, 07-08-04; Anonymous author of RealLivePreacher.com

(in reply to FangsNfeet)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: What do you do when: - 10/10/2008 3:41:58 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Your dom knew you were fertile, had intercourse with you without protection ( well, we are assuming that he did) and now you may be pregnant.

He knows where babies come from, he knows how to make babies - inspite of his declared not wanting ums, he indulged in behaviour known to make them, then he is just as culpable as you.

Tell him if you are, and tell him if you aren't. He needs to know that the problem was out there, and the two of you need to deal with it - how to prevent it from happening again.

and if you are pregnant, and plan on keeping it, then sue him for child support. Your child deserves it.   everything else is up for negotiations. 

(in reply to servantheart)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: What do you do when: - 10/11/2008 10:12:57 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		He was having sex with you, he needs to man up and help you deal with this. It isn't like you might get this way on your own.

Tell him the truth, tell him you're scared, and tell him you aren't up for him to throw a tantrum.

And if he's someone you're afraid of talking to when the going gets rough, then maybe you want to reconsider being in a relationship with him.

Get a test and then review your options. You already know he won't be there for you or an um, so factor that into your equation if you are.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: What do you do when: - 10/11/2008 10:18:30 AM   
wellhello


Posts: 15
Joined: 9/9/2008
Status: offline 		What is an um?? ums?

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: What do you do when: - 10/11/2008 1:02:51 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet

quote:

ORIGINAL: goodgirl85

What do you do when you think you may be pregnant and your significant other is very adamant about NOT wanting UMS? What happens if I am?



That's when you say "Honey, remember that doctor with the small pair of scissors? You should have scheduled an appointment."

If he's that adamant, he should have done something about it.

Remember, Gods punishment for enjoying great sex is Teenagers.

Whatever happens, all you can do is follow your heart and personal values. If he can't make that journey with you, then he was never meant to be the one for you to begin with.


Great post.

I've told the men in my life, "If I get pregnant, I'm going to be a Mom. Whether or not you want to be involved in raising a youngster is up to you. If you don't support my stance, then we shouldn't have sex. My mind on this won't change. If you choose to have sex anyway, you now know in advance what you might be getting into."

A man who is adamant about never having youngsters should make sure he never creates them.

I had a pregnancy scare with my former Master. I got all worried and concerned about the "What if I am?" question. He said to take the test and then we would talk about anything that needed talking about. All that panic and worry and spent energy...and the tests (I took 3) were negative.

As for those assuming she wasn't using birth control...I work with a woman who was on birth control all three times she became pregnant. Talk about being immune!

Go take the test.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to FangsNfeet)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: What do you do when: - 10/18/2008 1:58:03 AM   
HiroProtagonist


Posts: 30
Joined: 8/18/2008
Status: offline 		Okay, I admit it too...

What the heck are "UMS" or "UMs" or "UM" referring to?

Please somebody put me out of my misery here.....

(in reply to goodgirl85)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: What do you do when: - 10/18/2008 5:02:06 AM   
ExKat


Posts: 300
Joined: 8/25/2008
Status: offline 		  It's against the forum terms of service to talk about anyone under the age of 18 in a sexual sense. As such, people under the age of consent have been termed "unmentionables" or "UMs". However, as far as I know, we're safe discussing children in this "omg, I'm gonna have some" sense. Also, the moderators have pointed out that using the term "um" instead of children while still discussing them in a way that violates TOS doesn't negate the rule-breaking.

Any update from the OP? I hope that everything works out for you, and that your dom pulled through if he needed to.

< Message edited by ExKat -- 10/18/2008 5:04:16 AM >

_____________________________

~*~ The amalgam of Exquemelin and Katie978~*~
In the forums, it'll usually be Katie you're speaking to.
testing
"That's the plan/ Rule the world/ You and me/ Anyday ::wink::"

(in reply to HiroProtagonist)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: What do you do when: - 10/20/2008 12:37:19 PM   
novabunny


Posts: 57
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline 		Get a test ... you can't worry about something that may not be something at the end of the day :)
 
Fingers crossed you get the result you want.
 
x nova x

(in reply to ExKat)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: What do you do when: - 10/20/2008 5:21:27 PM   
tweedydaddy


Posts: 673
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		Get the test and at least know where you are. Then if the result is negative evaluate your relationship. If you are afraid to even tell him, then this means you may be with the wrong person.It would tear me apart to think anyone I was with was scared to tell me anything. If he is really against children, then snip snip!

(in reply to goodgirl85)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: What do you do when: - 10/21/2008 2:27:58 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Hi, goodgirl85----
I just read your original post and not the replies, so I may be saying redundant things. 
Go to the drug store, get a stick, pee on it,and wait those looooooong few minutes for the results to come back. 
You mentioned an oops a few months back.  If that's the case, depending on how long, you're getting mighty close to the end of the first trimester and, if you decide against maintaining a pregnancy, a second trimester abortion is more complicated. 
You mentioned your partner doesn't want ums (Thanks, Hiro, for asking the question: while I understood what was being talked about, everytime I saw the usage, it was like "What the Hell does that stand for?!").  You didn't say if you do or not. 
Any woman who has thought she may be can feel for your trepidation about goin' to th drug store and doing the test.  Omg, that anxiety is horrific.  But, if you are pregnant, you need to know: if you're keeping it, you need good prenatal care (Neural tube defects can happen from lack of folic acid early, etc.) and if you're not, you need to take action as soon as possible to make it not so. 
Either way, sending empathy your way and, if you need the mental support, imagine a short chick (Me) trotting along with you to the drug store, if you have someone you can actually take along with you who is important to you, all the better: get to the drug store.  Take that test.  Either way, it's not the end of the world but you've gotta know. 
  Davan

(in reply to tweedydaddy)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: What do you do when: - 10/21/2008 3:32:44 PM   
hapistan


Posts: 83
Joined: 9/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

Hi, goodgirl85----
I just read your original post and not the replies, so I may be saying redundant things. 
Go to the drug store, get a stick, pee on it,and wait those looooooong few minutes for the results to come back. 



at the risk of seeming like a know it all, I used to have the "honour" of having to do a batch of these one afternoon every week (for women having x-rays, lord knows why we didnt just do it on the bloods but well...), and I promise you'll get an accurate result if you:
dont stress about which kit to buy,  they are all perfectly fine.
if you're stressed so having trouble peeing, do it in a glass or something, the swish the end of the strip round in it for ten seconds. (you'll definitely have caught enough urine doing this)
leave the room (go walk in the garden if you have one) take an alarm with you.
whatever you do don't look at it before the time is up. a minute over will make no difference to the validity of the result

(in reply to DavanKael)
Profile   Post #: 18
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